Pierce7d
Wise Hermit
- Joined
- Dec 20, 2006
- Messages
- 6,289
- 3DS FC
- 1993-9028-0439
Link to original post: [drupal=5146]Can't seem to let go . . .[/drupal]
I quit smash, twice. I play from time to time casually, but whenever I go a long time without playing, I get this itch to play. Then I play, observe the flaws in the game, and then get upset again, and wonder why I just can't stay away. After rising to such a height in knowledge of the game, I grew to both love and despise it, and it constantly tournaments me. I try to be rid of it, but it was more than just a game for me. It was a lifestyle, and a culture, for years. I remember in high school (that was years ago, I'm 21 now) I used to walk around with my controller, so I could practice my tech skill in class.
I constantly think of getting back into the mix, but I know it's fruitless. I don't have the patience or dedication to get my technical skill to the level necessary to rise for the top, and I don't care to sit anywhere below the top. So I sit idly by, observing from a distance, not competing. But my passion isn't necessarily even for the competition. I really miss teaching. I miss staying up until 3am to finish up the new article I was writing, so that some one, somewhere, could maybe get a little bit better at the game. I miss checking a constantly full PM box (till I became a mod, then my PM box could not fill) asking for tips and questions, and answering them with unrivaled helpfulness and clarity. Hell, I miss yelling at people and telling them they were bad, and why they were bad until I was blue in the face, not because I wanted to hurt anyone's feelings, but because I just wanted them to be better, and dammit I was going to make them better even if through sheer willpower.
I constantly think about coming back to Smashboards, and resuming teaching. I've caught myself daydreaming about hosting video chat sessions, which are classes. I've imagined curriculum worth of content which I could teach anyone who wanted to learn. The other day, I was talking to my friend Mike on Skype, and I was watching a video of a Marth player who sought me out on Facebook (didn't even have him added on Facebook), and I started to explain it all to Mike, who doesn't even play Smash, all the flaws in the video. And when I had been teaching him for about half an hour, and I was only 2 minutes into the video, I finally caught myself and stopped. Not that Mike didn't seem uninterested, but I realized I hadn't even seen the whole video yet, and me and Mike had other stuff to talk about, and it was getting late.
But then I realize, I don't have the technology to do what I really want to do. I don't have the ability for group video chatting. I can't live stream. I just don't have the resources for any of this stuff. So instead, I just keep it to myself, and tell myself that coming back to Smash is probably a waste of time anyway.
But I just can't deny how I really feel.
I quit smash, twice. I play from time to time casually, but whenever I go a long time without playing, I get this itch to play. Then I play, observe the flaws in the game, and then get upset again, and wonder why I just can't stay away. After rising to such a height in knowledge of the game, I grew to both love and despise it, and it constantly tournaments me. I try to be rid of it, but it was more than just a game for me. It was a lifestyle, and a culture, for years. I remember in high school (that was years ago, I'm 21 now) I used to walk around with my controller, so I could practice my tech skill in class.
I constantly think of getting back into the mix, but I know it's fruitless. I don't have the patience or dedication to get my technical skill to the level necessary to rise for the top, and I don't care to sit anywhere below the top. So I sit idly by, observing from a distance, not competing. But my passion isn't necessarily even for the competition. I really miss teaching. I miss staying up until 3am to finish up the new article I was writing, so that some one, somewhere, could maybe get a little bit better at the game. I miss checking a constantly full PM box (till I became a mod, then my PM box could not fill) asking for tips and questions, and answering them with unrivaled helpfulness and clarity. Hell, I miss yelling at people and telling them they were bad, and why they were bad until I was blue in the face, not because I wanted to hurt anyone's feelings, but because I just wanted them to be better, and dammit I was going to make them better even if through sheer willpower.
I constantly think about coming back to Smashboards, and resuming teaching. I've caught myself daydreaming about hosting video chat sessions, which are classes. I've imagined curriculum worth of content which I could teach anyone who wanted to learn. The other day, I was talking to my friend Mike on Skype, and I was watching a video of a Marth player who sought me out on Facebook (didn't even have him added on Facebook), and I started to explain it all to Mike, who doesn't even play Smash, all the flaws in the video. And when I had been teaching him for about half an hour, and I was only 2 minutes into the video, I finally caught myself and stopped. Not that Mike didn't seem uninterested, but I realized I hadn't even seen the whole video yet, and me and Mike had other stuff to talk about, and it was getting late.
But then I realize, I don't have the technology to do what I really want to do. I don't have the ability for group video chatting. I can't live stream. I just don't have the resources for any of this stuff. So instead, I just keep it to myself, and tell myself that coming back to Smash is probably a waste of time anyway.
But I just can't deny how I really feel.
