I have begun preparations already for this momentous occasion. It is not often a new entry in the Smash Bros. series is released.
My grandma that hails from Tibet already has our ceremonial mountain lamb skinned; it is currently being marinated in a vat of various Tibetan spices and herbs. It has been so for the past month. Tomorrow, Monday, she will begin slow cooking the animal on a spit. It will take two men to spear the animal on the spit, but my grandma will tend to it over the course of the week. A 20 degree rotation is necessary every 40 minutes for our lamb to be blessed by the good Tibetan spirits. If we fail at this, the lamb must be taken apart at every limb and buried in the four cardinal directions, with the body in the center to represent the unity of the Earth. To please the spirits, we must then fast for 2 weeks, all we would be allowed to eat is, as our holy book states, "the crumbs of the ants and the drink of fleas." However my grandma has tended to several mountain lamb spit roasts before and therefore we have faith in her.
The women of my tribe have been sewing and making various spiritual items for the day. One item is a mighty horn, which will be blown by the seven elders of our tribe in turn at every sunrise. It is then that we bow and pray towards the East, for this is where Smash Bros. was created. The quilts the women have made are adorned upon our simple adobe buildings and feature primal drawings of the characters of Smash Bros. Our Zero Suit Samus quilt is an object of adoration, for instance, as it is seen as the physical manifestation of the spirit of child bearing and femininity. On the contrary, the falcon carved out of moose bone is a symbol of fertility and strength.
Our children are not left to idle around, either. They have went into the Tibetan wilderness for the past three months to gather berries. We are in need and of 400 berries of each variety that is native to our hallowed lands. Once gathered and dried, they are crushed into a fine powder and mixed with yak's bile to form a paste. This paste is then frozen and then thawed, let to sit in the rays of a 6 o'clock sun for a total of 10 days (they do not have to be consecutive) and then left to sit in great vats for use on the day of Smash Bros.'s arrival.
The men, of course, have been in preparation by constructing the statue to our Great Spirit Sahkoorhye. It is created in His image, or at the least His physical manifestation in this realm. Sculpted out of a mix of dinosaur bones and pure diamond, it is nearly 10 meters in height and the base forms an area of 50 square meters. It is a wonder of the world, actually.
Anyway, on the day of the occasion, we are prescribed to go to sleep with our eyes open for the duration of the night. Upon waking, we gather in the center of the villager and march towards the statue of Great Spirit Sahoorhye. We pray for six long hours. At the point of the day when the sun is at its zenith, we all spread out on the ground and look directly at the sun at intervals of 14 seconds, with pauses inbetween of 5 minutes. If the day is overcast, we use incandescent lightbulbs fitted to ornamental, yet chic lamps. At sunset the feast begins. Grandpa will chant our holy words and remove the lamb from the spit, and a great feast will commence.
Anyway then we all head to Gamestop, some of us acutally preloaded the game already and head back to play it all night. It's pretty sweet.
