Honestly, I'm not really sure what's up. I read stuff like that occasionally, but when I check it always loads for me within a few seconds, and there are almost always at least 40-50 other people online. So they're obviously not having those problems.
Here's my standard advice: try another browser (what browser are you using now?). Try another computer. Download the latest Flash Player. Make sure firewalls aren't blocking the connection (but if you're getting the "connected" message, it's probably not a firewall). If you're running FlashBlock in Firefox, make sure it's disabled. (Someone said that they actually had to disable FlashBlock to get the Friend Finder to work--simply adding an exception didn't do the trick for them. I don't have FlashBlock installed, so I can neither confirm nor deny.) If any of that works, let me know.
Otherwise I can try to watch behind the scenes while you guys try to connect, and I'll see if that clears anything up.