Mario in High School

[Sandy]

Episode 1: The First Day Of N High​

This school, is called Nintendo High. It's the greatest High School. Open to Toads, Yoshis, all Zelda Characters, other game characters and Humans. Today, is Mario M. Mario's and Luigi Z. Mario's first day!

Bus: 8:48am. September 4, 2001.

Luigi: I'm so exicted! This year is going to be awesome!
Mario: If you have failed Science in Grade School, you get paddled.
Luigi: Good thing I passed.
Mario: Barely, if Toad hadn't found a metal tube, you would have failed.
The bus stops, and the doors open.

Outside: 8:51am. Sept 4, 01.

Mario and Luigi got off the bus, when they saw there friends, Peach, Daisy, Toad and Bowser. Mario and Luigi go running, when Luigi gets tripped.
???: Watch where your running, loser!
Luigi: Look who's talking, Ness.
Ness: At least I don't get C's and D's. Hahaha.
Luigi continues running.

Bowser: Hey Luigi!
Luigi: Hi. Ness tripped me.
Peach: We saw.
Toad: When will Ness learn?
Mario: Not soon!
Everyone laughs, and the bell rings.

Gym: 9:07am. Sept 4, 01.

Principal Toadsworth: Welcome to Nintendo High! I am Principal Toadsworth Shroom.
Toad: Hi Grandad!
Toadsworth: Yeah, hi. Each and everyone of you, is a new joiner to our fabuolas school! You will all be given a class schedule, a locker number, and your student ID. You will also be given the lock combo for your locker. Now, I see 420 people here, but there's only 419 locker's free. So, one of you, will be holding your stuff for a while.
The spotlight randomly goes around, it stops on..........Ness.
Ness: What the?
Toadworth: I will call you randomly. Yoshi Yoshion.
Yoshi walks up, collects his things, and run's out.
Toadsworth: Regal Uiom.

12 minutes later.
Toadsworth: Mario Mario.
Mario walks up, does what everyone else does, and walks out.

Hall A: 9:21am. Sept 4, 01.

Mario: Locker. Hall A. #13.

Mario walks over, unlocks it, and puts his Schedule and a little paper, with the combo written on.

???: Wha up.

Mario turns around, to see a Green skin coloured person standing behind him.

???: I'm Phillip Peasley.
Mario: Mario M. Mario.
Peasley: Yeah, anyway, have you failed Science?
Mario: No.
Peasley: Good, I'm looking for this kids, paddling time.

Mario shuts his locker, and walks to his first class of the day, Math.

Room 3: 9:25am. Sept 4, 01.

Teacher: Good morning, we will start our class, when Mario and Saria choose to get here.
Mario: Sorry I'm-
Teacher: Sit down.

Mario takes a seat next to Link, as Saria comes in.

Teacher: Good morning, I am Mr. Adds. Funny name for a math teacher, I was the gym teacher in 99. Now, we will start by giving the 9th grader's the math text books. I will call you by name. Dilian Aserin, ID please.

Dilian: 4218-064.

Adds: Perfect, we have abut 5 more to go, the other people, please take out your new math books, and turn to page 23. Link Time?

Hall A: 10:06am. Sept 4, 01.

Link: Classes: 9:00-9:25, 9:30-10:05, 10:10-10:45, 10:50-11:25, 11:30-12:30 lunch, then 12:30-1:05, 1:10-1:45, 1:50-2:25, then 30 minute Homeroom.
Yoshi: Seems like a long day, anyway, what's your next class?
Link: Science.
Mario: Gym.
Yoshi: Gym. See ya Link at lunch!
Link: OK! Bye!

Gym: 10:10am. Sept, 4. 01.

Coach: I am Coach Fersinalinom. You call me Fersin. Today, we have 2 new joiners. And, sice it's the first day, we will do fitness.
Everyone: Awwww man!
Coach: 50 pushups now!

Hall C: 10:49am. Sept 4, 01.

Mario and Yoshi were hanging around thier next class: Heath.

Yoshi: That was long 35 minutes.
Mario: Yeah, Coach Fersin was the 3rd harshed coach this school has ever had.
Yoshi: Heath is our last class for today, we have other things to do!
Mario: We should go in.
Yoshi: Yeah, I heard that this school has strict guidelines.

Room 21: 10:51am. Sept 4, 01.

Teacher: I am Mrs. Veiner. In Heath, we learn about Smoking, Drugs, Medicene, and other important things. For September to November, we will learn about Colds and Sicknesses. I hope you have studied this in Grade 7, because, this week, we will review the basic 7th grade material. Acute nasopharyngitis, often known as the common cold, is a mild viral infectious disease of the the upper respiratory system. Symptoms include sneezing, sniffling, nasal congestion ; scratchy, sore, or phlegmy throat; coughing ; headache ; and tiredness. Colds typically last three to five days, with residual coughing lasting up to three weeks. As its name suggests, it is the most common of all human diseases, infecting subjects at an average rate of slightly over one infection per year per person. Infection rates greater than three infections per year per person are not uncommon in some populations. Children and their caretakers are at a higher risk, probably due to the high population density of schools and the fact that transmission to family members is highly efficient.
Boshi raises his hand.
Viener: Yes?
Boshi: We didn't learn this.
Viener: Oh yes, sorry.

Cafetaria: 11:36am. Sept 4, 01.

Mario, Luigi, Peach, Daisy and Yoshi were sitting at a table, eating thier lunch.

Daisy: My math teacher, Mrs. Ana, said that I could fail Math!
Yoshi: Mrs. Ana, she was my Grade 4 teacher. She said to the prettest girl in the class, which was Birdo, that they would fail. Birdo, I had a crush on her. In Grade 7, I was going to ask her to the dance, when Loush asked first. I was so sad.

Bowser walked over, and sat down next to Peach.

Bowser: Birdo Gerson?
Yoshi: Yeah, why?
Bowser: Birdo goes to this School. She is in my Science class. She isn't with Loush anymore, but she does like other person.
Yoshi: Who?
Bowser: Boshi.
Yoshi: BOSHI? My cousin!

Toad come over, and sits on the remaining area.

Toad: Boshi has failed about 8 subjects. He'll be easy to take down.
Yoshi: I hope your right.

Hall B: 12:34pm. Sept 4, 01.

Fox: Hey there, Mallow.
Mallow: Hi Fox, you still have that part time job?
Fox: No, I got a new one. I'm joining the Flight Club. My new job is a mechanic at the Arwing Base.
Mallow: The Arwings are the greatest fighters in Sector Z, have you seen the movie "Deep Space Z"?
Fox: Yes, it's amizing. Too bad I'm the only guy in school, that's obbseced with Space.
Luigi: No, there's another person.
Fox: Who?
Luigi: Samus Aran. She's been to Sector Z. Her mom is a bounty hunter, and her dad is an Arwing.
Fox: 9th grader?
Luigi: Yes. And, if you wanna join the Flight club, better get in the gym or outside.

Fox ran straght to the Gym.

Field: 12:40pm. Sept 4, 01.

Mario: Over 50 clubs, hey the Melee club!
Darknut: This is the Melee club. We learn to fight, using specail attacks and crazy training. We are in the Melee room, Room 48, on Tuesday to Thursday. 3:05 to 4.
Mario: I'll join.
Darknut: Name and ID number.
Mario: Mario Mario and Id number is 4219-089.
Darknut: You are on a waiting list of 38 people. Only 15 can join.

Meanwhile.....

Fox: Flight Club.....FULL?
Goomba: Yes! Ha ha!
Fox: What else? The Space Club!

A Space Pirate steps infront of Fox

SP: The space club is for space lovers, and you get to to space things, I am Richardson J. Idile. I run the nature club. You would rather join the nature club, then the space club.
Fox: And why is this?
Richardson: Because, Nature is the beauty of everything and-
Fox: Your a SPACE pirate running the NATURE club. You don't like space, yet your a SPACE pirate. You are mixed up, because SPACE pirates join and run SPACE clubs, not Nature.So, you are idiot and alaways will be. So get out of my way, before a bring you to my locker, jam you in, and lock you up for the night. So, if you want to be in darkness for tonight, then remain where you are! And other thing, you suck!

Fox walks to the Space Club table, leaving the stuned Richardson standing there.

Hall D: 1:30pm. Sept. 4, 01.

Toadette and Birdo were in a fight with Ness.

Ness: Out of my way. The hansome Ness coming through.
Toadette: No, we were here first. Just because you have straight A's, and you have 78 friends, doesn't mean we have to move. The fountain's over there, the washroom's are next to Room 23, and the showers are in the gym. There's and exit down there to outside, and the outside gym doors are open. Tours ended 10 minutes ago, they start in 15 minutes, and you don't have a locker. There's no reason why we should move.
Ness: Umm, yeah. Move before a choke you.
Birdo: Try me.

Ness grabs Birdo's neck and slams her againest the locker. yoshi was walking down the hall, when he saw this.

Toadette: Yoshi, Ness has sugar all over him.

Yoshi eats Ness.

Ness: Mphh! Mhh! Nmm!
Birdo: What's he saying?
Ness: MPH! MHPP! MPPPPPPHHHH!
Boshi: I could have done that. Come on Birdo, let's go to the gym.
Yoshi spits out Ness, all covered in saliva.
Ness: Aghhh! Geez, I'll get you for this!
Ness walks to the showers, leaving Yoshi and Toadette.
Toadette: Yoshi?
Yoshi(Sadly): What?
Toadette: Let's go find Toad, or maybe Bowser.
Yoshi(Sadly): K.

Gym: 1:36pm. Sept. 4, 01.

Luigi: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M ON A WAITING LIST?
Chef: Sorry, if more the maximum people allowed join, we have to cut some people.
Luigi: Is this with all the clubs?
Chef: Yes. Anyway, report to room 47, now. The Cookoff will begin.
Luigi: But some clubs say full!
Chef: Only 50 people can join, and be put on a waiting list. In fact, this is full too!

The Chef puts and Giant Red sign: FULL on the table.

Cooking Club room: 1:40pm. Sept 4, 01.

Chef: Welcome, everyone! I am Chef Taybe! We will have a cookoff! Everyone, has 30 minutes, to make a Cooked Mushroom. You will be suppiled with a Mushroom, an oven and spices. Begin now!

Everyone runs to an area, and starts cooking.
30 minutes later......

Taybe: I have decided the 15 people. Liopin Vin, Reople J. Andrew, Jerry Martio, Bagin Ke, Kyle Simions, June Hazer, Mikin Geion, Opin Mary Geion, Yuo Geinin, Daniel Yunougecin, Heactor Mari, Lion Foster, Yoshi Jumper and T.J. America.
Luigi: Doh!
Taybe: And Luigi Z. Mario.
Luigi: YES! WOOHOO!
Taybe: Everyone else isn't in, sorry.

Shower Room: 2:25. Sept. 4, 01.

Ness had finished taking his shower, when he steps into the hall, two kids, Jake Ryan and Mack Killer, were waiting.

Jake: You have no locker-
Mack: And got eating by a Yoshi.
Jake: You embarrass J.M. nation-
Mack: And yourself.
Jack: So, the rest-
Mack: Of the club-
Jack: As decided to-
Mack: Get ridd of you.
Both: So you're a loser!

They left Ness, standing there.

Outside: 3:01pm. Sept. 4, 01.

Yoshi: I can't belive Birdo likes Boshi!
Mario: Don't feel bad-
Peach: Yoshi, you'll have another chance.

The bus doors opened. Luigi and Kirby climbed on, and before Mario got on, he said:
Mario: Yoshi, don't give up. And see you tomorrow.

The bus drove away.

 

[Akebo]

It was funny to an extent...I really detest script format because I feel that people aren't making an honest attempt at writing when all they do is write

"Akebo: Something like this. It really ticks me off."

And it is unnecessary. Try doing wha I tell all of the people who write in script format:

First, add *Blank* Said, "Blah blah blah"

Second, add emotion or actions. *Blank* looked around before whispering lightly. "Blah blah blah."

Third, add composition. *Blank* chafted his arms against his body, trying to get the friction to warm his shivering body up, He looked over at Fox, glaring at the vulpine creature who had the luxury of thick fur. "It's not fair!" *Blank* whined, furiously rubbing at his body for warmth. "You have all that fur. And what do I get? To be chrogenically frozen next to a broken down heater in a high school I hate!"


Now that that is out of the way, I must address the issue of characterization. Everyone in your fanfiction was completely out of character. I can't see any of the characters saying that. You need to keep that sense of characters, especially in a crossover such as this, with multiple characters. Every character should keep hi or her personality. OCs are different, because you created them.

 

[Sandy]

In a fanfiction, you can change their personality. That's the whole point of fanfiction.

Episode 2: The Greek Teacher​

Between Episode 1 and 2: Mario made it to the Melee Club. Luigi was elected chief of Cooking Club. Yoshi practiced doing things to beat Boshi.​

It's Monday September 10. Mario, Luigi and Kirby were on the bus, heading for the high school. They were trying to figure out the last of their homework.(New format: mm/dd/yy)​

Bus: 8:45am. 9/10/01​

Kirby: If Figure B isn't mathced to Figure C, then.....
Mario: No, none of them match. If Figure A's base was a little shorter, Figure A and C would match, so no.
Kirby(Looking at back of book): Your right, Luigi got that?
Luigi: Yes. Were done.
Mario: Finally. And did you do the Italian?
Kirby: Yes. It's all simple once you look at it the right way.
Luigi: Mario finished it on Friday, on the bus.
Mario: Yes. In fact. Today, were doing Oggetti della scuola in italinao.
Kirby: What?
Mario: School objects in Italian.​

The bus stops, not right infront of the school, but near.​

Outside: 8:50am 9/10/01​

Mario and Luigi jump out ton see Link and Bowser waiting.​

Link: Hey guys! Had a good weekend?
Luigi: Yes.
Link: Good, cause Coach Fersin is making us to 12 laps around the school, if we had a bad weekend. We don't know why.
Mario(While everyone's walking): Weird. Anyway. What's after homeroom today?
Bowser: Drama. Were making 2 minute skits.
Link: Math, I think. Ms. Ferginchina is loading us with work. I had a bad weekend. Don't tell Coach.
Luigi: O.K., we won't. Me and Mario have library. But before we have G-
Bowser: Library? Do you get to use the computers?
Mario: Sometimes. We split into groups. One group goes on the computers, while the other picks out books. After 17 and a half minutes, we switch. For books, we have to pick out a novel, for Literature.​

Luigi wasn't paying any attention.​

Link: Wow. Our school library is 2 floors. There's a crapload of books. I can find some books there than at the Public Library.​

Peach comes up to Mario.​

Mario: Hi Peach.
Peach: Hi Mario, were still on for the theater, right?
Mario: Yes.
Peach: Okay. Tonight at 6, right?
Mario(cheerfully): Dat's what a said.
Peach: OK! See ya at lunch.​

The bell rings, and everyone runs in.​

Homeroom(Yoshi, Falco): 9:04am. 9/10/01​

Falco: Yoshi! What's up?
Yoshi: Boshi.
Falco: Boshi? What's wrong with Boshi?
Yoshi:*sigh* You know Birdo? Well, turns out I have a crush on her. But she likes Boshi.
Falco: Hmmmmmm........maybe, Boshi has done something good, to get Birdo to like her. All you have to do, is do something better. I think Birdo likes Boshi, is because he saved a 3rd grader, from a rock falling of the roof. Do something way better, got it?
Yoshi: Yeah!​

Library: 10:46am 9/10/01.​

Mario: Luigi! What are you doing!
Luigi: Looking at the Timelines.
Mario: Better get a book, and fast.
Luigi: Book? What?
Mario(annoyed): LITERATURE!
Luigi: Ohhh....yeah!​

Luigi runs straight to the Adventure Novels, picks the "Koopa Quest #5" novel, and runs to the checkout, banging into someone.​

: Watch where your going, I'm a princess.
Luigi: Sorry...ummm? Daisy.
: No, Nintendi.
Luigi: Hmmmm...I se-NINTENDI? THERE'S NO PRINCESS NINTENDI!
Nintendi(Greek akcent): You are greatly mistaken. I am the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom. Mario is my boyfriend.
Luigi: Uhhhhhh......yeah. Your just confused from earlier.
Nintendi: No, your confused.
Luigi: Ummmmm...yeah. I have to go now. So uhhhh....bye.​

Room 16: 10:54am 9/10/01​

Luigi was having Art class. He goes to easel inbetween Falco and Wario.​

Wario: Have any money?
Luigi: No. Anyway, in Library, I bumped into a girl that thinks she is the Princess of the Mushroom Kingdom.
Falco: What a werido.
Wario: Do you know where's she's from?
Luigi: Greece I think. She sounded Greek.
Falco(flipping paper): Hmmmmmm.......Ya, I think she's a-
Wario: Loser!
Teacher: Wario! We don't call anyone a loser. Now, you will clean up and miss lunch.
Wario(quiet): I hate this stupid teacher from kindergarden!​

Cafetaria: 11:35am 9/10/01​

Mario: Peach! They reversived you a table over there!
Peach: Let's go!​

Mario and Peach sat down, when Luigi, Bowser, Toad and Link ran over.​

Bowser: Guys! I got it! Figure A and C are the same!
Link: No.
Toad: None of them match.
Bowser(flipping to back): You're right, Toad and Link!
Toad and Link: Thank ya!
Mario: Bowser, you didn't do you're homework, did you?
Bowser(closing book): I just did it!
Mario: Whatever.
Peach(drinking juice): We all signed up for math right?
Luigi(keeping thing to himself): Yeah.
Peach: So we all got that homework, which means we can make a study group.
Pikachu: Can I sit here?
Peach: Sure.
Pikachu(jumping up): What'cha all talking about?
Link: We making a study group for math.
Pikachu: Sweet.​

Hall A: 12:25pm 9/10/01​

Mario was taking out his Italian stuff. His backpack was jummed in there, that he had only somewhat more space.​

Yoshi: Mario, they have these backpack holders in all the Homerooms.
Mario: They did?
Yoshi: Yeah. Come on! Let's go to Italian.​

Room 34: 12:30pm 9/10/01​

The bell rang as Mario and Yoshi got in the class.​

Phil: Dudes! I'm opening the class!
Yoshi: You get chocolate? Doh!​

Mario and Yoshi sit down as a greek teacher walks in?​

Teacher: I am Mrs. Gos.
Nintendi: Mother!
Gos: Today, my daughter, will open the class.
Koopa: But Phil is-
Gos: SHUT UP!​

Everyone was freaked out.​

Mrs. Gos: Now, we will do Level 7 Greek.
All: WHAT?
Gos: It's my class.​

Hall A: 2:57pm 9/10/01​

Mario, Luigi, Bowser and Kirby were walking down the hall. ​

Mario: That was the worst teacher ever!
Kirby: Thank god we have a princapal.
Bowser: Thank god.
Mario: What i-
Bowser: No worries! The princeapal will fire her tomorrow.
Mario: I hope your right.​

THE NEXT DAY 9\11\01 8:34a​

Princpal: Now, the students are angry with you, I will have to rip your contract, Mrs. Gos, now, give me-OH MY GOD! THE TWIN TOWERS!​

Mrs. Gos quickly snuck out leaving the Princapal stunned at the TV.​

9:00am Hall A 9\11\01​

Wario was busy getting ready for science. Mario came running up to him.​

Mario: WARIO! DID YOU HEAR? DOUBLE BAD NEWS!
Wario: Terriorists invade NYC and Mrs. Gos isn't fired.
Mario: NO! TH-Oh wait, yeah. How?
Wario: Bowser.
Mario: Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!​

Room 34: 12:38pm 9\11​

Nintendi: I have an anouccement.
Mrs. Gos: Nintendi is the Mushroom Kingdom Princess
Peach: WHAT?
Mario: WHAT?
Phil: WALNUTS?​

Nintendi is about to take Peach's crown, when Mario stand up and throws Nintendi into wall.​

Mrs. Gos: BRING IT ON! FAT BOY!
Mario: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-​

The Princpal opens the door and rips Mrs. Gos's contract.​

Mrs. Gos: NOOOO! I'M MELTING! I'M MELTING!​

Mrs. Gos melts into the floor.​

James: AWESOME DUDE!
Peasley: You got pwned, noob.
Princapal: Now, that I made the stupid enterance ev-
Mario: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!​

Mario jumps the puddle and accidentally hits Boshi​

Peasley: You got pwned, noob.
Luigi: WILL YOU SHUT UP?​

Aftermath:
Nintendi got owned by a Donkey, Mario got an honor roll, Phil failed a Geography Test, now get lost. ​

THE END​

 

[AceMoney]

Honestly, I couldn't finish the first part of this story. Half way through, my fingers had blisters on them from rubbing my temples really hard. It's not that this doesn't have the capability of being good, it just isn't right now. I understand that this is a fan fiction and it is meant to show whatever you want the characters to show, but that does not...DOES NOT...excuse bad diction.

I'm not usually mean about anything on this website, but I feel disresepcted. As a fellow writer, I would expect you to at least make sure the words you use even exist. For instance, joiners? What the hell is that?!?! Anyways, I must agree with Akebo's comments for all the rest of the critiquing. If you take time to write rather than simply put something out there simply to be putting something out there, then I'm sure it'll be waaaay better.

Besides that, it's possible to make this a fairly funny story. Most stories about high school are quite funny. However, it feel really forced here. All good jokes and comedy routines have a set-up. You just don't say, "because it was the chicken's day off!" and expect the laugh. You gotta' get the set up for it first. Also, I think the humor was offset by problems in your writing that I mentioned earlier in this comment. Anyways, if you need help writing however, give me a pm. I'm happy to edit and or help with ideas or dialogues between characters.

 

[Sjakmachien]

You must watch gramatic faults. They're in there.

 

[Akebo]

I think you have heard enough from me about script format. Safe to say, it shouldn't really be considered a fanfiction.

 

[Akebo]

EDIT: It was good. Funny, I guess. Sorry, I usually say something nice first.