Jokes 2.0

[Sandy]

I'm trying this AGAIN. Please don't spam this thread up.

Three men were about to be shot. The first one cried "Tsunami!" and everyone ran. The first man got away.

The second man shouted "Tornado!" and everyone ran. The second man got away.

The third man thought for a second. "Oh, I get it, they shouted something bad to make people think that they should run." Then he yelled "Fire!"


A blond walks into an electronics store and says to the salesclerk "I want to buy that TV in the corner" and he says, "No, I don't sell TV's to blondes." So she leaves and dyes her hair brown. She tells him she wants to buy the TV in the corner again, and he says 'No, I don't sell TVs to blonds" So she leaves again and dyes her hair red. For the third time, she tells him she wants to TV int he corner, and he says "No, I don't sell TV's to blonds." So she says "How'd you know I was a blond all this time?" and he says "Because that's a microwave in the corner"


A blond walks into a shoe store and asks the clerk for alligator boots. He gives them to her, and tells her to pay him a hundred bucks. Outraged, the blond cannot belive the boots cost so much.The clerk says "Then go make them yourself!" On the way home, the clerk hears a shot, and then another. He jumps out of his car to the shores of the lake and sees the blond. He watches as she shoots an alligator, flips it over, and then throws it back again. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" He exclaims. "Oh, Hi." She says, and flips over another alligator. "Dang! This one dosen't have any boots either!"

A hobo comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and knocks gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."

The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."

So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."

The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW."


Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"


People who have watched Doctor Who before will like this joke...

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
I'm in love with doctor!
I'm in love with doctor who?
Ha! You said that you are in love with Doctor Who!

Isn't it a classic!

 

[Hiemie]

I heard a pretty good one today.

Please don't spam this thread up.

Alright, you people stay on topic here, and you might get out without a temp ban.

 

[Sandy]

Here's a joke:

Warm and Moist

MAN: I'd like to buy some dog food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a dog?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Where is he?
MAN: He's at home.
CHECKOUT LADY: I'm sorry, I can't sell this dog food to you unless I see the dog. Store policy.

The next day, the man returns.
MAN: I'd like to buy some cat food.
CHECKOUT LADY: Do you have a cat?
MAN: Yes.
CHECKOUT LADY: Well... where is he?
MAN: He's at home!
CHECKOUT LADY: Sorry, I can't sell this cat food to you unless I see your cat.

The next day the man returns.
CHECKOUT LADY: What's in the sack?
MAN: Put your hand inside.
CHECKOUT LADY: Hmmm... It's warm and moist! What is it?
MAN: I would like to buy some toilet paper.

What does a vibrator and soybeans have in common?

Spoiler

They're both meat substitutes

- Whats an Australian kiss?

Spoiler

The same thing as a French kiss, only down under

A Cat falls in a pond and the rooster laughs. whats the moral of the story?

Spoiler

A wet P***Y makes a C**K happy

So, these three guys go on a skiing trip in the mountains.

When they got there, all the rooms except one were taken. It was late, so they rented out the room and took all their stuff up to their room. It turned out that there was only one bed, so all three of then slept on it.

The next morning, they told each other about the dream they had. The one on the left told the other two about how he dreamed that he was getting a hand job by some hot blonde. The one on the right told the other two the same story.

The one that slept in the middle looked at the other two and said, "Oh.... Well, I had a dream that I was skiing."

The Longest Joke!
http://www.innocentenglish.com/best-funny-jokes/longest-joke-ever.html

 

[Taco Head]

best essay ever

 

[Ensee]

That was the best essay ever, is it real?

 

[F8AL]

A blonde with headphones walks into a barber shop and asks to get her hair cut. The Barber says "Alright, but I'll have to take your headphones off first before I can do anything". The blonde replies "You can't, I'll die if you take them off!". The barber then takes off her headphones and the blonde dies. When the barber puts the headphones on all he can hear on them is "Breath in, breath out" repeating.

 

[typh]

So did you hear what happened to Archduke Ferdinand?

Spoiler

He got Serbed.

 

[AHotGreasedUpJigglyPuff 4 Luvin']

So did you hear what happened to Archduke Ferdinand?

Spoiler

He got Serbed.

Ah ha ha ha ha, now thats good history!

 

[MysticKenji]

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings currently on display. "I've got good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all fifteen of your paintings."

"That's wonderful!" the artist exclaimed, "What's the bad news?". With concern, the gallery owner replied, "The guy was your doctor."

 

[Taco Head]

So, these three guys go on a skiing trip in the mountains.

When they got there, all the rooms except one were taken. It was late, so they rented out the room and took all their stuff up to their room. It turned out that there was only one bed, so all three of then slept on it.

The next morning, they told each other about the dream they had. The one on the left told the other two about how he dreamed that he was getting a hand job by some hot blonde. The one on the right told the other two the same story.

The one that slept in the middle looked at the other two and said, "Oh.... Well, I had a dream that I was skiing."

i don't get it

 

[GoldShadow]

i don't get it

Heh, good one. I hope.

 

[Ensee]

i don't get it

Think of where your hands would be if you were skiing.

 

[Zook]

A nudist walks up to a group of 3 little old ladies on a park bench and exposes his body to them.

The first one has a stroke. The second one has a stroke. But the third one couldn't quite reach.

_


An eldery woman is bringing her husband to the doctor for his physical. The doctor says, "All right, I'll be needing a stool sample, a blood, and a urine sample."

"What?" says the old man.

"Just give him your underpants!" says his wife.

 

[plasmawisp6633]

What's big, green, and if it were to fall out of a tree, it would kill you on impact?

Spoiler

A Pool Table

How do you make holy water?

Spoiler

Boil the hell out of it

 

[Toilet Paper]

Here's an instant classic:

Why did the Chicken cross the road? The answer isn't what you think!

Spoiler

To get to the other side. L0lz

 

[Sandy]

*Some of these jokes may not be appropriate for easily offended people.*

Q: What is Helen Keller's favorite color?
A1: Corduroy.
A2: Velcro.

Q. Why is all of Helen Keller's face burnt?
A. She was bobbing for french fries.

Q: How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face?
A: She answer the iron.

Q: How did she burn the other side of her face?
A: They called back.

Q: Why was Helen Keller's leg wet?
A: Her dog was blind too.

Q. How did she burn her fingers?
A. Reading the waffle iron

Q. What did she do when she fell down the well?
A. She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue.

Q. How come she didn't scream when she fell off the cliff?
A. She was wearing mittens

Q. Why does she wear skin tight pants?
A. So you can read her lips

Q. Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
A. You would too if your name was 'Urghrrghrghr'.

Q. Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll?
A. Wind it up and it walks into walls.

Q. What's this (slowly waving fingers)?
A. Helen Keller moaning

Q: Who is the cruelest man in the world?
A: The guy who ***** Helen Keller, then cut off her hands so she couldn't
scream for help.

Q: How come Helen Keller can't have kids??
A: Because she's DEAD!

Q. How did Helen Keller drive herself crazy?
A. Trying to read a stucco wall.

Q: What did HK's parent's do to punish her?
A1: Rearranged the furniture
A2: Left the plunger in the toilet bowl
A3: Put Saran Wrap on the toilet.
A4: Put her in a round room and told her there's a penny in the corner
A5: Washed her hands out with soap
A6: Gave her bird-seed to read.
A7: Glued doorknobs to the walls

Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?
A1: She's a woman.
A2: She's dead.

Q: How did Helen Keller break her arm in the car?
A: Trying to read stop signs.

Q: How did HK get poke marks on her face?
A: Learning to eat with a fork.

Q: What's the name of Helen Keller's favorite book?
A: "Around the block in 80 Days"

Q: Define true love.
A: Hellen Keller and Stevie Wonder playing tennis.

Q: Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard?
A: Neither did she.

Q: How did Helen Keller drive her car?
A: One hand on the wheel; The other on the road.

Q: How did Helen Keller meet her husband?
A: On a blind date!

Q: How did Helen Keller pierce her ear?
A: Answering the stapler.

Q: How did Helen Keller's teachers punish her for talking in class?
A: They made her wear mittens.

Q: Why didn't Helen Keller change her baby's diaper?
A: So she could always find him.

Q: Why did Helen Keller have yellow fingers?
A: from whispering sweet-nothings in her boyfriends ear

Q: How did Helen Keller pick her eyes out?
A: She shouted histerically.

 

[MysticKenji]

To increase your vocabulary with phrases you've heard but aren't quite sure how to use, read on...


"Cold turkey"

Definition: Refers to the physical state addicts are in when withdrawing from drug addition, especially heroin. Their blood is directed to the internal organs, leaving their skin white and goose bumpy like a Thanksgiving bird ready to go in the oven. Mmmmm, junkie turkey.

Origin: The first usage of this phrase is unknown, but it has as many applications as there are things to be addicted to.

Use it in a sentence: After coming down with a strange illness that turned his eye-whites blue, Ozzy had to go cold turkey from biting the heads off live bats or any other animals.


"Going Dutch"

Definition: To evenly split the cost of a group expense, like a meal.

Origin: The origin of the phrase is unknown, but there is one explanation. In the 17th century, the Dutch were hated commercial rivals of the British, and have been a verbal target for them since. Anyone who "went Dutch" may have been considered a tightwad. Not surprisingly, the Dutch don't seem to love this phrase.

Use it in a sentence: The last girl I went out with called me a superior patriarchal misogynist who didn't respect her independence just because I offered to pick up the tab. So last night I decided I'd play it safe and suggested to my date that we go Dutch. She called me a cheap *******!


"**** hits the fan"

Definition: Refers to the commotion that can occur when a situation that was previously secret is publicly revealed. Graphically illustrates the distinction between fecal matter, which is not in itself such a problem, and fecal matter piling up to the ceiling fan and then being sprayed everywhere, which pretty much sucks.

Origin: Depression-era America, when apparently excrement abounded.

Use it in a sentence: "I'm telling you, Bob, if we don't figure out how to get your dad's pogo stick out of this tree, the ****'s really gonna hit the fan. I mean, how's he supposed to get to work?"


"Put a sock in it"

Definition: A terse request to be quiet.

Origin: Since early gramophones had no volume control knobs, playing them at anything less than 11 ("my amp goes up to 11") required putting a sock in the amplification trumpet.

Use it in a sentence:
Girl: "Why are you hesitating? You don't like it, do you? You think it makes me look fat, right? Oh, I knew this would happen. I should never have gotten an orange leather..."
Guy: "Ah, put a sock in it."


"Son of a gun"

Definition:
a) As an interjection, it means "gee whiz" or "well I'll be ****ed."
b) As a name to call someone, it's a euphemism for a phrase that's already pretty tame: son of a *****.

Origin: According to the Phrase Finder (www.phrases.shu.ac.uk), the expression originated on sailing ships, where some women would have sex with sailors between the cannons. The male progeny of such a dangerous liaison would then be called a son of a gun. Nice pedigree.

Use it in a sentence:
a) "Son of a gun, who stole my toupee?"
b) "Bob, you old son of a gun. How's the prostate?"


"For all intents and purposes"

Definition: First of all, it ain't "for all intensive purposes." Think about it for a minute. What the hell could that possibly mean? For all uses that are short but really demanding? Like, oh, I don't know, ****** arm-wrestling? No, "for all intents and purposes" means "realistically speaking; practically; in almost every way."

Origin: Although its origin is unknown, the phrase used to be "to all intents and purposes," which is still sometimes heard.

Use it in a sentence: Bob tried so hard to please Patty that he had long ago passed the "whipped" phase and was now, for all intents and purposes, her love slave.


"Big cheese"

Definition: The most important person; the boss.

Origin: The Urdu word for thing is chiz. The British likened its sound to the word "cheese" and, as cheese is so vital to the Brits that their pound currency was actually pegged to the price of medium cheddar for almost two centuries, they modified its meaning to "the main/best thing." The phrase crossed the Atlantic as "the big cheese" in about 1890.

Use it in a sentence: The way he acted, you could tell Bob thought he was the big cheese of the joint. But really, with his faux chains, hedge-like chest hair and shiny zebra-striped shirt, he was just cheesy.


"Peeping Tom"

Definition: A peeping Tom is a voyeur.

Origin: It stems from an 11th century English legend in which Tom the tailor unlawfully peeps at Lady Godiva as she rides on horseback naked through Coventry. As a result, he was struck blind. Doh!

Use it in a sentence: To mess with the minds of any would-be peeping Toms in the high rise across the street, every night Bob undressed in front of his window with all the lights on, then looked out into the night and gave a big wave before retiring.


"Beat around the bush"

Definition: This old phrase means, well, you know, sort of to, like, stall and stuff, or lie even, instead of, um -- hey look, that dog has a poofy tail! Sorry, it means not to get to the point or the truth.

Origin: It comes from hunting, where hunters would carefully beat around bushes hoping to drive out their prey instead of just going in after it.

Use it in a sentence:
Man #1: "Stop beating around the bush and ask the question already!"
Man #2: "Okay, fine. Can I borrow your girlfriend for, like, an hour?"

 

[ThatGuy]

A doctor walks into a room to tell his patient how the results were.

Patient: So Doctor, what are the results?
Doctor: I have some bad news and some worse news.
Patient: Okay...I guess you should give me the bad news first.
Doctor: Well, you only have 24 hours to live.
Patient: Holy sh-...24 HOURS!? ****ING ****, WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN THAT!?
Doctor: Your cell phone is off, and I've been trying to reach you since yesterday...

 

[Fernie812]

How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it!
YEAH!

 

[Jammer]

From bash.org:

EDIT: Don't read it if you are easily offended, please.

<JonJonB> Purely in the interests of science, I have replaced the word "wand" with "wang" in the first Harry Potter Book
<JonJonB> Let's see the results...

<JonJonB> "Why aren't you supposed to do magic?" asked Harry.
<JonJonB> "Oh, well -- I was at Hogwarts meself but I -- er -- got expelled, ter tell yeh the truth. In me third year. They snapped me wang in half an' everything

<JonJonB> A magic wang... this was what Harry had been really looking forward to.

<JonJonB> "Yes, yes. I thought I'd be seeing you soon. Harry Potter." It wasn't a question. "You have your mother's eyes. It seems only yesterday she was in here herself, buying her first wang. Ten and a quarter inches long, swishy, made of willow. Nice wang for charm work."
<JonJonB> "Your father, on the other hand, favored a mahogany wang. Eleven inches. "

<JonJonB> Harry took the wang. He felt a sudden warmth in his fingers. He raised the wang above his head, brought it swishing down through the dusty air and a stream of red and gold sparks shot from the end like a firework, throwing dancing spots of light on to the walls

<JonJonB> "Oh, move over," Hermione snarled. She grabbed Harry's wang, tapped the lock, and whispered, 'Alohomora!"

<JonJonB> The troll couldn't feel Harry hanging there, but even a troll will notice if you stick a long bit of wood up its nose, and Harry's wang had still been in his hand when he'd jumped - it had gone straight up one of the troll's nostrils.

<JonJonB> He bent down and pulled his wang out of the troll's nose. It was covered in what looked like lumpy gray glue.

<JonJonB> He ran onto the field as you fell, waved his wang, and you sort of slowed down before you hit the ground. Then he whirled his wang at the dementors. Shot silver stuff at them.

<JonJonB> Ok
<JonJonB> I have found, definitive proof
<JonJonB> that J.K Rowling is a dirty DIRTY woman, making a fool of us all
<JonJonB> "Yes," Harry said, gripping his wang very tightly, and moving into the middle of the deserted classroom. He tried to keep his mind on flying, but something else kept intruding.... Any second now, he might hear his mother again... but he shouldn't think that, or he would hear her again, and he didn't want to... or did he?
<melusine > O_______O
<JonJonB> Something silver-white, something enormous, erupted from the end of his wang

<JonJonJonB> Then, with a sigh, he raised his wang and prodded the silvery substance with its tip.

<JonJonJonB> 'Get - off - me!' Harry gasped. For a few seconds they struggled, Harry pulling at his uncles sausage-like fingers with his left hand, his right maintaining a firm grip on his raised wang.

 

[MysticKenji]

Who is Jack Schitt?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the
Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

 

[TMS]

Captain Falcon has f*cked so many people he has become an ethnicity.

Night occurs when Captain Falcon paunches the sun unconscious.

When Captain Falcon was born, his entire family felt birth pains.

A Falcown Paunch will send you to 1970.

When Captain Falcon is in a bad mood, he forms a gravity well so strong not even light can escape.

Captain Falcon does not fall off the stage; the stage falls off Captain Falcon.

When Captain Falcon says for you to show him your moves, he's actually just being courteous, and cares not for any moves you may possess.

The main reason Captain Falcon has not been announced yet in Super Smash Bros. Brawl is that he is too busy impregnating the women and men staff of Nintendo.

Yes, Captain Falcon can even impregnate men.

Captain Falcon actually enjoys hugging people, which is why he shouts enthusiastically whenever he hugs some one. Unfortunately, the force of his awesomeness coming into contact with a mere mortal causes the mortal to burst into flames.

All of Captain Falcon's moves are Final Smashes; he only ever needs to use them them once.

After much debate, president Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than sending Captain Falcon. His reasoning: "its more humane".

Captain Falcon doesn't jump. He Falcon Kicks the earth out of his way.

Falcon once punched so quickly that he broke the speed of light which distorted space-time and created a warp, through which the raw power of the punch traveled. That was the eruption that destroyed Pompeii.

Captain Falcon consumed a Hot Pocket, and lived to tell about it...

Captain Falcon can believe it's not butter.

When Captain Falcon throws a bone into the air, it doesn't turn into just one space ship, but five spaceships plus a planet.

The sun doesn't rise for Captain Falcon to see daylight, it rises to see him Falcon Punch somebody.

Falcon Punches are the only true miracle of life.

Super Smash Bros. Brawl wasn't delayed, it a Falcon kicked into Feb. 10th so Captain Falcon has more man time.

No Nintendo game is delayed, just Falcon Punched backwards.

Those aren't credits that roll after you beat Super Smash Bros. That's a list of people Captain Falcon falcon punched in the face that day.

A Falcon Punch by any other name would destroy just as many planets.

Captain Falcon's writer alias is Shakespeare.

There are no disabled people, only people who have met Captain Falcon.

Captain Falcon is the reason Samus took her clothes off.

If Captain Falcon knew Splash, it would still be a 1-hit k.o.

men get sex changes just so they have a better chance at sleeping with Captain Falcon.

The only person Captain Falcon cannot Falcon Punch is Chuck Norris, and the only person Chuck Norris cannot roundhouse kick is Captain Falcon. This is because, of course, they are the same person.

Players in Smash get 1-hit KO'd by touching the Ultimate Chimera. The Ultimate Chimera gets 1-hit KO'd by touching Captain Falcon.

Master Hand and Crazy Hand are the spiritual manifestations of Captain Falcon's nipples.

Final Smash's were originally called "Falcon Balls" as they contained small amounts of Captain Falcon's power. Eventually this was changed when it was realized that no other character could handle that amount of awesome.

Jesus walked on water. Captain Falcon swims through land.

Final Destination is named as such merely because it was the last place Captain falcon went. When he leaves, it will be known as Former Destination.

Sonic travels at the speed of sound. Captain Falcon travels at the speed of awesome.

Captain Falcon has no final smash, as making contact with the Smash Ball obliterates any record of its existance.

It was originally the 1,000,000-Man Melee. However, it had to be scaled down when Captain Falcon annihilated nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred Wire Frames with a flick of his wrist.

Captain Falcon and Chuck Norris are not one in the same, for in fact Chuck Norris is one of Captain Falcon's offspring, the other one being Mr. T. He refers to them as Susan and Nancy respectively.

Captain Falcon has never actually Falcon Punched anyone. People simply explode out of fear after hearing the shout.

An object in motion will stay in motion, so long as Falcon allows it.

Captain Falcon's nipples are labeled Cf on the Periodic Table.

Captain Falcon enjoys using the Earth's core as a private sauna.

Captain Falcon can KO people on a fully enclosed stage.

Capt. Falcon made a giant stage with the Stage Maker. He called it "Earth".

Captain Falcon isn't addicted to cocaine, cocaine is addicted to his nipples.

Captain Falcon once beat some one to death using only a piece of wet tissue paper, for fun.

When Sakurai says that Giga Bowser doesn't flinch to any attack, he then talks about the matches that Captain Falcon isn't in.

Captain Falcon's left nipple is as hard as diamond, and his right one as hard as pearl. Mr. Satoshi stole these names for the new Pokémon games. This angered the Captain, and he traveled back in time to Falcon Punch his mother, causing her to give birth to an eccentric child.

Captain Falcon has his own movie, "1", featuring him fighting 300 Spartans. The film lasts 18 seconds.

Captain Falcon's nipples act as lightning rods. The energy is stored in his knee.

Chuck Norris can order a Big Mac at Burger King, and get one. Captain Falcon once bought a triple-whopper and a microwave at Starbucks.

During a Falcon Punch, the potential energy between his fist and your face is infinity.

The only object more visible from space than the Great Wall of China is Captain Falcon's Nipples.

The sun never sets, Captain Falcon blinks.

When Captain Falcon punches someone, they don't die, its just as if they never existed in the first place.

------------------------------------------------------------

This thread started because Captain Falcon allowed it.

Captain Falcon hits a vehicle into a Transformer.

Anything you can do, Captain Falcon can do without limbs.

Captain Falcon does not breath.

The last person to have ever said anything bad about Captain Falcon never existed.

Captain Falcon can beat any video game without the game disc, or system.

 

[inside]

Knock Knock
Who's there
Boo
Boo who?
Why are you sad?

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

I had this awesome joke about blind people but I don't want to offend them so I'm not posting it.

 

[Jammer]

Uncle Kenny, blind people can use computers. There are screen readers and Braille displays that they can use. I wouldn't be surprised if several people who are blind visit SWF.

So there goes 90% of your joke's humor.

 

[TMS]

Uncle Kenny, blind people can use computers. There are screen readers and Braille displays that they can use. I wouldn't be surprised if several people who are blind visit SWF.

So there goes 90% of your joke's humor.

You stole my line.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

Uncle Kenny, blind people can use computers. There are screen readers and Braille displays that they can use. I wouldn't be surprised if several people who are blind visit SWF.

So there goes 90% of your joke's humor.

Dammit... I've insulted the Master Joke Critic with my unfunny and dreadfully awful joke. What can I do to make my jokes funnier, dear Jammer? I mean... You're so good at this...

TELL ME!

 

[Jammer]

Wow, I've been getting a lot of sarcasm directed at me today. I must be making people angry or something. Sorry, Kenny.

You're not my uncle.

I had an Uncle Kenny, but he died. He was mentally disabled.

Unless if you're not being sarcastic, in which case I dunno how to make your jokes funnier. Just copy them from funnier websites, I guess.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

I don't copy jokes from websites. I make them up on the spot.

Maybe I should try and steal other people's jokes to make "mine" funnier...

 

[Dibs]

Uncle Kenny, blind people can use computers. There are screen readers and Braille displays that they can use. I wouldn't be surprised if several people who are blind visit SWF.

So there goes 90% of your joke's humor.

Very well constructed joke. I can tell you took time into that one.

 

[pikachun00b7]

Q: How can you tell if _____ is happy?

A: Who cares!!

 

[Lesheik]

Uncle Kenny, blind people can use computers. There are screen readers and Braille displays that they can use. I wouldn't be surprised if several people who are blind visit SWF.

So there goes 90% of your joke's humor.

LMAO! Very funny..

 

[Jammer]

Very well constructed joke. I can tell you took time into that one.

LMAO! Very funny..

Um...thanks? But I wasn't trying to be funny. I was just pointing out that blind people can, in fact, use computers. In fact, with modern technology, they can get along fairly well.

This is weird. I guess I shouldn't have admitted that it wasn't a joke, and let you guys think I'm funny. Which I am; just not that funny.

EDIT: It has come to my attention that very few, if any, blind people actually play Smash. Now I know what you guys were laughing at.

I didn't even get my own joke...

 

[Sandy]

lol I love the Captain Falcon jokes. I have one:

Captain Falcon is from Missouri. We know this because Missouri is the "Show Me Your Moves" state.

 

[estion11]

Um...thanks? But I wasn't trying to be funny. I was just pointing out that blind people can, in fact, use computers. In fact, with modern technology, they can get along fairly well.

This is weird. I guess I shouldn't have admitted that it wasn't a joke, and let you guys think I'm funny. Which I am; just not that funny.

EDIT: It has come to my attention that very few, if any, blind people actually play Smash. Now I know what you guys were laughing at.

I didn't even get my own joke...

sarcasm isnt your thing...

i have a question though what are your opinions on racist jokes...

well ill format it to my race so I can say it without getting flamed

how do you save a black man from drowning.... you take your foot off his head

I put in a sky light the tenants upstairs are furious

 

[Sandy]

My opinion? I have a color Tv so I'm not racist.

 

[Jammer]

i have a question though what are your opinions on racist jokes...

I despise racist jokes.

Some (white) friends of mine were telling black jokes. Little did they know that a 10-year-old black kid overheard. The kid was crying because he didn't understand why people would say stuff like they were saying.

I'll never forget that.

 

[fluffy]

so...

are we allowed to post black jokes here? : )

 

[Bailey]

What about Asian jokes?

 

[fluffy]

What about Asian jokes?

lol stfu