AceMoney
Smash Apprentice
****, well I kind of fell off with that and don't know how I'm gonna' continue the story while being this busy. Anyways, I'll try my best. Oh, and sorry for the cheesy anime-style monologuing. I got carried away.
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Faith(Rated T/M?)
- Thread starter AceMoney
- Start date
AceMoney
Smash Apprentice
Moved!!
Sorry...moved this to later in the story.
Sorry...moved this to later in the story.
Jazzy Jinx
♥♪!?
Short but interesting none-the-less. Not much to criticize here except that it was short. Keep up the good work.
AceMoney
Smash Apprentice
Yeah. well comments don't bother me too much. I love criticism so I ask for it when I can. I'm sorry it's so short. Don't worry, I'll fix this very soon. I just posted this to make sort of an obligation to finish this part. I'll probably take this part away and put it with the rest of Chap 3 pt2 once I'm done typing it. Probably tomorrow. Hey, but spread the word about faith if you wish. I'd be happy to hear from everyone. I must admit that if more people read this, I would definitely work harder to churn out chapters. But then again, maybe my quality would lower...Oh well. Let's wait and see shall we?
Jazzy Jinx
♥♪!?
You should enter a WWYP contest. You are one of the best writers I know on SWF.
AceMoney
Smash Apprentice
Uhm... I don't think so. It's not my cup of tea sadly. Anyways, updates galore!!
AceMoney
Smash Apprentice
Chap 3 part 2
Haru and Serena began to eat their breakfast in the same fashion as they had the mornings before. It had become a choreographed dance of sorts. Serena brought down the cereal and Haru got the milk. Serena got the bowls and Haru got the spoons. Serena spilled the cereal and Haru cleaned it up. Serena peeked into Griffin's room afterwards and Haru went back to sleep.
"So, what should we have today? Trix or Cap'n Crunch?" Serena asked as she looked into the pantry of their hotel kitchen.
"Hm, let's see... Sugar or sugar?" Haru quipped grumpily. "Which one will kill us faster?"
"Are you sure you're eighteen?" Serena rebutted as she brought down the box of sweetened corn in the shape of fruits. "You talk like an old man sometimes Haru. You know that?"
Haru grunted in response as he snagged a jug of two percent milk from the fridge. Serena stood on the tips of her toes to get the inconveniently placed bowls in the top shelve of the cupboard as Haru picked up the spoons from the drawer beside the sink.
"How long do you think Griffin will stay asleep for?" Serena asked as she patted around for the food holders. Her pink "sleeping" shirt that covered down to right below her bottom began to sway up and down as she balanced. "I mean...he's been out for a while, right?"
"Hm, that's one way to put it. Although, I don't view sleeping and unconsciousness as being the same thing," Haru spoke quietly with a slight morning hoarseness in his throat.
"Well, the word unconscious is just so...unpredictable. There's always a chance that someone will stay unconscious forever and never get up. When they're asleep however…….." Serena paused as she finally procured the bowls from their home. "When someone's asleep, you simply have to whisper in their ear to wake them up." She stared at the bowls in her hand as her mind began to drift off of the topic at hand. Haru tried to look into his friend's eyes as he thought of how naive her views on life were. He wondered how someone who had been through as much as she had could ever keep such a mentality.
< Especially after everything that had happened only a few days earlier. > Haru shook the thought from his head as he began to pour the cereal into the bowl that Serena had recently set in front of him. He passed the box of Trix to Serena as he began to open the milk.
“I think it’s been 3 days or so,” Haru finally said breaking the silence between them as he cleaned up the recently spilled yellow lemons and mixed berries from the table.
“Three days? Has it only been that long?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“It feels like it’s been far longer than that,” Serena mused as she chewed her explosion of colors noisily. Haru stared at her as she ate, amused at how strong a bond had developed between Griffin and herself. Silence fell over the room yet again as the two ate their breakfast.
“He’ll wake up soon Serena. Don’t worry,” Haru said as he got up from the table. He took his bowl and her bowl and took it over to the sink and began washing them as he continued to speak. “It’s only a matter of time really.”
Serena watched as he finished washing the bowls and returned to his room for more sleep. “Thank you Haru,” She whispered under her breath before excusing herself from the table as well. She walked the now familiar path to Griffin’s bedroom and slowly opened the door. “Hey, it’s me again.” She walked over to the chair by his bed and sat as she watched him sleep. Griffin’s chest moved in and out slowly as the bandages over his wounds confined his breathing. His white hair fell over his face as his closed eyes raced through his dreams. Serena leaned over and brought her soft lips close to his ear and whispered softly. “Wake up.”
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“Man, it’s been waaaay too long!! I can’t believe it’s been three years since I last saw you. What you been up to?”
“Nothing really. Just living life I suppose.”
“Ya’ gotta do better than that. You can’t just say, ‘just living life I suppose’ and expect me to just leave it alone.”
“Hm, I was kinda’ hoping that you would. What about you?”
“Well, after you left… Mom and dad didn’t have anyone else to take care of…other than me. Ha, I became the overly loved child.”
“Yeah, they always needed someone to watch over. It seems like their purpose in life right? They’re **** good at it though. I know I wouldn’t be the same person I am today if it wasn’t for them.”
“I think they’d love to hear that from you. Face to face.”
“…………”
“Anyways, they’ve been doing a lot better lately. Dad bought a new car and started teaching me to drive.”
“Hm, you on the road? That sounds reeeeeal safe.”
“Ha! It really has been too long. I haven’t heard that laugh in forever……..What’s wro… Oh god…”
“……Someone’s still up there….”
“What….How can you tell?”
“I just can…I gotta’…I gotta’ help.”
“Help? Listen, this is a job for the fire department! You’ll only be getting in their way!”
“I have to …I…I can’t just stand here and do nothing!”
“Griffin!” The youth’s words fell unto deaf ears as the white haired teen ran off towards the burning inferno that was once a Kyoto apartment building. “Griffin, you idiot…”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Are you telling me you honestly believe that Shrimp Tempura is better than Unagi Rolls?!” Haru exclaimed roughly.
“Well, of course. Who wants to eat stinky eel anyways?” Serena retorted quickly. She dipped her shrimp into more soy sauce before taking another savory bite. She placed the chopsticks down and took a sip of her tea as Haru got bent out of shape over her last comment.
“Well let me tell you somethi…” Haru stopped abruptly as he noticed that Serena was only trying to annoy him. He grumbled as he stuffed Wasabi into a portion of sushi. The rest of the table erupted into laughter at Haru’s empty response. In the belly of the Iron Dragon, friends and rivals came together for a dinner of ungodly proportions. Since the incident three days earlier, there had been a postponement of all battles until the board had decided what their next step would be.
“Well, it seems you two have certainly bonded!!” Goku exclaimed from between two mountains of plates that rose from the floor to just above his head. He laughed heartily as the waiter delivered his 151st order of chicken fried rice.
“Think you got enough there Goku?” Kyo asked as he stared on in awe at his appetite. He shifted in his seat as Goku waved his hand for another bowl within only seconds of receiving his last order. “Guess not….”
The table erupted into laughter again as Kyo moved away from the towering stack of plates. Serena looked around the table with a thoughtful look on her face. She watched as Elie and Haru shoved each other playfully and Musica talked avidly about the band Linkin Park with Joe Higashi. She glanced down the table and watched as Kyo bested Kuwabara yet again at arm wrestling while still avoiding the plates beside him. Yusuke seemed to be talking about something with Goku as the black haired warrior talked as quickly as he could between bites. Serena returned her gaze back to her shrimp tempura which she had just argued over and picked up a piece and set it into the soy sauce. She watched as the black liquid slowly encompassed the orange colored shell of the shrimp until nothing else could be seen but the darkness of the bitter liquid. <It’s just not the same…>
“Hey….Serena!” Haru erupted her thoughts abruptly. Serena darted her head up and waited for what Haru had to say. “There’s someone behind you who wants to talk…”
“Huh?” Serena looked behind her and tried her best not to let her heart jump through her chest. “Darien?!”
“Serena, how have you been?” Darien spoke in a smooth voice. His eyes locked with Haru’s as Haru sized him up. Darien wore a yellow blazer over a black turtle neck shirt. The shirt was neatly tucked into his jeans. From his vantage point, Haru couldn’t tell what sort of shoes he had on. Darien gave a sort of grin to Haru before he continued. “Nothing to say?”
“Uhm…it’s just that…what are you doing here?” Serena asked baffled at his presence there. She looked into his blue eyes and remembered the times she had run her fingers through his beautiful short black hair.
“I came to see you. Is that okay?” He responded with the same cool demeanor as before. Serena nodded her head as Darien continued. “I was wondering if I could talk to you. In private.”
“Uhm…I don’t know,” Serena began as she looked over at Haru. He shrugged in response. “Yeah, I guess we can talk for a little bit.”
“Great. Shall we?” Darien extended his arm to allow her to hook on but Serena continued walking as if she hadn’t noticed it. Darien dropped his arm quickly and followed suit to the door. Before exiting, he turned back and gave a half hearted salute to Haru as if in thanks for his help. Haru refused the favor as he watched the smooth talker make his exit.
“Who was that guy?” Elie asked as Haru took a sip of his iced tea.
“Her ex,” Haru responded wondering what Serena was thinking in that brain of hers.
------------------
On the other side of the door, Serena followed Darien as he led them to where he wished to talk. Neither of them said anything as thoughts raced through Serena’s mind about what he could possibly be up to and why he was there to begin with. She stayed in such a deep meditation that she barely noticed when they reached their destination. She looked around and found that she had been here days ago with Griffin. This time however, there weren’t any fireflies.
“Here we are. Pretty isn’t it?” Darien said smugly as he placed his coat on the ground for her to sit on. “Don’t worry…I don’t mind.” Serena took the offer and sat down as Darien paced in front of her speaking quickly while moving his arms to illustrate his story. “Well, the real reason I brought you out here is because I need to ask you something important. Let me back up. After we broke up, well I felt like a huge part of me had been ripped out. Without you, I couldn’t function correctly. I couldn’t understand why at first. I kept reasoning that you were just a girl and that I’d find someone like you if I looked hard enough.”
<Hm, yeah…start off by insulting me. Good job.> Serena thought as Darien continued.
“I was wrong. I could never find anyone quite like you out in the real world. No matter how hard I tried not to admit it. I really do love you and I can’t live without you. When you told me and the others that you were going to come and join this tournament, I could’ve cared less. However, after watching you a few days ago, I realized something.>
“You saw that battle? You were here?” Serena interjected with an increased interest in the topic.
“Yeah, you were fantastic babe. I can’t believe how strong you’ve become. That month of training really paid off eh?”
“You can say that,” Serena said as she looked down. Darien’s compliments had gotten through her mental shield and had begun to work on her emotions.
“Hm,” Darien grinned a bit as he took a seat beside Serena on the hill. “Let’s stop the small talk. I’m sure you’ve already figured out what I want right?”
“Yeah, I think I might have.”
“Well? What’s your answer?” Darien asked as he stared into her sapphire eyes.
Serena bit her lip as she thought it over and over in her head, “I don’t know Darien. Getting back with you will just get me hurt again. What will happen next time? Ya’ know?”
Darien remained calm as he produced a rose from thin air. He offered it to her and whispered softly, “I promise. Nothing like that will ever happen again. Ever.”
Serena looked at the rose and then back at Darien. “What exactly did you realize at the match?”
“Hm? Oh, well I realized the reason you entered this tournament,” Darien smiled as he leaned in to her. “But don’t worry, you don’t have to prove yourself to me anymore.”
“What?!” Serena exclaimed as she pushed Darien over. “You think I joined this tournament to prove myself…to you?!?!” She erupted to her feet feeling disgusted. “I can’t believe you…I can’t believe you would belittle my involvement in this tournament to something so….idiotic. Am I just a love sick puppy to you? Is that it?”
“No, of course not baby…I didn’t mean it that way…” Darien began as he looked up at this vexed goddess. “I just figured out that the reason you’ve been fighting so hard is to prove something to me. That’s why you trained so hard right? Don’t act like it’s not. It’s alright. I know the truth.”
Serena remained silent as tears began to well up in her eyes. <*******….*******…>
“Hey you two! What’s happening over here?” A voice sounded from behind Serena. She turned around to see Haru waltzing over to the two of them. “Hey baby. What’s up? Oh…you’re crying? What’s wrong? What happened?” Haru increased his speed to a jog to meet Serena.
“Wha…what? What is this Serena?” Darien asked from his spot on the ground.
Serena glanced back at Darien and then back at Haru. “This…is my boyfriend. Haru, this is Darien. My ex-boyfriend.”
“Your boyfriend? Why didn’t you tell m…So this is the real reason right? The reason you won’t get back with me?” Darien asked as he stood up flabbergasted.
“Well, yeah,” Serena responded as tears streamed down her face. Her hoarse voice caused Haru to cringe as he realized that Darien’s presence would upset her more and more with each passing second.
“Well, you don’t mind if I borrow her for a little bit do ya’?” Haru asked as he wrapped his arm around Serena’s shoulders. Darien watched as Haru slowly turned to walk Serena away from the cause of her tears.
“Thank you Haru,” Serena whispered as she buried her head into his arm trying to stop the tears.
“Anytime,” Haru replied with a smile as he turned and gave the awestruck Darien a half hearted salute.
Haru and Serena began to eat their breakfast in the same fashion as they had the mornings before. It had become a choreographed dance of sorts. Serena brought down the cereal and Haru got the milk. Serena got the bowls and Haru got the spoons. Serena spilled the cereal and Haru cleaned it up. Serena peeked into Griffin's room afterwards and Haru went back to sleep.
"So, what should we have today? Trix or Cap'n Crunch?" Serena asked as she looked into the pantry of their hotel kitchen.
"Hm, let's see... Sugar or sugar?" Haru quipped grumpily. "Which one will kill us faster?"
"Are you sure you're eighteen?" Serena rebutted as she brought down the box of sweetened corn in the shape of fruits. "You talk like an old man sometimes Haru. You know that?"
Haru grunted in response as he snagged a jug of two percent milk from the fridge. Serena stood on the tips of her toes to get the inconveniently placed bowls in the top shelve of the cupboard as Haru picked up the spoons from the drawer beside the sink.
"How long do you think Griffin will stay asleep for?" Serena asked as she patted around for the food holders. Her pink "sleeping" shirt that covered down to right below her bottom began to sway up and down as she balanced. "I mean...he's been out for a while, right?"
"Hm, that's one way to put it. Although, I don't view sleeping and unconsciousness as being the same thing," Haru spoke quietly with a slight morning hoarseness in his throat.
"Well, the word unconscious is just so...unpredictable. There's always a chance that someone will stay unconscious forever and never get up. When they're asleep however…….." Serena paused as she finally procured the bowls from their home. "When someone's asleep, you simply have to whisper in their ear to wake them up." She stared at the bowls in her hand as her mind began to drift off of the topic at hand. Haru tried to look into his friend's eyes as he thought of how naive her views on life were. He wondered how someone who had been through as much as she had could ever keep such a mentality.
< Especially after everything that had happened only a few days earlier. > Haru shook the thought from his head as he began to pour the cereal into the bowl that Serena had recently set in front of him. He passed the box of Trix to Serena as he began to open the milk.
“I think it’s been 3 days or so,” Haru finally said breaking the silence between them as he cleaned up the recently spilled yellow lemons and mixed berries from the table.
“Three days? Has it only been that long?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
“It feels like it’s been far longer than that,” Serena mused as she chewed her explosion of colors noisily. Haru stared at her as she ate, amused at how strong a bond had developed between Griffin and herself. Silence fell over the room yet again as the two ate their breakfast.
“He’ll wake up soon Serena. Don’t worry,” Haru said as he got up from the table. He took his bowl and her bowl and took it over to the sink and began washing them as he continued to speak. “It’s only a matter of time really.”
Serena watched as he finished washing the bowls and returned to his room for more sleep. “Thank you Haru,” She whispered under her breath before excusing herself from the table as well. She walked the now familiar path to Griffin’s bedroom and slowly opened the door. “Hey, it’s me again.” She walked over to the chair by his bed and sat as she watched him sleep. Griffin’s chest moved in and out slowly as the bandages over his wounds confined his breathing. His white hair fell over his face as his closed eyes raced through his dreams. Serena leaned over and brought her soft lips close to his ear and whispered softly. “Wake up.”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Man, it’s been waaaay too long!! I can’t believe it’s been three years since I last saw you. What you been up to?”
“Nothing really. Just living life I suppose.”
“Ya’ gotta do better than that. You can’t just say, ‘just living life I suppose’ and expect me to just leave it alone.”
“Hm, I was kinda’ hoping that you would. What about you?”
“Well, after you left… Mom and dad didn’t have anyone else to take care of…other than me. Ha, I became the overly loved child.”
“Yeah, they always needed someone to watch over. It seems like their purpose in life right? They’re **** good at it though. I know I wouldn’t be the same person I am today if it wasn’t for them.”
“I think they’d love to hear that from you. Face to face.”
“…………”
“Anyways, they’ve been doing a lot better lately. Dad bought a new car and started teaching me to drive.”
“Hm, you on the road? That sounds reeeeeal safe.”
“Ha! It really has been too long. I haven’t heard that laugh in forever……..What’s wro… Oh god…”
“……Someone’s still up there….”
“What….How can you tell?”
“I just can…I gotta’…I gotta’ help.”
“Help? Listen, this is a job for the fire department! You’ll only be getting in their way!”
“I have to …I…I can’t just stand here and do nothing!”
“Griffin!” The youth’s words fell unto deaf ears as the white haired teen ran off towards the burning inferno that was once a Kyoto apartment building. “Griffin, you idiot…”
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Are you telling me you honestly believe that Shrimp Tempura is better than Unagi Rolls?!” Haru exclaimed roughly.
“Well, of course. Who wants to eat stinky eel anyways?” Serena retorted quickly. She dipped her shrimp into more soy sauce before taking another savory bite. She placed the chopsticks down and took a sip of her tea as Haru got bent out of shape over her last comment.
“Well let me tell you somethi…” Haru stopped abruptly as he noticed that Serena was only trying to annoy him. He grumbled as he stuffed Wasabi into a portion of sushi. The rest of the table erupted into laughter at Haru’s empty response. In the belly of the Iron Dragon, friends and rivals came together for a dinner of ungodly proportions. Since the incident three days earlier, there had been a postponement of all battles until the board had decided what their next step would be.
“Well, it seems you two have certainly bonded!!” Goku exclaimed from between two mountains of plates that rose from the floor to just above his head. He laughed heartily as the waiter delivered his 151st order of chicken fried rice.
“Think you got enough there Goku?” Kyo asked as he stared on in awe at his appetite. He shifted in his seat as Goku waved his hand for another bowl within only seconds of receiving his last order. “Guess not….”
The table erupted into laughter again as Kyo moved away from the towering stack of plates. Serena looked around the table with a thoughtful look on her face. She watched as Elie and Haru shoved each other playfully and Musica talked avidly about the band Linkin Park with Joe Higashi. She glanced down the table and watched as Kyo bested Kuwabara yet again at arm wrestling while still avoiding the plates beside him. Yusuke seemed to be talking about something with Goku as the black haired warrior talked as quickly as he could between bites. Serena returned her gaze back to her shrimp tempura which she had just argued over and picked up a piece and set it into the soy sauce. She watched as the black liquid slowly encompassed the orange colored shell of the shrimp until nothing else could be seen but the darkness of the bitter liquid. <It’s just not the same…>
“Hey….Serena!” Haru erupted her thoughts abruptly. Serena darted her head up and waited for what Haru had to say. “There’s someone behind you who wants to talk…”
“Huh?” Serena looked behind her and tried her best not to let her heart jump through her chest. “Darien?!”
“Serena, how have you been?” Darien spoke in a smooth voice. His eyes locked with Haru’s as Haru sized him up. Darien wore a yellow blazer over a black turtle neck shirt. The shirt was neatly tucked into his jeans. From his vantage point, Haru couldn’t tell what sort of shoes he had on. Darien gave a sort of grin to Haru before he continued. “Nothing to say?”
“Uhm…it’s just that…what are you doing here?” Serena asked baffled at his presence there. She looked into his blue eyes and remembered the times she had run her fingers through his beautiful short black hair.
“I came to see you. Is that okay?” He responded with the same cool demeanor as before. Serena nodded her head as Darien continued. “I was wondering if I could talk to you. In private.”
“Uhm…I don’t know,” Serena began as she looked over at Haru. He shrugged in response. “Yeah, I guess we can talk for a little bit.”
“Great. Shall we?” Darien extended his arm to allow her to hook on but Serena continued walking as if she hadn’t noticed it. Darien dropped his arm quickly and followed suit to the door. Before exiting, he turned back and gave a half hearted salute to Haru as if in thanks for his help. Haru refused the favor as he watched the smooth talker make his exit.
“Who was that guy?” Elie asked as Haru took a sip of his iced tea.
“Her ex,” Haru responded wondering what Serena was thinking in that brain of hers.
------------------
On the other side of the door, Serena followed Darien as he led them to where he wished to talk. Neither of them said anything as thoughts raced through Serena’s mind about what he could possibly be up to and why he was there to begin with. She stayed in such a deep meditation that she barely noticed when they reached their destination. She looked around and found that she had been here days ago with Griffin. This time however, there weren’t any fireflies.
“Here we are. Pretty isn’t it?” Darien said smugly as he placed his coat on the ground for her to sit on. “Don’t worry…I don’t mind.” Serena took the offer and sat down as Darien paced in front of her speaking quickly while moving his arms to illustrate his story. “Well, the real reason I brought you out here is because I need to ask you something important. Let me back up. After we broke up, well I felt like a huge part of me had been ripped out. Without you, I couldn’t function correctly. I couldn’t understand why at first. I kept reasoning that you were just a girl and that I’d find someone like you if I looked hard enough.”
<Hm, yeah…start off by insulting me. Good job.> Serena thought as Darien continued.
“I was wrong. I could never find anyone quite like you out in the real world. No matter how hard I tried not to admit it. I really do love you and I can’t live without you. When you told me and the others that you were going to come and join this tournament, I could’ve cared less. However, after watching you a few days ago, I realized something.>
“You saw that battle? You were here?” Serena interjected with an increased interest in the topic.
“Yeah, you were fantastic babe. I can’t believe how strong you’ve become. That month of training really paid off eh?”
“You can say that,” Serena said as she looked down. Darien’s compliments had gotten through her mental shield and had begun to work on her emotions.
“Hm,” Darien grinned a bit as he took a seat beside Serena on the hill. “Let’s stop the small talk. I’m sure you’ve already figured out what I want right?”
“Yeah, I think I might have.”
“Well? What’s your answer?” Darien asked as he stared into her sapphire eyes.
Serena bit her lip as she thought it over and over in her head, “I don’t know Darien. Getting back with you will just get me hurt again. What will happen next time? Ya’ know?”
Darien remained calm as he produced a rose from thin air. He offered it to her and whispered softly, “I promise. Nothing like that will ever happen again. Ever.”
Serena looked at the rose and then back at Darien. “What exactly did you realize at the match?”
“Hm? Oh, well I realized the reason you entered this tournament,” Darien smiled as he leaned in to her. “But don’t worry, you don’t have to prove yourself to me anymore.”
“What?!” Serena exclaimed as she pushed Darien over. “You think I joined this tournament to prove myself…to you?!?!” She erupted to her feet feeling disgusted. “I can’t believe you…I can’t believe you would belittle my involvement in this tournament to something so….idiotic. Am I just a love sick puppy to you? Is that it?”
“No, of course not baby…I didn’t mean it that way…” Darien began as he looked up at this vexed goddess. “I just figured out that the reason you’ve been fighting so hard is to prove something to me. That’s why you trained so hard right? Don’t act like it’s not. It’s alright. I know the truth.”
Serena remained silent as tears began to well up in her eyes. <*******….*******…>
“Hey you two! What’s happening over here?” A voice sounded from behind Serena. She turned around to see Haru waltzing over to the two of them. “Hey baby. What’s up? Oh…you’re crying? What’s wrong? What happened?” Haru increased his speed to a jog to meet Serena.
“Wha…what? What is this Serena?” Darien asked from his spot on the ground.
Serena glanced back at Darien and then back at Haru. “This…is my boyfriend. Haru, this is Darien. My ex-boyfriend.”
“Your boyfriend? Why didn’t you tell m…So this is the real reason right? The reason you won’t get back with me?” Darien asked as he stood up flabbergasted.
“Well, yeah,” Serena responded as tears streamed down her face. Her hoarse voice caused Haru to cringe as he realized that Darien’s presence would upset her more and more with each passing second.
“Well, you don’t mind if I borrow her for a little bit do ya’?” Haru asked as he wrapped his arm around Serena’s shoulders. Darien watched as Haru slowly turned to walk Serena away from the cause of her tears.
“Thank you Haru,” Serena whispered as she buried her head into his arm trying to stop the tears.
“Anytime,” Haru replied with a smile as he turned and gave the awestruck Darien a half hearted salute.
Jazzy Jinx
♥♪!?
Heh. That was pretty cool. "Half hearted salute" Dammit, you're great at this! I look forward to more of your work. I always look forward to your updates. Keep up the good work man!
As for my critic, I guess Griffin will be out for a while? Slipping in various memories while keeping in tact with the current events was pulled off smoothly. I also love how the characters retain their normal behaviors while fitting to the story accordingly and how each characters' past is slowly unveiled.
This gets me pumped up to write more. Thanks for the update and keep up the good work!
As for my critic, I guess Griffin will be out for a while? Slipping in various memories while keeping in tact with the current events was pulled off smoothly. I also love how the characters retain their normal behaviors while fitting to the story accordingly and how each characters' past is slowly unveiled.
This gets me pumped up to write more. Thanks for the update and keep up the good work!
AceMoney
Smash Apprentice
Of course I'll try my best to keep it up. I wish I could update more frequently but school is taking up a whole lot of time...I may be able to update soon actually if I get all of my work out of the way. I want to eventually be able to update every Saturday morning, that'd be really cool.
I'm glad you picked up on the half hearted salute thing, I was trying to find a really creative way to show Haru's distaste for Darien and that was one of the first things that popped into my head.
Yeah, Griffin has been out for a little bit so far, but that gives time for the other main characters to blossom I suppose right? You should definitely write more. Maybe we can do a collaboration one day or something! Keep on reading and I'll keep on working. Oh, and the index has some new characters if you want to check them out.
My next update will be the conclusion to chapter 3 hopefully! It should be an interesting one to say the least.
I'm glad you picked up on the half hearted salute thing, I was trying to find a really creative way to show Haru's distaste for Darien and that was one of the first things that popped into my head.
Yeah, Griffin has been out for a little bit so far, but that gives time for the other main characters to blossom I suppose right? You should definitely write more. Maybe we can do a collaboration one day or something! Keep on reading and I'll keep on working. Oh, and the index has some new characters if you want to check them out.
My next update will be the conclusion to chapter 3 hopefully! It should be an interesting one to say the least.
Finally! A decent writer. I like your story, though it could use some elaboration. Descibe just a little more. I feel the imagry is a little dry, but that's just me. It's really funny, which I congradulate you on, because I lack the funny bone I should have been born with, in it's stead, I obtained a new "angst" bone. To each his own, I guess. I look forward to writing against in you the (hopefully) near future.
AceMoney
Smash Apprentice
Decent writer eh? Hm, I kind of like the sound of that. Anyways, yeah, I've heard that I have fairly good imagery from other people, so it's refreshing to hear that I need to push my descriptions even further. I honestly don't try to be funny, I just write what I think and it happens that sometimes it gets "funny" at some points. I'm not really trying to get laughs though, more to get the audience to connect with the characters in my story by showing that they are, even though super powered, just like us. Anyways, thanks for your comment. Hm, writing against me? That sounds like a challenge. Haha.
Ah, I fought with the best of 'em before, soI can readily accept your offer. I'm trying to get out a StarFox fanfiction, but it's still in the planning phase. I need some more inspiration before I began the actual writing process. I also noticed that our writing styles are extremely akin, so if you ever want to, check out my FF.net profile: www.fanfiction.net/~akebo
I'd also like to see a little more emotion.
I'd also like to see a little more emotion.
AceMoney
Smash Apprentice
Emotion eh? I think there's quite a bit of that but thank you for your suggestion nonetheless. I really enjoyed the Kingdom Hearts story you made. Rai is a pretty interesting character. Anyways, yeah..I'll definitely look into adding more emotion to my story in the future. Thanks to everyone for reading...the conclusion to chap.3 should be up by next week hopefully!
Thanks. It wasa really long time ago...er...summer of last year...snce I gave it any real thought. I want you to know one thing: I like to torture my characters to the brink of death: and sometimes over. But then I revive them. ^^...and kill them again.
AceMoney
Smash Apprentice
Well, killing off your characters/ pushing them to their physical and mental limits is a great story telling device as well as a great character development device. I definitely do the same. As is the case in the Griffin/Sephiroth fight. Update should be very soon. Oh, and any more critiques before I update are welcome.
AceMoney
Smash Apprentice
I have yet to see you opn aim...are you still alive? Haha, anyways...expect an update in two or less weeks!! Oh, and I suppose this would be a bump or something like that. Oh, and thank you Scav for that list you gave us a while back explaining what words we should use and shouldn't. I may go back quickly and redo as much as I can in the style the website suggested.
TheMagicalKuja
Smash Champion
I am currently NOT FINISHED READING YET but I'd like to give you a hearty congratulations on not writing like the fifth/sixth grade level like the majority of fics I'm seeing here. As a matter of fact, your prose is **** good!
I will give a more thorough assessment later on, but for now I hope you watch your characters and make sure they act like they'd normally would.
I will give a more thorough assessment later on, but for now I hope you watch your characters and make sure they act like they'd normally would.
SuperLinkBrothers
Smash Ace
man, good job
This is a great story, not entirely done reading yet, but Ill finish reading later on. Gotta warn you though, I might not be replying much...
This is a great story, not entirely done reading yet, but Ill finish reading later on. Gotta warn you though, I might not be replying much...
AceMoney
Smash Apprentice
So, in a week this WILL be updated finally....seriously this time...oh, and bump?
AceMoney
Smash Apprentice
Chap 3 pt 3 (Sorry for the wait. I got time now;p)
To Griffin’s relief, there was little resistance at the foot of the building. Police officers were too busy dealing with the grieving children and newly consecrated widows to be on the look out for a white haired boy wanting to rush inside. He darted in and out of the crowd of mourners and ran swiftly up to the building before anyone could notice. Firefighters rushed across his path to head to the ladder leaning against the building so they could continue to douse it with as much water as they could. The door to the building looked remarkably unscathed. Smoke billowed forth from within as Griffin made his way inside.
Upon entering the shattered home, the flames and smoke attacked him as if he were a virus trying to invade a new host. Griffin quickly ripped his shirt to make a cover for his mouth to avoid his lungs filling with soot before he was able to do what he had come to take care of. Griffin tried to remember what floor of the building he saw the person on. <I think it was the seventh floor. Alright…let’s go.> Bending his head low, he rushed to the staircase adjacent to the entryway and began to bound up the steps.
<Second floor. Third floor. Fourth floor.> Griffin thought as he stormed the building as fast as he could. He could feel his heart trying to rip out of his chest with the new adrenaline from this stoic act of selfishness. As he ran, he avoided the debris and flame that erupted towards him with the ease of an Olympic gymnast. <Sixth floor, seventh floor. There!> Griffin exploded off of the stair case and ran down the hall way looking for which room may have been the one he had seen before. As he ran, he looked at the room numbers as if to try and recognize the room which he had never seen before. Suddenly, he slid to a stop and stared at a door with the numbers “7688” emblazoned across it. Without much more thought, he kicked the door in and dodged the flames that bellowed out in one quick motion.
As Griffin turned to look into the room, he noticed a middle aged woman clawing and slamming herself into the bedroom door yelling in a language that he couldn’t understand no matter how hard he tried. In a flash, he sprinted to where she was and tried to pull her away from the door which she clawed and kicked at. Her flesh had become a dark grayish color from all the smoke as well as the obvious 3rd degree burns she had received since she had been here. Griffin grabbed her by the waist and tried again to desperately move her away from the door so that they could escape from the melting manor.
“What’s wrong with you?!” Griffin yelled over the roar of the noise going on all around him. “We gotta’ get out of here! NOW!!”
Almost as if in response to his words, the middle aged woman began to cough up blood as she continued to scream and kick and scratch. Griffin released her and tried to think of what he should do to get her out. Then, all at once, revelation struck. He cupped his hands into one another and brought them down on the back of her head with enough force to stop a bull. Her screaming stopped as her body slumped to the ground unconscious.
“Forgive me mam,” Griffin whispered as he hoisted her over his shoulder.
Griffin retraced the path he had taken into the building to return back outside in just a few minutes. As he emerged from the building, police officers and paramedics rushed over to meet him grabbing the woman from him and shaking his hand with gratitude. The situation outside had finally died down a bit and the firefighters seemed to have gotten the fire under control.
“Who knew that when my parents adopted you, you would be such a chore to take care of?” A voice sounded from behind Griffin.
“Well, what can I say? I’m here to help.” Griffin said with a smile as he felt the hand of his adopted brother grasp his shoulder.
Suddenly, a shriek pierced the smog covered night. Griffin wheeled around to see the woman who he had saved rushing back towards the building. Without missing a beat, he met her half way and stopped her before she could do any more harm. The paramedics who were tending to her wounds emerged and began to haul her back to where she was before.
"There, you're safe now," Griffin furrowed his brow as he tried to think up the best thing to say at the moment.
"Wait….What are you doing?!?! How could you? .....Let me go, let me go!!!" the woman screeched at the paramedics in perfect Japanese. “I don’t need your help. Let go!!”
"I saved you! You should be grateful!!!" Griffin yelled obviously angered by the woman’s lack of gratitude.
Another shriek filled the night as the woman’s eyes became filled with anger. Her hand pointed behind Griffin as she was pulled away from the building by the paramedics that had finally become able to subdue the woman. Her wails could be heard as Griffin turned around to follow where she had pointed. His eyes trailed up the building as the sounds of mourning filled his ears. He let out a gasp as he saw the grave mistake he had made. He fell to his knees as his own eyes began to fill with tears. How did he miss such an important detail? As he cried, his eyes couldn’t tear themselves away from what he couldn’t see behind the bedroom door that the crazy woman was scratching and clawing at. As if paying penance, Griffin forced himself to kneel and watch as the object he had missed screamed and moved and banged against the window even though no one could reach it in time. He was forced to watch as the fire began to consume the flesh of this creature causing it to writhe in pain. Griffin forced himself to watch as the fire turned to ashes the little boy he had forgotten.
To Griffin’s relief, there was little resistance at the foot of the building. Police officers were too busy dealing with the grieving children and newly consecrated widows to be on the look out for a white haired boy wanting to rush inside. He darted in and out of the crowd of mourners and ran swiftly up to the building before anyone could notice. Firefighters rushed across his path to head to the ladder leaning against the building so they could continue to douse it with as much water as they could. The door to the building looked remarkably unscathed. Smoke billowed forth from within as Griffin made his way inside.
Upon entering the shattered home, the flames and smoke attacked him as if he were a virus trying to invade a new host. Griffin quickly ripped his shirt to make a cover for his mouth to avoid his lungs filling with soot before he was able to do what he had come to take care of. Griffin tried to remember what floor of the building he saw the person on. <I think it was the seventh floor. Alright…let’s go.> Bending his head low, he rushed to the staircase adjacent to the entryway and began to bound up the steps.
<Second floor. Third floor. Fourth floor.> Griffin thought as he stormed the building as fast as he could. He could feel his heart trying to rip out of his chest with the new adrenaline from this stoic act of selfishness. As he ran, he avoided the debris and flame that erupted towards him with the ease of an Olympic gymnast. <Sixth floor, seventh floor. There!> Griffin exploded off of the stair case and ran down the hall way looking for which room may have been the one he had seen before. As he ran, he looked at the room numbers as if to try and recognize the room which he had never seen before. Suddenly, he slid to a stop and stared at a door with the numbers “7688” emblazoned across it. Without much more thought, he kicked the door in and dodged the flames that bellowed out in one quick motion.
As Griffin turned to look into the room, he noticed a middle aged woman clawing and slamming herself into the bedroom door yelling in a language that he couldn’t understand no matter how hard he tried. In a flash, he sprinted to where she was and tried to pull her away from the door which she clawed and kicked at. Her flesh had become a dark grayish color from all the smoke as well as the obvious 3rd degree burns she had received since she had been here. Griffin grabbed her by the waist and tried again to desperately move her away from the door so that they could escape from the melting manor.
“What’s wrong with you?!” Griffin yelled over the roar of the noise going on all around him. “We gotta’ get out of here! NOW!!”
Almost as if in response to his words, the middle aged woman began to cough up blood as she continued to scream and kick and scratch. Griffin released her and tried to think of what he should do to get her out. Then, all at once, revelation struck. He cupped his hands into one another and brought them down on the back of her head with enough force to stop a bull. Her screaming stopped as her body slumped to the ground unconscious.
“Forgive me mam,” Griffin whispered as he hoisted her over his shoulder.
Griffin retraced the path he had taken into the building to return back outside in just a few minutes. As he emerged from the building, police officers and paramedics rushed over to meet him grabbing the woman from him and shaking his hand with gratitude. The situation outside had finally died down a bit and the firefighters seemed to have gotten the fire under control.
“Who knew that when my parents adopted you, you would be such a chore to take care of?” A voice sounded from behind Griffin.
“Well, what can I say? I’m here to help.” Griffin said with a smile as he felt the hand of his adopted brother grasp his shoulder.
Suddenly, a shriek pierced the smog covered night. Griffin wheeled around to see the woman who he had saved rushing back towards the building. Without missing a beat, he met her half way and stopped her before she could do any more harm. The paramedics who were tending to her wounds emerged and began to haul her back to where she was before.
"There, you're safe now," Griffin furrowed his brow as he tried to think up the best thing to say at the moment.
"Wait….What are you doing?!?! How could you? .....Let me go, let me go!!!" the woman screeched at the paramedics in perfect Japanese. “I don’t need your help. Let go!!”
"I saved you! You should be grateful!!!" Griffin yelled obviously angered by the woman’s lack of gratitude.
Another shriek filled the night as the woman’s eyes became filled with anger. Her hand pointed behind Griffin as she was pulled away from the building by the paramedics that had finally become able to subdue the woman. Her wails could be heard as Griffin turned around to follow where she had pointed. His eyes trailed up the building as the sounds of mourning filled his ears. He let out a gasp as he saw the grave mistake he had made. He fell to his knees as his own eyes began to fill with tears. How did he miss such an important detail? As he cried, his eyes couldn’t tear themselves away from what he couldn’t see behind the bedroom door that the crazy woman was scratching and clawing at. As if paying penance, Griffin forced himself to kneel and watch as the object he had missed screamed and moved and banged against the window even though no one could reach it in time. He was forced to watch as the fire began to consume the flesh of this creature causing it to writhe in pain. Griffin forced himself to watch as the fire turned to ashes the little boy he had forgotten.
saigatachi
Smash Cadet
- Joined
- Dec 6, 2010
- Messages
- 46
Dude! That's awesome! You updated! It would have gone unnoticed by my eyes, but I admire your writing too much not to go back to revisit some of my favorite scenes from your fanfic. I tell ya, no one captures the essence of the characters' interactions as well as you do. In it was in reading an all time classic whose organic, almost tangible scenes blend fantasy and reality, that I was reminded of your ability at the same feat. As such, I am elated to be the first after much anticipation to post, and with that here's to the return of the greatest fanfic ever to be written--well next to mine of course.
Three cheers for Faith! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!
Three cheers for Faith! BUMP! BUMP! BUMP!