GreenKirby
Smash Master
A rooster crowed his signiture crow meaning it was the start of a brand new day. For many creatures, a new day means new beginnings, new happiness, new joys.
But the same couldn't be said for a particular horse. His name was Rapidead. He was a dead horse. It is rather strange his afterlife story is.
Of course, he wasn't ALWAYS dead. He lived a typical horse's life. His birthname was Roberto. Born as a young pony to two parents who loved him very so. Running fast, eating plants, even attacking a predator with his hind legs every now and then. And like most horses, he grew up to be a strong horse. Found a mate. Had young ponies of his own. Things for Roberto was alright.
Until his death. While his death wasn't unique, it was just as tragic. He was run over by car he was. He never stood a chance like most animals. His legs was paralyyzed with fear. The guy driving the car was like any other person driving a car: Unattentive. Focused more his cell phone than the road.
So Roberto died then and there. And he was gonna spend his afterlife in animal Heaven. When he got to animal Heaven, he couldn't go in.
"What? Why?" he asked. "Was I not a good horse?"
"You were a great horse?" said the archangel, a male lion, "But unfourtently, man with his lust to play the good Lord, found your body and brought it back to life."
"My God," Roberto said. "Are you kidding me?"
"Thou shall not take the Lord's name in vain," the lion reminded
"Whatever, they'll just kill me again and send to the glue factory."
"Well what's done is done."
Roberto looked at the entrance to animal Heaven. "Why God/Allah/Jehovah/Yahweh? WHY?"
So Roberto's soul went back into his body. Now one would think that if something is alive again, sooner or later, it would have its lively features back. But the same couldn't be said for Roberto. Even though his body could move, his body was still pale. He still couldn't breathe. But luckily, he somehow didn't need to. And if that wasn't enough, he still had Xs for eyes. So the owners of this new horse renamed Rapidead the Dead Horse.
His owner was no less weirder. A kooky scientist, named Alvin Minstriel Jones, married to a porno actress named C***-Catherine Pumpumna. They had an ugly, spoiled child who was held back in preschool for 5 years. His name was Wes Dashin Jones.
The trouble started for recently named Rapidead when Wes wanted a horse and his father was too much of a cheapass to get a horse for his son, who amazingly wasn't consider a b**tard child. Alvin revived Rapidead's body and gave him to Wes as a present.
"Here Wes," the worst father ever said. "Here's your horse."
"It looks dead."
"Take it or I'm gonna wish you were dead."
So Wes took the horse and started beating it with a stick. And this was the routine Rapidead had to go through everyday. Everytime Wes got upset about something very redundant, like eating all of your dinner or going to school, he would always beat Rapidead. This made the unlucky, miserable horse more miserable.
" I ALWAYS HAVE TO BRUSH MY TEETH!!" (whack) "I ALWAYS HAVE TO GO TO BED AT 7:30!" (whack) "AND WHY AM I CONSIDERED WEIRD TO THE OTHER PRESCHOOLERS??? I'M ONLY NINE. THEY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" (whack)
"SO WHAT IF I PUSH THEM OFF SWINGSETS AND MAKE THEM FALL OFF THE MONKEYBARS!!! I'M A MAN GOSH DARNIT!!!" (whack)
This went on for quite sometime. And Rapidead didn't know what to do. This went on for years with no end in sight. Until one day.....
Wes Dashin Jones was now 16 years old. And he was only in 2md grade. As he sat in his chair that was too small for him, he was excited. A girl named Birthday Suit Samantha-Aimeus was passing out something. And don't get the wrong idea, she was wearing an ACTUAL birthday suit. Samantha was passing out the invitations to her birthday party. It was rumored among the 2nd graders to be the biggest party of the year (by 8 years old standards)
As Samantha got closer to Wes, his was dashing. He was gonna show his 'peers' up at that party. Until things took a turn for the worse. Samantha came up to Wes and snottily said "Oops you're not invited!" She said that in a sing song tone. This devestated Wes. To think, he wasn't invited to a party despite the fact of his age.
He was mad as heck as he walked all the way home.
Rapidead waited in the backyard in misery. He knew he was gonna get a beating. And it was prbably because the teacher made Wes come up to the board. But when Rapidead saw Wes, he thought something was off. And he thought that because Wes' pants pants were down.
"If I can't come to that party You're gonna get it." Wes said.
Now being a full grown horse, Rapidead understood about the birds and the bees. He also knew when it was the wrong time to do such things when the other doesn't want to.
"Oh great!" Rapidead thought. "Now I'm gonna get *****. What am I gonna do."
As Wes moved closer, something must have to Rapidead. Maybe it was the fact that he was dead. Maybe it was because he didn't want anal. Maybe he was tired of the abuse. But whatever the reason, Rapidead turned around...........
And hind kick Wes straight into his groin!
Wes couldn't move, couldn't think straight, couldn't even scream in pain. He just simply fell to the ground.
Rapidead walked up to the K.O.'d brat. "Don't constantly tell others about your bull****! And don't take your misery out on other people," he said. Of course, it just came as neighs. But Rapidead left the backyard and ran away. Never to be seen bu the half a**ed family again.
Where is Rapidead you may ask? Who knows. Maybe he wonders the earth still as the animated dead freak of nature. Maybe God finally saw mercy and put him to enternal rest. But whatever the reason know this: Whenever there's a whining Wes, there will ALWAYS be a Rapidead to set him straight.
Fin
But the same couldn't be said for a particular horse. His name was Rapidead. He was a dead horse. It is rather strange his afterlife story is.
Of course, he wasn't ALWAYS dead. He lived a typical horse's life. His birthname was Roberto. Born as a young pony to two parents who loved him very so. Running fast, eating plants, even attacking a predator with his hind legs every now and then. And like most horses, he grew up to be a strong horse. Found a mate. Had young ponies of his own. Things for Roberto was alright.
Until his death. While his death wasn't unique, it was just as tragic. He was run over by car he was. He never stood a chance like most animals. His legs was paralyyzed with fear. The guy driving the car was like any other person driving a car: Unattentive. Focused more his cell phone than the road.
So Roberto died then and there. And he was gonna spend his afterlife in animal Heaven. When he got to animal Heaven, he couldn't go in.
"What? Why?" he asked. "Was I not a good horse?"
"You were a great horse?" said the archangel, a male lion, "But unfourtently, man with his lust to play the good Lord, found your body and brought it back to life."
"My God," Roberto said. "Are you kidding me?"
"Thou shall not take the Lord's name in vain," the lion reminded
"Whatever, they'll just kill me again and send to the glue factory."
"Well what's done is done."
Roberto looked at the entrance to animal Heaven. "Why God/Allah/Jehovah/Yahweh? WHY?"
So Roberto's soul went back into his body. Now one would think that if something is alive again, sooner or later, it would have its lively features back. But the same couldn't be said for Roberto. Even though his body could move, his body was still pale. He still couldn't breathe. But luckily, he somehow didn't need to. And if that wasn't enough, he still had Xs for eyes. So the owners of this new horse renamed Rapidead the Dead Horse.
His owner was no less weirder. A kooky scientist, named Alvin Minstriel Jones, married to a porno actress named C***-Catherine Pumpumna. They had an ugly, spoiled child who was held back in preschool for 5 years. His name was Wes Dashin Jones.
The trouble started for recently named Rapidead when Wes wanted a horse and his father was too much of a cheapass to get a horse for his son, who amazingly wasn't consider a b**tard child. Alvin revived Rapidead's body and gave him to Wes as a present.
"Here Wes," the worst father ever said. "Here's your horse."
"It looks dead."
"Take it or I'm gonna wish you were dead."
So Wes took the horse and started beating it with a stick. And this was the routine Rapidead had to go through everyday. Everytime Wes got upset about something very redundant, like eating all of your dinner or going to school, he would always beat Rapidead. This made the unlucky, miserable horse more miserable.
" I ALWAYS HAVE TO BRUSH MY TEETH!!" (whack) "I ALWAYS HAVE TO GO TO BED AT 7:30!" (whack) "AND WHY AM I CONSIDERED WEIRD TO THE OTHER PRESCHOOLERS??? I'M ONLY NINE. THEY WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" (whack)
"SO WHAT IF I PUSH THEM OFF SWINGSETS AND MAKE THEM FALL OFF THE MONKEYBARS!!! I'M A MAN GOSH DARNIT!!!" (whack)
This went on for quite sometime. And Rapidead didn't know what to do. This went on for years with no end in sight. Until one day.....
Wes Dashin Jones was now 16 years old. And he was only in 2md grade. As he sat in his chair that was too small for him, he was excited. A girl named Birthday Suit Samantha-Aimeus was passing out something. And don't get the wrong idea, she was wearing an ACTUAL birthday suit. Samantha was passing out the invitations to her birthday party. It was rumored among the 2nd graders to be the biggest party of the year (by 8 years old standards)
As Samantha got closer to Wes, his was dashing. He was gonna show his 'peers' up at that party. Until things took a turn for the worse. Samantha came up to Wes and snottily said "Oops you're not invited!" She said that in a sing song tone. This devestated Wes. To think, he wasn't invited to a party despite the fact of his age.
He was mad as heck as he walked all the way home.
Rapidead waited in the backyard in misery. He knew he was gonna get a beating. And it was prbably because the teacher made Wes come up to the board. But when Rapidead saw Wes, he thought something was off. And he thought that because Wes' pants pants were down.
"If I can't come to that party You're gonna get it." Wes said.
Now being a full grown horse, Rapidead understood about the birds and the bees. He also knew when it was the wrong time to do such things when the other doesn't want to.
"Oh great!" Rapidead thought. "Now I'm gonna get *****. What am I gonna do."
As Wes moved closer, something must have to Rapidead. Maybe it was the fact that he was dead. Maybe it was because he didn't want anal. Maybe he was tired of the abuse. But whatever the reason, Rapidead turned around...........
And hind kick Wes straight into his groin!
Wes couldn't move, couldn't think straight, couldn't even scream in pain. He just simply fell to the ground.
Rapidead walked up to the K.O.'d brat. "Don't constantly tell others about your bull****! And don't take your misery out on other people," he said. Of course, it just came as neighs. But Rapidead left the backyard and ran away. Never to be seen bu the half a**ed family again.
Where is Rapidead you may ask? Who knows. Maybe he wonders the earth still as the animated dead freak of nature. Maybe God finally saw mercy and put him to enternal rest. But whatever the reason know this: Whenever there's a whining Wes, there will ALWAYS be a Rapidead to set him straight.
Fin