A tragic little love story.

[Nelo Vergil]

Link to original post: [drupal=2853]A tragic little love story.[/drupal]



Hello once again SWF blog insonmiacs, today Im writing a blog about a friends very strange problem, and was hoping that anyone could offer him advice on this very straining time. I wont be using any real names out of respect.

Dan, a 19 year old friend I met on SWF two years ago as part of my NeW endeavours, was always an incredibly upbeat, happy guy, being around him always lightened the mood. One day recently, he moved to NY to work for his families store, to help out and such. While he was working there, he met a 26 year old mother (I believe she was never married either) with 2 children. As Dan and her worked together, they began to become attracted to each other, going on Dates, spending time with her kids, clearly something was there. However once Dan's family found out, they discouraged this, thinking she was trash essentially (poor, unwed mother), and wanted them to break up immediately. Dan and her tried to date in secret, but it became to hard, and Dan, fearing shed lose her job, ended it. A few weeks later, his mother back where he was from, 6 hours from NY, became Ill, so hes back there for a few weeks. However they've both discovered they love each other, that the other is special, but both feel all hope is lost. Sweet, lovable, happy Dan is now drinking major amounts of alcohol, always depressed that there not together.

Thats the story thus far, so I ask you SWF, for my good friends sake, is there anything they can do?

 

[chaindude]

First his parents should let him do what he wants maybe try to get him off the alcohol it acts as a despressant it just gets worse

 

[Red the Ghost]

19 year old

He's a legal adult. What can his family do about it?

 

[Sucumbio]

Tragic, yes. Unexpected, no. Most parents, especially enterprising parents like his parents (small-business owners) will assume that a single mom is only looking for a sap to unload her kids on. If they intend to get married, or even him adopting the children, this will likely end up in his getting disowned by his parents, who stand to lose a great deal in their investment in him, the rightful heir to their riches. This is all conjecture of course, I would need to know a lot more detail about his family, their success, their mindsets, etc. But just on the surface, their reaction tells me that they fear he's throwing his future away, and jeopardizing their future IN him, by getting involved w/a single mother. She may have a very good reason for being a single mom, or she may have had 2 illegitimate kids by different fathers, or the same father, so again I would need to know more about her to gain a better understanding of the situation.

Lastly, I'd need to know more about Him. Is he trying to go to school? Is he dumb as rocks? Right now I know he's depressed, but that's ... not necessarily uncommon. Especially if his parent's fears are true, and he's been seduced by her, in which case their separation will result in his feeling very lonely and depressed. Or it could be true love, in which case he'll have to Man Up, take responsibility for his life, and do what he needs to do to sleep at night. Him being a nineteen year old means I have little sympathy for the "my parents won't let me" argument, cause, well... when he turned 18 he technically wasn't under their guardianship anymore legally speaking. From experience I can tell you that some parents DO try to hold onto their kids far longer than his healthy. They'll lend them money, so they can have something over their head. His inheritance for example may be a key element to this. Or maybe he's grown up in such a family that betraying the family trust, the elder wishes... is a no no. He Italian??? Sounds Italian. Or Greek.

Anyway... not much in the way insight from me, just stating the obvious, really. Perhaps you can shed more light on this, thus enabling us to give better feedback.

 

[El Nino]

My two cents. Dan needs to become an adult. Sooner is better than later. That means getting a job other than one through his parents, possibly going to school as well, building a savings account, and working towards putting money down on a house. His finances are going to play a big role in the outcome of this situation, considering that the woman he's interested in also works through his family.

All of that is going to take time, but time will test two things: 1) How far his family is willing to take this petty argument, whether it's just the usual hesitation and disapproval that comes with most parents when their kids start dating, or if they're really sensing something wrong about the situation; 2) how far his girlfriend is willing to take the relationship, how serious she is about it and possibly having a future with him.

So, yes, I think if he wants to still see her, he should. I think if she gets fired for it, that is grounds for a lawsuit because it might be considered unlawful termination, depending on the laws in that area. I think they both should, however, first work on becoming financially independent, and probably should find other employment (tough job market, I know). It's possible that if they are persistent enough, his family may back off once they realize how serious they are. I think her age might also be something that they take issue with.

What he should not be doing is paying her large sums of money, or taking out credit cards to help support her kids. However, she has a job, so maybe she's used to supporting herself. I say all this realizing that their relationship may not even work out in the end. But I think that even that mistake is his to make. Kids have to grow up sometime. A missed opportunity can haunt you far worse than a relationship that ended badly.

 

[Super_Sonic8677]

Hey this is "dan" and though he didn't really want the world to know about his little life story, now that it's being talked about it might as well be set straight er more straight.

Prior to his going to New York to work for family he had spent 4 months unsuccessfully looking for a job locally. (Yes I know I fail at life.) A position he is now back to because of events that will be explained shortly.

He doesn't have a car currently because if he doesn't have a job he can't afford to pay for one. Nor can his parent afford to pay for one. Singular not plural.

During the time he has been working at said store he's put away almost all of what he made into savings which is approximately 2500 dollars currently.

The relationship was a missed opportunity that also ended well semi badly.. We drifted apart over the over a month, month and a half I was gone back to PA to at first visit just a week or so and then something happened and I had to have surgery and I was held up for alot longer than I thought. Couldn't really talk too very much got each other on aim and other things when possible. She got depressed and then I got depressed over the whole thing. We parted ways and a couple weeks later she told me she had had a one night stand with someone. Even though we technically weren't together anymore that didn't feel well, very good at all. And she felt terrible that she had done it. After that she started drinking about everyday which I'm not sure if she's still doing or not.. and I..well I only had a few bottles of Jack Daniels which is gone.

I saw her yesterday and couldn't even barely talk to her. We had went up yesterday so I could pick up my crap that I had left behind.

We had been pretty seriously together for I'd say probably 4 months or so about I guess. Maybe I'm just an overly emotional person but right now it hurts so bad that I'm physically in pain and I don't really have anyone to talk to. Certainly not my family who were against it. Deffinately not her. And my online friends..I see them very little these days.. I don't visit here very much anymore either.

My plans for the future are to keep looking for a job, finally get a freakin car, and then see what I can do for college in the spring.

Now that they undertsand it's over they're all saying that they wouldn't have really done anything or interfered. It'd be kinda funny if I didn't feel like **** right now. But yes they could hold me back because I didn't and at the moment still don't have the financial means to support myself all on my own. Because I nwouldn't half *** do it and make the her or kids suffer having ti support me on top of themselves. Also, Yes I understand that I would have to be able to support myself and her for this to have worked and was working towards being able to do that..until what happened, happened..

As far as sympathy goes I didn't ask or want any. If I wanted help from random strangers I know nothing about I would have asked you guys myself about the situation. But I've read enough blogs about other's people's problems to know these sort of topics never go over well. At least usually. I really don't want to argue about whether I love her or was infatuated or it was just a crush or was seduced or any of that. And yes I do realize I switched from talking in the third person to the first two thirds of the way through but I don't feel like fixing it.

Oh.. and looking back over the posts again El Nino is dead on the first two paragraphs. She lost all hope in it, in me and eventually gave up. And now..so have I.

If we somehow later down the road when I'm on my own or financially more stable..I don't know I might try to see if things could work out again depending on how and what she's doing..Love infatuation crush whatever I don't really care what the hell it is I do still love her and care deeply about her..she was my best friend before we came to where we were and then are now....

Adam this was not cool. I understand why you did it..but still.. oh well. You guys will all take it and me as you will I suppose.

Sorry for all the mistakes in it..I wrote it kinda fast..