Just read the prologue, and I'm about to read the next chapter.
Great intro in my opinion. It does exactly what a prologue is meant to do, get the reader hooked on the story and wanting to read more (which I will now do). It has a fair amount of detail, with the cliched but always effective "atmospheric thunderstorm."
A bit off topic, but a never got why they changed Robotnick's name to Eggman. It's just dumb and cheesy in my opinion.
EDIT: And now I've just read the second half. Genious. That's exactly how robotnick's childhood would have been. He's a naturally brilliant boy, and he has a natural ego to go with it. But of course, a teenager would just see him as a stuck up fatboy. So his pride is turning to rage as he becomes more and more miserable about his life, but the one thing he can seek haven in is his inventions.
Pretty soon he'll realize that he can do much more with his inventions than just "tinker," and he'll try to fill the void that he's created in himself by building larger and more advanced machines. And as people begin to ridicule him more and more as he ages, he'll grow more and more jealous of Bobby, who personifies how Robotnick thinks his life should be.
One day someone (maybe Bobby), will do something that angers him more than ever (maybe by kissing a girl he's had a crush on for a long time, right before Robotnick was about to admit his feelings). So Ivo will exact his revenge the only was he knows how, by inventing a machine. And being the genious that he is, Robotnick's machine will work. Work a bit too well. Bobby will die, and Robotnick will take the blame.
Driven mad by the concept of what he has done, Ivo watches as the few people he trust become his enemy. Now the only thing he knows are the creations he has built, and Robotnick anger grows and people become more angry at him. Once they try to arrest him for what he has done, Robotnick flees with his beloved machines, deciding that he is too great to rot in prison. He has done things no other man could have accomplished. He decides that anything he wants should be his for the taking, and the mad genious we know and love today is born.
Well, anyway, thats how I always thought his childhood would be like (minus Bobby of course). I'm sure I'll like your version a lot better though, since you seem like a natural writer.
Which brings me to your writing style, which is spot on. You have enough detail to help create the world of Ivo Robotnick and bring it to life, but not too much that it bogs down the overall story.
For critique, your fight scene was just a tad wishy washy, which you pointed out yourself. Maybe you should have had more comments about facial expressions of the "combatants," or things some of the onlookers (or fighters) said during the brawl. It's fine to say what "attacks" (for lack of a better word) are happening, but adding an emotional level would make the fight much more meaningful.
Keep up the insanely good work!
