tirkaro
Smash Champion
Link to original post: [drupal=4388]A compendium of super-stupid 3rd party crossovers for a super-stupid Smash Bros 4.[/drupal]
While the Soul Calibur series may have opened the floodgates, it's only recently that the video game industry has suddenly become infatuated with one thing, and one thing only: Friggin' stupid video game crossovers. If video game crossovers were the industry equivalent of dry-humping, these last couple of years would be freaking Homecoming. Thus why we suddenly have a bunch of random 70's anime characters fighting Capcom heroes, why we have a bunch of Modern Anime characters and obscure mascots in our NIS SRPGs, why Kratos from God of War is now in not one, but 2 completely unrelated fighting games, why some guy from Tekken is in a Naruto fighter, why Gears of War peeps are in Lost Planet, why Naked Snake is tangling with the beasts of Monster Hunter, and why we have obscure Nintendo characters being inserted into Koei Warriors games, of all things. But to top off all these incredibly dumb crossovers, the platinum medal of stupidity has to go to the recent announcement of none other than the main character of InFAMOUS getting into freaking Street Fighter X Tekken. Yes, in a game CLEARLY about Street Fighter roughing up alongside the Tekken crew, somebody in the dev team, presumably that one stoner with a beard doing volunteer work in hope for an internship while messing around in the coffee room, found it necessary to insert the main character from presumably the last game he played after getting high with some homeless cat-rapist. (Well, presumably. I suppose his initial suggestions of "That wrestler with a schlong for a face that I made in Smackdown vs Raw 2011" and "That guy with a baseball bat for genitalia in Rapelay" got shot down.) So pat yourself on the back you completely unnecessary marketing decision! You've earned it!
Pictured: Cole, presumably about to square off against the combined forces of Rocky Balboa and the Cookie Monster in Super Street Fighter x Tekken 3D: iPad 5 edition. Tekken x Street Fighter is apparently 25% done at this point.
But more importantly, it's at this point and time that a new Smash Bros. had the misfortune to be announced. And as I can see, poor Smash Bros is pretty much doomed at the hands of insane corporate bigwigs. After all, the whole series prides itself on Crossovers, and just last game they allowed any 3rd party dude to enter fair and square! And given the fact that Smash is a widely-beloved Nintendo series, inclusion among it's cast of characters is surely a major cash grab for any franchise! Not to mention the now much more vocal fanbase behind these companies likely bugging them to add their brand of all-stars to the Smash mix. And thus begins what's sure to be a proverbial graping of the Smash Bros. series by 3rd party suits with money in their eyes. And if that wasn't enough, Nintendo's recent c**k sucking of 3rd party companies in order to appease them in any way possible (Given that they completely gimped the 3DS' launch just to let 3rd parties shine, and showed nothing but one 1st party title for WiiU, preferring to focus only on 3rd Parties) means they'll probably do nothing but mindlessly approve.
But rather than fight what is sure to come, I'm just going to passively accept it. With that in mind, I'm going to make a list of random 3rd party companies with surely some intrusive d**k to stick into the orifice that is HAL's Brawler. Not only that, but I'll also go into detail with how they might be implemented, because I go but a cut above the rest. With that, I will follow the hopefully-left-unbroken rule of 1 character per 3rd party. Note that I'm leaving Capcom and Square Enix out of this; Capcom because everyone expects at least some involvement from them, Square Enix because that's a whole 'nother bag of worms I wont get into. Either way, both just aren't stupid or unnecessary enough.
GRASSHOPPER MANUFACTURE- TRAVIS TOUCHDOWN
Let's start off with an obvious, yet quite unobvious choice, shall we? Out of all the dudes listed here, everyone's favorite geek assassin here probably has the highest chance. Personally, I'll actually be surprised if it doesn't happen. Suda has stated multiple times how much he wants Travis to be slicing s**t up in the new Smash. This could either be amazing or a complete mess, with absolutely no inbetween. While I do like the NMH series, Travis could easily just end up feeling too awkward. Not in terms of gameplay of course, but in terms of general character. A lot of the more vulgar elements of Travis' character would have to be toned-down significantly to be approved by the house of Nintendo. While toning down his dialogue might be easy if they get a good writer to handle it(though that'll sadly mean we won't get most of Mr. Touchdown's more memorable quotes), things like the rather *ahem* peculiar way he charges his beam Katana might be harder to work around. Gee, now that I think about it, Travis IS a rather awkward fit, but it shouldn't be anything some masterful corporate fellatio skills can't handle.
So let's talk Travis as a character. Gameplay-wise, he should be a rather easy addition. Smash has plenty of sword swingers, but Travis' more feral, unwieldy style could provide enough variety. And Travis has plenty of butt-kicking moves in his source games to provide loads of moves to work upon. Personally, I'd like a system where he could switch between 3 different beam Katanas: the simple-but-deadly Blood Berry, the quick and efficient Rose Nasty, and the slow but mighty Peony. Switching between these 3 weapons and knowing when and where to use them would be key for any Travis player, like a less drastic Pokemon Trainer. (But knowing Sakurai 1337 balancing skillz, it'll probably be so that only one Katana is particularly useful while the rest can go eat a choad, LOL.)
ATLUS- JACK FROST
While Atlus does have loads of colorful franchises, their main meat and potatoes have always been the Shin Megami Tensei series of JRPGs, so it's quite obvious that they'd try and plug it in here above all others. And within the SMT franchise, the only real occurring characters are some of the many collectable demons you can fight and capture. (Yes, SMT was doing the Pokemon schtick before the freaking Game Boy came out, so Nintendo better pay some mad respek) So here we are at Jack Frost, the most well-known of these demonic hellspawnsbesides Mara, and Atlus' adorable mascot.
Jack Frost's playstyle should be a rather straightforward one to sort out. He mostly uses various Ice-based attacks, and would make for a super-quick, pint-sized fighter. Think a highly beefed up Pichu, with a bit of Ice Climbers thrown in there, and you should have a good idea of what Jack could deliver.
However, whilst his inclusion feels the most logical and likely among all the Megami Tensei peeps, I personally can't help but feel that it would be something of a wasted opportunity. As he is, Jack Frost feels plenty Nintendo-like, and doesn't really stand out from the many Kirbies and Pikachus and Yoshis. If I personally had things MY way, I'd go for a more complete "Demi-Fiend" character.(That's the main playable character in Nocturne if you don't know.) Not only would it allow better representation for what the SMT series is really all about, he could also act as a counterpart to Pokemon Trainer. My idea is that he'd switch between 3 demons; I guess Jack Frost, Cerberus, and a more unexpected demon. While you'd mainly control the appointed demon, the Demi-Fiend would follow you and fight alongside much like Nana of the Ice Climbers. That is, if the Smash team is willing to put that much work in a simple guest character.(They probably aren't)
UBISOFT- EZIO AUDITORE DA FIRENZE
Since Ubisoft cares about Rayman about as much as something that doesn't care whatsoever about something, it makes sense that Ubisoft would represent with their latest hot property, Assassin's Creed. I neither know nor care about this series, but apparently it's super popular with the guitar-playing stoners in my high school, and is apparently the only western game franchise Japan knows about, so dumb crossover time it is!(Hey, it's either him or Rabbids, and I don't even wanna think about the latter....please don't do it Ubisoft, I beg.) Ezio seems like the most logical choice because I'm not going to bother wasting my time by playing this stupid series so I'm going with the one name I see the most among DeviantArt fangirls.
So Ezio! Um, he has blades on his wrists or something. I guess he would be super-fast and all, being an assassin? Something of a quick, technical character; but with lighter emphasis on the "technical" side, making him more beginner-friendly than most other characters of his type. (Since I doubt the attention span of the average person who plays Assassin's Creed has that high of a threshold.)
ARC SYSTEM WORKS- RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE
While just about any cool person would want Sol Badguy over this lamer, I guess we should all accept that Guilty Gear is dead in the water and BlazBlue is the new hotness. And thus is where Ragna the Bloodedge comes in, being the main character of the game that helped spearhead Fighters in the mainstream global market alongside Street Fighter 4. Ragna is fairly plain as far as fighters in that game goes(being the main character and all), but in Smash, he could be a real stand-out player. I always have likened BB's "Drive" button to SSB's special move button, so mapping Ragna's "Soul Eater" drive, complete with Distortion drives, to the special move button would be pretty neat. And on top of that, Ragna's health absorption mechanic would be something new and interesting to see.
NIPPON ICHI SOFTWARE- PRINNY(OR ETNA)
Now let us get this straight: NIS is a complete, 2 dollar, crack ***** for unnecessary crossovers. Not only have they lent their properties not once, but three times to those uneducated, talentless bumf**ks at Idea Factory, but they've recently been stuffing their games with as much random Japanese pop culture characters as they can find. Hell, even the new Cave Story remake for 3DS has Prinnies in it. It actually wouldn't be too big a stretch to assume the house of Grindfests would want to nose their uninvited diddlesticks into some Smash installment in the future.
Now, actually predicting what character they'll chose is something of a toughie. It was somewhat of a toss up for me between the sultry demon Etna and the extra lovable (and explodable!) mascot Prinny. While Etna would technically be the more popular choise, and would provide a more interesting moveset and character overall, the Prinny is more of a family-friendly mascot for NIS as a whole.(Plus, he has his own game series too!) Besides, look at what Etna is wearing! Jeezus girl, I know you're a demon and all, but put some freakin' clothes on! You really expect to get into Smash like that?
In terms of gameplay, the Prinnies would not only use their quick Daggers, but also a wide range of weapons and tricks carried over from the "Can I really be the Hero?" series. They'd likewise be super-quick and tricky little *******s, and their many little tools would make them sorta like little mini-Snakes. Of course, this would all be offset by having the stamina of a wet tuna sandwich, as is true of the games.
But if Nintendo finds the heart to let Etna in the game instead, she could not only use her demon magic and that nasty spear of hers, she could also call upon Prinnies much like Captain Olimar's Pikmin. Etna could send these little doods to attack her unfortunate foe, or just straight up grab the little penguin *******s and use them as bombs!
NICALIS- QUOTE
Daisuke "Pixel" Amaya's Cave Story has made quite it's way around the house of Nintendo, being one of the few recent successful releases on WiiWare thanks to publisher Nicalis, as well as being one of the few reasons to justify the DSiWare shop. It's even coming soon with retail a 3D remake courtesy of Nicalis and Nippon Ichi Software! And if you get to know the Nicalis guys themselves, you can see they're obviously big dreamers, even pushing Pixel to make a sequel. So it wouldn't be too surprising for Nicalis to push the Cave Story name even further, not to mention represent for the little independent guys in the industry, by offering Quote from Cave Story into the Brawl! It would certainly be an interesting decision, marking the first time a truly independent title would get represented in a big-budget fighter, no doubt to the delight of at least around half of the indie scene.(The other half probably sneering and pouting at how Pixel sold out or some stereotypical hipster crap like that.)
Quote comes from a standard Run-and-gun platformer, meaning he'd have access mostly to a large variety of guns and blasters. He'd probably be a campy, projectile-based character, able to shoot in shoot in all directions and overwhelm the opponent in swarms of bullets. His large amount of range-based variety would obviously be output by a severely gimped close-ranged game and little stamina to go on. Personally, I'm quite surprised Smash doesn't already have a character like this, since the engine seems to lend itself perfectly to such a playstyle.
VALVE- HEAVY WEAPONS GUY
As far as I can tell, no Valve titles have ever been on a Nintendo console. Yet. But now that we finally have hardware capable of running Valve's offerings, as well as the WiiU looking like it'll probably be filled with 3rd party HD hand-me-downs, what better time is there for Valve to make their Nintendo debut with the WiiU? And since the WiiU is apparently loads more powerful and sexy than the current gen consoles, maybe it could even have it's own STEAM!? And maybe then, perhaps we could get a console TF2 with the updates and benefits of the PC version. And what better way to celebrate such an event by introducing none other than the Heavy Weapons Guy himself to the Brawl/Melee/Beatdown/Strife? He seems like a pretty obvious choice, unless Gabe Newell somehow gets off his fat a** and makes Episode 3, and they want to plug in Gordon Freeman instead. But there's 2 problems with this scenario:
1. If Episode 3 gets announced, the resulting outbreak of shock and other general feelings like that would be explode the internet(mainly /v/), and dooming the entire earth. Thus, no more Smash Bros
2. TF2's more over-the-top nature seems to make it more of a fit for the equally over-the-top nature of the Smash series. Plus, the Heavy's crossed over into some Poker game didn't he? He's obviously more than willing to do pointless crossover events for fun and profit.
So in terms of gameplay, Heavy would be a rather unique take on a projectile-based playstyle. He'd be slow, heavy, and generally tank-like, while having loads of extremely powerful bullets and assortments of projectiles. Not to mention he could tear it up at close-range as well with his powerful boxing moves. In a game where big, slow, and powerful characters tend to falter,(No, Snake doesn't count one bit) the Heavy could make for an interesting subversion by mixing things up a bit.
Honorable Mentions-
Terry Bogard (SNK)
Ryu Hayabusa (Tecmo)
Lloyd Irving (Namco)(What? You expect Pac-man or something? Pfft, that loser couldn't even get into Namco's own crossover SRPG, what makes you think he has a chance here?)
That guy from the Conduit (High Voltage Software)
Shantae (WayForward)
So yeah, I could probably list off these stupid potential disasters for all eternity, but you know what? Since stupid crossovers tend to be just that, I bet you anything the "surprise" guest 3rd party (Or two or five or twenty) won't even be one I listed here. You can never underestimate the ever more delightfully boneheaded vidyajames induhstree, so we might as well enjoy the *******ery while we can. Well, right after we get around to playing Super Gainax vs Dreamworks 2: featuring John Cena and Hulk Hogan in 2013.
While the Soul Calibur series may have opened the floodgates, it's only recently that the video game industry has suddenly become infatuated with one thing, and one thing only: Friggin' stupid video game crossovers. If video game crossovers were the industry equivalent of dry-humping, these last couple of years would be freaking Homecoming. Thus why we suddenly have a bunch of random 70's anime characters fighting Capcom heroes, why we have a bunch of Modern Anime characters and obscure mascots in our NIS SRPGs, why Kratos from God of War is now in not one, but 2 completely unrelated fighting games, why some guy from Tekken is in a Naruto fighter, why Gears of War peeps are in Lost Planet, why Naked Snake is tangling with the beasts of Monster Hunter, and why we have obscure Nintendo characters being inserted into Koei Warriors games, of all things. But to top off all these incredibly dumb crossovers, the platinum medal of stupidity has to go to the recent announcement of none other than the main character of InFAMOUS getting into freaking Street Fighter X Tekken. Yes, in a game CLEARLY about Street Fighter roughing up alongside the Tekken crew, somebody in the dev team, presumably that one stoner with a beard doing volunteer work in hope for an internship while messing around in the coffee room, found it necessary to insert the main character from presumably the last game he played after getting high with some homeless cat-rapist. (Well, presumably. I suppose his initial suggestions of "That wrestler with a schlong for a face that I made in Smackdown vs Raw 2011" and "That guy with a baseball bat for genitalia in Rapelay" got shot down.) So pat yourself on the back you completely unnecessary marketing decision! You've earned it!
Pictured: Cole, presumably about to square off against the combined forces of Rocky Balboa and the Cookie Monster in Super Street Fighter x Tekken 3D: iPad 5 edition. Tekken x Street Fighter is apparently 25% done at this point.
But more importantly, it's at this point and time that a new Smash Bros. had the misfortune to be announced. And as I can see, poor Smash Bros is pretty much doomed at the hands of insane corporate bigwigs. After all, the whole series prides itself on Crossovers, and just last game they allowed any 3rd party dude to enter fair and square! And given the fact that Smash is a widely-beloved Nintendo series, inclusion among it's cast of characters is surely a major cash grab for any franchise! Not to mention the now much more vocal fanbase behind these companies likely bugging them to add their brand of all-stars to the Smash mix. And thus begins what's sure to be a proverbial graping of the Smash Bros. series by 3rd party suits with money in their eyes. And if that wasn't enough, Nintendo's recent c**k sucking of 3rd party companies in order to appease them in any way possible (Given that they completely gimped the 3DS' launch just to let 3rd parties shine, and showed nothing but one 1st party title for WiiU, preferring to focus only on 3rd Parties) means they'll probably do nothing but mindlessly approve.
But rather than fight what is sure to come, I'm just going to passively accept it. With that in mind, I'm going to make a list of random 3rd party companies with surely some intrusive d**k to stick into the orifice that is HAL's Brawler. Not only that, but I'll also go into detail with how they might be implemented, because I go but a cut above the rest. With that, I will follow the hopefully-left-unbroken rule of 1 character per 3rd party. Note that I'm leaving Capcom and Square Enix out of this; Capcom because everyone expects at least some involvement from them, Square Enix because that's a whole 'nother bag of worms I wont get into. Either way, both just aren't stupid or unnecessary enough.
GRASSHOPPER MANUFACTURE- TRAVIS TOUCHDOWN
Let's start off with an obvious, yet quite unobvious choice, shall we? Out of all the dudes listed here, everyone's favorite geek assassin here probably has the highest chance. Personally, I'll actually be surprised if it doesn't happen. Suda has stated multiple times how much he wants Travis to be slicing s**t up in the new Smash. This could either be amazing or a complete mess, with absolutely no inbetween. While I do like the NMH series, Travis could easily just end up feeling too awkward. Not in terms of gameplay of course, but in terms of general character. A lot of the more vulgar elements of Travis' character would have to be toned-down significantly to be approved by the house of Nintendo. While toning down his dialogue might be easy if they get a good writer to handle it(though that'll sadly mean we won't get most of Mr. Touchdown's more memorable quotes), things like the rather *ahem* peculiar way he charges his beam Katana might be harder to work around. Gee, now that I think about it, Travis IS a rather awkward fit, but it shouldn't be anything some masterful corporate fellatio skills can't handle.
So let's talk Travis as a character. Gameplay-wise, he should be a rather easy addition. Smash has plenty of sword swingers, but Travis' more feral, unwieldy style could provide enough variety. And Travis has plenty of butt-kicking moves in his source games to provide loads of moves to work upon. Personally, I'd like a system where he could switch between 3 different beam Katanas: the simple-but-deadly Blood Berry, the quick and efficient Rose Nasty, and the slow but mighty Peony. Switching between these 3 weapons and knowing when and where to use them would be key for any Travis player, like a less drastic Pokemon Trainer. (But knowing Sakurai 1337 balancing skillz, it'll probably be so that only one Katana is particularly useful while the rest can go eat a choad, LOL.)
ATLUS- JACK FROST
While Atlus does have loads of colorful franchises, their main meat and potatoes have always been the Shin Megami Tensei series of JRPGs, so it's quite obvious that they'd try and plug it in here above all others. And within the SMT franchise, the only real occurring characters are some of the many collectable demons you can fight and capture. (Yes, SMT was doing the Pokemon schtick before the freaking Game Boy came out, so Nintendo better pay some mad respek) So here we are at Jack Frost, the most well-known of these demonic hellspawns
Jack Frost's playstyle should be a rather straightforward one to sort out. He mostly uses various Ice-based attacks, and would make for a super-quick, pint-sized fighter. Think a highly beefed up Pichu, with a bit of Ice Climbers thrown in there, and you should have a good idea of what Jack could deliver.
However, whilst his inclusion feels the most logical and likely among all the Megami Tensei peeps, I personally can't help but feel that it would be something of a wasted opportunity. As he is, Jack Frost feels plenty Nintendo-like, and doesn't really stand out from the many Kirbies and Pikachus and Yoshis. If I personally had things MY way, I'd go for a more complete "Demi-Fiend" character.(That's the main playable character in Nocturne if you don't know.) Not only would it allow better representation for what the SMT series is really all about, he could also act as a counterpart to Pokemon Trainer. My idea is that he'd switch between 3 demons; I guess Jack Frost, Cerberus, and a more unexpected demon. While you'd mainly control the appointed demon, the Demi-Fiend would follow you and fight alongside much like Nana of the Ice Climbers. That is, if the Smash team is willing to put that much work in a simple guest character.(They probably aren't)
UBISOFT- EZIO AUDITORE DA FIRENZE
Since Ubisoft cares about Rayman about as much as something that doesn't care whatsoever about something, it makes sense that Ubisoft would represent with their latest hot property, Assassin's Creed. I neither know nor care about this series, but apparently it's super popular with the guitar-playing stoners in my high school, and is apparently the only western game franchise Japan knows about, so dumb crossover time it is!(Hey, it's either him or Rabbids, and I don't even wanna think about the latter....please don't do it Ubisoft, I beg.) Ezio seems like the most logical choice because I'm not going to bother wasting my time by playing this stupid series so I'm going with the one name I see the most among DeviantArt fangirls.
So Ezio! Um, he has blades on his wrists or something. I guess he would be super-fast and all, being an assassin? Something of a quick, technical character; but with lighter emphasis on the "technical" side, making him more beginner-friendly than most other characters of his type. (Since I doubt the attention span of the average person who plays Assassin's Creed has that high of a threshold.)
ARC SYSTEM WORKS- RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE
While just about any cool person would want Sol Badguy over this lamer, I guess we should all accept that Guilty Gear is dead in the water and BlazBlue is the new hotness. And thus is where Ragna the Bloodedge comes in, being the main character of the game that helped spearhead Fighters in the mainstream global market alongside Street Fighter 4. Ragna is fairly plain as far as fighters in that game goes(being the main character and all), but in Smash, he could be a real stand-out player. I always have likened BB's "Drive" button to SSB's special move button, so mapping Ragna's "Soul Eater" drive, complete with Distortion drives, to the special move button would be pretty neat. And on top of that, Ragna's health absorption mechanic would be something new and interesting to see.
NIPPON ICHI SOFTWARE- PRINNY(OR ETNA)
Now let us get this straight: NIS is a complete, 2 dollar, crack ***** for unnecessary crossovers. Not only have they lent their properties not once, but three times to those uneducated, talentless bumf**ks at Idea Factory, but they've recently been stuffing their games with as much random Japanese pop culture characters as they can find. Hell, even the new Cave Story remake for 3DS has Prinnies in it. It actually wouldn't be too big a stretch to assume the house of Grindfests would want to nose their uninvited diddlesticks into some Smash installment in the future.
Now, actually predicting what character they'll chose is something of a toughie. It was somewhat of a toss up for me between the sultry demon Etna and the extra lovable (and explodable!) mascot Prinny. While Etna would technically be the more popular choise, and would provide a more interesting moveset and character overall, the Prinny is more of a family-friendly mascot for NIS as a whole.(Plus, he has his own game series too!) Besides, look at what Etna is wearing! Jeezus girl, I know you're a demon and all, but put some freakin' clothes on! You really expect to get into Smash like that?
In terms of gameplay, the Prinnies would not only use their quick Daggers, but also a wide range of weapons and tricks carried over from the "Can I really be the Hero?" series. They'd likewise be super-quick and tricky little *******s, and their many little tools would make them sorta like little mini-Snakes. Of course, this would all be offset by having the stamina of a wet tuna sandwich, as is true of the games.
But if Nintendo finds the heart to let Etna in the game instead, she could not only use her demon magic and that nasty spear of hers, she could also call upon Prinnies much like Captain Olimar's Pikmin. Etna could send these little doods to attack her unfortunate foe, or just straight up grab the little penguin *******s and use them as bombs!
NICALIS- QUOTE
Daisuke "Pixel" Amaya's Cave Story has made quite it's way around the house of Nintendo, being one of the few recent successful releases on WiiWare thanks to publisher Nicalis, as well as being one of the few reasons to justify the DSiWare shop. It's even coming soon with retail a 3D remake courtesy of Nicalis and Nippon Ichi Software! And if you get to know the Nicalis guys themselves, you can see they're obviously big dreamers, even pushing Pixel to make a sequel. So it wouldn't be too surprising for Nicalis to push the Cave Story name even further, not to mention represent for the little independent guys in the industry, by offering Quote from Cave Story into the Brawl! It would certainly be an interesting decision, marking the first time a truly independent title would get represented in a big-budget fighter, no doubt to the delight of at least around half of the indie scene.(The other half probably sneering and pouting at how Pixel sold out or some stereotypical hipster crap like that.)
Quote comes from a standard Run-and-gun platformer, meaning he'd have access mostly to a large variety of guns and blasters. He'd probably be a campy, projectile-based character, able to shoot in shoot in all directions and overwhelm the opponent in swarms of bullets. His large amount of range-based variety would obviously be output by a severely gimped close-ranged game and little stamina to go on. Personally, I'm quite surprised Smash doesn't already have a character like this, since the engine seems to lend itself perfectly to such a playstyle.
VALVE- HEAVY WEAPONS GUY
As far as I can tell, no Valve titles have ever been on a Nintendo console. Yet. But now that we finally have hardware capable of running Valve's offerings, as well as the WiiU looking like it'll probably be filled with 3rd party HD hand-me-downs, what better time is there for Valve to make their Nintendo debut with the WiiU? And since the WiiU is apparently loads more powerful and sexy than the current gen consoles, maybe it could even have it's own STEAM!? And maybe then, perhaps we could get a console TF2 with the updates and benefits of the PC version. And what better way to celebrate such an event by introducing none other than the Heavy Weapons Guy himself to the Brawl/Melee/Beatdown/Strife? He seems like a pretty obvious choice, unless Gabe Newell somehow gets off his fat a** and makes Episode 3, and they want to plug in Gordon Freeman instead. But there's 2 problems with this scenario:
1. If Episode 3 gets announced, the resulting outbreak of shock and other general feelings like that would be explode the internet(mainly /v/), and dooming the entire earth. Thus, no more Smash Bros
2. TF2's more over-the-top nature seems to make it more of a fit for the equally over-the-top nature of the Smash series. Plus, the Heavy's crossed over into some Poker game didn't he? He's obviously more than willing to do pointless crossover events for fun and profit.
So in terms of gameplay, Heavy would be a rather unique take on a projectile-based playstyle. He'd be slow, heavy, and generally tank-like, while having loads of extremely powerful bullets and assortments of projectiles. Not to mention he could tear it up at close-range as well with his powerful boxing moves. In a game where big, slow, and powerful characters tend to falter,(No, Snake doesn't count one bit) the Heavy could make for an interesting subversion by mixing things up a bit.
Honorable Mentions-
Terry Bogard (SNK)
Ryu Hayabusa (Tecmo)
Lloyd Irving (Namco)(What? You expect Pac-man or something? Pfft, that loser couldn't even get into Namco's own crossover SRPG, what makes you think he has a chance here?)
That guy from the Conduit (High Voltage Software)
Shantae (WayForward)
So yeah, I could probably list off these stupid potential disasters for all eternity, but you know what? Since stupid crossovers tend to be just that, I bet you anything the "surprise" guest 3rd party (Or two or five or twenty) won't even be one I listed here. You can never underestimate the ever more delightfully boneheaded vidyajames induhstree, so we might as well enjoy the *******ery while we can. Well, right after we get around to playing Super Gainax vs Dreamworks 2: featuring John Cena and Hulk Hogan in 2013.
