Jokes

[Urb]

I think we need a good thread to share jokes. (Besides Chuck Norris Jokes which I already made a thread for).

So the FBI elite team is sent on a dangerous mission and one of their top men is gunned down to save a civilian. The next day they hold auditions for a new member.
The first guy walks in and says
"Uh, I'm here for the audition thing..."
And the FBI people point to a door, give the man a gun, and say'
"Alright, we want you to go in there and kill your wife."
The man refuses and leaves.
The next man comes in a and the same conversation ensues.
The man goes into the room, but comes out crying ten minutes later saying,
"I just can't do it!"
The next person who comes in is a woman.
"We want you to go in there and kill your husband" and they hand her the gun.
She walks in and the FBI people here a series of screams, bangs, and crashes.
The woman then emerges and says:
"The gun was full of blanks, I had to kill him with the chair."

 

[~Krystal~]

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

 

[VMuh 99%V]

q: Why haven't they sent a woman to the moon yet?

A: It doesn't need cleaning.

I just got that..haha.

 

[D13]

http://www.innocentenglish.com/best-funny-jokes/longest-joke-ever.html

I dare you to read it. I did.

 

[KloudMunky]

OK, here's one.

God and Satan were so angry with each other that they decided to have a contest to see who was better with computers. They met one day in an office and started the contest. For days, each typed away furiously, creating Power Points, Word documents, graphs, e-mails, and stuff like that, when all of a sudden the power went off. Satan smashed the keyboard in rage, but God just sighed and waited for it turn back on. When it did, Satan checked his files, but they had dissappeared. He looked at God's computer to find that his were all still there.
"That's not fair!" Satan roared. "He cheated! His files are still there! How'd he do that?!?"
God looked at Satan, smiled, and said, "God saves."