My poem

[fleapy]

I'm begining in school a unit on poetry, yet am not to good. I have spent some time doing this one, but would like it to reach it's optimmum potential. Here it is.

Bats
Hanging, icicles of the summer day.
Through wind they glide, all-over, with mind
Forests cover their skin, but the leaves are dead
One fly’s down on the equestrian, and feasts.

Any feedback would be greatly apreciated.

 

[demoncaterpie]

Um, I know poetry can be interpreted in many ways, but this poem really didn't make any sense. It seemed like you were just using really cool and confusing sentences and slapping them onto a poem.

Poems are a lot like novels. They both need a general point. In order to write a good poem, you have to have a concept, or a general theme. Without one, it just seems like a jumbled mess.

But hey, keep working at it. The more you write, the better you get.

 

[Eor]

Um, I know poetry can be interpreted in many ways, but this poem really didn't make any sense. It seemed like you were just using really cool and confusing sentences and slapping them onto a poem.

Poems are a lot like novels. They both need a general point. In order to write a good poem, you have to have a concept, or a general theme. Without one, it just seems like a jumbled mess.

But hey, keep working at it. The more you write, the better you get.

Equestrian = (usually) Roman Soldier. So, literally, it's about a bat that eats a dead man, presumably after a battle.

The third line is rather clunky, and sounds rather cliche. Personally, I'd throw it away and write something new with the same meaning. It just seems unoriginal, and in such a short poem, you can't afford anything of the sort.

I'm not a poem man, I rarely read them and never write them, so I can't really help you with anything else.

 

[tmw_redcell]

An Equestrian is not specifically a Roman Soldier but a member of the Roman upper class. I forget how the class divisions went at the time but they were pretty high up there. Most of them were soldiers at one point or another.

But I'm guessing Equestrian here refers to horses. An Equestrian here could be a horseback rider. But since you said "fly's" when you most likely meant "flies" I'm gonna guess that you thought it meant 'horse' as in a vampire bat drinking blood from one. I don't know if they do that either, I usually hear of them drinking cow's blood but I'm no expert.

 

[demoncaterpie]

I didn't notice the title. My eyes get worse and worse each day I swear.

But it still needs work. It's so easy to be cliche when writing a poem (as Eorlingas mentioned), but really try to express an idea without using some cliche line like "mind's eye" and stuff.

I'm going to go buy new glasses now.

 

[fleapy]

Hmmm...the third line was refering to its fur. Here's a new third line.

It's hair like grass, spouts up from its mouse form.

 

[AceMoney]

I think that the poem is decent in describing a bat. I look for deeper meanings in most of the things I read so I guess that's why I couldn't appreciate this poem as must as I possibly could. The word choice is fairly good, but it does sound a bit reused as Eorlingas began to say about the third line of the poem. I can extend this notion to the rest of your poem. However, this is not necessarily a bad thing. The fact that it sounds very familiar can mean that it sounds very much like an amazing poem I've read once before. So, keep up the good work! As Demoncaterpie said, "The more you write, the better you get."