Dark Madax
Smash Rookie
- Joined
- Dec 12, 2008
- Messages
- 1
Link to original post: [drupal=853]Tales of a Demon's Broken Heart[/drupal]
I come today to write this blog for no real purpose, my friend told me that to release the stress of a situation its good to write it down, so im choosing SWF's blog's, what im about to write isnt meant to impress people, or to garner sympathy from them, or out of spite of any party mentioned, its just simply a way for me to let everything out in word form, comment if you wish, and the major party in question will most likely not see this, and if she did she would most likely just shrug it off with an "o ok" or saying she already knew all this, so anyway.
Back in around March when Brawl was first released to the american public, I made an account here as a young hopeful, with admirations of being great and respected through Brawl and it's meta game, however due to shyness and constant moving around i was unable to pursue even any board activity for a while.
In around May, i decdied to use the Friend Finder thing to finally face other players, and i met very god players (at the time, of course i sucked then =p ) but there was a special one i met, a girl who quite frankly beat me pretty badly, which caused an egotistical spark inside of me to flare up and declare her my rival, so I occasionally challenged her to try to get the better of her, but lag was never kind. After a while I was a little angry at the lack of my ability's and decided to look for a place to meet people and train my abilities, so I followed her to a special intro thread of another female smasher that was absurdly popular, what I was expecting was just a few people to fight, however things never go as envisioned.
These people didnt just seek to fight, it was a place where people came to just see and be with each other, and have fun, and just let things out, at first i had no desire to be a part of that, but it wore on me, and I warmed up to them all, and I had fun just being there..but after seeing a little of who everyone was, I had developed a crush on the very rival I had wanted to beat so bad, however she didnt seem to like me at all, so I hid my feelings fromk everyone, and even developed a fake crush on the thread creator just to try to hide my feelings from the person I liked, because I was scared she would hate me, and scared of the ridicule for liking someone over the internet.
A few months past, and the close knit thread had errupted into a crew/clan, where we were able to really be with each other and talk, as well everyone really getting to know each other in private, and I met some of the nicest people in the world who are still some of my best friends to date, but I had difficulties talking to the one person i really really liked,and I was a constant jerk to her because I was an idiot and kept screwing up around her...I once even made her almost leave forever, which truly made me feel like the lowest scum on the planet, to know I hurt he that much, however the reason she was so hurt is because she like iiked me amazingly, and I couldnt realize it, I had recently told another girl i liked her because the rival I liked was to me, and still is perfect, and I thought she was to good for me and that she hated me, but when i finally found out...it was to late.
I would have given up, but she was worth fighting for, and seeing that there was a flame there, gave me hope, so I started to be the kind of friend she could really of used, and not the jerk I was, I wanted to see her smile, make her happy, and to just be with her. Unfortunetly due to an accident in my early teens, I was a very depressed, suicidal person, and that part of me still lives inside of me, anytime she would say something truly beautiful to me, that made me feel truly happy, that darkness quixckly covered it up and I was sad again (the biggest reason of my depression is because of someone she met this year who obviously likes her, and he seems like a truly great guy unlike me, which makes me sadder). But I was determined to show I was right for my former rival, that I truly loved her, and that we would be absolutely happy together, but I sorta broke a special promise, one where i wouldnt try to kill myself again...which really hurt our relationship.
Its mended a little, but lately I finally realized, is I always wanted constant attention and care from her, and if she didnt show it for even a lil while, I would snap at myself, and her, and just make things worse and worse, further driving us apart, so I went away from a week, to give her time away from me...and me time to self reflect to discover just what was wrong, just why things were like they were, and I think Ive discovered it now, and I know what I have to start doing, to be less needy and clingy, and to stand on my own 2 feet, instead of expecting her to carry us both, to enjoy life not with her needing her, but to only increase the pleasure of life together with her, walking side by side, as friends, and maybe (and hopefully) in the future as more, and to go 2 steps forward, I have to move 1 step back and just enjoy being around her, and just supporting her, and not smother her with affection, but to show her I do care, but I also wish to have lots of fun with her and to make her smile. I still have lots of growing up to do, but with this new found self-confidence, I wont give up on the most special person in my life, and I will fight on through adversity, fix whats broken and only make it better.
So ends this chapter of Tales of a Demon's Broken Heart, and hopefully if I dont screw up anymore, the last and only chapter to this book
I come today to write this blog for no real purpose, my friend told me that to release the stress of a situation its good to write it down, so im choosing SWF's blog's, what im about to write isnt meant to impress people, or to garner sympathy from them, or out of spite of any party mentioned, its just simply a way for me to let everything out in word form, comment if you wish, and the major party in question will most likely not see this, and if she did she would most likely just shrug it off with an "o ok" or saying she already knew all this, so anyway.
Back in around March when Brawl was first released to the american public, I made an account here as a young hopeful, with admirations of being great and respected through Brawl and it's meta game, however due to shyness and constant moving around i was unable to pursue even any board activity for a while.
In around May, i decdied to use the Friend Finder thing to finally face other players, and i met very god players (at the time, of course i sucked then =p ) but there was a special one i met, a girl who quite frankly beat me pretty badly, which caused an egotistical spark inside of me to flare up and declare her my rival, so I occasionally challenged her to try to get the better of her, but lag was never kind. After a while I was a little angry at the lack of my ability's and decided to look for a place to meet people and train my abilities, so I followed her to a special intro thread of another female smasher that was absurdly popular, what I was expecting was just a few people to fight, however things never go as envisioned.
These people didnt just seek to fight, it was a place where people came to just see and be with each other, and have fun, and just let things out, at first i had no desire to be a part of that, but it wore on me, and I warmed up to them all, and I had fun just being there..but after seeing a little of who everyone was, I had developed a crush on the very rival I had wanted to beat so bad, however she didnt seem to like me at all, so I hid my feelings fromk everyone, and even developed a fake crush on the thread creator just to try to hide my feelings from the person I liked, because I was scared she would hate me, and scared of the ridicule for liking someone over the internet.
A few months past, and the close knit thread had errupted into a crew/clan, where we were able to really be with each other and talk, as well everyone really getting to know each other in private, and I met some of the nicest people in the world who are still some of my best friends to date, but I had difficulties talking to the one person i really really liked,and I was a constant jerk to her because I was an idiot and kept screwing up around her...I once even made her almost leave forever, which truly made me feel like the lowest scum on the planet, to know I hurt he that much, however the reason she was so hurt is because she like iiked me amazingly, and I couldnt realize it, I had recently told another girl i liked her because the rival I liked was to me, and still is perfect, and I thought she was to good for me and that she hated me, but when i finally found out...it was to late.
I would have given up, but she was worth fighting for, and seeing that there was a flame there, gave me hope, so I started to be the kind of friend she could really of used, and not the jerk I was, I wanted to see her smile, make her happy, and to just be with her. Unfortunetly due to an accident in my early teens, I was a very depressed, suicidal person, and that part of me still lives inside of me, anytime she would say something truly beautiful to me, that made me feel truly happy, that darkness quixckly covered it up and I was sad again (the biggest reason of my depression is because of someone she met this year who obviously likes her, and he seems like a truly great guy unlike me, which makes me sadder). But I was determined to show I was right for my former rival, that I truly loved her, and that we would be absolutely happy together, but I sorta broke a special promise, one where i wouldnt try to kill myself again...which really hurt our relationship.
Its mended a little, but lately I finally realized, is I always wanted constant attention and care from her, and if she didnt show it for even a lil while, I would snap at myself, and her, and just make things worse and worse, further driving us apart, so I went away from a week, to give her time away from me...and me time to self reflect to discover just what was wrong, just why things were like they were, and I think Ive discovered it now, and I know what I have to start doing, to be less needy and clingy, and to stand on my own 2 feet, instead of expecting her to carry us both, to enjoy life not with her needing her, but to only increase the pleasure of life together with her, walking side by side, as friends, and maybe (and hopefully) in the future as more, and to go 2 steps forward, I have to move 1 step back and just enjoy being around her, and just supporting her, and not smother her with affection, but to show her I do care, but I also wish to have lots of fun with her and to make her smile. I still have lots of growing up to do, but with this new found self-confidence, I wont give up on the most special person in my life, and I will fight on through adversity, fix whats broken and only make it better.
So ends this chapter of Tales of a Demon's Broken Heart, and hopefully if I dont screw up anymore, the last and only chapter to this book