Mario Story

[AXXotekk]

One day Mario was on his way to Peach's castle for a surprise birthday party. Mario already knew about it because Luigi told him. While on his way he saw blue flash come towards him, Mario then realized that this blue flash was coming straight towards at a high velocity speed. Before Mario could dodge it, Mario was struck and the blue flash turned out to be Sonic. The two started to argue then a fight began. Sonic jump flips over behind Mario and kicks him, Mario sidesteps and grabs his neck....

While Sonic in Mario's grasp, Mario spin throws Sonic and throws him a clear 30 feet. Sonic is furious and gets up and dashes full speed towards Mario, Mario double jumps to avoid the attack. The both are panting and staring at each other in complete rage. Sonic realizes he can not take this anymore and becomes super enraged and starts to glow yellow. Mario is surprised by this strange metamorphosis and is too weak to fight. Sonic in his Super form charges Mario and smashes him.....

Mario is hit with an incredible force and lies on the ground not moving. Once Sonic realizes what hes done he is incredibly guilty and upset for what hes done because he realizes this is not his way. Sonic goes to check Mario and discovers that he is not breathing, Sonic then in an instant takes Mario and dashes towards help, He sees that the closest place by is Peach's castle. He dashes into the castle like a flash. When he opens the door he sees Toad and Luigi putting decorations up.....

When Luigi turns around to see who came in, he rushes to Sonic and before Sonic could say anything, Luigi takes his brother from Sonic's arms and tells Toad to get some help. Sonic then gulps and knows that he has to be truthful. Sonic says, "I'm sorry it was an accident, We got into a fight and-". Sonic then begins to cry and drops too his knees. Luigi then explains to Sonic that it was his brothers birthday today, while Luigi was talking to Sonic they heard a loud bang outside the castle...

Sonic volunteered to go see what it was. When he opened the door to see what happened he was surprised at what he saw, He saw a star like space ship crashed right in front of the castle. Sonic approached the crashed ship to look more closely, he then leaped back in fright as he say saw a pink ball climb out of the cockpit, Sonic just stood looking at it. The creature had a very bouncy appearance and rosy red cheeks and liked to smile. After a long period of silence it looked at Sonic and said Hi

Sonic then explains to this creature what happened with Mario, Once inside the castle Sonic asks Luigi who this strange creature was and Luigi explained to Sonic that it's name was Kirby(and he is a baby) and he was here for Mario's surprise birthday party. Kirby see's Mario lying on the floor helpless and walks up to him and then feels his forehead and realizes that he is still warm, Kirby with his powerful lungs begins to blow into Mario's mouth and to everyone's surprise a miracle happened...

Mario slowly begins to open his eyes and see's a smiling Kirby. Everyone is cheering that Mario has awakened. Everybody thanks Kirby for what he's done. By this time everyone has arrived including Yoshi, Ness and Donkey Kong. Sonic then explains to everybody what happened and apologizes. Mario then comes up to Sonic and say's "Its fine, lets just be friends ok?. Sonic smiles and says "ok!". Everybody then celebrates the party with happiness. The End..

 

[smash brawl player 99021]

Some spelling and grammatical errors like "Sonic then begins to cry and drops too his knees." It should be "drops to his knees." And some other stuff. Otherwise, it looks good. Nice job.

 

[OlimarFan]

A solid effort there. A simple yet effective story.
As mentioned, there are a couple of grammatical errors and a few mishaps, but they don't detract from the overall story.

However, perhaps you could describe the setting a bit more?

One day Mario was on his way to Peach's castle for a surprise birthday party. Mario already knew about it because Luigi told him. While on his way he saw blue flash come towards him, Mario then realized that this blue flash was coming straight towards at a high velocity speed. Before Mario could dodge it, Mario was struck and the blue flash turned out to be Sonic. The two started to argue then a fight began. Sonic jump flips over behind Mario and kicks him, Mario sidesteps and grabs his neck....

Solid writing. Perhaps at the very end: Sonic jump flips over behind Mario and kicks him, but Mario sidestepped and grabbed his neck.

While Sonic in Mario's grasp, Mario spin throws Sonic and throws him a clear 30 feet. Sonic is furious and gets up and dashes full speed towards Mario, Mario double jumps to avoid the attack. The both are panting and staring at each other in complete rage. Sonic realizes he can not take this anymore and becomes super enraged and starts to glow yellow. Mario is surprised by this strange metamorphosis and is too weak to fight. Sonic in his Super form charges Mario and smashes him.....

Mario is hit with an incredible force and lies on the ground not moving. Once Sonic realizes what hes done he is incredibly guilty and upset for what hes done because he realizes this is not his way. Sonic goes to check Mario and discovers that he is not breathing, Sonic then in an instant takes Mario and dashes towards help, He sees that the closest place by is Peach's castle. He dashes into the castle like a flash. When he opens the door he sees Toad and Luigi putting decorations up.....

Maybe: Mario was hit with an incredible force and sent sprawling across the ground. He lay still.

When Luigi turns around to see who came in, he rushes to Sonic and before Sonic could say anything, Luigi takes his brother from Sonic's arms and tells Toad to get some help. Sonic then gulps and knows that he has to be truthful. Sonic says, "I'm sorry it was an accident, We got into a fight and-". Sonic then begins to cry and drops too his knees. Luigi then explains to Sonic that it was his brothers birthday today, while Luigi was talking to Sonic they heard a loud bang outside the castle...

Sonic volunteered to go see what it was. When he opened the door to see what happened he was surprised at what he saw, He saw a star like space ship crashed right in front of the castle. Sonic approached the crashed ship to look more closely, he then leaped back in fright as he say saw a pink ball climb out of the cockpit, Sonic just stood looking at it. The creature had a very bouncy appearance and rosy red cheeks and liked to smile. After a long period of silence it looked at Sonic and said Hi

Sonic then explains to this creature what happened with Mario, Once inside the castle Sonic asks Luigi who this strange creature was and Luigi explained to Sonic that it's name was Kirby(and he is a baby) and he was here for Mario's surprise birthday party. Kirby see's Mario lying on the floor helpless and walks up to him and then feels his forehead and realizes that he is still warm, Kirby with his powerful lungs begins to blow into Mario's mouth and to everyone's surprise a miracle happened...

Edit: When you use an apostrophe, e.g. it's, think of that as 'it is'. So in the sentence: "...Luigi explained to Sonic that (it's) it is name was Kirby..."
It doesn't make much sense, so: "Luigi explained to Sonoic that its name was Kirby..."

Breath of life? Interesting

Mario slowly begins to open his eyes and see's a smiling Kirby. Everyone is cheering that Mario has awakened. Everybody thanks Kirby for what he's done. By this time everyone has arrived including Yoshi, Ness and Donkey Kong. Sonic then explains to everybody what happened and apologizes. Mario then comes up to Sonic and say's "Its fine, lets just be friends ok?. Sonic smiles and says "ok!". Everybody then celebrates the party with happiness. The End..

Yay! Happy ending!

 

[smash brawl player 99021]

A solid effort there. A simple yet effective story.
As mentioned, there are a couple of grammatical errors and a few mishaps, but they don't detract from the overall story.

However, perhaps you could describe the setting a bit more?



Solid writing. Perhaps at the very end: Sonic jump flips over behind Mario and kicks him, but Mario sidestepped and grabbed his neck.



Maybe: Mario was hit with an incredible force and sent sprawling across the ground. He lay still.



Edit: When you use an apostrophe, e.g. it's, think of that as 'it is'. So in the sentence: "...Luigi explained to Sonic that (it's) it is name was Kirby..."
It doesn't make much sense, so: "Luigi explained to Sonoic that its name was Kirby..."

Breath of life? Interesting



Yay! Happy ending!

Yes, this basically covers it I'll be waiting for some more of your work!

 

[smash brawl player 99021]

Mario slowly begins to open his eyes and then sees a smiling Kirby. Everyone is cheering that Mario has awakened. Everybody thanks Kirby for what he's done. By this time everyone has arrived including Yoshi, Ness and Donkey Kong. Sonic then explains to everybody what happened and apologizes. Mario then comes up to Sonic and say's "Its fine, lets just be friends ok?. Sonic smiles and says "ok!". Everybody then celebrates the party with happiness. The End..

Sorry for the double post (Not that anyone mods this section anyway) but I thought this would've been better

 

[hema1999]

Mario's Story is the heartbreaking story of a teen wrongfully incarcerated and mistreated by an inept legal system. The film documents the night of the party Mario attended when someone was shot and killed; and we quickly learn that Mario was convicted based on one single person's eye witness account that was shaky at best. Mario's new lawyers allege that Mario's original defense attorney did not do a good job of defending Mario in court. In addition, the lack of witnesses to help exonerate Mario stems from the threats from gangs in Mario's neighborhood and the fear of reprisal if anyone told the truth about who did kill the young man who died at that party.

The documentary introduces us a woman who is practically a saint; Sister Janet Harris who was a religious leader at juvenile hall where Mario spent two years awaiting his murder trial. She instinctively knew Mario was wrongfully accused but it's amazing to watch this documentary as we find out just how long it takes to get Mario released from prison. The system is intensely bent on defending itself and the two brief interviews we get from the prosecution attorney at Mario's original trial really only shows us the lawyer's insistence that Mario "messed up" by not telling enough information to exonerate himself during the preparations for the trial.

Just as others have noted, the documentary effectively shows us the great diversity of people who come to Mario's defense as he waits remarkably patiently behind bars for a crime he never committed. We get stunning interviews with members of Mario's family; we see lawyers at a prestigious law firm take Mario's case on as a pro bono case and Mario's huge family never stops believing that he will return to them someday. The interviews and the footage of the family interacting with each other is extremely moving and it touched me greatly.

As you probably expected, Mario is released from prison--but I was somewhat disappointed still with how he was treated even at the ending of this documentary. He was released on bail (!!!) in 2006 and the current District Attorney is planning to retry Mario for the exact same crime despite the overwhelming evidence that Mario clearly did not commit this crime.

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[picque999]

A young man wrongly convicted of murder struggles to prove his innocence in this documentary from filmmakers Jeff Werner and Susan Koch. Mario Rocha was 16 years old and a student at a Los Angeles high school when he was charged with the murder of a classmate, Martin Estevez. During his trial, prosecutors suggested that Rocha had gang affiliations that would have provided a valid motive for the killing; however, after the fact, it was proven that Rocha was not a member of any gang. Despite this, Los Angeles city attorneys were eager to convict Rocha as part of a drive to "get tough" on gang-related crime, and a number of observers seriously questioned the competence of Rocha's lawyer, Anthony Garcia, into question, factors which led to a conviction against the youngster.
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