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Muhti the Puppet

Muhti

Turkish Smasher
Joined
Feb 26, 2011
Messages
404
Location
New York
This is a side story to the Forum Fight thread in the Forum Games. We went from one-liners to movie script. Now, we are attempting to make it into an actual story with multiple perspectives. This is the first that I have written this long of a story though. Enjoy!

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Muhti awoke with a start. He looked at his clock as he oozed back into the covers.
It’s only 5 am… More sleep!,Muhti had thought when he fell back into slumber, only to hear the alarm go off in two minutes.
'
He groaned as he looked at the clock once more, this time it read 6 am. Muhti, shocked by the power of time, launched off his bed and got ready for first day of school. He casually put on jeans and a nice shirt on as he went into the kitchen; there he saw Noah, Mom, and Dad.

“Morning son.” his Dad greeted with a faint smile on his wrinkly face.

“Morning,” he has greeted back, “Where’s Alicia?”

“She won’t get out of bed,” his mother had replied, bringing him a bowl of cereal for him.
Muhti sat down with his younger brother Noah, who was stuffing his face with a blueberry muffin. Did I mention his father, brother and himself practice magic?

“Dude, slow down,” Muhti chuckled uneasily at Noah.

“I know, but it’s first day of middle school!” he gleefully responded, “Too bad sis doesn’t understand that…”

“Trust me, I would be sleeping with her right now,” Muhti said with a sigh. Noah chuckled at the inappropriate context Muhti made as the older brother took in another heavy sigh. Alicia, the more mature of the two twins, got out of her room with a military styled jacket. She has been always wanted to join the US Army.

“G’Morning,” she greeted as she went into her chair and started eating. They all took their turn with their greeting in return; monotone. Muhti and his father then discussed of everyday events, whether it be political, economics, or just sports. When the talk turned into a debate, the twins slipped from their place and went into their room to double check their belongings.

As the debate became harsher as the minutes went, Muhti finally picked up his things and left the building. He mumbled to himself as he passed people on the sidewalk.

He reached the school finally. People were talking of how tanner their friends became, or who was the prettiest, same ****, different year.

Muhti went into his locker and checked out the paper which held the locker combination. It took him twice to figure it out. He then retrieved the things he needed for the first three periods and left.
Teens were discussing among themselves that they hated having History as their first subject. As if history was to happen on that day. They laughed at the teacher with his formal attire while Muhti stayed in his seat, trying to listen to the announcements. After a good 32 minutes of introductions was made in first period, a large explosion was heard.

Everybody rushed to the window and saw one of the twin towers in flames. Muhti remained, too afraid to move, unknowing what to do. His breath kept quivering as people kept shouting to evacuate the building, but security did not allow it. Muhti remained as the last person to remain in the classroom.

“People… they shouldn’t die from a faulty plane…” Muhti said steadily. He rose from his chair and walked towards the front as children and faculty walked in the opposite direction. One teacher saw him going towards the entrance.

“You shouldn’t be here! GO BACK INSIDE!” she said. Muhti then scrunched his eyebrows and blasted her with the light magic he was taught by his father. He proceeded to the front and done the same to security.
He arrived outside with shouts of people running towards him. Though, they were muted by the sirens of fire trucks and police mobiles. He then hoped that the little magic of flying was going to help. He flew towards the North Tower which led to another explosion real close by.

--------------------------------------------------WILL BE EDITED------------------------------------------------------------------------
 

Jam Stunna

Writer of Fortune
BRoomer
Joined
May 6, 2006
Messages
6,450
Location
Hartford, CT
3DS FC
0447-6552-1484
I see at the bottom that you wrote "WILL BE EDITED," so I'll skip over the grammar and punctuation mistakes you've made in the hope that you'll correct them yourself later.

Instead, I want to focus on something you can do to make your story more interesting: you can employ the "Show, Don't Tell" rule. There are some parts in this story that would benefit from you expanding on the scene rather than racing by it. For example,

Did I mention his father, brother and himself practice magic?
This is the perfect place to put "Show, Don't Tell" into practice. Don't tell the reader that your characters practice magic, show them by having your characters actually perform magic. Maybe Muhti can make his milk pour itself or something less obvious and cliched, but the point is to draw in your reader with the details of the world your characters inhabit. This is a good place to do that.
 
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