People can't truly be themselves?

[Dark.Pch]

I noticed how sometimes people are afraid to be who they are or act like how they really act cause of the image/impression they may have on people. people tend to care alot what one says or thinks about them, thus they will not trully be themself and just try to act a way they would come off as cool or w/e to people.

I tend to find this a big, common problem in society. I have been in this spot before. I use to try and be like one of the kool kids to fit in, cause I try being myself and was not really like much. Changing who I was like living a lie. It also does not have to be as to how you are. Can be how you dress, speak or if you are gay/bi. people just live in fear cause others just might not except them for who they really are.

Then again, this world is messed up and with with people of many sorts and minds. one may never be excepted for who they are. Is it really worth putting some image to impress or fit in to have fun or be happy? Or should one just be who they are despite of what others say but can also risk of not being liked much and not being so happy in life. How should one go on and the harsh truth of life?

 

[pacmansays]

I think everyone does it, that they put on masks when they talk to different people and go on different websites and so forth. I'm Niall from UK, but tonight I could go on msn and be Cheryth the sailor on Second Life. I don't believe there is a true 'self' underneath as we always are different depending on the context and this really isn't a big issue as its almost an unconscious thing.

However, sometimes people will consciously try to come across in different ways and I have an issue with that: politicians, celebrities even people in relationships put on what they want the other to see. Slightly, related: I'm a big Bruce Springsteen fan and he wrote a song about this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRsp5XKvsEo

 

[KrazyGlue]

Just stopping by to throw in my two cents:

To some degree the issue can be different someone trying to act different around other people. Sometimes, people lose their sense of self because of constant conditioning from society. The longer you act the way society wants you to act, the harder it becomes to define the "self".

 

[Purple]

This is kind of hard for people to take in, but there's always someone that enjoys who you are. If you happen to like anime you can always make a club or organization for people who enjoy the same. I mean there are already conventions for multiple hobbies and qualities. People take being popular or liked by a certain person to much to heart, and change themselves to the point where they don't even know who they really are (referencing to KrazyGlue here).

However you asked is it worth it to change in order to be happy. I would assume it is. I mean, why wouldn't anyone want to be not be happy? Being happy whether it's fake or not is worth living for. However it's not the only way to be happy, as said before there are many groups, clubs, conventions that satisfies people's extraordinary needs.


@pacmansays - there isn't a true self to anyone. However there are qualities that we hands down know about ourselves. I know for a fact i like to play super smash brothers (insert ending word here). That's something i know and it won't change for a long while. However if it came between me and my job, or me and my very good friend. Should i give it up for them? That would be going against my "true self"

 

[Dark.Pch]

Just stopping by to throw in my two cents:

To some degree the issue can be different someone trying to act different around other people. Sometimes, people lose their sense of self because of constant conditioning from society. The longer you act the way society wants you to act, the harder it becomes to define the "self".

I seriously don't think society should change the person you was born to be. it's stupid to me. There is no law or rule that everyone on this planet has to like you or your style. Yet there will be people who will like and except you for who you are and how you look, dress, speak, etc.

This is kind of hard for people to take in, but there's always someone that enjoys who you are. If you happen to like anime you can always make a club or organization for people who enjoy the same. I mean there are already conventions for multiple hobbies and qualities. People take being popular or liked by a certain person to much to heart, and change themselves to the point where they don't even know who they really are (referencing to KrazyGlue here).

However you asked is it worth it to change in order to be happy. I would assume it is. I mean, why wouldn't anyone want to be not be happy? Being happy whether it's fake or not is worth living for. However it's not the only way to be happy, as said before there are many groups, clubs, conventions that satisfies people's extraordinary needs.


@pacmansays - there isn't a true self to anyone. However there are qualities that we hands down know about ourselves. I know for a fact i like to play super smash brothers (insert ending word here). That's something i know and it won't change for a long while. However if it came between me and my job, or me and my very good friend. Should i give it up for them? That would be going against my "true self"

I don't feel I should change who I am just to live a happy life. That's crazy. If I just change and play my life as some fake, then I am Not Dark.Pch (on the boards and with smash friends) Or "Ulysses" (out of smash and in life in general)

People Have too much pride in them or not enough to be who they are. They wanna stand out just like the other people and afraid if they be who they are, that won't happen. So they have to act differently. Society should no way change who you are. You live your life. I refuse to live a lie. Not everyone will like you for who you are. Not everyone will dislike you for who you are. If one does not like you, they are not worth trying to impress or be one of the cool kids. Have to walk/talk and dress like them to fit in. Get int the stuff they like when you really don't.

 

[pacmansays]

Surely to answer this question we need to establish an underlying self or an objective 'you' before doing anything else?

 

[Purple]

I seriously don't think society should change the person you was born to be. it's stupid to me. There is no law or rule that everyone on this planet has to like you or your style. Yet there will be people who will like and except you for who you are and how you look, dress, speak, etc.



I don't feel I should change who I am just to live a happy life. That's crazy. If I just change and play my life as some fake, then I am Not Dark.Pch (on the boards and with smash friends) Or "Ulysses" (out of smash and in life in general)

People Have too much pride in them or not enough to be who they are. They wanna stand out just like the other people and afraid if they be who they are, that won't happen. So they have to act differently. Society should no way change who you are. You live your life. I refuse to live a lie. Not everyone will like you for who you are. Not everyone will dislike you for who you are. If one does not like you, they are not worth trying to impress or be one of the cool kids. Have to walk/talk and dress like them to fit in. Get int the stuff they like when you really don't.

In almost all aspects, people can't be themselves.

You know the unicru assessment, the test that deducts whether you'll get a job or not (so that managers don't have to take the time to interview you).

There was an article on the assessment itself..

http://liekkisusi.wordpress.com/soapbox/unicru-assessment-guide/

Although, I would like to elaborate on that note and make the observation that by looking at the correct answers their perfect candidate is not a free-thinking, independent, hard-working individual. The word “yes-man” is really too shallow of a term here. I think a more proper description would be someone with a slave mentality, someone who is totally naïve of other peoples possible negative intentions and sees the world through rose coloured glasses. Also they are someone who is willing to take abuse and not care about it. Then on the other hand they are extroverted, and have great confidence, and proud of everything they do. In many ways it’s a complete contradiction.

This is what managers want you to be, now if your ideal way of living and working completely contradicts this. Would you honest and truthfully put those answers on that test? Knowing deep down that they are more than likely the wrong answers? In order to survive means you have to be able to adapt, and change your lifestyle, either that or move away to a place where everyone's like you. But where's the interest in that?


Let's get into the hierarchy of basic needs.

1. Physiological (biological needs - health, food, water, sleep)
2. Safety (shelter, removal from danger)
3. Love/belonging (affection, being a part of groups)
4. Status (self esteem and esteem from others)
5. Actualization (achieving individual potential)

The closer to the number one it is, the more necessary it is for you to survive. Most of you have food,water, shelter, and a comfortable home (considering you all have internet).

Now Love and belonging is right in the middle, so you can consider this necessary. Granted you won't pass out and die from it, you CAN commit suicide because you feel you don't belong. Considering the average teen gets 9 hours of sleep, takes 8 hours of time in school, and 7 hours at home (many of them doing extracurricular activities such as being on the computer, playing video games, etc.) A abnormally large chunk of your life is spent with kids from school.

If you don't feel like you belong there, you would consequentially not be spending time with them after school (some of your extra time is spent alone). While you might have parents who unconditionally love you, how many of you can say you spend time with them all the time?

Not belonging leaves you depressed, and tends to make you work less efficiently. Can we really sacrifice that when our entire lives are practically built from when we're a child? After 22 it's all down hill considering most of us should be setting up or starting our careers then.

Sorry for the long wall of text, but long story short, adapting to what works and what helps you belong is what helps you succeed as well. For people who have problems with finding people that help them belong, i would consider it smart to try to adapt. As long as you keep what's dear in your heart i guess :/

 

[Dark.Pch]

In almost all aspects, people can't be themselves.

You know the unicru assessment, the test that deducts whether you'll get a job or not (so that managers don't have to take the time to interview you).

There was an article on the assessment itself..

http://liekkisusi.wordpress.com/soapbox/unicru-assessment-guide/



This is what managers want you to be, now if your ideal way of living and working completely contradicts this. Would you honest and truthfully put those answers on that test? Knowing deep down that they are more than likely the wrong answers? In order to survive means you have to be able to adapt, and change your lifestyle, either that or move away to a place where everyone's like you. But where's the interest in that?


Let's get into the hierarchy of basic needs.



The closer to the number one it is, the more necessary it is for you to survive. Most of you have food,water, shelter, and a comfortable home (considering you all have internet).

Now Love and belonging is right in the middle, so you can consider this necessary. Granted you won't pass out and die from it, you CAN commit suicide because you feel you don't belong. Considering the average teen gets 9 hours of sleep, takes 8 hours of time in school, and 7 hours at home (many of them doing extracurricular activities such as being on the computer, playing video games, etc.) A abnormally large chunk of your life is spent with kids from school.

If you don't feel like you belong there, you would consequentially not be spending time with them after school (some of your extra time is spent alone). While you might have parents who unconditionally love you, how many of you can say you spend time with them all the time?

Not belonging leaves you depressed, and tends to make you work less efficiently. Can we really sacrifice that when our entire lives are practically built from when we're a child? After 22 it's all down hill considering most of us should be setting up or starting our careers then.

Sorry for the long wall of text, but long story short, adapting to what works and what helps you belong is what helps you succeed as well. For people who have problems with finding people that help them belong, i would consider it smart to try to adapt. As long as you keep what's dear in your heart i guess :/

It's true nature. When it comes to jobs and stuff like that. You have to meet thier requirements and follow the rules they ask. And that might require you to change or act a certian way.

Like if you are a person who hates to wear a suit or can't stand being in one gets a job that requires you to where one, It is being yourself that you wear one just to work at this place? Also if you swear alot and you work at a pre-school, you will mostly likely need to change how you speak.

A job requirement for you behavior, language, etc. is not much of a choice. But what is needed at that work place to keep up with what this job is about. And also shows you have respect for not only the employer, but the work place as well and the people you serve at it. Which jobs this is a givin.

But my point is not about this with jobs. it is about in general to getting people to like you or fit in. For that, it should not be the basic was of life to be happy and make Friends. Also a way to find a love one. for this people should except you for who you are and you should not have to live a lie.

 

[Purple]

snip

Okay, so you're taking jobs out of the picture? That kind of pulls away from the debate.. I mean, jobs are practically the same way as real life. They want you to be an absent-minded slave who takes **** everyone, and is still happy about it. Not even the suit or less swearing thing matters here, they want you to be tied down to the job and practically miserable. Nobody wants that.

Also i said my point on school belonging, sometimes you have to change to make yourself feel better with others, school is a large part of your day and if you can't make a single friend through school it's only going to leave you depressed.

 

[Dark.Pch]

Okay, so you're taking jobs out of the picture? That kind of pulls away from the debate.. I mean, jobs are practically the same way as real life. They want you to be an absent-minded slave who takes **** everyone, and is still happy about it. Not even the suit or less swearing thing matters here, they want you to be tied down to the job and practically miserable. Nobody wants that.

Also i said my point on school belonging, sometimes you have to change to make yourself feel better with others, school is a large part of your day and if you can't make a single friend through school it's only going to leave you depressed.

I don't like wearing uniforms at school. Yet I have too. Not a choice of the matter. I don't like taking a drug test to get a job. not a choice I have too. I don't like wearing a suit to work, can't stand suits. Not a choice, I have too. I have piercings at my job and I rock them all the time.

In these cases, it is a giving to do these things. Just like the law. At any work station, there are rules in them. And if you wan't that job, you gotta follow them, wether you like it or not. When it comes to trying to make friends and be one with the crowd, who says you have to be one of them, or change to be just like them. Is that really needed. You need them to be your friends. you need to impress them?

Kids go to school and have there own group of friends. Wether people think they are lame or not. They are who they are and are with people who are just like them. They hang out and do things together. And did not have to change a darn thing about them. People who are just like you are worth being with. Not people who are totally different and then you have to change how you are, act, taste, etc. just to be with them.

I did this before back in middle school. It was boring. I hardly found it any fun and did things I really would not do or like. I did it just to feel like I was cool and fit in. Later I realized, this crap is not worth it. I'm gonna be who I really am. it's more fun doing things I really like. And I found people just like me. I did not have to change to have fun and enjoy my school days.

People change cause they are scared of what people will think and say to them. They are not helping you eat, get your money, live, etc. If one calls me a nerd.............ok? If one says I am not cool or dress so tacky...............ok? I still wake up the same way very morning and live my life. Be with people who except me for who I am. What others say and think about me don't mean anything.

Yet it does to people. They have to stand out. Be one with the crowd. Have to be cool and someone else to have fun cause the way they are not won't get them anywhere with people. None would like them. Popular demand. This is what runs to peoples heads. But think about it. You are throwing your whole self respect and yourself away. I can't see myself doing that. if people don't like me for who I am, they are not even worth thinking about trying to impress and be cool with.

 

[Purple]

I don't like wearing uniforms at school. Yet I have too. Not a choice of the matter. I don't like taking a drug test to get a job. not a choice I have too. I don't like wearing a suit to work, can't stand suits. Not a choice, I have too. I have piercings at my job and I rock them all the time.

In these cases, it is a giving to do these things. Just like the law. At any work station, there are rules in them. And if you wan't that job, you gotta follow them, wether you like it or not. When it comes to trying to make friends and be one with the crowd, who says you have to be one of them, or change to be just like them. Is that really needed. You need them to be your friends. you need to impress them?

Kids go to school and have there own group of friends. Wether people think they are lame or not. They are who they are and are with people who are just like them. They hang out and do things together. And did not have to change a darn thing about them. People who are just like you are worth being with. Not people who are totally different and then you have to change how you are, act, taste, etc. just to be with them.

I did this before back in middle school. It was boring. I hardly found it any fun and did things I really would not do or like. I did it just to feel like I was cool and fit in. Later I realized, this crap is not worth it. I'm gonna be who I really am. it's more fun doing things I really like. And I found people just like me. I did not have to change to have fun and enjoy my school days.

People change cause they are scared of what people will think and say to them. They are not helping you eat, get your money, live, etc. If one calls me a nerd.............ok? If one says I am not cool or dress so tacky...............ok? I still wake up the same way very morning and live my life. Be with people who except me for who I am. What others say and think about me don't mean anything.

Yet it does to people. They have to stand out. Be one with the crowd. Have to be cool and someone else to have fun cause the way they are not won't get them anywhere with people. None would like them. Popular demand. This is what runs to peoples heads. But think about it. You are throwing your whole self respect and yourself away. I can't see myself doing that. if people don't like me for who I am, they are not even worth thinking about trying to impress and be cool with.

It's kind of hard to take sides in this argument, but for the sake of a debate I'm going to continue to debate against you.

As skewed as it sounds, not everyone can find people that enjoy who they are. It's not exactly common, i mean you're lucky to find people like that, but some people do. What do you do? Say **** the world and have no friends? Some people can do that because they're very strong willed, but some people don't. In fact, some people change and enjoy the change! Does that make sense? There's no such thing as a true self, you might just want to change your lifestyle and be happy some other way, are you saying no one can do that?

 

[Dark.Pch]

It's kind of hard to take sides in this argument, but for the sake of a debate I'm going to continue to debate against you.

As skewed as it sounds, not everyone can find people that enjoy who they are. It's not exactly common, i mean you're lucky to find people like that, but some people do. What do you do? Say **** the world and have no friends? Some people can do that because they're very strong willed, but some people don't. In fact, some people change and enjoy the change! Does that make sense? There's no such thing as a true self, you might just want to change your lifestyle and be happy some other way, are you saying no one can do that?

And Not everyone will run into people all the time who won't except them for who they are. Not everyone is the same. Which is a good thing, or else this world would be in worse shape than it already is. There are people of the same taste and etc. Then there is people who are not. But not EVERYONE is the same. You will always find people like you are you will always find people who are not like you.

If people wanna change and like it, that is on them. Some guys/grils are born straight, but later on in life decided they wanna be gay or bi. That is not something that was forced upon them. They wanted to be this way. They feel they would be more comfortable with the same sex. If you change cause you wan't too, then that is fine. You are still you, cause no one is forceing you to change, that is your own free will. You are taking action on your own life. Not anyone else.

When you have people that don't like you or don't find you cool convince you to change to fit in or w/e, that is when I say, makes no sense and seriously don't need to go that route. Kinda like me wanting a girl but she is not into the cloths I wear. So I have to where cloths that she likes and I can't stand to seem cool to her. I'm changing my style of dressing for a girl. No need for that. When I can meet a girl that will be happy for my style of dressing. it's not worth it.