Random Dating Thoughts

[Youko]

Link to original post: [drupal=2445]Random Dating Thoughts[/drupal]



#1
Most guys would make good boyfriends, given the chance.

However, most guys don't have the tools to GET those chances.

Agree/disagree?



Maybe I'll post more tidbits for discussion later, if this catches on.

 

[MidnightAsaph]

What, like no job, car or time?

I can't really agree to that. Neither can I disagree. I'm a pessimist about people in general, so I'll just say maybe. But there are definitely guys out there that don't have the tools to be a good boyfriend.

 

[OFY]

I somewhat agree, but attracting a girl is seriously not that ****ing hard.

A lot of people make it out to be but it's really not.

Example: Your in class, some girl is sitting down in her seat makes eye contact with you, you make a quick smirk/smile. Then after class you talk to her about the class and kick it off from there. And from there on you lie to make your both interests seem to match.

What, like no job, car or time?

I can't really agree to that. Neither can I disagree. I'm a pessimist about people in general, so I'll just say maybe. But there are definitely guys out there that don't have the tools to be a good boyfriend.

You don't need a job or a car to get a girlfriend. Some time is necessary, but not much.

 

[Frown]

What do you mean by "tools"?

 

[Youko]

In this case, the tools I'm referring to are not material based. Cars and looks don't mean too much to girls of real value.

In my opinion however, in this day in age, most guys are raised to be the "nice guy," which - like the quote - really do finish last. As to why that is, you kinda need to read about male/female relationship theory.

I don't know, the reason I posted this stems from a couple things. I believe that people are inherently good, so most guys and girls understand how to be caring, loving people - the basis for most relationships. However, there are naturally some exceptions to this rule. Some people are just *******s, plain and simple.

However, SO MANY GUYS in this day in age are crippled by a lack of fundamental "tools." Chivalry as it was known may be dead to some people, but guys more often than not still make the first move in relationships, and more often than not, really screw it up. Some of these mistakes can be a severe lack of understanding of how women and relationships work (as complicated as both may be), not knowing how to properly flirt, and overall just being a wuss - giving a lot of power to women, poor body language, and much more. I know it's a lot of rambling, but I wanted to throw my idea out there. There are a lot of guys who would know how to be a good boyfriend, but they just oftentimes get in their own way when it comes to those opportunities.

 

[RyuReiatsu]

What, like no job, car or time?

I can't really agree to that. Neither can I disagree. I'm a pessimist about people in general, so I'll just say maybe. But there are definitely guys out there that don't have the tools to be a good boyfriend.

^ This.

What do you mean by "tools"?

Very very well-written explanation.

And there I was going to say "a pair of balls"...

 

[Grunt]

not knowing how to properly flirt,.

i read that as "not knowing how to properly ftilt,".
lol im a nerd.

 

[Youko]

i read that as "not knowing how to properly ftilt,".
lol im a nerd.

Thaaaaaat's terrible.

...But also hilariously awesome. Kudos?

 

[kupo]

Agree and disagree. I think guys like that may have too much expectations of what girls may seem to be looking for.

Unless, you love your cars (sic!).

My boyfriend loves tuning his car and gets the better parts for it. I for one, dont really understand the need for it, as long as it runs .

Getting to the main point, yes, most guys would make good boyfriends. I just find it really disappointing when the other person doesnt really look for inside qualities, rather status/popularity/etc.

Oh well, their loss .

 

[Mota]

However, SO MANY GUYS in this day in age are crippled by a lack of fundamental "tools." Chivalry as it was known may be dead to some people, but guys more often than not still make the first move in relationships, and more often than not, really screw it up. Some of these mistakes can be a severe lack of understanding of how women and relationships work (as complicated as both may be), not knowing how to properly flirt, and overall just being a wuss - giving a lot of power to women, poor body language, and much more. I know it's a lot of rambling, but I wanted to throw my idea out there. There are a lot of guys who would know how to be a good boyfriend, but they just oftentimes get in their own way when it comes to those opportunities.

Super true. Sounds like you've been reading David Deangelo.

Seriously I agree, a lot of guys just don't have the skills to get the mushu.

Look at James Bond, he's an a**hole, but he projects confidence, in control and all that stuff. He sleeps with married women. Be like James Bond.

 

[Technodeath]

indeed, james bond is the perfect role model for all men, sleep with each others wives

 

[Youko]

Super true. Sounds like you've been reading David Deangelo.

More guys should. Seriously.

 

[황미영]

Hmm well luckily the way I got into my relationship is quite confusing...

My girlfriend(Dana) is bi and before she used to have a girlfriend (Diana). I became really close to Dana, and well out of nowhere one day they both asked me if I wanted to be with them. I gave it some thought, since well I was never in a real relationship before that, in the end I agreed. xD Months went by and Diana started to drift away by not being around much and not putting the effort to be with Dana (I didn't really cared much for Diana). In the end I ended up being with Dana, which is the one I truly loved. :3

So, in a way I kinda didn't really do anything... >w>;

 

[JustKindaBoredUKno]

Maybe its just the high school drama experience that leaves me to percieve things the way I do. But the way I see it is, most guys are just straight up *******s. Very few guys here don't have even nearly enough to make it in an actual relationship. Of course at the same time, most women around here have gotten used to that and don't even take part in serious relationships, and are just with people to be sexually active, or just simply to be "cool" and have a boyfriend.

It really, really sucks for any guy (myself) to actually get into a serious relationship. Of course, thats high school for you.

EDIT: I woudn't call it early teenage. I mean, i'm about 18, and the majority of what I mentioned are ranging from 17-20. It is more of a younger thing though.

 

[MidnightAsaph]

You don't need a job or a car to get a girlfriend. Some time is necessary, but not much.

Sorry, but where I'm from, having a girlfriend requires actually being a competent person. Pleasing your girlfriend involves driving places, as well as buying crap for her. And, imo, you shouldn't have a girlfriend until you have both those things. People deserve more than someone who doesn't have those things in order.

Oh, and as for early teenage relationships. lol Not talking about those.

 

[Youko]

Unfortunately, JKBUK, that IS high school for you, where people are still trying to figure things out.

Sorry, but where I'm from, having a girlfriend requires actually being a competent person. Pleasing your girlfriend involves driving places, as well as buying crap for her.

I think I'll make my point on this with a video.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ggXbzjnffAo

Seriously, talk about being USED.

 

[Xi_Athletics_ix]

I've been in a relationship with the same girl for 2 and a half years. As of right now it's falling apart and it all comes down to a single subject. Respect and boundaries.

Now excuse me for lack of point flow and organization. It's early and i'm tired.

In a relationship almost everything falls into either one of two catagories, Respect and Boundaries. In the and a half years i've learned all about this. I've seen it happen and i know what happens when one or both people in the relationship don't or can't respect the other's feelings, beliefs, and what they do.

In my relationship it's been pretty one sided, i was doing the respecting and she was not, which leads to my points.

A person has to have respect and boundaries for not just their love life but for friends and family as well. You need to listen to and understand when someone asks you to do(or not to do) something. It's not because they're being over protective or a buzzkill, it's because there's a good reason.

If you can respect the girl/guy you want to be with, and not just physicaly, you have the tools needed to last in a relationship. Going back to the op, they said every guy has the tools needed to be a good boyfriend. Anyone with a decent understanding of respect can make a relationship work.

Look at all the reasons people break up or even get a divorce.

-One or both people aren't commited.
-Neither respects the other or has boundaries on what is and isn't acceptable.
-One or both people lie.
-Neither respects the other enough to tell the truth.
-One or both people do whatever they want to do regardless of what their partner has asked or said.
-Neither respect the others views or feelings about something. Whether it's drugs, alcohol, talking to certain people, or just simple things like doing something mean just to spite the person.

I'll probly end up editing grammar and sentance structure when i'm more awake and relize how terrible that post sounded.