Broken hearts and other pointy objects

[S l o X]

In a world full of corruption
You try to find your desire
Care to look for love
Through all the fire?

Run away
Try to find your happy place
But you'll find out
You'll see the tears on her face

It's not easy out there
There's danger and hardships
Maybe your parents
Weren't so full of ****...

You walked into it all
Obstacle after obstacle
The lights go out
Blowing out the candles

You should have shown some respect
You turned into the suspect
You created this car wreck
What a collection of perfect
Broken hearts and other pointy objects
​

Old stuff that I wrote months ago.​

 

[darkgirku]

Nice buildup to the last line lol
I was starting to expect to not see the title in the poem at all, but when i read it, t'was good.

 

[Metà]

You had some nice metaphors, and good flow overall, but I found the rhyming to be the weakest element. IMO it would have been better off if you made no attempt to rhyme; it seems a little forced. You really have to be careful about syllables and stress if you're going to use rhymes, so use them with caution.

My opinion of rhymes in poetry is this:

Rhymes don't express emotion; their sole purpose is to please the ear.

Good job though, I think I can feel where you're coming from. Keep it up ^ ^