9Kplus1
Smash Master
Link to original post: [drupal=1921]The (only?) Guide to johning[/drupal]
Unlike any post, username, email, or thread that I've made, take this one seriously. Yep, I said it, take johning seriously.
I and a few of my friends have been recently playing some offline Halo 3 matches and I've been johning about every single death and loss. I've been thinking about every aspect of johning- from why it's important to how it should be used. Now, it's 12 am and instead of fapping, I'm posting my thoughts for you guys to read.
___________________________
Section I.I
What is Johning?
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Well kids, johning is something that pros and noobs alike use to ease pain at times. It could be money johns, loss johns, or even why-you're-still-a-virgin-phone-holder (lolwut?), they all exist for the same reason for the same people. It's essentially making excuses, but in a cooler fashion.
___________________________
Section I.II
Why is johning important?
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Many consider johning to be a ***** move whenever a player makes one. In all reality, it's not. Johning is in fact one of the larger components of a healthy competitive metagame. Why? They show how strong a player's will to not accept a loss is. They also give the winning side a bit of encouragement, because to them, that's two wins in one.
___________________________
Section II.I
The time to john
___________________________
LOLWUT? Johning has certain times that it can only be used effectively? Well, it's true. Johning should only be used after a humiliating moment (and nothing like an Ivysaur gimp, I mean TRUE humiliation). Johning can also be used after a loss, considering that you have some reliable information to fall back on. The latter isn't recommended, as it will only make you look like more of a **** than you wanted to be.
___________________________
Section II.II
How to john
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Now we get to the big, juicy, black, salty, honey roasted meat of this guide: How to john correctly.
Step I.
Keep a neutral face at all times: It let's the other player know that you might have something to support your john. Smile and your ****ed.
Step II.
Say Good Game first: Try not to look like a total ****, make your opponent think that you're an honest guy. Set the stage for your john and make it neat.
Step III.
Start a conversation, say something simple like, "Nice Meta Knight, though, you could relax on the Shuttle Loop. One bad prediction and you're done". That's you're opportunity for a john. Now, just fit something in, like "Ha, I never knew the match up on MK, us Kirby mains just brush him off".
___________________________
Section III
Pro Tips
___________________________
Let's see:
-Never john if you lose with the top 5 manliest characters: Ganon, Bowser, Ike, Captain Falcon and Jigglypuff. You have no reason to.
-If you play M2K and john, you're going to be murdered by his fans as you exit the tourney.
-Johning about a win gives you crazy manly points. Do it all of the time.
Get *****.
Unlike any post, username, email, or thread that I've made, take this one seriously. Yep, I said it, take johning seriously.
I and a few of my friends have been recently playing some offline Halo 3 matches and I've been johning about every single death and loss. I've been thinking about every aspect of johning- from why it's important to how it should be used. Now, it's 12 am and instead of fapping, I'm posting my thoughts for you guys to read.
___________________________
Section I.I
What is Johning?
___________________________
Well kids, johning is something that pros and noobs alike use to ease pain at times. It could be money johns, loss johns, or even why-you're-still-a-virgin-phone-holder (lolwut?), they all exist for the same reason for the same people. It's essentially making excuses, but in a cooler fashion.
___________________________
Section I.II
Why is johning important?
___________________________
Many consider johning to be a ***** move whenever a player makes one. In all reality, it's not. Johning is in fact one of the larger components of a healthy competitive metagame. Why? They show how strong a player's will to not accept a loss is. They also give the winning side a bit of encouragement, because to them, that's two wins in one.
___________________________
Section II.I
The time to john
___________________________
LOLWUT? Johning has certain times that it can only be used effectively? Well, it's true. Johning should only be used after a humiliating moment (and nothing like an Ivysaur gimp, I mean TRUE humiliation). Johning can also be used after a loss, considering that you have some reliable information to fall back on. The latter isn't recommended, as it will only make you look like more of a **** than you wanted to be.
___________________________
Section II.II
How to john
___________________________
Now we get to the big, juicy, black, salty, honey roasted meat of this guide: How to john correctly.
Step I.
Keep a neutral face at all times: It let's the other player know that you might have something to support your john. Smile and your ****ed.
Step II.
Say Good Game first: Try not to look like a total ****, make your opponent think that you're an honest guy. Set the stage for your john and make it neat.
Step III.
Start a conversation, say something simple like, "Nice Meta Knight, though, you could relax on the Shuttle Loop. One bad prediction and you're done". That's you're opportunity for a john. Now, just fit something in, like "Ha, I never knew the match up on MK, us Kirby mains just brush him off".
___________________________
Section III
Pro Tips
___________________________
Let's see:
-Never john if you lose with the top 5 manliest characters: Ganon, Bowser, Ike, Captain Falcon and Jigglypuff. You have no reason to.
-If you play M2K and john, you're going to be murdered by his fans as you exit the tourney.
-Johning about a win gives you crazy manly points. Do it all of the time.
Get *****.
