What I've learned About Being an Amateur Game Critic

[finalark]

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For those of you who don't know, I enjoy writing reviews and I post them in the user blogs section. I was really thinking about what I've learned about being a critic from all of this and this is what I've got:

Never review games that nobody cares about:

I learned this when I reviewed Star Wars: The Force Unleashed. Zero replies, nobody cares and no one is interested in it.

The best way to get replies is to review something frighteningly popular:

I remember my Street Fighter II review, that one was the one with the most amount of replies. Most of which were agreeing with me about the game's ungodly CPU difficulty (I think I said that the hardest difficulty setting was probably like fighting Chuck Norris in Super Saiyan Five as a guy with no arms and no legs in a wheelchair armed with a sock puppet). I also remember there were one or two people who said that I missed the point of Street Fighter because I was complaining about the CPUs but whatever.

Don't hold back while reviewing:

If there's one thing I hate doing, it's having to put something like this:

Note that not all (insert group here) are like that, just some of them.

I really hate having to put in little disclaimers and such because I'm trying not to offend anyone. Eventually I just decided to speak my mind and really criticize the games I was reviewing. Seriously, it's a review. People read it to know your opinions on it.

Fanboys get pissed of really easily:

The best way to get fanboys on your *** the same way zombies are on a pile of meat is to take anything that's frighteningly popular and tare it to pieces.

EDIT: By the way, this post was kind of half-***** (and that's an understatement). Sorry about that.

 

[DeadDisco]

LOL! Fanboys are indeed pricks! I remember one time when I was walking down the street with a pal and I said "I never watched Star Wars all the way yet. I usually leave the room after the intro." And honest to god a nerdy looking guy that was walking behind us came up to me and cussed me out.

 

[LordoftheMorning]

You sound liek a true critic @_@. That's not a good thing. Wanting to tear popular games to pieces sounds pretty stuck-up any way you look out at it. Sure if you happen play a popular game and think it's overrated, go ahead and tell us, but the way you talk implies that you're actively searching for ways to trash games that a lot of people like. This almost blind hatred for "fanboys" takes you dangerously close to that which you denounce.

Oh and I would be interested in your Star Wars Review. I got that for Christmas and I still haven't decided if it's worth playing or not. Probably not, right? Can you link me to it?

 

[finalark]

You sound liek a true critic @_@. That's not a good thing. Wanting to tear popular games to pieces sounds pretty stuck-up any way you look out at it. Sure if you happen play a popular game and think it's overrated, go ahead and tell us, but the way you talk implies that you're actively searching for ways to trash games that a lot of people like. This almost blind hatred for "fanboys" takes you dangerously close to that which you denounce.

Oh and I would be interested in your Star Wars Review. I got that for Christmas and I still haven't decided if it's worth playing or not. Probably not, right? Can you link me to it?

I like tearing popular things apart because they tend to be extremely overrated. I just enjoy giving wake-up calls to those who honor them the same way one would honor a saint, even though they aren't that good.

And here's my review, note that it's for the PS3 version.

http://www.smashboards.com/showthread.php?t=229475

 

[LordoftheMorning]

Well if you sit down to play a game thinking "this game sure as hell can't be all it's jacked up to be", then you'll miss the actual point of the game. I just want to point out that this sort of thinking trend can lead to arrogance, and soon you'll start to think that the only opinion that matters is your own because everyone is too stupid to be credible. I'm saying this is you, but this is what some critics are when they get carried away.

I recently started playing FF7 after I was able to set it up on my computer (which was cool because it actually worked). I think it's a very good game. I just wish I wasn't so **** OCD about getting every item and checking walkthroughs every 15 minutes just to be sure. Certain parts of it annoy me, but like man, it's definitely deserving of some of the love it gets don't you think?

 

[finalark]

Well if you sit down to play a game thinking "this game sure as hell can't be all it's jacked up to be", then you'll miss the actual point of the game. I just want to point out that this sort of thinking trend can lead to arrogance, and soon you'll start to think that the only thing that matters is your own because everyone is too stupid to be credible. I'm saying this is you, but this is what some critics are when they get carried away.

I recently started playing FF7 after I was able to set it up on my computer (which was cool because it actually worked). I think it's a very good game. Certain parts of it annoy me, but like man, it's definitely deserving of some of the love it gets don't you think?

I sit down to every game I play thinking this: "I'm going to have some fun." That's my mindset, and please don't be mislead by all of the crap that I say about popular games. There are some that I found to be really enjoyable, such as Chrono Trigger or Street Fighter IV (although I haven't played much of the later). And about Final Fantasy VII... okay, no, I really don't think it deserves the praise it gets. Some of the praise, like how cool Sphiroth is, sure. But it being this grand messiah that will lead JRPG gamers to the promised land? No.

 

[Mike B]

I always take the points people make in their reviews and see if they hold any weight.


And those saying Tales of Symphonia (SUCH a popular game) was drawn-out, cliche'd all over the place, too easy... after reading their reviews and playing the game, I agree. It turns out a lot of reviews were like that.



Reviews like "THE BEST GAME I PLAYED IN A LONG TIME!!!" are bull****; too much bias. Those are not trustable.


Keep on doing what you do.

 

[LordoftheMorning]

Meh. Sure I'll admit it's not STUPENDOUSLYAMAZING****INGBLINDINGLYAWESOME! like some people think, but it simply is worth a play-through (or two). The thing is, though, that you shouldn't be quite so vitriolic in your claims. Calm down a bit, and don't hate on people who love the game to death, ya know?

 

[finalark]

And those saying Tales of Symphonia (SUCH a popular game) was drawn-out, cliche'd all over the place, too easy... and after reading their reviews, I kinda agree. And it turns out a lot of reviews mentioned that.

Speaking of tales, someone on these boards asked me for some RPGs I recommended. So I sent him a list with some pros and cons. ToS was on that list, I really thought about the game while sending that, and here's what I ended up typing:

Tales of Symphonia (Gamecube):

Pros:

- Fun battle system (although I've met a few people who dislike it)

Cons:

- It takes everything from anime, which also leads to the following flaws
- Just like an anime, it has filler episodes. Which you have to play through.
- Also just like anime, it has an extremely predictable plot
- All of the characters are taken straight out of the big book of anime stereotypes
- Remind me why I liked this game again?

 

[Mike B]

Yup, about the only thing I enjoyed was the battle system. Cons are spot-on.


One more thing: False hopes. I spent about a million currency extra before learning the village didn't give you anything after the weapon store.

 

[pokesmashfighter]

LOL! Fanboys are indeed pricks! I remember one time when I was walking down the street with a pal and I said "I never watched Star Wars all the way yet. I usually leave the room after the intro." And honest to god a nerdy looking guy that was walking behind us came up to me and cussed me out.

@MGZHORSHZ! YOU DINT WASCH IT!!?!?!?!??!

Spoiler

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up your

Spoiler

cus

!!!!!!!!!

 

[Skrah]

Yeeaaah that PM was sent to me lol.

Anyways, it's no good to lie. You're not kidding anyone, so why do it? Just say what you think and skim through the fanboy comments.

And let me tell you that I really like doing this review project with you. Only thing that I hate is that you call MGS "A movie in which you occasionally press some buttons." I'll get you for that.