Jaedrik
Man-at-Arms-at-Keyboard
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2009
- Messages
- 5,054
Good, but way too much smirking. Trust me, it gets really annoying, and it draws attention to itself. Such is the same if the same expression is used every time. Also, she must be standing very close to him if she can't see past his crossed arms to his eyes. Like, on him. Breh. Also, way too many ellipses, editors of real books would simply cross them out and send it back to you. Similarly, watch your ly words, just like one would watch their 'was'es; you want to show, not tell. You gotta find some way to show that they have a little respect for each other at the end, and not just outright state it. This is even the case with settings. Though telling is appropriate on the rare occasion, the setting must create the mood, it must become almost a minor character in itself with the way it influences the characters. Have them interact with it, give their perspectives on it. I understand this is probably not the goal of the support conversation above, nor is it the style of the support conversation above, but that style isn't all that attractive to an outsider. The support conversation style focuses on relationship bits, and you provided many admirably.https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10578858/5/Super-Smash-Brothers-Support-Conversations
Newest chapter of my Super smash supports. This one I got a bolt of inspiration for and decided to roll with it.
it's X
Like I said, it's one I didn't think I'd do until I did it.
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