The Lost Cure: A fanfic by Super Smash Brother

[Super_Smash_Brother]

Yeah, my first fanfic, but not my first attempt. Last time my computer couldn't find the server when I pressed the post button and I lost my work. Anyway, on with the show.

Characters: All the characters of melee and some from thier respective series. There may be spoilers about those games.

The characters of melee were fighting, as usual. Mario was off trying to find a treasure. When, suddenly, a bolt of energy from Final Destination struck all of them! They were unconcerned, as the bolt barely broke skin. But if only they knew what fate lie ahead. Three weeks after the mysterious event...

Pichu: Piiii! *collapses*
Pikachu: Pika Pika!? *runs to aid Pichu, but collapses*

One by one, going from smallest to largest, the characters fainted from what appeared to be poison. The only one left standing, but just barely, was Bowser, for he was biggest. He took it upon himself that everyone took no more harm. After about an hour, Mario got back.

Mario: Bowser! What happened!?
Bowser: *tells the story*
Mario: Well ain't that a bi- *notices pocket glowing*
Bowser (weakened and struggling to speak): What... do you... have?
Mario: I found this bag of shiney powder in the chest the treasure was in.
Bowser: Why is it glowing?... Ugh! *falls down*
Mario: *panicks and drops bag of powder all over Bowser*
Bowser: Hmm!? Strength... returning...
Mario: Why are you self-narrating?
Bowser: (whispering) Look, it adds drama.
Mario: Ohh...
Bowser: *gets up*
Mario: *notices map glowing* So many shiney things. ^_^ Hang on!
Bowser: *peeks around at map* Why is the X moving?

Shortly, the X stops.

Mario: Maybe there's more shiney stuff in... *struggles to read* "Peaches Castle"! But how do we get there?!
Bowser: We're already there! I was making sure everyone that was battling here was okay, when you came and I fell!
Mario: Oh... *runs into room shown by the X* *comes back and blows flour on Luigi*
Bowser: There's 2 problems there.
1. That's only flour.
2. I'm not going to deal with 2 idiots without someone of intelligence helping!
Bowser: I'll get it myself. *runs into kitchen and gets magic powder*
Mario: Okay, let's heal Luigi.
Bowser: If anyone's picking, I am!
Mario: Rock, Paper, Scissors?
Bowser: If I must...
Mario: *uses rock*
Bowser: *uses paper*
Mario: Rematch!

The results are the same for ten matches.

Mario: How the hell do you read my mind!?
Bowser: Because, your hand is fused into a fist.
Mario: Oh yeah...
Bowser: Anyway, I'm gonna heal...

I need advice. Who should Bowser heal? *hopes it's someone with a big, bad*** sword*

 

[Super_Smash_Brother]

helloo... ?

 

[Super_Smash_Brother]

aww crap...

 

[demoncaterpie]

Sorry dude, but this isn't a story.

It's just a bunch of dialogue. Reads more like a script then a story. I would suggest typing your next story in an actual story-based format (which can be anything you want it to be).

That aside, the story is way too rushed to know what's going on. It seems like you have good ideas, but you don't give them any time to flesh out. That can also be because of your format.

Overall, I suggest going back to the drawing board. I know you can write something good, just spend more time on it next time.

 

[Super_Smash_Brother]

Sorry dude, but this isn't a story.

It's just a bunch of dialogue. Reads more like a script then a story. I would suggest typing your next story in an actual story-based format (which can be anything you want it to be).

That aside, the story is way too rushed to know what's going on. It seems like you have good ideas, but you don't give them any time to flesh out. That can also be because of your format.

Overall, I suggest going back to the drawing board. I know you can write something good, just spend more time on it next time.

Thanks for the advice, but that's just the way I'm used to writing after like years of writing game bloopers.

And with the above sentence, I am inspired for some reason to do game bloopers in this forum, but it's impossible due to the lack of a storyline.

 

[demoncaterpie]

Thanks for the advice, but that's just the way I'm used to writing after like years of writing game bloopers.

And with the above sentence, I am inspired for some reason to do game bloopers in this forum, but it's impossible due to the lack of a storyline.

What do you mean by "game bloopers"?

 

[Akebo]

Bloopers form video games (i,e Final Fantasy, Kingdom Hearts., etc.)

Look, script format is basically the core of writing. What you need now is "Bowser said "..." After that, add actions. "Bowser looked around and said "..." And emotions. "Bowser roared laughingly. he looked around and said " ...". And finally, word composition.

Blood seeped from open wounds on Bowser's chest, dripping down to coat his arms and matt his hair into tangled whisps that covered his face. He heard the clank of the door opening and through the gaps his hair made he noticed a figure running towards him.

"Bowser! What happened?!"

It takes a while, but if you really enjoy writing, it's something you should get better at. I go to a magnet high school for writing, so it's pretty much my life.

 

[Super_Smash_Brother]

What do you mean by "game bloopers"?

I mean messing around with the lines or actions of a game in a funny way, like...

Master Hand: *comes in with sword* Mortal Combat!

They are put in script form to save time, as the best bloopers are pretty long.

Now, kill this mods!

 

[Akebo]

You can be funy with bloopers while still having good composition. Actualy, I think sometimes describing the situation can be funny. I wouldn't know, I'm not a funny individual.