Japan Time Time goes back in time! (Weeks #16, 17 and 18)

Snot Man · Jan 3, 2008

Welcome to 2008, everyone! Or at least I hope this is the year we’re in. For if you recall, in the last episode of Japan Time Time Goes Back in Time, I made the fatal mistake of letting you drive the time machine. What could I have possibly been thinking? Hopefully, wherever we’ve landed will be close enough to the Japan Time Time Power Hour I’ve been hyping up for two weeks now! I mean, sheesh.

Oh, and to get this out of the way first, you should be seeing last week’s Japan Time Time entry sometime later this week. Apologies for the delay, which I blame entirely on holiday stress and not, say, on my being on a sunny beach drinking pina coladas with swimsuit models this very moment! Mmmmm. Refreshing. The, um, snow, I mean. Oh yes, where was I? Lost in time again, right!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/zburgertime.png" alt="This is one of the few games I know where you desperately fight off an angry sausage." />
Wait! Look what you’ve done! That’s not Japan Time Time and you know it.


<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> If you’ll recall, the last weeks had us witness our hero Enton being unfairly fired from the Japan Time Time building, and attempting to climb to the top to claim revenge, only to be sent back to the bottom by the Nerd from the First NES Zelda Commercial send him back down with his considerable magical powers. Did you write all that down? Good, because I can’t really believe I’m typing this. Oh, and, huh, looks like I already did a more detailed recap of exactly that just below. Curses! Please throw away whatever you just wrote on, and get yourself a clean sheet of paper or whatever.

Well, since Enton is back to climbing the hellish 58 stories of the inexplicable Japan Time Time skyscraper, I guess I can’t tell you about what’s going on with him. I can tell you, however, that the nerd from the first NES Zelda commercial isn’t supposed to represent me, who is still supposed to be blissfully unaware of Enton’s current predicament. Enton is, in case you were still wondering, not the same as Psyduck. Enton is German, and Psyduck has been hired in his place for some sinister purpose, building on the gag that I have an obsession with the German version of Psyduck, Enton, but people keep referring to the species of Psyduck anyway, forcing me to comically adopt a “more marketable character”. Meanwhile, the Nerd works for a mysterious shadowy figure referred to so far only as “Dr. W,” who for some reason you cannot possibly guess gave him the title of Mayor. You also cannot guess his identity because it’s not obvious. The Nerd also has a Power Glove, too.

Did you write all that down? I hope so! That will all become important later. I’m aiming for a <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main.FirstAndTenSyndrome">First and Ten Syndrome</a>, baby!

Hm. I don’t think this big wall of text qualifies for the “thingie I put before the actual reviews and may or may not be spending more time on, overall”. Lemme whip up something quick.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/samurai1vh4.png" alt="Claiming first post on the comments thread to this entry will grant you fantastic magical powers!" />

Awesome! I can’t wait to see his next adventure! Can you?

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> I’ve been doing sprite comics for a while a few years back. If you’re unfamiliar, they’re comics made with copy-pasted video game sprites so people who can’t draw well can still make a comic. There are plenty of kinds. There are those that are really crappy, because a lot of people people think the secret to comedy is copy-pasting Kirby into four frames, having him make a fart joke in Comic Sans MS and saving as JPG four or five times. Then you have those few who took way too much time making the look and jokes feel polished, either in MS Paint or Photoshop. And then you had the people who made comics from the first category, but not really. They were just making FUN of crappy comics. This thing is part of that weird last category.

WEEK #16: September 3rd to September 7th, 2007

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/gamemode/modea/modea05.html">Day 75: Entry 86: Pit’s Descent</a>
Hm. Nothing wacky to quote today.
Wait! I know!
Oh, man, now he’s really getting huge!
I hope my body can take it…

For an ever-elusive video update, this was a sort of underwhelming one. Pit watches something that happened in a different cutscene, sees Palutena, gets bow, drops into sky for ADVENTURE TIME! I’m getting the feeling that a lot of the Subspace Emissary cutscenes will be like this, especially since it seems the cutscenes will have no speech or anything, but hopefully the game will prove me wrong on that.

But wait, Pit FALLS into the sky? Is he some kind of FALLEN ANGEL?! What kind of pseudo-religious crap are you trying to pull, Nintendo? That’s it, I’m boycotting the game!

TODAY’S RATING: 2 Warp Stars out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" />

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/diddykong.html#2nd">Day 76: Entry 87: Diddy Kong: Special Moves</a>
For some reason, Diddy has a weapon made of wood. Is that jungle technology?
DK also had a coconut gun in DK64. I suspect that the Kongs are in league with the Professor.

I wonder if that’s what they meant by “whimsical fighting moves” back in his first entry. “Your gun can explode, providing potential minor healing to your enemies, and then your jetpack can fly off for no reason in the middle of your flight and blow up too”?

I wonder what his other moves are. B+Forward will trigger the Cartwheel Attack, in which Diddy performs a cartwheel, but be careful! If Diddy bumps into a wall or is just unlucky, he’ll hurt himself and become unable to use that attack for the rest of the battle! Trying to use it will just hurt him more! B+Down has him pull out a boom box to lay some phat moves, but be careful! If you get attacked while listening to music, the boom box goes BOOM, get it? And then Diddy flies off the field. Did I mention that there’s a 1 in 10 chance that, when you use it, the boombox has no CDs in it, so Diddy is forced to carry the useless heavy thing around the battlefield for the rest of the match?

TODAY’S RATING: 2 Warp Stars out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" />

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/metaknight.html">Day 77: Entry 88: Meta Knight</a>
It’s Meta Knight, whose introduction was delayed for some reason.

What’s with them and summing up my feelings so nicely? And while it’s amusing that they <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main.LampshadeHanging">hung a lampshade</a> on the unexplained confirmation of a character we’ve known about forever, I still want to know why. Were they keeping the best for the end, and they thought that Meta was just that cool? Did they just forget? I mean, they even showed us his special moves before that. Sheesh.

A contradiction? I see none, Mr. Knight. The only thing I see is this tall, dark glass of penalty!
TODAY’S RATING: 1 Warp Star out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" />

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> So I was playing Phoenix Wright: Trials and Tribulations at the time. Sue me! Also, I had never realized that I linked to TV Tropes that much. Good thing it’s the best freaking wiki out there on the Internet. I dare you to prove me wrong!

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/stages/stage11.html">Day 78: Entry 89: Pokemon Stadium 2</a>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/mario.html#2nd">Day 78: Entry 90: Mario: Special Moves</a>
Eh? Is it a normal attack?!

Oooooh, another one of those two-unrelated-updates-in-one! Maybe I need to come up with a technical term for those. Hmmmm. Eh, I’ll find something later.

Firstly, we have Pokemon Stadium 2! I liked the first Pokemon Stadium, although I never quite understood why the only thing that changed with the stage was the layout. I mean, it would only make sense for there to be some fire hazard on the fire stage or something, right? But nope, just layout changes. Here, luckily, this gets fixed, as occasionally slippy floors and strong windmills conspire to get this stage banned off the tournament scene! Hahahaha!

Also, apparently there will be guest Pokemon appearing in the background. Ooooh, I liked that in the Pokemon stage from the original game. I mean, aside from the fact that they were all inexplicably 2D and stuff. Man, that game sure was low-tech, wasn’t it?

Meanwhile, surprisingly enough, Mario of all people sports a new move! Like I said a couple of times before, I was one of the few people who liked Sunshine a lot, so it’s nice seeing F.L.U.D.D. make an appearance here! Although I’m not entirely sure how actually useful it’ll be. I’m guessing it could be good for KOing heavily-damaged or highly-handicapped enemies, but if it can’t do at least THAT… at least it looks neat! And oh, hey. No other moves for this update? I’m not really complaining, surprisingly enough, since I hadn’t even noticed last time. The rest is probably all the same old anyway, really.

TODAY’S RATING: 4 Warp Stars out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" />

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/music/music08.html">Day 79: Entry 91: My Music</a>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/music/music09.html">Day 79: Entry 92: Pokemon: Pokemon Stadium/Evolution</a>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/music/music10.html">Day 79: Entry 93: Super Smash Bros. Brawl: Main Theme</a>
Choose freely from our diverse selection of famous songs!

Hell YES! There are so many things awesome about this update that I might have to put them in bulleted list format!
<ul>
<li>Three updates in one?! Oh snap!</li>
<li>That Pokemon song is pretty neat even if the transition between the songs it’s medleying sucks!</li>
<li>MY MUSIC! So I can turn off songs I hate completely, while still basically setting things on random! It’s like those stages in Melee that had extra songs that could play randomly, only this time you have control and there’s a bunch of ‘em!</li>
<li>Look at all the song titles! It seems there will be at least four available for each world (at least for Mario and Zelda). That’s a lotta songs!</li>
<li>You have to COLLECT them? Oh, Nintendo, you shouldn’t have! (<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> FUN FACT: I loooove collecting stuff.)</li>
<li>I think this is, like, the wordiest SSB Dojo update ever.</li>
<li>This may also be the politest update ever, come to think of it. Man, those wacky Japanese. It’s like they care if our feelings get hurt when we read those things! WELL, THIS SMOKE BOMB HERE SAYS THEY OBVIOUSLY DON’T!</li>
<li>Songs from other games? Tell me more!</li>
<li>The DARK WORLD theme? Oh, YES.</li>
<li>The SSBB main theme wasn’t particularly awesome because we already heard it and it was available on the old website, as they said, but hey. Sake of completion.</li>
</ul>
Okay, I think I’m done.

TODAY’S RATING: FIVE Warp Stars out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" />
<h1>GAME!</h1>
LAST PLACE LOSER: Meta Knight! Luckily, this is pretty much the very last character we knew about already, save for Snake, who I don’t think will be covered before the game’s release. (<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> Then, two weeks later…) Aside from one or two stages, we’re pretty much assured we’ll be seeing new or at least unconfirmed returning material from now on! Yay!
1ST PLACE WINNER: My Music, definitely. I shouldn’t have to tell you why. I made a bullet point list just for that! A bullet point list!

THIS WEEK’S OVERALL RATING: 3 Warp Stars out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_04.gif" />
Another dull week that got much better at the end. I’d say more, but I’m inexplicably pooped by now. I need to write those earlier!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> ANOTHER FUN FACT: I really like he word “pooped”. Hmmm? What? You’re pretty sure that’s not the Japan Time Time Power Hour? And you’re perfectly right! No, no, you still have one JTT entry to go before we get there. Gotta keep the best for last, you know? Until then, enjoy another ordinarily-sized old dusty Japan Time Time!

Why, looks like Samurai Goroh got himself into another misadventure today! I wonder what he’s up to now?

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/samurai2uc0.png" alt="Unfortunately, it's a little-known fact that claiming First Post may also curse you with terrifyingly bad luck." />

Ha ha ha! What trouble will he be getting into next? I can’t wait to find out!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> See that right there? That’s the result of overthinking funny stuffs. Unfortunately, I didn’t do any more of those after that, so I never ended Samurai Goroh’s thrilling saga. I doubt many people found those really funny to begin with, though. I think maybe you need to be a monocle-wearing humor elitist to find them as much of a riot as I do.

WEEK #17: September 10th to September 14th, 2007

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/items/mball/mball04.html">Day 80: Entry 94: Munchlax</a>
It’s said to be the glutton of the Pokemon…

Hmmmm. Hold on. I think the site’s entry doesn’t make it obvious enough what it does, exactly. Hey, I knew I kept that comic template around for something! Give me a sec.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/munchlaxuv3.png" alt="I paid Anonymous an arm and a leg in royalties to use this comic format. I mean it literally. It's hard to type and I think I'm losing a lot of blood." />

There! Much clearer. Now, let’s take a closer look. Isn’t that thing FREAKY? I Mean, Munchlax, I’m pretty sure, has always been depicted as having its eyes closed all the time like Snorlax, but now they open. And when they do, they reveal the most terrifying thing ever. You know what they say? When you stare into the abyss, sometimes Munchlax stares back at you.

But this entry wouldn’t be complete if I didn’t ponder the deeper implications of all this. See the Enton over there?– What? What do you mean it’s not Enton? Okay, fine. –See the Psyduck? He’s pondering those things deeply. That’s his job. You see, up until now all Pokeball monsters we saw for this game (all two of them!) were third generation Pokemon. See, because Diamond and Pearl came out pretty recently, some of us were afraid that we wouldn’t be seeing any fourth gen Pokemon, denying us the chance to have a… *shudder* playable Lucario. All right, so that’s not really what I’d call chance. It’s more like what I’d call “WHY DID THAT THING HAVE A MOVIE AND WHY IS HE APPARENTLY THE NEW POKEMON POSTER BOY OR SOMETHING WHY BACK IN MY DAY THIS FRANCHISE WAS MUCH BETTER WHAT HAS IS BECOME AAAAAH”.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> My hatred from Lucario is only matched by my hatred from Petey Pirahna and the second Brawl trailer.

My issues with Lucario aside, Munchlax’s power here is rather interesting. As my brother pointed out on the day it was revealed, it’s like Munchie wants the game to be more even. Like it wants things to turn into tournament matches. In the same vein, the whole Snorlax line now works that way. From now on, Snorlax, when called upon, will roll all over the stage you’re on, flattening it into a featureless flat platform, much like Final Destination. And, in the next game, Snorlax’s new evolved form Gainnax (The Weight Gain Pokemon) will burst from the ground, making the whole stage ripple along with its enormous belly, reach out with its two stubby but massive paws, then grab all but two of the combatants and drop them unceremoniously into its massive all-consuming maw. With the power of all three combined, any player will be ready for the tournament scene! Provided you’re playing 4-stock matches or 4-minute timed matches, at least. I forget which. Maybe both.

Not an especially great update, but look at all the comedy material it provided me right here!
TODAY’S RATING: 3 eggplants out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" />

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/items/assist/assist07.html">Day 81: Entry 95: Lyn</a>
Lyn descends gallantly. She looks tough.

Hehehehe… Maybe I could do a Garfield comic starring Munchlax now… Man, that cat REALLY loves lasagna… Huh, wait. I’m in another entry now? Dang.

All right, all right! Cool, an assist trophy. And who is it? Lyn? Wait, Lyn, from the Game Boy Advance game “Fire Emblem”? Oh snap! See, I doubt that needs much explanation, but Lyn was the first real introduction American and possibly international fans got to the FE series at all, Marth and Roy in Melee notwithstanding. She only appeared in what we only know as “Fire Emblem”, originally known in Japan as “Fire Emblem: Whatever the heck number we’re at now plus whatever subtitle we chose”. She wasn’t an extremely plot-relevant character as far as I know, but she was your main character for the initial ten-or-so tutorial missions, in which the game is still &%@$ing playable because your characters don’t die for real!… Ahem.

Is this a sign that they actually care about the international market, here? Are they throwing us a bone in exchange for the right to put things like the Devil we’ve never seen before in the game? Either way, I’m not really complaining. I can only hope this means we’ll be seeing more characters from that particular game, at least. Probably not in playable form as some hope, but in SOME form would be nice.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> That part might need some clarifying, because I don’t think everyone understood what I meant there the first time around. I know Lyn was one of the three main characters of Fire Emblem GBA, but the bulk of the game is either Eliwood or Hector’s story. Thus, her inclusion struck me as a bit of an odd choice, considering that I hear the GBA Fire Emblems weren’t very popular in Japan to begin with. If you’re wondering, I loved the game but never finished it due to my hatred for permanent character deaths, which you’ll notice I bring up every time I talk about Fire Emblem!

TODAY’S RATING: 3 eggplants out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" />

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/stages/stage12.html">Day 82: Entry 96: Battleship Halberd</a>
Ooooh. It’s so dynamic!

Yes! Another element from a previous trailer, off the checklist! This time it’s the Halberd, Meta Knight’s ship, which has so far been featured, well, pretty much every-freaking-where.

I don’t think there’s much left to be said about that thing, really. It looks quite neat, and the whole stage moving in “phases” thing is rather neat. But what I especially like is that cannon/hand combo miniboss thing in the background, taken straight from Kirby Superstar’s “Meta Knight’s Revenge” segment. I think I make it no secret that I love it when the game designers take stuff from the games instead of, well, making stuff up. And this, while it wasn’t really memorable or anything, was NOT MADE UP! And I’m glad of it.

TODAY’S RATING: 3 eggplants out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" />

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/gamemode/various/various04.html">Day 83: Entry 97: Special Brawl</a>
Please try out a variety of different Brawl settings.

Jeez, will they cut it out with the “please”s? I know I said the pretty literal translations of japanesisms amused me, but this is just getting weird. You may not feel it because you don’t have to reread all those, but at this point it’s like they’re begging us to like the game. I’m beginning to fear writing angry reviews of bad entries, because sheesh. I’m getting the feeling that if they read those, they’d go “Please feel free to enjoy the Smash Bros. Dojo as you like. We don’t have much content to show you daily, so please understand…we…just wanted to make you happy…we made you a cake…please forgive us…it’s not you…it’s us…” and then they’d start crying and it would be really awkward. They also wouldn’t put any spacing after their ellipses, either. Sheesh.

Oh, right, entry. Well, now, this is pretty neat! I mean, I don’t know about you, but the time I spent playing the likes of Giant Melee or Stamina matches was much shorter than I’d have guessed at first when Melee information started pouring in. Maybe this is what we needed to actually play those more often! And it could help for, say, “custom” adventure modes of sorts. It would only be better if you could choose not to affect everyone with those changes, though. A player-controlled boss fight like that could be pretty cool, for instance.

Also, clear body? Hmmm. Is the cloaking device going to come back, or is this something NEW? Hmmm. Hmmm. Hmmm!

TODAY’S RATING: 3 eggplants out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" />

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/iceclimbers.html">Day 84: Entry 98: Ice Climbers</a>
And the two of them get along great! …I think.

Look here! It’s… the ones not many really wanted to return by any stretch of the imagination, as far as I know! Woo.

Seriously, they had better be more playable this time around, because their stint as experimental characters sort of sucked in Melee. I bet some enjoyed playing as them, as their ability to hold two items at once was certainly neat, but otherwise they lacked… punch.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> The only great thing about the Ice Climbers is the beam sword dual-wielding.

All we know from those screenshots is that they can freeze enemies again. So, hopefully they got revamped for the better… But eh, why do I care? It’s not like their game was particularly good anyway.

They do look sort of cute this time around, though. Their… huh… their coats look very fluffy.

TODAY’S RATING: 2 eggplants out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" />
<h1>GAME!</h1>
LAST PLACE LOSER: The Ice Climbers, despite being probably intended as one of those Awesome Friday Updates, but they seem to have severely overestimated Popo and Nana’s popularity! At least… in AMERICA. Maybe in Japan they’re better-liked. Maybe in Japan… um… I prefer not to continue with that train of thought. Please understand my feelings on this.
1ST PLACE WINNER: No clear winner this week, I’m afraid. If I’m held at gunpoint, though, I’d guess Lyn will take the cake. Her appearance was pleasantly random, even though I don’t really think anyone declared this the best update ever.

Another one of those really dull weeks. Some fun tidbits, but none of the updates particularly stand out or bring much fun new material. Shame, that! But eh, I don’t really like eggplants.
THIS WEEK’S OVERALL RATING: 3 eggplants out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_14.gif" />

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> And that’s two down! Hey, wait… Does that mean… YES! Wait for it… Wait for it… Okay, now you can check the next page!

LIVE, from Floor 59 of the Japan Time Time office skyscraper, inside the office/final boss lair of Mayor Nerd from the First American NES Zelda Commercial…

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> This is actually a rerun of something that was done live.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
So, Psyduck, I bet you’re wondering why I called you to my office.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
Psyduck?

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
I would’ve had a similar reaction if I were you. Only, I think I would have said “Enton”.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
Psyduck.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
You see, Psyduck, times are changing. People don’t really connect with you anymore. They don’t understand why you’ve got a constant headache, and why you have to be a duck, of all things. To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t really get it either.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
Psyduck?

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
And, you’re not really an important Nintendo character, either. You’re a bit player. I think you may agree with our PR department that it’s lame when they put Poliwhirls in Chef Boyardee Pokemon mixes or make stickers of Lucario for you to put on your skateboards or whatever.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
…Psyduck.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
All right, all right. I’m getting to it. It pains me to say this, but you’re fired, Psyduck.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
PSYDUCK?!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
I’m truly sorry. We’re replacing you with a more marketable character. Meet Munchlax.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/munchlaxsur9.png" />
I GOTS MUNCHIES!!1

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
…

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
Now that this is settled… A certain irate former employee of mine insists on being a thorn by my side, possibly as a result of the way I treated him as he was fired. As such, we’re giving you a better treatment before you go. Look! We’ve taken the liberty of getting all the stuff in your office boxed and just ready to carry down the stairs! I suggest getting on that fast before Munchlax goes all “om nom nom”. Hahaha!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
…Duck?

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
…Hold on a second. I’m fairly sure your personal possessions didn’t include a life-sized statue of Enton. …WAIT! GASP! COULD IT BE…?!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
ENTON!

Tossing aside his disguise, Enton appears! A new hot-blooded challenger has entered the office, looking for answers and revenge! Who will survive?!

WEEK #18: September 17th to 21st, 2007

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/items/item10.html">Day 85: Entry 99: Golden Hammer</a>
This hammer drops with fearsome force!

Hmmm…

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> You are about to witness another historical moment. Remember, in my regular updates, when I said this wouldn’t be the first time I did a GaoGaiGar imagespam joke? This is what originated it.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/donkeykong_070712b.jpg" alt="GAGAGA" />
Golden Hammer! Operation…
 

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/donkeykong_070712d.jpg" alt="GAGAGA" />
APPROVED!
 

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/zelda_070625c.jpg" alt="GAOGAIGAR" />
Roger!
 

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/zelda_070625b.jpg" alt="GAGAGA" />
Golden Hammer! Safety device… RELEASE!
 

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/pokemon_trainer_070813h.jpg" alt="GAGAGAGA" />
SYSTEM CHANGE!
 

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/item10_070917b.jpg" alt="GAOGAIGAR" />
HAMMER CONNECT!
 

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/item10_070917c.jpg" alt="Final fusion shooooonin da!" />
HAMMER HELL!
 

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/item10_070917e.jpg" alt="Something something na gattai da! SOMETHING! SOMETHING!" />
HAMMER HEAVEN!
 

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/item10_070917g-l.jpg" alt="HIKARI NI NAAAAAAREEEEEE!" />
BECOME WARIOOOOOOOOO!

…Hm? Oh, sorry. I was daydreaming.

Oh yes, the hammer. Go, unnecessary upgrade! Since this just put me in a Super Robot mood, however, I won’t complain about this. After all, did anyone complain when GaoFaiGar was replaced by Genesic GaoGaiGar in order to even a fight that would seem hopeless from the start to one without courage? Did anyone complain when Mazinger Z was suddenly easily defeated and its pilot was shipped to America for no particular reason so it could be replaced by Great Mazinger and sell new toys? Did anyone complain when Kira Yamato almost died and came back with a new Gundam so ludicrously overpowered that people hesitate to call the Cosmic Era a Real Robot setting anymore?… Don’t answer that.

Now, let’s see. What can it do, now? Allow you to fly? I want to know what the rationalization is behind that. I don’t want it explained in scientific terms. I just want some kind of explanation that would make sense to a six year old. I just can’t picture telling a kid that “This hammer is made out of gold and so strong that it lets you float!” Or maybe… Wait, didn’t Thor fly thanks to his hammer? I think he did. I never followed comics or Norse mythology very closely, but let’s say, for the sake of argument, that he did. So, is that thing here, on an important-looking pedestal, actually Mjolnir? Did Peach unwittingly prove herself chosen to become the new Norse God of Thunder? Do we really want to picture Peach with a long, thick beard?

Aw, too late.

TODAY’S RATING: 3 FOXes out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" />

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
ENTON!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
Well, well. This is certainly an unexpected turn of events. This gives me an idea. Psyduck, would you like your old job back?

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
Psyyyy?

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
Then DESTROY HIM!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
Psy? …

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
… …

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
… *slap*

A fierce hot-blooded battle has begun! Two strong contenders fight to settle their old grudge! It’s everything or nothing for those two…!

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/gamemode/wi-fi/wi-fi01.html">Day 86: Entry 100: Wi-Fi Play</a>
This game supports Nintendo Wi-Fi Connection.

I think we can all agree that this entry here, entry #100, perhaps not coincidentally, is easily one of the best entries so far. Why?

Because it confirms that Mr. Sandbag will be in the game!

Also, because whether or not the game would have WiFi was probably what people waiting for the game wanted to know the most badly, right after “can we play as Sonic?”. Now, a quick scan of GameFAQs revealed some overreaction to this, unpredictably enough. Of the negative kind, of course! You see, some people read the update differently than we did. Basically, where we read this…

“But because this form of communication is greatly affected by the distance between you and your opponent, your brawls may not run smoothly if you’re really far apart—like, for instance, if you’re connecting between Japan and America.”

…they read this…

“But because our online support is terribly lackluster, your brawls will almost never run smoothly at all– like, for instance, if you’re connecting between two different houses.”

And so on. Here, I’ll divide things between US and THEM to make things easier!

US: Wii friends who have registered one another’s names can play together freely.
THEM: You’ll have to register those extremely long friendscodes all over again! We’ve made them eight times longer, too, just to make you suffer.

US: And even send short messages during brawls!
THEM: And even use crappy generic internet shorthand during battles! That’s right, there will be no voice chat or anything, because what we just said here is the only way to communicate at all!

US: If you think of your opponent as a simple scarecrow, any psychological barriers may melt away.
THEM: If you think of your opponent as a simple scarecrow, any psychological barriers may melt away. This is exactly as insane as it sounds.

US: Your opponent will not know your name or any information about you, and neither of you can send short messages. There will also be no battle records kept for this mode, so whether you win or lose, it doesn’t matter. Just sit back and play.
THEM: Now you’ll never increase your e-peen size by being good at a video game (or cheating a lot). There will be no leaderboards or anything, so you will never get any fun from this game anymore, since you cannot prove yourself the very best to a bunch of strangers.

US: We’re planning a number of services that make use of Wi-Fi, but we’ll reveal them gradually with the other modes. Enjoy.
THEM: That’s it. That’s the entirety of Wi-Fi features for this game. **** you!

Luckily, we know how to read! Hahaha! But of course, I’m not gonna go and say Nintendo’s online support is the best thing ever, because that wouldn’t be true. Still, it’s rather amusing seeing how badly some people jumped the gun after seeing a feature they wanted so badly being confirmed, only to start complaining because it’s not exactly as awesome as X-Box Live or their skateboard or whatever.

I, for one, look forward to playing with my friends online as well as against random people who have NO REASON WHATSOEVER to disconnect in the middle of fights because they’re losing. They’ll still do it, I’m sure, but at least then they won’t have a crappy reason for doing it. They’ll have no reason.

TODAY’S RATING: FIVE FOXes out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" />

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
*slap*

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
–Enton!!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
…

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
…

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
Oh, now you’ve gone and slapped his goggles off! Who am I supposed to root for, then? WHO? …Eh, all right, then. Whoever performs a Fatality on the other gets rehired.

ENTON VS PSYDUCK
HEAVEN OR HELL
LET’S ROCK!
[There used to be a video here, but YouTube took it down. –Ed.]
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
…Neither of you is taking this fight seriously at all, are you? Where is the murderous intent?! I promised you riches and power, and this is all the entertainment you’ll give me?

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" />
Psyduck!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
Enton!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
What’s this?! As a symbolic gesture, Psyduck handed Enton his goggles back?! Man, it really sucks being the only one here who speaks proper English. I have to narrate everything.

Moved by the tears in each other’s fists, two former rivals realize their companionship! This newfound bond can break down the walls of aggression! But is it enough to stand up to infinite power…?!

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/gamemode/modea/modea06.html">Day 87: Entry 101: The Enemies from Subspace</a>
It’s HUGE!
I hope my body can take it…

You know, I’ve downloaded Super Mario Bros. 2 on the Virtual Console recently for some reason, and it hit me. Aren’t Shy Guys the REAL enemies from Subspace? Hmmm. Maybe that’s what they’ve been hiding behind their masks the whole time. Or maybe that’s what you get when Wart turns Heartless. Either way, lucky you! I’ve taken the time to put together a short guide on how to deal with those tough foes, since apparently these will be some of the most powerful ones.

ROADER
This enemy looks like a motorized unicycle. These guys ride around in groups, and are both fast and powerful.
My advice: Run over them with your car.

POPPANT
Their bucket trousers are filled with presents and candy. If you approach these cowards, they’ll flee.
My advice: Run after them, grab them using whatever means available, then start punching them until candy comes out. This is probably exactly what you’ll have to do, actually.

BYTAN
Leave these enemies be and they’ll multiply in a flash. Destroy them before they get to be too much trouble!
My advice: Throw them and let the Pokemon that pop out fight by your side.

TROWLON
This creature will use its trowel-like arms to lift characters up and fly off with them.
My advice: Start eating a lot so you’re too heavy to lift easily.

SHAYDAS
This unpleasant, fog-like enemy has a weak spot at the core of its chest!
My advice: Try to subtly tell the Shaydas how unpleasant (and fog-like) it is. If this fails, start being sarcastic, then gradually more and more blunt. Eventually, it may leave in shame.

AUROROS
This bird dives from above, piercing the ground. You can pull out any Auroros that sticks itself into the ground.
My advice: Don’t pull them out of the freaking ground.

GREAP
It’s HUGE! It attacks by swinging two sickles down upon you. Its red head is its weak spot.
My advice: Tell it how much you like red heads. It will then tell you it doesn’t swing that way. Point at the sickles and ask it what it’s doing, then. The Greap will then get confused, giving you the chance to escape.

The R.O.B. Squad
The escort the Ancient Minister brings with him is a R.O.B squad?! There are some that fire beams and others that fire missiles.
My advice: I think you’re sort of screwed here.

I think by now my feelings on SSBB originals are no secret, but I liked this one anyway. They got pretty creative here, giving people some unexpected challenges with those new enemies. But hopefully there’ll be at least a few game-specific enemies thrown in, besides those Bullet Bills and Hammer Bro we saw in the first real Subspace Emissary update.

TODAY’S RATING: 3 FOXes out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" />

COMMERCIAL TIME!
ROH ROH FIGHT DA POWAH!
<object height="355" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/XJgspIUM8X0&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/XJgspIUM8X0&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="355" width="425"></embed></object>

AND BACK TO OUR SHOW!
ROH ROH FIGHT DA POWAH!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
Psyduck! / Enton!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
Those moves… could it be… the fusion dance? What are you playing at?

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/psyduckswc3.png" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
EEEEEEN– –DUUUUCK HA!

ENTON! PSYDUCK! DNA DIGIVOLVE TO…
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/goduckjf3.png" />
Goduck!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
…Goduck? Goduck? HA HA HA HA! All right, if we’re going to play that game… If you two are serious about taking me down, the Nerd from the First American NES Zelda Commercial, the Mayor of the City, the Final Boss of the Building, I accept your challenge! Witness! My true form! POWER GLOVE! TIME TO PLAY WITH POWER!

NERD WITH A LONG NAME! DARK DIGIVOLVE TO…
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/powergloveck8.png" alt="Captain S is totally screwed." />
Everything else… is child’s play.
 
…Someone vaguely cooler-looking.
Both sides have upped the ante! Two hearts merge as one into the ultimate evolution form, Goduck! The enemy reveals its true face, holder of the true ultimate power of a god!

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/items/mball/mball05.html">Day 88: Entry 102: Piplup</a>
It’s quite charming, so I’m sure there were quite a few people who chose it.
That’s right! Anyone with an ounce of taste chose Piplup!

NITPICK: It’s Professor Rowan, not Rowen! Sheesh. I should be the Nintendo employee translating those updates. I don’t care that I don’t know Japanese! I can just make stuff up! Like under that screenshot where it seems that massive amounts of water are flowing from underneath Peach’s dress and Piplup is following her, I’d say… um… well, gee… …never mind.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> You can keep your job, Nate. Especially since the error has been corrected ever since!

Now, lessee. I won’t question why they gave a HM move to a Pokemon you usually evolve before getting said HM. Squirtle has Waterfall, too. What’s up with that?! Am I the only one who notices those things? GOD!

But yes, see, what I’m wondering here is what, exactly, Piplup has to gain from doing this. I understand from animal documentaries and video games that penguins enjoy the heck out of sliding on their bellies for no particular reason, but would they even do it knowing they’re going to plummet to their doom? What, exactly, is wrong with Piplup? Has it never realized that in front of it lied an endless abyss? Or was it too consumed with the urge to kill that it stopped being concerned about its own safety, opting instead to take any and all who stand in its way down with it? It’s too late now, though. The world will never know what, exactly, animated Piplup to commit those heinous acts on that fateful day.

TODAY’S RATING: 2 FOXes out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" />

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/powergloveskt5.png" />
So, now you’re probably wondering… How did it all come down to this? Why did I, a character from an old NES game commercial, get ahold of the almighty Power Glove, an artifact with the power to create or destroy at whim, and set up an elaborate conspiracy plot to get Pokemon hired and fired from the inexplicably massive employee base of some geek’s amateur humor/review column?

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/goduckjf3.png" />
Goduck.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/powergloveskt5.png" />
You see, this all boils down to one simple fact. One simple thing that made all of this possible. One thing that twisted my soul into the deepest depths of darkness. Yes, one thing. I… HATE the Smash Bros. Dojo!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/goduckjf3.png" />
Goduck?!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/powergloveskt5.png" />
Ever since I laid my hands on Super Smash Bros. Melee, I’ve been waiting for a sequel. What could, after all, top the perfect game? Eagerly, I put my faith and patience into Nintendo, knowing that they could somehow perform this herculean task. However… As former employees of this establishment, it should be no secret to you that this game was created with the SOLE PURPOSE of torturing, mentally and physically, dutiful nerds such as I.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/goduckjf3.png" />
Goduck…

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/powergloveskt5.png" />
It took me a long time to realize this, but now I know the truth. There is no Super Smash Bros. Brawl! There is no Smash Bros. Dojo! THERE IS NO JAPAN TIME! This is all just an excuse to give us boring update after boring update after boring update! At 3 AM! This is what I set out to destroy. We’re not too different, you and I. You enjoy truth and justice, while I seek to purge the world free from Masahiro Sakurai’s dark influence! Nothing will stop me from making Japan Time more interesting! Nothing!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/goduckjf3.png" />
Goduck?

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/powergloveskt5.png" />
Utter nonsense! It’s obvious to anyone with the power. SSBB will never actually be released! This is all a trap to ensnare humanity into despair! Japan Time was made to breed hopelessness! It’s all smoke balls, gooey bombs, gameplay basics and special moves of characters we already knew! None of these updates will ever be good!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/questionmarklg1.png" />
I disagree.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/powergloveskt5.png" />
…Y-you!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/entry_banner.jpg" alt="I hope that, in Brawl, a cool robot voice will say this whenever a new character appears." />

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/snakeuo3.png" />
It’s showtime!

Revealing himself from underneath one of the boxes mentioned much earlier, Solid Snake appears! Now that the dark motivations have been exposed, nothing stops our heroes from going all-out on their common adversary!!

<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2946083/1/">Day 89: Entry 103: Jake Snake</a>
<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2946083/1/">Day 89: Entry 104: Metal Gear Solid: Fight of Metal Gears (Smash Bros. Brawl Version)</a>
<a href="http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2946083/1/">Day 89: Entry 105: Jake Snake: Bullets and Rockets and Lasers</a>
I have lasers too

Well, um. Honestly, I can’t say I was expecting this at all. The character has an… unusual name, I guess. As for the theme song, I’ll be blunt. It sounded like it was composed by someone who may very well have had their age only recently reach the double digits. Now, his special moves… He can handle wepons, use a parashoot and camoflosh, whatever those are, drive a plane, light bodies on fire for some reason, fire a rocket gun, restore his stamina by smoking, crawl very fast and quiet, and shoot “Something Special”. Honestly… isn’t that going to imbalance gameplay?

And hey, NITPICK: Weren’t the children born of the Les Enfants Terribles project all sterile anyway? Or maybe Snake adopted someone. But then, they wouldn’t have supersoldier genes, would they? Maybe he underwent gene therapy or something… But would Snake ever go along with that? I think the entry should have expanded on that a little, because I’m seriously wondering.

…erm, wait. Hold on… Scratch all that.

<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/snake.html">Day 89: Entry 103: Snake</a>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/music/music11.html">Day 89: Entry 104: Metal Gear Solid: MGS4 Love Theme (Smash Bros. Brawl Version)</a>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/snake.html#2nd">Day 89: Entry 105: Snake: Special Moves</a>
This law-breaking news roared around the world.

And now, for the character who caused legions of fans’ monocles to pop all at once over a year ago! This disproves my theory that Snake is going to be a secret character and that the blog won’t update on said secret characters, but I couldn’t really care less! I, for one, welcome the potential new influx of Metal Gear-related material on the blog. Of course, this update probably sees most of what we’ll be seeing in that regard, but at least we’re sure there’s still the Final Smash and MGS stage left updating about. (It’s most probably on Shadow Moses Island, if you pay attention to the second trailer!… I hate how I keep referencing that thing yet hate it so much.) Also, wow. Seeing Snake holding Ike like that really shows the contrast between his animeish style and Snake’s realistic depiction. It’s KH2’s Port Royal all over again!

Now, the song update was pretty nice, even if I don’t think I’ve heard that song before. It helps that it’s from a game that’s not even out yet, of course. It’s rather ballsy of them, in a way, to reference material from a game that Otacon was quoted as saying would be the key to winning the console war. It saddens me a bit that this isn’t the MGS main theme, which I really love and would’ve liked to hear remixed here for Smash, but hey, thanks to My Music, maybe we’ll still be having it! And oh, hey. The post confirms that there’ll be a MGS stage, just in case someone was still wondering.

Now, taking a look at his special moves, wow. They were right! He DOES use a lot of explosives! Even in his smash attacks! Too bad they all look more or less slow to pull out and use, unless Snake is very quick at using those things. Then, you have his Nikita missiles, which are pretty much as expected, meaning more or less exactly like PK Thunder. Could it be… Snake is taking Ness’ playable character slot? Well, that would make sense! Thankfully, he apparently can cancel out that thing. Wonder if the missile blows up immediately or just starts flying in the direction you sent it in, though. If so, that could make for some interesting strategies. Now, the hand grenade… Hopefully, it’s not quite as literal as they say, and pressing B will not only pull the pin but also pull the grenade out in the process. I mean, it’d be really awkward if you had to press the button three times total, to pull the grenade out, pull the pin, then throw it. Or, alternatively, you press it twice, but the problem is, the first time pulls the pin out, the second time throws it, and since you have no grenade to begin with, you throw the pin. That would sort of suck. As for his up+B, now… that IS pretty amusing, even if it makes no sense any way you look at it! But then, this is Smash.

I’m surprised that there have been no references to him SNEAKING onto the Nintendo all-star roster, by the way. But I’m sure the unlock message will fix this if he’s a secret character. Also, bringing up a point I forgot above: Isn’t it weird that he’s apparently just named Snake? We know who he is, but still, it’s like they don’t want us to tell Solid from Liquid, Solidus, Naked or Jake.

TODAY’S RATING: FIVE FOXes out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" />
(This isn’t actually the FOXHOUND insigna, oddly enough. That’s the insigna of FOX, the group Naked Snake/Big Boss worked for before forming FOXHOUND. That’s right! Snake is for some reason represented by the logo of a group he was technically never part of!)

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/snakeuo3.png" />
Did you really think Enton would be crazy enough to climb back up through the whole building a second time? No. I helped him sneak in.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/goduckjf3.png" />
Goduck!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/powergloveskt5.png" />
Grrr… You may have proven me wrong on one thing, but frankly, does it matter anymore? Good, bad, I’m the guy with the Power Glove! With it, I can <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main.InformedAbility">rewrite history, reshape humanity in my image or destroy reality as we know it</a>!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/snakeuo3.png" />
Your words are as empty as your soul.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/goduckjf3.png" />
Goduck duck! Duck go duck!

An epic battle ensues, as fierce wills collide for the first time! …Eeeeeh, no break?!
<h1 align="center">DRAMATIZATION</h1>
<object height="355" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/WPFV11FAxYU&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/WPFV11FAxYU&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="355" width="425"></embed></object>
<h1 align="center">DRAMATIZATION</h1>
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/powergloveskt5.png" />
Nnnngh… You fight well… But you’re weakened too. Could you even land the finishing blow?!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/goduckjf3.png" />
Duck… Duck…

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/snakeuo3.png" />
Nnngh, I think… I’ve got just the thing here… Catch!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/gooey1ls1.png" alt="The Gooey Bomb glows SO MUCH that it completely hides the background." />

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/gooey4ve3.png" />
What?! No, not the… NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/carexplosioneq4.png" alt="Undignified way to go, huh?" />
NOOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THE GOOEY BOMB!
 
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/gaijingooddm5.png" alt="Anonymous will do unspeakable things to your blog if you use this image without asking. ...oh, crap..." />

<h1>GAME!</h1>
1ST PLACE WINNER: Solid Snake and Wi-Fi Play are more or less tied in the awesomeness department, and while Snake here finished off this very special episode’s villain, I’ve gotta hand the trophy to Wi-Fi play for being such Big News. Don’t worry, Snake! We still love you!
LAST PLACE LOSER: Piplup was pretty much the least substantial or fun update this week, but it wasn’t a terrible entry. If anything, maybe the Nerd with the Power Glove was the real loser! Hahaha!

For a week with two five-pointers, it got a sort of average total score, but luckily, I rounded that number up! The fact that the week’s entries contained a lot of either awesome or comedy material was pretty cool, too. I mean, it’s like they KNEW I’d be making an arbitrary hour-long special out of those! My only regret is that it wasn’t Munchlax there instead of Piplup. Maybe I should’ve made fun of lolcats in his entry too…
THIS WEEK’S OVERALL RATING: 4 FOXes out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/world_w_17.gif" />

*beedlybeep beedlybeep*

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/otacontf6.png" />
Well, Snake, looks like you saved the day again.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/snakeuo3.png" />
Oh, don’t thank me. I couldn’t have done it without the help of those two Psyducks.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/otacontf6.png" />
Technically, a Psyduck and an Enton are different things.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/snakeuo3.png" />
Yeah, right. –Hold on.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/darkszx2.png" />
This isn’t quite over yet!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/goduckjf3.png" />
Duck!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/drwilybp5.png" />
That’s right! It’s me, Dr. Wily! I was puppeteering this whole mess from the start! And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it hadn’t been of those meddling Pokemon and their genetically engineered superspy!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/snakeuo3.png" />
This… isn’t quite what I expected.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/goduckjf3.png" />
Duck…

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/drwilybp5.png" />
I’ve created the Power Glove, given it to this nerd for purposes of mayhem and destruction, and declared him Mayor Man in the process! But you ruined it! YOU RUINED IT! That’s it, I’m pressing the button! If I press the big, red, candy-like button on this detonator, this building will explode with you in it! HAHAHA! You know I’m crazy enough to do it!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/munchlaxsur9.png" />
i liek items!!!!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/drwilybp5.png" />
What the… LET GO OF THAT THING!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/munchlaxsur9.png" />
om nom nom nom

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/drwilybp5.png" />
No… NOOOOO! I’LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, JAPAN TIME TIME! NEXT TIIIIIIIME!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/snakeuo3.png" />
Oh, that crazy Munchlax. Hahahaha!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/goduckjf3.png" />
Gohohohoho!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/otacontf6.png" />
Hahahaha!

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/munchlaxsur9.png" />
nyoro~n

CUE EPIC CREDITS SEQUENCE.

<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> Aaaaaaand that’s the end of the Japan Time Time Power Hour! Did it take an hour to read? Because it took me an hour to edit! I’d give an actual credits reel and a long list of thanks, but they’d probably consist of my name being repeated over and over and over and over.

Wow, could it be possible that we’ve made the trip back home without any further incidents? Then I guess this officially concludes this saga! Man, what a boring ending. And I’m so pooped, too! Heeheehee! I said pooped. Tune in later this week for a return to your regular programming, and tune in in exactly seven days as we dig up old stuff again and hope it’s not some sort of deadly cursed mummy! Until then, don’t die, Smash fans!

Garuda · Jan 3, 2008

lol... That was quite something.

Cyberlink420 · Jan 3, 2008

Epic win right there, but I think that I know of one wiki that successfully tops TVTropes...

Ladies and Gentlemen...Teletraan-I

Snot Man · Jan 3, 2008

Oh hey, I didn't think of that one. Teletraan-1 has my seal of approval too, even if I've never been a big Transformers fan to begin with. If anything, it made me one!

geemann2236 · Jan 3, 2008

Ummm.... duck...

The Inker · Jan 4, 2008

Why is everyone always bashing the Ice Climbers? They're one of my best Melee characters (right behind Falcon and Mario)! They don't suck!

Joshua368 · Jan 4, 2008

I've been reading and enjoying these, but sometimes you just go on and on about something that really annoys me. This is the second time you've bashed the Ice Climbers, who I find (Nana's CPU idiocity aside) to be one of the most well ballanced and designed characters in the game. Even on a pre-pro level, I can do crazy combos and attacks with them, and the two-people-attacking-together gimmick works wonderfully.

So just for the record, once Brawl comes out, I'm gonna have to take your name and show you what the Ice Climbers can really do. :lick:

Snot Man · Jan 4, 2008

I don't really hate the Ice Climbers or anything (they're actually some of my favorites when I want to do a random Adventure Mode run just for kicks or something), but there's just something undescribable about them that leaves me unimpressed, even if I've seen some videos of them doing some pretty insane things. I dunno, I think it's just that I don't like them much as characters. Kind of like, say, Roy, who I haven't gotten to rant about yet for obvious reasons.

I'm ready to accept all challenges, but know that I'm a casual player 'till the end. Heck, maybe I should do that for everyone when the game is released. If you read something in JTT that you don't like, you'll be able to kick my butt about it when the time comes! :chuckle:

...If Lucario is playable, my win/loss record is REALLY going to suffer.

Shiny Ivysaur · Jan 5, 2008

God I hope not.

And not for your sake either!
nyoru~n

Japan Time Time goes back in time! (Weeks #16, 17 and 18)

Snot Man

Smash Cadet

Garuda

Smash Ace

Cyberlink420

Smash Ace

Snot Man

Smash Cadet

geemann2236

Smash Journeyman

The Inker

Smash Rookie

Joshua368

Smash Apprentice

Snot Man

Smash Cadet

Shiny Ivysaur

Smash Journeyman

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