Pulse!

[DeadDisco]

Hi ya! Meh name is Disco! =) Before I trick you into reading my lil fic, I'd like to put somethings out there so I don't make a fool out of myself. This will be my third piece, my last two were based on completely different things. I'm definitely still a novice writer, so tips are welcomed! If all goes well, I'd like someone to proof read over my work for me @_@.

Now about the story for I'm about to tell! It's going to a mix of Smash (of course) and .hack// Minus the comas and maybe emo characters? Lawl~ Can't promise you that ;O. Trow in some slice of life and voila! You got Pulse!
The story will be vague in alot of the chapters. I've decided to let the reader create what they want to see and let she/he to decide whats going on most of the time. (This is just lame excuse for me to avoid going in to details of things. >_>) Just PM me if you have any questions. I'll probably start a blog to go into details about why and how =). To clear somethings up, I'm going to use; Italics for thought, *Anything in stars* for sounds/onomatopoeia. Now lets get started!

Rated T for Teens! Contains Profanity!

- First Pulse;
*RINNGG~ RINNGG~* "Ugh..." What time is it? My eyes wouldn't open. I was far too tired to do anything at this hour. It was five in the morning. No human should be forced to wake up at this time and day when they only slept for three hours after packing their luggage. My hand landed on the ringing alarm. I guess I should call the guys, huh.

Today was the day, we were on our way to Rosslyn City. A city built only 50 years ago, but now has become one of the most technologically advanced cities on this planet. I scored a ticket for me and two friends to go Rosslyn city. We were to become honorary Brawlers of N-World.

*Flick Flick* I lighted up a cigarette. I'd figured I should smoke one now before I get into the car with Thomas and Mal. They definitely wouldn't let me smoke on the **** plane. *Beeep Beeeeeep* Peeking through my window blinds, I saw the familiar red mini van. I guess I'm going. See ya home. I'll be back later. I exited from the door and smiled from ear to ear towards my friends. Flicked my cigarette onto the ground and watched it sparked. I felt my heart beat. It feels good to be alive heh.

-Second Pulse; The Dream Come True
We stood inside N-World's Dream Center. A building made purely for the enjoyment of gamers whom wanted to play games like it was real life. Only in Rosslyn city could you find such things. I walked in front of they guys and handed over the shiny silver card to the reception behind the desk. "ID please?" she asked. My right hand slid my passport over the counter. I hated my passport picture. I could tell she was trying not to laugh. Mal looked around with awe, "It's pretty nice in here, isn't it?".

The receptionist had pointed us towards the elevator and told us to go the 8th floor; room 803. A smile appeared on my face. "Heh, I can't wait!!" My voice was filled with excitement.
"We never done anything like this before," said Thomas.
Mal stroked a pose, "Can't wait to be Ganondorf and beat the crap out of everything!"
I laughed and pointed at Mal, "You're going to be an ugly *** walking around all stiff! Ahaha!!"
"PK Freeeeeeze ****ers" Thomas mimicked Lucas.
"What are you going to be Leon?" Mal looked at me.
"Kinda wanted to be Kirby, but I'm gunna be Samus."
*Ding!* "Floor Eight." A mono toned voice came over the elevator. "Enjoy your dreams."
Kinda creepy

Room 803, a room that hosted four large pods. Each pod had it's own ID on it. I stepped up to pod 803C. Once again the joy overwhelmed me and another smile popped up. "See your ***** in N-World *****es!"
"Pssh," Mal smirked,"I'm going to be the strongest out of us three of course!"
"Talk ****!" exclaimed Thomas.
As I enter the pod and mounted on my head gear, I waved at my friends. They nodded to me and then to each other. We all pressed the button labeled "DREAM". I felt my heart beat. It was going to be the last heart beat I feel till my return to this world.

-

If you like it please let me know! Tips and criticism are welcomed! I need to know if I should keep writing or not! Don't wanna waste some space. =P

-Disco

 

[Thunda-Moo]

Heyyyyy! Not bad at all! the asterisks (****) kinda bugged me. Swear or don't swear, but.... just.... just not asterisks!!! Anyway, now I just want to know what happens next, and that's all a writer can hope for in their introduction, eh?

Your comma useage needs a little work, too. You can't expect any word proceccers to get grammar right for you. However, I understand completly that commas make absolutly no sence in 90% of their useage, and and I doubt that many people would care becasue you did pretty good as commas go. Eeew... commas...

Generally, keep writing! DO IT.

 

[DeadDisco]

Thanks for your reply! I looked over it a few times and it feels to me more of a novel journal as to a light novel. And ya my grammar needs a bit improvement too, and commas
I'll continue the story when I grab some free time.

Edit:The censorship does take out tje impact of the characters tho... ._.

 

[DeadDisco]

- Third Pulse

There I was, standing in the middle of what seemed to be and endless white room. There was a women dressed in N-World's uniform standing in front of me. "Welcome to N-World: Brawl. Please choose the color scheme for your a Zero Suit." A hologram window ping-ed out of nowhere. My hands stroked the window here and there. I looked up at her and told her I was finished. "Ok then!" She flipped around the screen and took a quick glance over it. "Would you like a Character Name?"

My right hand held my chin and my eyes aimed toward the empty white sky. "Mhmm...Nah~ I'll stick to my name."

"Then we're all set! Let's see...Ah! There it is." she poked a button on the screen. I guess she's not an android...Hmm. Seconds later a golden ring came down on me. My normal clothes glowed and began to turn white. They shrunk into tights and started to show some color. The golden ring disappeared and left me in Zero Suit. The suit was a dark navy on the outer parts of it and a grey-ish blue within it. Where the pink would have been on Samu's Zero suit, were now a glowing blue. "Hehe, you look great!" complimented the women. I felt my face turned red.

"This suit is embarrassing!" I tried not to look at her face.

"Don't worry about it. You're going to use the power suit right?"

"Yeah. If the guys saw me in this, they'll never stop teasing me! Ahh!" I ran in circles grabbing my head. The guys always bugged each other, but with me in tights, they'll be able to die laughing.

"Before we move on, I'm going to tell you the next part is going to hurt." her face was dead serious. The cheerful person two seconds ago was now telling me something for my own good.

"Huh? Going to hurt? What do you mean?" What did she mean? Wasn't this just a game?

"The next process to become like Samus, is the Chozo DNA fusion. You do know how Samus came to be right?"

"Yeah, she was adopted by the Chozo race and raised to what she is now."

"Exactly, but the process is really painful. Not many finish the DNA fusion." There was a tone of sympathy in her warning. "In N.W. Brawl there's 530 players. Can you guess how many Samus players there are?"

What is she getting at? "Uhh... 50?" I didn't even bother to guess properly.

"Eight."

"What? Only eight? I know everyone else loves Meta-****, but eight?!" I couldn't believe it. Surely she had her facts wrong. Right?

"It has nothing to do with that. The Samus character process is one of the hardest in this game. we had exactly 89 players came in wanting to become like Samus. Only eight so far had past the the character process." She wasn't joking. The atmosphere in the empty room became heavy. My choices were either go back and choose a different character, or go through a tremendous pain that made 81 people not want to play as Samus.

I was never one to do stupid stuff, but something about this made me wanted to do it. Was the pride and honor of being one of the very few Samus players? Maybe because I was just in the mood to take on a challenge, a hard one. "I'll do it." Three little words that felt like bricks coming out of my mouth. The three words that did me in. My heart was thumping, was I really going to do this? I had my hand in a fist. my arms somewhat trembling.It's only a game Leon. Remember that.

"As you wish. Follow me please." She had turned around and walked into a dark door that appeared out of nowhere. Our steps echoed across the vast room that we left. I've had myself convinced. I can do it. If only I had really known what awaited me in that dark door.



;O We're not at the action just yet! So if you've been following along, just hang in there for like 2 more chapters? xD Although, I do have to say I doubt this story will revolve around fighting. Heh! Leave comments n criticism.

P.S. I decided to do a writer's blog. Check out for some lil tid bits of how or why on stuff in the story.

- Disco

 

[Thunda-Moo]

Arrrrghhh... You're too good at ending chapters with cliffhangers! How annoying is that! No really, great job again. But please write fast... T.T

But what was with the tilde (this thingy -> ~) after "Naw." was that a typo? Oh, wait, this is one of those things that nobody cares about be me again, huh?

Oh, and your Signature and Avitar are awesome as well, by the way. Especially the avitar... what good taste...

 

[DeadDisco]

Arrrrghhh... You're too good at ending chapters with cliffhangers! How annoying is that! No really, great job again. But please write fast... T.T

But what was with the tilde (this thingy -> ~) after "Naw." was that a typo? Oh, wait, this is one of those things that nobody cares about be me again, huh?

Oh, and your Signature and Avitar are awesome as well, by the way. Especially the avitar... what good taste...

=D Thanks alot! I really appreciate your comments! The (~) is just the word being stretched on (I believe) Like when someone will say Hello, the writer or typer could extend that Hello either adding more letters (e.g. Helllllooooo) Or just add a ~.

<3 Phoenix Wright rocks! <3 Can't wait for the next game (Even if it's Apollo)

- Fourth Pulse

The hallway was long. Countless doors on the left, and countless windows to the right. We were in space. The view did not bring joy to me. The only thing on my mind was what to come forth. "We're here." The door slid open for us.

The room was divided into two parts. One with computers and monitors, closest to the entrance, and one deeper into the room. The inner room was cushioned from wall to floor. It was another white room, only this time it was comfy. It was like a room from an insane asylum. What the ****...

The guide entered the white room. She was holding a weird looking syringe. It looked liked it came out from a sci-fi movie. There was not only one needle, but three! "What the hell is that?!" There was no hesitation in my question. That syringe could have easily scared off anyone, even a doctor himself.

"It's the DNA fuser. I know it's kinda scary, but you got to do it if you really want to be Samus."

*Gulp* I cleared my throat. "Ok fine. Just get it over with."

"The DNA fusion takes an hour to complete. At any point we can stop the process by injecting you with the anti-body to counteract the Chozo DNA. Understand?." She looked worried. I could tell it was hard for her to do this.

"Yeah. I understand. Let's start." I turned my head towards the corner of the room. Away from the left side of my body. She was going to inject the DNA into me where the glowing blue mark was, my heart.

Out of our five senses, feel is the easiest to remember. Feel is the root of pain, and pain the root of fear. Pain is something you will never forget. You remember that first time when you tripped, or when you got cut. The three needles that was forced into my body, was something I will never forget.

My body reacted the instant it felt the needles being pushed into me. I had cringe just as the needle entered me. "Are you okay?" I looked at her face, she was sweating.

"Yeah. I'm alright." My voice was trembling. I wasn't alright. I could feel the three needles around one of my rib bones. It locked that one bone in place, and had pierced into my heart.

"Okay. Injecting the Chozo DNA." She pushed one of the buttons on the weird syringe. The painful liquid ran through my chest. I started to pant, it was the only thing I could do the ease my pain. "Now injecting the accelerator." Another button pushed. It was even more painful than the first. "Injecting wound healer, this will heal the needle wounds for you right away." The last button was pushed, this time it wasn't that painful. She slid out the syringe. I felt the needles scrape against my rib bone. The pain wasn't immense but highly irritating, it had made me start to grind my teeth vigorously.

"There, it's out. The DNA fusion will now take an hour to finish. Remember at any moment you can stop this and I'll inject you with an anti-body." She left the cushioned room and stood behind the glass window looking at the monitors.

*THUMP THUMP* I grabbed my chest with both of my hands. *THUMP THUMP* It had started, my heart was going berserk. It wanted to be set free from it's cage of bones and flesh. I wasn't able to hold my self up any more. My body collapsed onto the cushioned floor. Every part of my body was in dire pain, it felt so hot. Why did this hurt so much? Was it not just a game? I let out a scream, a horrifying scream. A scream that would of made a person walking pass the room stop in their tracks and send a chill down their spine.

If any of the guys saw me now, they would be horrified. They'd surely hunt down the person who did this to me and make them feel the same pain. I glanced at the timer above the window. In the green digital numbers, it read "00:55:49". I had only been there for five minutes. I felt like I was going to die. Hell seemed like nothing to me at the moment, and life it self was one big cruel joke. The thoughts that ran through my head at that time were all mixed up. Things that I wanted to do, things I didn't understood why it was so painful, and things I wish I could of changed. Hate, love and sorrow. These were what repeated in my head hundreds of times. It indeed was like death. Could this be any more cruel? I kept screaming. My lungs started to become dry, and so did my screams. Every second couldn't go by any slower than it did in that room.

My breathing became coarse. Fingers scraping against the ground. Body violently shaking all over the place. I was an utter mess. I could of stop this pain, but at that point, the pain had overwhelm me. I had forgotten about the last thing she mention. My mind was distracted by the thoughts I had mention earlier. If there was anything I learned from this, it was that the pain in this game was all too real.


---

@_@ I'm getting really sloppy in writing/typing. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. There's not much I can "note" about this chapter, so I won't~ I'll try to write faster, but I've been kinda busy @_@. Leave comments n stuff!

- Disco

 

[DeadDisco]

- Fifth Pulse

The time finally came, I was about to receive my own power suit. I had chosen the same colour scheme that I had chosen for my zero suit. Everything felt new to me. The heavy armor moved awkwardly with every motion I made.

The guide came into the space dock where I was. "Does it fit properly?" She had a proud tone in her voice.

"Yeah. I can't believe I'm actually in this! So how do I get out of this place?" I was eager to meet up with the guys. It had been a whole week after my painful experience.

"Well~ See that space ship over there?" She pointed at a dark navy space ship (similar to Samus'). "That's your to keep!"

"No way! Your kidding right?! Sweet~!" Behind my helmet I was smiling outrageously hard. "This is flipping awesome!" I ran towards the ship and booster jumped onto it. My whole body dropped into the ship and my armor was taken apart by robotic arms. I was in my zero suit once more.

The guide popped up in the center screen of the ship. She waved at me through the screen and gave me instructions on how to pilot the ship and operate everything else. This ship was my new home. I sat down and followed her instruction. It wasn't to hard to operate the ship, most of it was automatic. My first destination was an obvious one, main town Smashville.

The trip didn't take long, in fact it was quite fast. Smashville looked exactly like another Animal Crossing City. There was clothing stores and weapon stores. Characters of all types walking around. How do I exactly contact my friends? Then I remember, all I had to do was press two fingers against my helmet and issue a command to my power suit. "Contact Thomas P." Within my visor appeared a small box to the right, all I could see was the word "Calling...". Few seconds later Thomas appeared in the box. "THOMAS!"

"Leon?! Hey sweet! How did you call me? I just got this cell phone!" Thomas looked exactly how he did when he was in the real world. Did he even do his character quest? "Nice power suit man, digging the colours."

"Hold on!" I held two fingers against my helmet again, "Transmission only. There we go. Sorry, people were looking at me weird. I forgot to turn off my mic."

Thomas raised an eyebrow, "Sounds complicated. You wanna call up Mal and meet up somewhere? Say a noobie map to check out our skills?"

"Yeah! Sounds cool. I'll show you how freakin' powerful I am heh!"

"Pssh! PK Powah my friend. PK Powah!"

We both hanged up. "Contact Mal S. ... Hello? Mal?"

"Whoa!!! Leon?" Mal was outfitted with the same type of armor Ganondorf wore. Mal's version was just more fitted and black. "This is so weird, I see you in a weird purple circle cloud thing!"

I guess every character has a different form of communication..."Really? Odd... Anyways~ Me and Thomas want to meet up at some noobie map to train. Are you able to come?"

"Yeah! How about Sky World?"

"Sure! We'll meet you there." Soon after that I called up Thomas and told him to meet up with us at Sky World. I have loads of time....So I'll check out the city! Hehe.

My walk through the city was quite awkward. Everyone kept staring at me, every now and then a stranger would come up to me to tell me good job on becoming a Samus. Although the comments were well intended, I couldn't help shiver at the thought of what I went through. Some where down the main street was a pet shop. I couldn't believe that we were able to have pets. Curiosity got the better of me. Inside the store was indeed a sight to behold. Goombas on the left, Metroids on the right. There seemed to be every small creature from all sorts of games. I waddled over to the display of Waddle Dees, each clothed to identify their genders. I want one! The thought dashed right into my head. I was a sucker for odd cute things, and a Waddle Dee would be perfect. However, to my demise, the price was over my noobie budget. Sigh

"Oh my! A Samus! How rare! How rare indeed!" The cutesy voice was coming from my back. I turned around, to my amusement it was a female Kirby player. "Hi~!" Oh my god... "Nana's name ish Nana, Naaa-Naa!" A canine popped out of her closed lip. This was a familiar sight, it reminded me of some anime I had watch sometime ago...

"My name is Leon..."

Silence

"Are you listening? What's your name shiny person?"

"Mic on." I had forgotten to switch it back on."Sorry my mic was off. My name is Leon." Her eyes gleamed with joy.

"Lee~On~! Such a cool name! Wanna beh friends?! Nana doesn't have a Samus friend yet! What a treat! What a treat! Yeah meh!" I haven't even said yes yet, and she's already acting like I did.

"Well I don't see why n-"

"Goodeh! As a sign of Nana's appreciation, Nana shall buy Lee~On~ a gift!" Nana started to pop in out of everything in the store, she was completely overjoyed with the fact she had just made a new friend.

"You don't need to stretch my na-"

"Does Lee~On~ want a Waddle Dee~?!"

"Uhh-"

"Good choice! Their cheap and kyuuuuute! Which one does Lee~On~ want?!"

"Er-Well-" TT_TT Their not cheap to me!!

"A girl?!" She swirled around and stared into my visor.

"Wait a se-" Let me finish my sentence! My hands waving around.

"A boy?!" Nana edged in closer.

"May-" Hold on! Arms still waving...

"Pick! Pick! Pick!" Closer and closer.

"A BOY!!!" My voice burst out loud across the whole store. Everyone was looking over at us. If I didn't know any better, I'd say my glowing red face was visible through the light blue visor.

And so I met Nana. An odd girl who wouldn't let me finish any of my sentences. It seemed to her, every moment of life was one giant ice cream cake, and to let it sit by would mean it would just melt away. I liked how she acted. She was the type of person to make anyone's heart race.

----------------

Writer's Note

I did a pretty sloppy job on this chapter -.- please don't kill me! Yes Nana is somewhat like Meril? Or whatever her name was....I forget...But her character will be based off that one.

Kirby Player Description Note - All the players whom choose to be a Kirby do not look like Kirby. It although is an option to look like Kirby. Most Kirby players will look like any other human being, but are equipped with the Kirby hat "Copy". The same hat Kirby acquires when he/she inhales TAC. Kirby players are also equipped with a hammer and a cutter as a basic set of equipment. Their way of "flying" is just them being able to jump in mid-air multiple times. This sums up the Kirby Description Note.

Smashville City - I underlined City....cause I wanted to point out it looks like the city in Animal crossing and not like the towns you'd live in. The shops are indeed owned by animals. The stores are stocked with loads of objects for all sort of characters and types of people. One could dress themselves to disguise what kind of player they are.

At first I was going to put in a Mr./Mrs.Saturn....Then I though about Waddle Dees and couldn't help myself @_@

Hope you enjoyed this chapter @_@

 

[<π]

Hi! Frist off neat story. I'm enjoying it quite a bit.

Second. You said you were looking for tips right? My first big tip is use description if you are writing in prose it is even more important. So far you are doing a good job of explaining emotion and expression. but you shouldn't need to cover appearance in another section, espeacially if it ends up being important to the main story. Don't assume your readers have prior knowledge of the characters and worlds.
You could nearly copy and past the sections from your righters notes sections into the story and inform the reader without pulling them out of the world you've created.

So far you've done an awesome job of setting up the characters I can't wait to see what conficts arise.

EDIT
Also... read my fic please.tell me what you think thus far.

 

[Thunda-Moo]

I agree with the above.

Also, I'm pretty sure that's not how to use a tildid (~). If you want to extend a word in speech, you either just write it out ("Helooo?" two extra letters is usually sufficient) or you can use my favorite, the Pratchett method (not the actual name) where you put in a funny metophor or simile after the "said" that discribes the elongation ("Hello," she said, drawing out the word like Leonardo with the Mona Lisa)

But still great. Keep writing!

 

[DeadDisco]

Necro-ing!!!! Reason why: if you like this fan fic, or curious of how this ends, please let me know and I'll decide based of how many replies I get.

 

[saigatachi]

Hey DeadDisco. I think your story has great potential. I was really taken in by the transformation into a Samus and I love the originality of having players transform into their characters of choice from SmashBros. My mind is riveting with the wealth of creativity you have struck through this original vein.

I will have to agree with <3. Your story could use stronger description, more imagery I suppose I should say. What if I had never played a Metroid game before; would I be able to picture Samus's suit glimmering in the holographic window? This is where the description would be necessary; it will help your story appeal to a wider audience. I would say the same for you setting; remember you are the architect of your story. Give the reader enough of a blueprint to see what you created. A story doesn't have to read like a champion race horse for a reader to stay interested. Take your time, enjoy the process of creation; it's just as much of a pleasure for the writer as it should be for the reader.

However, these are only things I believe. If anything I can tell that you enjoy writing, which puts you on the right track no matter what skill level you are. There was only one thing that I definitely wanted to say; don't ever, ever stop writing! I noticed the comment on your opening post, and it roused me to action. Nothing that is ever written can ever be considered a waste of space. Imperfection is more a part of art than perfection itself. Make mistakes; learn from them and continue to get better; then as you do, your early works will be clearer picture of your earlier self than the highest quality photographs which only reveal the exterior. Keep going, Disco! I look forward to it!

 

[<π]

Do it!