My Comic/Novel/Script Idea

[Rychu]

So... Ive been thinking of a Character for a while, and the more I think of him, this plot keeps going on. I was wondering if anyone would be interested in this.

Heres the story:
A child is born(yet to be named)into a poor house with abusive parents. From a young age, he's known of special powers he has(Portal Creation, Telekinesis), and eventually escapes(it'll be more detailed than that) and uses his powers to join and eventually control an extremely feared gang. He gets arrested, and forced to kill other powered individuals. He becomes disgusted with humanity, beleiving that they are inferior to him and other powered individuals and escapes imprisonment. The next part would show his hatred for humanity grows so much that at night he goes "hunting" for human children as an attempt to destroy the race.

Thats what I have so far, but there will be more to the story

 

[DtJ Glyphmoney]

Hey there, how's it going? If I may, I'm going to critique your proposal here. It may come across as blunt at times, but trust me, it'll make your story better in the end

So... Ive been thinking of a Character for a while, and the more I think of him, this plot keeps going on. I was wondering if anyone would be interested in this.

Got my attention! What do you have so far?

Heres the story:
A child is born(yet to be named)into a poor house with abusive parents.

Done times a thousand. Superhero writers love to give their characters "traumatic backgrounds", especially for super villains (which seems to be the angle you're going at here).

I'd recommend coming up with a background story that's less "his parents were bad" and more "something horribly unexpected happened!"

From a young age, he's known of special powers he has(Portal Creation, Telekinesis, Teleportation),

If he has portals, why does he need teleportation? Or vice versa? Typically those powers can be used interchangeably to accomplish a goal.

Also, he's a bit overpowered right now. A good superhero (or villain) can be beaten, otherwise the plot is just them winning every fight without a challenge and eventually running out of things to do.

Right now your guy may as well be name Escapey Escaperson (heh, EE!), because he is BUILT to escape things.

and eventually escapes(it'll be more detailed than that)

Might I recommend using his teleportation/portal powers? They're pretty much tailor made for escapes, though they make them veeeeeery boring. A good escape has close calls, careful planning, stuff like that the keeps the reader/viewer interested.

Now think, if the plot was "and then Escapey teleported away", wouldn't that make you feel kind of cheated?

Also, its hard to have him NOT use his teleporation/portal powers to escape, because otherwise he's just ******* around, which isn't very believable when he's being raised by abusive parents.

and uses his powers to join and eventually control an extremely feared gang.

Okay, be sure to have some of the magic that is Character Development before that happens. Let him roam the streets a while, struggle in the real world (I mean he's never been a part of it) for a while, THEN let the gang approach him with an offer.

He gets arrested,

How? He has so many powers he should be able to escape arrest pretty easy.

and forced to kill other powered individuals.

Okay, so the cops/government in this world hate the super powered people. Understandable. Though his motivation to go along with it needs some work (again solved by making him less unstoppable. No one's going to listen to someone else when they could warp them into the sun at will, or flee the country instantly)

He becomes disgusted with humanity,

Because of the horrible things they made him do, right?

beleiving that they are inferior to him and other powered individuals and escapes imprisonment.

Bah, no! Escapey can think he's superior, but that doesn't make sense as a motivation to kill everyone, especially when he's had the ability to escape and go rouge the entire time.

The next part would show his hatred for humanity grows so much that at night he goes "hunting" for human children as an attempt to destroy the race.

Okay, but if you really wanted to wipe out the humans wouldn't it make more sense to take out the adults, who are the ones producing more children? I mean eventually you'll have to take out the kids too, but they're no threat to expanding the population for a few years at least.

Also, one guy vs several billion people... even with awesome super powers that's long odds man. Escapey may be great at escaping, but killing an army on his own is a stretch, and after the first few thousand people are warped into deep space people will probably catch on.

Thats what I have so far, but there will be more to the story

I'd be glad to critique it more if you post it!

 

[Rychu]

Hey there, how's it going? If I may, I'm going to critique your proposal here. It may come across as blunt at times, but trust me, it'll make your story better in the end



Got my attention! What do you have so far?

Done times a thousand. Superhero writers love to give their characters "traumatic backgrounds", especially for super villains (which seems to be the angle you're going at here).

I'd recommend coming up with a background story that's less "his parents were bad" and more "something horribly unexpected happened!"

If he has portals, why does he need teleportation? Or vice versa? Typically those powers can be used interchangeably to accomplish a goal.

Also, he's a bit overpowered right now. A good superhero (or villain) can be beaten, otherwise the plot is just them winning every fight without a challenge and eventually running out of things to do.

Right now your guy may as well be name Escapey Escaperson (heh, EE!), because he is BUILT to escape things.

Might I recommend using his teleportation/portal powers? They're pretty much tailor made for escapes, though they make them veeeeeery boring. A good escape has close calls, careful planning, stuff like that the keeps the reader/viewer interested.

Now think, if the plot was "and then Escapey teleported away", wouldn't that make you feel kind of cheated?

Also, its hard to have him NOT use his teleporation/portal powers to escape, because otherwise he's just ******* around, which isn't very believable when he's being raised by abusive parents.

Okay, be sure to have some of the magic that is Character Development before that happens. Let him roam the streets a while, struggle in the real world (I mean he's never been a part of it) for a while, THEN let the gang approach him with an offer.

How? He has so many powers he should be able to escape arrest pretty easy.

Okay, so the cops/government in this world hate the super powered people. Understandable. Though his motivation to go along with it needs some work (again solved by making him less unstoppable. No one's going to listen to someone else when they could warp them into the sun at will, or flee the country instantly)

Because of the horrible things they made him do, right?

Bah, no! Escapey can think he's superior, but that doesn't make sense as a motivation to kill everyone, especially when he's had the ability to escape and go rouge the entire time.

Okay, but if you really wanted to wipe out the humans wouldn't it make more sense to take out the adults, who are the ones producing more children? I mean eventually you'll have to take out the kids too, but they're no threat to expanding the population for a few years at least.

Also, one guy vs several billion people... even with awesome super powers that's long odds man. Escapey may be great at escaping, but killing an army on his own is a stretch, and after the first few thousand people are warped into deep space people will probably catch on.

I'd be glad to critique it more if you post it!

Thanks for the Advice!
Thanks for pointing out the portal/teleportation thing. I was off that day and not feeling well when I wrote it. I've fixed it.

About the portals: I thought it would be more like being able to make portals through walls, and with even MORE setbacks then that, not just, ya know, anywhere. I'll try to be more specific in the future.

Anyway, the parents is more of a filler for right now while I outline the basic story. I'll change it after I get the WHOLE plot down.
The gang thing, i'll just say this is the condensed version for now, but TRUST me, theres more to it.


And for the whole thing about his motivation, again, condensed to the basic jist of it. Theres more to his motivation

And the whole child killing thing will probably be removed too. That was just a thought.

Thank you again for critiquing my work!