NintendoMan07
Smash Journeyman
Link to original post: [drupal=3102]Paranoia[/drupal]
Something that has returned from it's evil hideout to terrorize my life is excessive paranoia.
It basically ruined any chances I had of being able to socialize with anyone in high school, and now that I'm a senior in college I've begun to notice I'm starting to go back to the defensive again.
I don't know how aware my friends are of it, but one of them has become an unfortunate target of this. He's great at pretty much everything. Heck, he's going through job interviews now. Me, I'm rotting here roughly 200 miles away just trying to keep my grades up AND having to put up with what may be depression and loss of sanity.
So this might be the set up for a jealousy-type-thing, but I don't desire anything of his, but rather just something of my own that I'm great at. Still, feel free to judge yourself. Considering I have no idea about what I'm feeling anyway, I could use any help I could get.
Anyway, my paranoia has led me to decide that we're not so much friends as some sort of twisted parasite/host thing. Basically, that he derives some sort of joy or happiness from my failure to do anything right. As a result, my attitude toward him is, as I mentioned before, defensive. The problem is... there's not really anything concrete to support this. He's proud of himself, of course, but aside from that... there's nothing that's directly aimed at me.
And then there's my attempts to make new friends of my acquaintances, which in general fail due to me being unable to jump to the right conclusions. It's reached the point where I can't even take "hey, what's up?" seriously, where if someone honestly means well by saying one thing, but is unable to stick to it due to some other commitments I suddenly see the person as a liar. And I end up kicking myself the second I even act on these suspicions because, of course, the result is just what it actually was, and not what it appeared to be. This ultimately leads to wondering if I can even TRUST MYSELF to do anything right.
Some people come to the conclusion that if you can't trust a friend then they're not really your friend. But what if the friend hasn't done ANYTHING to show that they can't be trusted? Then it can't be placed on them, can it?
Something that has returned from it's evil hideout to terrorize my life is excessive paranoia.
It basically ruined any chances I had of being able to socialize with anyone in high school, and now that I'm a senior in college I've begun to notice I'm starting to go back to the defensive again.
I don't know how aware my friends are of it, but one of them has become an unfortunate target of this. He's great at pretty much everything. Heck, he's going through job interviews now. Me, I'm rotting here roughly 200 miles away just trying to keep my grades up AND having to put up with what may be depression and loss of sanity.
So this might be the set up for a jealousy-type-thing, but I don't desire anything of his, but rather just something of my own that I'm great at. Still, feel free to judge yourself. Considering I have no idea about what I'm feeling anyway, I could use any help I could get.
Anyway, my paranoia has led me to decide that we're not so much friends as some sort of twisted parasite/host thing. Basically, that he derives some sort of joy or happiness from my failure to do anything right. As a result, my attitude toward him is, as I mentioned before, defensive. The problem is... there's not really anything concrete to support this. He's proud of himself, of course, but aside from that... there's nothing that's directly aimed at me.
And then there's my attempts to make new friends of my acquaintances, which in general fail due to me being unable to jump to the right conclusions. It's reached the point where I can't even take "hey, what's up?" seriously, where if someone honestly means well by saying one thing, but is unable to stick to it due to some other commitments I suddenly see the person as a liar. And I end up kicking myself the second I even act on these suspicions because, of course, the result is just what it actually was, and not what it appeared to be. This ultimately leads to wondering if I can even TRUST MYSELF to do anything right.
Some people come to the conclusion that if you can't trust a friend then they're not really your friend. But what if the friend hasn't done ANYTHING to show that they can't be trusted? Then it can't be placed on them, can it?
