Actions and Words.

[Lindenburg Showdown]

In the end of it all, we are not what we write.
As long as I have lived, I have fought the fight the fight.
Words are only tools we use to understand,
They are not ways to steady a reckless hand.
While ideals can be wrong or right,
It is not words that win the night.

All is decided by strength and power,
Where ruminations on the beauty of a flower,
Are overlooked, or rather ignored,
and often our poets seem so floored.
Their great works, sit stagnant and moored?
Unbelievable to them-- yet the masses are bored.

Never have our words won the war,
It is up to those who fight, and risk much more.
The warrior poet, a dream for those,
masters of the written word, who believe in power of prose,
It is a distant dream,
That words will ever mean

More than power, weapons and strength may lend.
The usefulness of words, has seen its end.




First attempt at writing poetry of any sort, so I used a pretty basic layout. I figured screw it, if Stephanie Meyer can be considered good at writing I can at least take a stab at poetry.

 

[saigatachi]

I don't know much about poetry so I won't critique on style or structure or rhythm or any such sort. Your content, however, is exquisite, and you translate your intentions quite well.
"Their great works, sit stagnant and moored?/Unbelievable to them--yet the masses are bored"
Kudos.

 

[Evil Eye]

I actually like your ideas and they could be pulled into a good poem, but the rhythm is a bit clunky; the word choice doesn't lend to the flow a good poem needs, and often trips my brain over it. I love the second stanza, though, it's the closest to perfect of the four by a landslide.

I'm kind of hoping LT will stop by since he's pretty much the one true poet on SWF, heh. I can't articulate much critique for poetry because I simply like to read it and literally never write it. So I'm basically just pulling from having read poetry and a bit of English I from ages ago, heh.

For working on rhythm, this wikipedia article on meter could be very helpful. You can probably skip over the bits that go into poetry written in sanskrit and the like, but the bits on caesurae, feet, and metric variations in particular help to put a lot of quantification into what helps make a sentence flow.

 

[Jim Morrison]

I actually like your ideas and they could be pulled into a good poem, but the rhythm is a bit clunky; the word choice doesn't lend to the flow a good poem needs, and often trips my brain over it. I love the second stanza, though, it's the closest to perfect of the four by a landslide.

For working on rhythm, this wikipedia article on meter could be very helpful. You can probably skip over the bits that go into poetry written in sanskrit and the like, but the bits on caesurae, feet, and metric variations in particular help to put a lot of quantification into what helps make a sentence flow.

I'm not sure if I agree with EE. I've had some teachings in poetry as well and I think you did just fine. Actually, the only part I felt didn't match the rythm was the second line ("As long as I have lived, I have fought the fight the fight."). EE, what parts did you feel were clunky?
I agree on the second stanza, definitely, great work on that.

What I'm wondering is, when you wrote: "It is not words that win the night.", what did you mean with night? It feels like you really wanted to write fight there, but you had already used the word fight in the second line? I think using fight in this line would be a much better choice of words, as it would connect more to the second stanza.

Great work, much better than I have written in English, kinda jealous of your work . The thing I believe needs the most improvement is the second line of your first stanza.

 

[darkgirku]

Amazing. very enjoyable read and great ideas
little late but whatevs. too good not to post lol.

 

[Cleod]

You had proficient word choice, for the most part the poem drifted and the meaning was worthy of note. I just got lost in the flow a couple times.