Get a better microphone and then turn up your vocals in the mix. The clear accompaniment distracts from your muffled, low volume rapping.
Your lyrics have some neat moments. I particularly liked, "
Mane like a lion but I roar like a dinosaur / But roar means I love you so Im roarin here forevermore / This is american gothic, I am edgar allen poe / If I flow intelligent catch up on your readings ho" though that last line could be reworked
Despite clever lines like the above, most of your lyrics are arbitrary metaphors. You did do well connecting one couplet to the next by subject reminsicent of stream of consciousness or what ends up happening in freestyles...anyway, the fact that your lyrics aren't
about anything isn't a problem in itself (there's all sorts of great non sequitur hip hop) but if that's your style you have to make up for the lack of content with high quality flow. You connect couplets by subject matter but you can also use other techniques like internal rhyme. Take for example these lyrics from Deltron 3030's title track:
Arm a nation with hatred we ain't with that
We high-tech archeologists searching for nicknacks
Composing musical stimpacks that impacts the song
Crack the motor what you think you rappin for?
He expertly takes the first rhyme (nicknacks) and inserts it twice in the next line to connect them. You'd do well to include a couple of verses centered around a single rhyming syllable rather to vary the rhyme scheme because this song is just a series of couplets which is frankly uninteresting. Time for another excerpt, this time from "Till I Collapse" by Eminem:
Till I collapse I’m spilling these raps long as you feel em
Till the day that I drop you'll never say that I'm not killing them
Cause when I am not then I am stop pinning them
And I am not hip-hop and I’m just not Eminem.
Subliminal thoughts when I'm stop sending them women are caught in webs spin and hauk venom
Adrenaline shots of penicillin could not get the illing to stop.
Amoxacilin is just not real enough.
The criminal cop killing hip-hop filling minimal swap to cop millions of Pac listeners.
Your coming with me, feel it or not you’re gonna fear it like I showed you the spirit of god lives in us.
You hear it a lot, lyrics the shock is it a miracle or am I just a product of pop fizzing up.
For shizzle my whizzle this is the plot listen up you bizzles forgot slizzle does not give a ****.
The lines of this stanza are indeed mostly couplets, but notice how the short O sound (hot, not) permeates the verse. Obviously you're not going to be filling a verse to the brim like Eminem right away, but this is a pro technique which will make your "flow" better. Abuse it.
Basically I'm asking you to write more challenging lyrics. This will improve your rapping, but it's not going to make the song better unless you figure out how to layer your vocals on top of the beat perfectly. I don't really know how to do that with your setup but it needs to be done once you get to harder (better) stuff.
I read through my advice and most of it's going to be tough to implement. I do have one easy thing though. Your delivery is very clear and consistent, to a fault in fact. You sort of drop your emphasis on the last syllable as if you're speaking the sentence instead of rapping. You should actually be raising the volume of the rhyming syllable for rhythmic emphasis. In fact, speak louder in general--get some emotion in there.
One last point
Drop a guest spot, Im like wheres waldo,
I come into the track, you can call me david wottle
are pretty much the weakest lines of the track and you open with them! Change it!
