The Rain Fell in Stripes: A poem

[demoncaterpie]

We're doing a poetry unit in my class, so I decided to try it out. Let me know if you like it.

The Rain Fell in Stripes​

The rain fell in stripes today
Along the banquet plain.
Water chewed the earth today
Like a pocket-full of cane.

And then the sun, with radiant mane,
Knew He's the one to blame.
Oh what a perfect putrid day
For the sun to eat the rain.

 

[Virgilijus]

I must say I really liked that poem; there is substance in it's brevity.

Although the sixth line had a slightly off kilter flow.

 

[demoncaterpie]

I must say I really liked that poem; there is substance in it's brevity.

Although the sixth line had a slightly off kilter flow.

Thanks for the comment Virg. I actually like the sixth line the way it is. It adds a double meaning to the poem. I could make it He's instead of He. What do you think?

 

[Virgilijus]

That's what I was thinking, actually that way it matches the syntax of the other lines.

 

[demoncaterpie]

Fixed. Now it's perfect .