Snot Man
Smash Cadet
In the last episode of Japan Time Time Goes Back In Time (not to be confused with regular Japan Time Time, which never goes back in time further than a single week), we had left on a cliffhanger as we were pulled into a rip in the timestream for no particular reason. Where, or rather when, will we end up? What crazy adventures await us, as we are LOOOOOST IN TIME? Oh, the excitement! Who could we meet? Satan? Andross’ big polygon face? An ugly overexposed miniboss? The thought of that is terrifying! Stay tuned and find out!
<p align="center"><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/tardisfz0.png" alt="Yes, the time machine we're using is both a DeLorean and a TARDIS. It's also a bathroom stall." />
<strong>WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!</strong>
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>…Huh. We landed at week #13. How incredibly convenient. To be perfectly honest, I expected something a bit more thrilling. Maybe we’ll go on a trip to the Jurassic era next time, I dunno.</em>
Sitting alone in front of his office’s fireplace on Christmas Eve, the Nerd From the First NES Zelda American Commercial reminisces about simpler times, back when he wasn’t apparently the mayor of something for some reason…
Watch what he’s having flashbacks about! And now you’ll know who that guy is anyway.
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Yeah, those were the days…<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>For the record, the fact that I said this takes place on Christmas Eve is a complete coincidence. And with a few minor exceptions, all text that isn’t preceded by the Phase Distorter here went unedited from the original entries I wrote way back when. The strange timing once again makes me suspect that I have incredible precognition powers.</em>
<strong>AND NOW, OUR FEATURED PRESENTATION…</strong>
<strong>WEEK #13: August 13th to August 17th, 2007</strong>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/pokemon_trainer.html"><strong>Day 60: Entry 68: Ivysaur</strong></a>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/pokemon_trainer.html%3Cbr%3E%3C/a%3E#pokemon_change"><strong>Day 60: Entry 69: Pokemon Change!</strong></a>
<em>The Pokemon Trainer has finally arrived.</em>
Now that was random. In a way, this would have made sense from the very first game, because Pokemon don’t usually run around fighting and being competent at it without a trainer in the Pokemon world, after all. Guess it’s never too late to right that wrong! I’m not sure why they didn’t just call him “Red”, though. The model is consistent with his Fire Red appearance, he uses the original three starters (and won’t level up Squirtle, that jerk), and Gold/Silver DID establish him as being canonically named that. Maybe they wanted to please people who called him Ash? Or people who don’t like default options? If so, why didn’t they call Ness “The Chosen Boy” while they were at it?
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>Some said it was because he might have an alternate costume for other trainers throughout the series, but that has been disproven recently, I’m afraid.</em>
The gimmick itself is an interesting one. Smart move on using Charizard, and Squirtle is well-recognized, but Ivysaur? It makes sense to showcase all three evolution stages, and Wartortle or Charmeleon would’ve been equally dumb, but I dunno. Oh well. He looks like Bulbasaur enough for it not to matter so much anyway! I just hope the gimmick here won’t sort of fall flat, like the Ice Climbers’. No offense to people who like them, but I think the experiment Nintendo did with them didn’t quite yield the desired results.
Now, there’s also a stamina stat affecting the Pokemon’s performance if you switch them around too much or not enough. This has the potential to be either pretty cool or very annoying. Which one may be directly related to whether or not there’ll be an easy way to see that a Pokemon is tired aside from checking a clock frantically. I sort of understand the decision, because otherwise people might use them like Zelda in Melee (in other words, just Sheik!), but this has the potential to be obnoxious if they’re not careful.
Let’s be optimistic, now! I say it’ll be cool.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 4 leaves out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/items/assist/assist05.html"><strong>Day 61: Entry 70: Devil</strong></a>
<em>Extreme panic and new strategies.</em>
Mother****ing Satan. Always ruining my fun.
Now, I feel a little annoyed at them including a character from a Japan-only NES game, but I’ve gotta admit that its effect is rather hilarious. It also goes to show that video game censorship isn’t the same anymore, thank [GOSH]. Of course, I guess the game isn’t called “Super Devil Bros. Brawl”….
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 3 leaves out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>Those reviews suuuuure are short!</em>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/gamemode/various/various03.html"><strong>Day 62: Entry 71: Stickers</strong></a>
<em>Yes, the ones you slap on your notebook or skateboard or whatever.</em>
Sigh. I wish they’d have confirmed trophies instead. They kinda did when they said stickers were easier to get a hold of than them, but maybe they meant <em>in Melee</em>. It would really break my heart if trophies didn’t come back, you know?
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>One intact heart, coming up!</em>
Still, this is pretty cool. Much lazier than trophies, since they’re just reusing artwork and putting a white border around them (which I really hope we can remove for single frame comics or putting on our skateboards or whatever), but I am a huuuuuge fan of collecting crap of all kinds, and it seems there will be lots of stuff to collect here!
This update was pretty fun, too, in that you could play “Try to name everyone here!” I recognized them all myself except the cowboy guy. Maybe he’s from that Sheriff game? Maybe the Sheriff will be playable in Brawl? That wouldn’t really surprise me, by now. Hmmm. Anyone want to bet?
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 3 leaves out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/howto/technique/technique04.html"><strong>Day 63: Entry 72: Tether Recovery</strong></a>
<em>Moves like that can be pretty thrilling.</em>
I’m not thrilled at all, honestly.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 1 leaf out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>And this, everyone, is the historically shortest review I ever gave. Let’s see if I can somehow beat that record and not bore everyone to death!</em>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/peach.html"><strong>Day 64: Entry 73: Ness</strong></a>
<em>Fry them! Fry them all!</em>
Hahaha, just kidding.
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/peach.html"><strong>Day 64: Entry 73: Peach</strong></a>
<em>She can silence both Mario and Bowser with her floating jumps and Toad defense.</em>
I don’t know why, but rereading that sentence makes me giggle uncontrollably. I mean, I never really thought of it that way. “I’m using the Toad Defense!” I mean, that’s exactly what it is, but calling it that brings it into a whole new light. I mean, I can see it now. Peach pointing dramatically from the left side of the courtroom and going “If Toad doesn’t live in Tadpole Pond, you must acquit!” Prosecutor Bowser than smashes his desk in frustration, unable to say more.
Judge Popo then bangs his hammer a few times, then reminds us that characters we knew about already getting a single update is worth only one thing: A delicious penalty!
(ACK. That didn’t win her any points with the judge…)
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 1 leaf out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<strong>THIS WEEK’S OVERALL RATING:</strong> 2 leaves out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
The week here starts out all right, but the last two updates are kind of lame by comparison. I might have reacted much better to Peach had she not been featured prominently in the Subspace Emissary video from two weeks ago, but rules are rules!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>That week was kind of short because it was part of another two-part update, and also because I was a little tired at the time. I can’t remember what exactly I was up to during the days where I wrote these, but I suspect it was something draining, like fighting off angry ******* all day long.</em>
<strong>INTERMISSION</strong>
Say, we’ve seen the Nerd, but what about Psyduck, who is also alone the night before Christmas? Yeah, he’s reminiscing too.
He, too, is having a flashback about something you can see on YouTube!
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Being able to look into people’s heads isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be.<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>Neither is being able to go back in time or see the future, honestly.</em>
<strong>WE NOW RETURN… TO JAPAN TIME TIME!</strong>
<strong>WEEK #14: August 20th to August 24th, 2007</strong>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/link.html#2nd"><strong>Day 65: Entry 74: Link: Special Moves</strong></a>
<em>All this and the Clawshot, too!</em>
What? More than two moves in a special moves update? This is insane! But the good insane, thankfully. PLUS, the moves, while all similar to Link’s original ones, all got a Twilight Princess-themed facelift! I’m not entirely sure why, though, since as far as I know Link didn’t need any de-nerfing or anything. Maybe there will be a downside to all this neatness, somehow! Hopefully this isn’t the sign of a practical nerf, because I like playing Link.
Still, all those moves and MORE in a single update? Color me pleasantly surprised! …It’s still just a move update, though.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 2 leaves out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/gamemode/modea/modea03.html"><strong>Day 66: Entry 75: The Subspace Army</strong></a>
<em>This is a new, never-before-seen form of aggression…</em>
This is really a pretty awesome entry. Everyone likes Subspace Emissary updates! (Shut up, you in the back.) It gives us a lot of info regarding what’s actually going on, tells us the name of the main villain (who I bet is being puppeteered, literally or not, by Master Hand, but hey) and his minions, shows us a new cutscene featuring an amusing ROB cameo, and…
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/modea04_070824b.jpg" alt="HE LIVES SOLELY TO DISPLEASE YOU." height="141" width="250" />
–STOP THE PRESSES. NOW. THIS UPDATE SUCKS. AAAAAARGH.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 0 leaf out of 5!!
…
All right, I’ve calmed down a bit. And even though the video itself left me a bit dismayed when I first saw it, I’ll do something I try not to do too often here, and use FUTURE KNOWLEDGE to influence my judgment.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>Yeah, right. I don’t do that all the time at all.</em>
Knowing that they DIDN’T actually waste a playable character slot on the annoying, ugly and inexplicably overexposed recurring miniboss from Super Mario Sunshine allows me to appreciate this update for what it actually is: An awesome update! Hurray!
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> FIVE leaves out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/diddykong.html"><strong>Day 67: Entry 76: Diddy Kong</strong></a>
<em>Donkey Kong’s pal has finally joined the battle!</em>
Two all-new characters in two weeks? Oh wow! This one is a little less interesting than the Pokemon Trainer, but it’s still pretty cool that DK’s sidekick is finally playable. It also makes sense that a little chimp like him have “whimsical fighting moves”, but unfortunately screenshots don’t truly capture his essence. So, until then, I guess I’ll have to withhold further judgment!
It’s a bit weird that the two moves they mention for him have to come from Donkey Kong 64 and… DK’s Barrel Blast, I think? What is that thing anyway? I guess it’s better than Donkey Kong: King of Swing or Donkey Kong: Jungle Beat, though.
…What’s with all the weird DK spinoffs anyway? I just noticed that.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 3 leaves out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/music/music07.html"><strong>Day 68: Entry 77: Animal Crossing: Go K.K. Rider!</strong></a>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/yoshi.html#3rd"><strong>Day 68: Entry 78: Yoshi: Final Smash</strong></a>
<em>Heroes always arrive late.</em>
TWO different, completely unrelated updates? What’s WITH them lately? Don’t change anymore, Japan Time! (Of course, I <em>know</em> they’ll change, what with that accursed power of knowing the future, but….)
Amusingly enough, this is the song I had playing on the main floor of my house in Animal Crossing. A bit of a weird choice, especially with the strange way they remixed it, but I guess it’d come out better than “Animal Crossing: Main theme FIGHTIN’ REMIX”. Also, a cookie to whoever can tell me whether this is an actual Kamen Rider quote, or they’re being cryptic about a character they’ll introduce late. Hmmm. (I know it’s not Meta Knight, at least. To this day, they still haven’t introduced him, but he’s not a hero! …See what I did there? I pretended that I didn’t know the future!)
Meanwhile, Yoshi mutates further into an abomination meant to rain death upon the lands of man! Seriously, everyone’s eyes glow in a creepy way when they grab the Smash Ball, but here it’s especially creepy somehow. The fact that he sprouts mismatched-looking wings and starts breathing fire right afterwards doesn’t help, either! They didn’t mention it, but I’m fairly positive that they’re referencing Super Mario World here, which is actually pretty awesome. For those who didn’t play that game somehow, Yoshi could sprout wings while holding a blue Koopa shell in its mouth, spit a red shell out as three fireballs, and create wimpy-looking tiny dust clouds that annihilate every enemy they touch by stomping the ground with a yellow shell! Colored Yoshis had the respective ability with every shell, and any Yoshi could gain all three abilities at one with an elusive flashing shell. Any questions? The only odd thing here is that Yoshi doesn’t stomp the ground or anything, here! Truly, a great loss for humanity.
Two seemingly unrelated AND good updates can only mean one thing! Yes…
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> FIVE leaves out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>These days, I don’t really rate double entries as the sum of their parts. It’s all very scientific. Once again, if you try to make any sense out of those ratings or particularly bother to compare them with each other, I may toss a shuriken into your eye across the Internet.</em>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/gamemode/modea/modea04.html"><strong>Day 69: Entry 79: Petey Piranha</strong></a>
<em>He… He’s huge!</em>
I hope my body… Ugh, no.
You may have guessed from above that I loathe Petey Piranha for ill-defined reasons. I didn’t mind him in Super Mario Sunshine, but I started getting annoyed when he appeared in Mario Kart. And Mario Tennis. And New Super Mario Bros. And Super Mario Anything. See, he’s a waste of space that could have been used on a better character. He’s just… not likable in any way. Maybe Japan finds him awesome, as they have a history of liking things that anyone in their right mind wouldn’t, IN AMERICA. (Also see: Tower of Druaga.) But here, it’s not so bad! I thought he would be a playable character at first, which would not only suck but also confirm another character on a fake box art picture that was sighted earlier, one featuring several other questionable character choices. I might link to it in a later entry for you all to see, but now I’m tired and lazy! Ha! (Just know that it’s not freaking Caterpie on the right if you do see it. Sheesh.)
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>I wound up commenting on said “box art” in a bonus JTT entry, but since I don’t doubt that the blog has covered that already long ago, I probably won’t be reposting it here. In case you’re wondering, it was the one with Sonic in it and overlapping artwork shopped together. You know the one.</em>
But wait, aside from my irrational aversion to the character, there’s more! This is actually a pretty cool update, subject matter aside, in that it explains what seems like a pretty cool and original boss fight (despite the actual boss), and also seems to imply that the Adventure Mode will have some sorts of path splits. It seems already that each character will have a unique path, but if, at the very least, your partners and the such are affected by your performance and decisions? ROCK.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 3 leaves out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<strong>THIS WEEK’S OVERALL RATING:</strong> 4 leaves out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
A VERY solid week! I actually used this to diagnose the blog’s standards rising, what with the extra-sized and revamped moves update actually being the weakest one of the week and all, but sadly the following week would prove me that this one was just a fluke. Of course, the overall quality has risen drastically compared to the beginning by now, but this is still one of the two best weeks in Japan Time’s history so far! Yay!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>This concludes this week’s second week! (Yes, this is a bit confusing.) Coming up next before the actual reviews for the last one is another story tidbit, which sets the stage for the events of the Japan Time Time Power Hour, a supersized entry I wrote to celebrate my having caught up with real time, meaning I could write entries once a week instead of once a day. Starting from then, you should be able to enjoy a bit of an increase in content and quality, since I didn’t force myself to write them every night when I had other stuff to do and may or may not have had a long day. Please look forward to it! But we’ll only be seeing the Power Hour next week, so have another crappy daily entry until then. Ha, ha, I got you all excited for nothing!</em>
<strong>JAPAN TIME TIME SKYSCRAPER: FLOOR 59</strong>
<strong>GET READY!</strong>
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
Well, well. It took you all weekend <em>and</em> your Christmas break, but you managed to fight your way through all 58 stories leading up to here.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
En… ton…
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
I must congratulate you on your resolve. So determined in getting to the bottom of this conspiracy that you forgot one very important little detail.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
Enton?
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
You don’t have the Blue Crystal Rod.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
……
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
<a href="http://www.ntsc-uk.com/feature.php?featuretype=edi&fea=Druaga"><strong>ZAP!</strong></a>
<strong>YOU’VE BEEN ZAPPED TO…
JAPAN TIME TIME SKYSCRAPER: FLOOR 06
GET READY!</strong>
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
ENTOOOOOON! &@$%! *#%&! @£$&! ENTON!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>I suggest reading the article linked in the word “zap” if you don’t have any idea what just happened here. You do all that work reading all my super-long entries and I reward you by making you read more stuff! This is because I hate you.</em>
<strong>JAPAN TIME TIME SKYSCRAPER: FLOOR 59</strong>
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
These powers… they’re really rad.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/darksrg6.png" />
You are cruel and ruthless, exactly as I expect of a Mayor. But be careful not to lose control, lest your power consume you. Even the Glove has its limits.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
Don’t worry, Dr. W. I have everything under control…
<p align="center"><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/power_glove_2.jpg" alt="Now, you're playing... with POWER." />
<strong>It’s so bad…</strong>
<strong>WEEK #15: August 27th to August 31st, 2007</strong>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/items/item09.html"><strong>Day 70: Entry 80: Superspicy Curry</strong></a>
<em>I’m not sure if it’s painful or fun.</em>
Sometimes the little quotes I put above this sum up my sentiment regarding the entry pretty well. This is one of those! It’s not completely unoriginal, and at least it’s from a game… But still, it’s hard to be enthusiastic about that thing in any way, really! Let’s look at the screenshots, maybe they’ll change my mind.
<p align="center"><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/item09_070827d-l.jpg" title="Pfrrrrrrt." alt="Pfrrrrrrt." height="329" width="400" />
<strong>You can even do this!</strong>
I’m not 100% sure what he’s doing, but whatever it may be, <em>this is not something I want to do</em>.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 2 Woks out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/items/assist/assist06.html"><strong>Day 71: Entry 81: Andross</strong></a>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/howto/basic/basic05.html"><strong>Day 71: Entry 82: Four Special Move Types</strong></a>
<em>Whoa! He’s huge.</em>
I hope my body can take it…
(So many good lines to quote here, too. Stupid sexy running gag.)
Hurray for another double update with unrelated entries! And good thing, too, because How To Play updates usually suck a lot by themselves. In this case, it almost redeems itself by using Meta Knight as an example, thus getting most of his moveset out of the way all at once. A pox upon them if they do another update about Meta Knight’s moves, though! Mark my words! And say, I would have thought his Up+B would involve him sprouting his wings and flying as we’ve seen him do before, but it apparently doesn’t. I wonder what that means… Hmmmm… (FORESHADOWING! FORESHADOWING!)
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>Aw, crud, I forgot to inflict a pox upon them. Just give me a sec, I’ll go do that right away.</em>
Also, Andross! Again, the SNES Star Fox gets lots of love! I’m not sure why they consider that this form was the one that had “the most impact,” especially considering that the brains quote at the bottom was from SF64, one of those that didn’t have a big white polygon face. Still, at least he’s pretty recognizable here. I mean, I think they showed him in COMMERCIALS for the game. Maybe that’s what impact is all about! Showing scenes from very late in the game in commercials so people recognize them easily! If so, Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories had a LOT of impact.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>Remember when they showed bits from the ending cinematic of Reverse Rebirth? That was awesome.</em>
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 4 Weapons out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/pokemon_trainer.html#2nd"><strong>Day 72: Entry 83: Pokemon Trainer: Special Moves</strong></a>
<em>Is this the turtle’s so-called shell?</em>
Silly Japanese. I thought you knew your seafood!
An advantage of having three characters in one is that this makes for a supersize entry! Still, only two moves per Pokemon, meaning that we may see another one of those later, but that’s still more than even Link’s update last week.
So I like this moveset quite a lot, for some reason I can’t quite explain. Maybe it’s because those moves are all more or less loosely interpreted from in-game attacks, unlike Meta Knight above who’s just making stuff up as he goes. And already, these seem a bit more game/show accurate than, say, Pikachu or Jigglypuff’s movesets (I mean, Rest as a one-hit KO?). Only Withdraw and Rock Smash don’t seem to work quite like I envisioned them.
Speaking of the latter, Rock Smash is funny. “I AM THE MIGHTY CHARIZARD! WATCH ME SMASH MY HEAD ON THAT BOULDER! Er, I mean the opposite. STAND BACK OR YOU’RE IN FOR, TO QUOTE, A SOLID HIT THAT DELIVERS A MIGHTY BLOW! AAAAAARGH!” SMASH. “call an ambulance”
Maybe they’re trying to revive the Pokemon craze after all these years. When hundreds of children get hospitalized after smashing their heads on boulders, it’ll be the seizure episode media coverage all over again!
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 3 Wobuffets out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/howto/technique/technique05.html"><strong>Day 73: Entry 84: Gliding</strong></a>
<em>I sense that mastering this skill could be quite beneficial.</em>
Well, at least that’s something new. It could get annoying, though, if simply tilting left or right while at the top of a jump triggers this, and then you find yourself gliding when you don’t want to. But yet again, this is one of those things we’ll only be sure about once the game comes out!
Still a sort of boring update, though. Insubstantial comments for an insubstantial update! Man, I love excuses for being lazy.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 2 Wings out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/stages/stage10.html"><strong>Day 74: Entry 85: WarioWare</strong></a>
<em>Ah, what floor would you like, Smash?</em>
What’s that sentence supposed to mean, anyway? Am I the only one who notices those things?
And now, say it with me! BANNED IN TOURNAMENTS! But nevertheless, this looks like a very fun stage. I might be a little biased since I love WarioWare games, so the idea of combining a fast-paced game of Smash with an ADD-friendly game like WarioWare is my idea of a good time. I mean, Smash already has crap flying all over the screen and items being flung around and Pokemon attacking and people being pooped into eggs… and then you throw in “QUICK DODGE THE APPLES!” or “FIND THAT NINJA!” or “PAINT THIS SHOE!”, which can net you a “reward” of some sort. Hopefully said reward is an item of some sort, because there is NO SUCH THING as too much chaos!
You heard me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a shoe to paint.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 4 Warehouses out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" />
<strong>THIS WEEK’S OVERALL RATING:</strong> 3 Witches’ Wagons who Water Watermelons with Wet Weasels out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" />
A pretty dull week, all things considered. Nothing extremely boring, but nothing extremely interesting either, aside maybe from the WarioWare stage. Heck, maybe I should make this part of the format from now on. POOF!
<strong>BESTEST ENTRY OF THE WEEK:</strong> WarioWare, as I said. A very original stage with the capacity for loads of mayhem. It’s like combining peanut butter and bananas!
<strong>WORSTEST ENTRY OF THE WEEK:</strong> Spicy Curry. You know when you see people being really excited about something dumb on TV, and you’re still half-asleep and thinking “What the. Leave me alone, you maniacs!” That’s a bit how the update made me feel. And somehow, it still managed to be boring each time I looked back.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>You just witnessed yet another historical event! The “GAME!” will come a bit later, though. And… ooooh, look at the time! We’re done here! All right, we’re going back home. Man, that was the most disappointing adventure I ever had getting lost in time. Tune in next week as we bear witness to the much-rumored Japan Time Time Power Hour! So, yeah, going back home, now. Here, you drive. I’m pooped.</em>
<p align="center"><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/tardisfz0.png" alt="I'd have made a new image, but screw that. Right now I'm on a primitive computer with a version of MS Paint that can only save as Bitmap. BITMAP." />
<strong>WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!</strong>
<em>To be continued again….</em>
<p align="center"><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/tardisfz0.png" alt="Yes, the time machine we're using is both a DeLorean and a TARDIS. It's also a bathroom stall." />
<strong>WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!</strong>
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>…Huh. We landed at week #13. How incredibly convenient. To be perfectly honest, I expected something a bit more thrilling. Maybe we’ll go on a trip to the Jurassic era next time, I dunno.</em>
Sitting alone in front of his office’s fireplace on Christmas Eve, the Nerd From the First NES Zelda American Commercial reminisces about simpler times, back when he wasn’t apparently the mayor of something for some reason…
Watch what he’s having flashbacks about! And now you’ll know who that guy is anyway.
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Yeah, those were the days…<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>For the record, the fact that I said this takes place on Christmas Eve is a complete coincidence. And with a few minor exceptions, all text that isn’t preceded by the Phase Distorter here went unedited from the original entries I wrote way back when. The strange timing once again makes me suspect that I have incredible precognition powers.</em>
<strong>AND NOW, OUR FEATURED PRESENTATION…</strong>
<strong>WEEK #13: August 13th to August 17th, 2007</strong>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/pokemon_trainer.html"><strong>Day 60: Entry 68: Ivysaur</strong></a>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/pokemon_trainer.html%3Cbr%3E%3C/a%3E#pokemon_change"><strong>Day 60: Entry 69: Pokemon Change!</strong></a>
<em>The Pokemon Trainer has finally arrived.</em>
Now that was random. In a way, this would have made sense from the very first game, because Pokemon don’t usually run around fighting and being competent at it without a trainer in the Pokemon world, after all. Guess it’s never too late to right that wrong! I’m not sure why they didn’t just call him “Red”, though. The model is consistent with his Fire Red appearance, he uses the original three starters (and won’t level up Squirtle, that jerk), and Gold/Silver DID establish him as being canonically named that. Maybe they wanted to please people who called him Ash? Or people who don’t like default options? If so, why didn’t they call Ness “The Chosen Boy” while they were at it?
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>Some said it was because he might have an alternate costume for other trainers throughout the series, but that has been disproven recently, I’m afraid.</em>
The gimmick itself is an interesting one. Smart move on using Charizard, and Squirtle is well-recognized, but Ivysaur? It makes sense to showcase all three evolution stages, and Wartortle or Charmeleon would’ve been equally dumb, but I dunno. Oh well. He looks like Bulbasaur enough for it not to matter so much anyway! I just hope the gimmick here won’t sort of fall flat, like the Ice Climbers’. No offense to people who like them, but I think the experiment Nintendo did with them didn’t quite yield the desired results.
Now, there’s also a stamina stat affecting the Pokemon’s performance if you switch them around too much or not enough. This has the potential to be either pretty cool or very annoying. Which one may be directly related to whether or not there’ll be an easy way to see that a Pokemon is tired aside from checking a clock frantically. I sort of understand the decision, because otherwise people might use them like Zelda in Melee (in other words, just Sheik!), but this has the potential to be obnoxious if they’re not careful.
Let’s be optimistic, now! I say it’ll be cool.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 4 leaves out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/items/assist/assist05.html"><strong>Day 61: Entry 70: Devil</strong></a>
<em>Extreme panic and new strategies.</em>
Mother****ing Satan. Always ruining my fun.
Now, I feel a little annoyed at them including a character from a Japan-only NES game, but I’ve gotta admit that its effect is rather hilarious. It also goes to show that video game censorship isn’t the same anymore, thank [GOSH]. Of course, I guess the game isn’t called “Super Devil Bros. Brawl”….
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 3 leaves out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>Those reviews suuuuure are short!</em>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/gamemode/various/various03.html"><strong>Day 62: Entry 71: Stickers</strong></a>
<em>Yes, the ones you slap on your notebook or skateboard or whatever.</em>
Sigh. I wish they’d have confirmed trophies instead. They kinda did when they said stickers were easier to get a hold of than them, but maybe they meant <em>in Melee</em>. It would really break my heart if trophies didn’t come back, you know?
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>One intact heart, coming up!</em>
Still, this is pretty cool. Much lazier than trophies, since they’re just reusing artwork and putting a white border around them (which I really hope we can remove for single frame comics or putting on our skateboards or whatever), but I am a huuuuuge fan of collecting crap of all kinds, and it seems there will be lots of stuff to collect here!
This update was pretty fun, too, in that you could play “Try to name everyone here!” I recognized them all myself except the cowboy guy. Maybe he’s from that Sheriff game? Maybe the Sheriff will be playable in Brawl? That wouldn’t really surprise me, by now. Hmmm. Anyone want to bet?
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 3 leaves out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/howto/technique/technique04.html"><strong>Day 63: Entry 72: Tether Recovery</strong></a>
<em>Moves like that can be pretty thrilling.</em>
I’m not thrilled at all, honestly.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 1 leaf out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>And this, everyone, is the historically shortest review I ever gave. Let’s see if I can somehow beat that record and not bore everyone to death!</em>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/peach.html"><strong>Day 64: Entry 73: Ness</strong></a>
<em>Fry them! Fry them all!</em>
Hahaha, just kidding.
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/peach.html"><strong>Day 64: Entry 73: Peach</strong></a>
<em>She can silence both Mario and Bowser with her floating jumps and Toad defense.</em>
I don’t know why, but rereading that sentence makes me giggle uncontrollably. I mean, I never really thought of it that way. “I’m using the Toad Defense!” I mean, that’s exactly what it is, but calling it that brings it into a whole new light. I mean, I can see it now. Peach pointing dramatically from the left side of the courtroom and going “If Toad doesn’t live in Tadpole Pond, you must acquit!” Prosecutor Bowser than smashes his desk in frustration, unable to say more.
Judge Popo then bangs his hammer a few times, then reminds us that characters we knew about already getting a single update is worth only one thing: A delicious penalty!
(ACK. That didn’t win her any points with the judge…)
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 1 leaf out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<strong>THIS WEEK’S OVERALL RATING:</strong> 2 leaves out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
The week here starts out all right, but the last two updates are kind of lame by comparison. I might have reacted much better to Peach had she not been featured prominently in the Subspace Emissary video from two weeks ago, but rules are rules!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>That week was kind of short because it was part of another two-part update, and also because I was a little tired at the time. I can’t remember what exactly I was up to during the days where I wrote these, but I suspect it was something draining, like fighting off angry ******* all day long.</em>
<strong>INTERMISSION</strong>
Say, we’ve seen the Nerd, but what about Psyduck, who is also alone the night before Christmas? Yeah, he’s reminiscing too.
He, too, is having a flashback about something you can see on YouTube!
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Being able to look into people’s heads isn’t what it’s all cracked up to be.<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>Neither is being able to go back in time or see the future, honestly.</em>
<strong>WE NOW RETURN… TO JAPAN TIME TIME!</strong>
<strong>WEEK #14: August 20th to August 24th, 2007</strong>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/link.html#2nd"><strong>Day 65: Entry 74: Link: Special Moves</strong></a>
<em>All this and the Clawshot, too!</em>
What? More than two moves in a special moves update? This is insane! But the good insane, thankfully. PLUS, the moves, while all similar to Link’s original ones, all got a Twilight Princess-themed facelift! I’m not entirely sure why, though, since as far as I know Link didn’t need any de-nerfing or anything. Maybe there will be a downside to all this neatness, somehow! Hopefully this isn’t the sign of a practical nerf, because I like playing Link.
Still, all those moves and MORE in a single update? Color me pleasantly surprised! …It’s still just a move update, though.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 2 leaves out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/gamemode/modea/modea03.html"><strong>Day 66: Entry 75: The Subspace Army</strong></a>
<em>This is a new, never-before-seen form of aggression…</em>
This is really a pretty awesome entry. Everyone likes Subspace Emissary updates! (Shut up, you in the back.) It gives us a lot of info regarding what’s actually going on, tells us the name of the main villain (who I bet is being puppeteered, literally or not, by Master Hand, but hey) and his minions, shows us a new cutscene featuring an amusing ROB cameo, and…
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/modea04_070824b.jpg" alt="HE LIVES SOLELY TO DISPLEASE YOU." height="141" width="250" />
–STOP THE PRESSES. NOW. THIS UPDATE SUCKS. AAAAAARGH.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 0 leaf out of 5!!
…
All right, I’ve calmed down a bit. And even though the video itself left me a bit dismayed when I first saw it, I’ll do something I try not to do too often here, and use FUTURE KNOWLEDGE to influence my judgment.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>Yeah, right. I don’t do that all the time at all.</em>
Knowing that they DIDN’T actually waste a playable character slot on the annoying, ugly and inexplicably overexposed recurring miniboss from Super Mario Sunshine allows me to appreciate this update for what it actually is: An awesome update! Hurray!
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> FIVE leaves out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/diddykong.html"><strong>Day 67: Entry 76: Diddy Kong</strong></a>
<em>Donkey Kong’s pal has finally joined the battle!</em>
Two all-new characters in two weeks? Oh wow! This one is a little less interesting than the Pokemon Trainer, but it’s still pretty cool that DK’s sidekick is finally playable. It also makes sense that a little chimp like him have “whimsical fighting moves”, but unfortunately screenshots don’t truly capture his essence. So, until then, I guess I’ll have to withhold further judgment!
It’s a bit weird that the two moves they mention for him have to come from Donkey Kong 64 and… DK’s Barrel Blast, I think? What is that thing anyway? I guess it’s better than Donkey Kong: King of Swing or Donkey Kong: Jungle Beat, though.
…What’s with all the weird DK spinoffs anyway? I just noticed that.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 3 leaves out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/music/music07.html"><strong>Day 68: Entry 77: Animal Crossing: Go K.K. Rider!</strong></a>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/yoshi.html#3rd"><strong>Day 68: Entry 78: Yoshi: Final Smash</strong></a>
<em>Heroes always arrive late.</em>
TWO different, completely unrelated updates? What’s WITH them lately? Don’t change anymore, Japan Time! (Of course, I <em>know</em> they’ll change, what with that accursed power of knowing the future, but….)
Amusingly enough, this is the song I had playing on the main floor of my house in Animal Crossing. A bit of a weird choice, especially with the strange way they remixed it, but I guess it’d come out better than “Animal Crossing: Main theme FIGHTIN’ REMIX”. Also, a cookie to whoever can tell me whether this is an actual Kamen Rider quote, or they’re being cryptic about a character they’ll introduce late. Hmmm. (I know it’s not Meta Knight, at least. To this day, they still haven’t introduced him, but he’s not a hero! …See what I did there? I pretended that I didn’t know the future!)
Meanwhile, Yoshi mutates further into an abomination meant to rain death upon the lands of man! Seriously, everyone’s eyes glow in a creepy way when they grab the Smash Ball, but here it’s especially creepy somehow. The fact that he sprouts mismatched-looking wings and starts breathing fire right afterwards doesn’t help, either! They didn’t mention it, but I’m fairly positive that they’re referencing Super Mario World here, which is actually pretty awesome. For those who didn’t play that game somehow, Yoshi could sprout wings while holding a blue Koopa shell in its mouth, spit a red shell out as three fireballs, and create wimpy-looking tiny dust clouds that annihilate every enemy they touch by stomping the ground with a yellow shell! Colored Yoshis had the respective ability with every shell, and any Yoshi could gain all three abilities at one with an elusive flashing shell. Any questions? The only odd thing here is that Yoshi doesn’t stomp the ground or anything, here! Truly, a great loss for humanity.
Two seemingly unrelated AND good updates can only mean one thing! Yes…
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> FIVE leaves out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>These days, I don’t really rate double entries as the sum of their parts. It’s all very scientific. Once again, if you try to make any sense out of those ratings or particularly bother to compare them with each other, I may toss a shuriken into your eye across the Internet.</em>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/gamemode/modea/modea04.html"><strong>Day 69: Entry 79: Petey Piranha</strong></a>
<em>He… He’s huge!</em>
I hope my body… Ugh, no.
You may have guessed from above that I loathe Petey Piranha for ill-defined reasons. I didn’t mind him in Super Mario Sunshine, but I started getting annoyed when he appeared in Mario Kart. And Mario Tennis. And New Super Mario Bros. And Super Mario Anything. See, he’s a waste of space that could have been used on a better character. He’s just… not likable in any way. Maybe Japan finds him awesome, as they have a history of liking things that anyone in their right mind wouldn’t, IN AMERICA. (Also see: Tower of Druaga.) But here, it’s not so bad! I thought he would be a playable character at first, which would not only suck but also confirm another character on a fake box art picture that was sighted earlier, one featuring several other questionable character choices. I might link to it in a later entry for you all to see, but now I’m tired and lazy! Ha! (Just know that it’s not freaking Caterpie on the right if you do see it. Sheesh.)
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>I wound up commenting on said “box art” in a bonus JTT entry, but since I don’t doubt that the blog has covered that already long ago, I probably won’t be reposting it here. In case you’re wondering, it was the one with Sonic in it and overlapping artwork shopped together. You know the one.</em>
But wait, aside from my irrational aversion to the character, there’s more! This is actually a pretty cool update, subject matter aside, in that it explains what seems like a pretty cool and original boss fight (despite the actual boss), and also seems to imply that the Adventure Mode will have some sorts of path splits. It seems already that each character will have a unique path, but if, at the very least, your partners and the such are affected by your performance and decisions? ROCK.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 3 leaves out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
<strong>THIS WEEK’S OVERALL RATING:</strong> 4 leaves out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_15.gif" />
A VERY solid week! I actually used this to diagnose the blog’s standards rising, what with the extra-sized and revamped moves update actually being the weakest one of the week and all, but sadly the following week would prove me that this one was just a fluke. Of course, the overall quality has risen drastically compared to the beginning by now, but this is still one of the two best weeks in Japan Time’s history so far! Yay!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>This concludes this week’s second week! (Yes, this is a bit confusing.) Coming up next before the actual reviews for the last one is another story tidbit, which sets the stage for the events of the Japan Time Time Power Hour, a supersized entry I wrote to celebrate my having caught up with real time, meaning I could write entries once a week instead of once a day. Starting from then, you should be able to enjoy a bit of an increase in content and quality, since I didn’t force myself to write them every night when I had other stuff to do and may or may not have had a long day. Please look forward to it! But we’ll only be seeing the Power Hour next week, so have another crappy daily entry until then. Ha, ha, I got you all excited for nothing!</em>
<strong>JAPAN TIME TIME SKYSCRAPER: FLOOR 59</strong>
<strong>GET READY!</strong>
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
Well, well. It took you all weekend <em>and</em> your Christmas break, but you managed to fight your way through all 58 stories leading up to here.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
En… ton…
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
I must congratulate you on your resolve. So determined in getting to the bottom of this conspiracy that you forgot one very important little detail.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
Enton?
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
You don’t have the Blue Crystal Rod.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
……
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
<a href="http://www.ntsc-uk.com/feature.php?featuretype=edi&fea=Druaga"><strong>ZAP!</strong></a>
<strong>YOU’VE BEEN ZAPPED TO…
JAPAN TIME TIME SKYSCRAPER: FLOOR 06
GET READY!</strong>
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/entonsjv7.png" />
ENTOOOOOON! &@$%! *#%&! @£$&! ENTON!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>I suggest reading the article linked in the word “zap” if you don’t have any idea what just happened here. You do all that work reading all my super-long entries and I reward you by making you read more stuff! This is because I hate you.</em>
<strong>JAPAN TIME TIME SKYSCRAPER: FLOOR 59</strong>
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
These powers… they’re really rad.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/darksrg6.png" />
You are cruel and ruthless, exactly as I expect of a Mayor. But be careful not to lose control, lest your power consume you. Even the Glove has its limits.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/nerdsxj6.png" />
Don’t worry, Dr. W. I have everything under control…
<p align="center"><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/power_glove_2.jpg" alt="Now, you're playing... with POWER." />
<strong>It’s so bad…</strong>
<strong>WEEK #15: August 27th to August 31st, 2007</strong>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/items/item09.html"><strong>Day 70: Entry 80: Superspicy Curry</strong></a>
<em>I’m not sure if it’s painful or fun.</em>
Sometimes the little quotes I put above this sum up my sentiment regarding the entry pretty well. This is one of those! It’s not completely unoriginal, and at least it’s from a game… But still, it’s hard to be enthusiastic about that thing in any way, really! Let’s look at the screenshots, maybe they’ll change my mind.
<p align="center"><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/item09_070827d-l.jpg" title="Pfrrrrrrt." alt="Pfrrrrrrt." height="329" width="400" />
<strong>You can even do this!</strong>
I’m not 100% sure what he’s doing, but whatever it may be, <em>this is not something I want to do</em>.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 2 Woks out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/items/assist/assist06.html"><strong>Day 71: Entry 81: Andross</strong></a>
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/howto/basic/basic05.html"><strong>Day 71: Entry 82: Four Special Move Types</strong></a>
<em>Whoa! He’s huge.</em>
I hope my body can take it…
(So many good lines to quote here, too. Stupid sexy running gag.)
Hurray for another double update with unrelated entries! And good thing, too, because How To Play updates usually suck a lot by themselves. In this case, it almost redeems itself by using Meta Knight as an example, thus getting most of his moveset out of the way all at once. A pox upon them if they do another update about Meta Knight’s moves, though! Mark my words! And say, I would have thought his Up+B would involve him sprouting his wings and flying as we’ve seen him do before, but it apparently doesn’t. I wonder what that means… Hmmmm… (FORESHADOWING! FORESHADOWING!)
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>Aw, crud, I forgot to inflict a pox upon them. Just give me a sec, I’ll go do that right away.</em>
Also, Andross! Again, the SNES Star Fox gets lots of love! I’m not sure why they consider that this form was the one that had “the most impact,” especially considering that the brains quote at the bottom was from SF64, one of those that didn’t have a big white polygon face. Still, at least he’s pretty recognizable here. I mean, I think they showed him in COMMERCIALS for the game. Maybe that’s what impact is all about! Showing scenes from very late in the game in commercials so people recognize them easily! If so, Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories had a LOT of impact.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>Remember when they showed bits from the ending cinematic of Reverse Rebirth? That was awesome.</em>
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 4 Weapons out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/characters/pokemon_trainer.html#2nd"><strong>Day 72: Entry 83: Pokemon Trainer: Special Moves</strong></a>
<em>Is this the turtle’s so-called shell?</em>
Silly Japanese. I thought you knew your seafood!
An advantage of having three characters in one is that this makes for a supersize entry! Still, only two moves per Pokemon, meaning that we may see another one of those later, but that’s still more than even Link’s update last week.
So I like this moveset quite a lot, for some reason I can’t quite explain. Maybe it’s because those moves are all more or less loosely interpreted from in-game attacks, unlike Meta Knight above who’s just making stuff up as he goes. And already, these seem a bit more game/show accurate than, say, Pikachu or Jigglypuff’s movesets (I mean, Rest as a one-hit KO?). Only Withdraw and Rock Smash don’t seem to work quite like I envisioned them.
Speaking of the latter, Rock Smash is funny. “I AM THE MIGHTY CHARIZARD! WATCH ME SMASH MY HEAD ON THAT BOULDER! Er, I mean the opposite. STAND BACK OR YOU’RE IN FOR, TO QUOTE, A SOLID HIT THAT DELIVERS A MIGHTY BLOW! AAAAAARGH!” SMASH. “call an ambulance”
Maybe they’re trying to revive the Pokemon craze after all these years. When hundreds of children get hospitalized after smashing their heads on boulders, it’ll be the seizure episode media coverage all over again!
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 3 Wobuffets out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/howto/technique/technique05.html"><strong>Day 73: Entry 84: Gliding</strong></a>
<em>I sense that mastering this skill could be quite beneficial.</em>
Well, at least that’s something new. It could get annoying, though, if simply tilting left or right while at the top of a jump triggers this, and then you find yourself gliding when you don’t want to. But yet again, this is one of those things we’ll only be sure about once the game comes out!
Still a sort of boring update, though. Insubstantial comments for an insubstantial update! Man, I love excuses for being lazy.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 2 Wings out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" />
<a href="http://www.smashbros.com/en_us/stages/stage10.html"><strong>Day 74: Entry 85: WarioWare</strong></a>
<em>Ah, what floor would you like, Smash?</em>
What’s that sentence supposed to mean, anyway? Am I the only one who notices those things?
And now, say it with me! BANNED IN TOURNAMENTS! But nevertheless, this looks like a very fun stage. I might be a little biased since I love WarioWare games, so the idea of combining a fast-paced game of Smash with an ADD-friendly game like WarioWare is my idea of a good time. I mean, Smash already has crap flying all over the screen and items being flung around and Pokemon attacking and people being pooped into eggs… and then you throw in “QUICK DODGE THE APPLES!” or “FIND THAT NINJA!” or “PAINT THIS SHOE!”, which can net you a “reward” of some sort. Hopefully said reward is an item of some sort, because there is NO SUCH THING as too much chaos!
You heard me. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a shoe to paint.
<strong>TODAY’S RATING:</strong> 4 Warehouses out of 5
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" />
<strong>THIS WEEK’S OVERALL RATING:</strong> 3 Witches’ Wagons who Water Watermelons with Wet Weasels out of 5!
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" /><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/world_w_16.gif" />
A pretty dull week, all things considered. Nothing extremely boring, but nothing extremely interesting either, aside maybe from the WarioWare stage. Heck, maybe I should make this part of the format from now on. POOF!
<strong>BESTEST ENTRY OF THE WEEK:</strong> WarioWare, as I said. A very original stage with the capacity for loads of mayhem. It’s like combining peanut butter and bananas!
<strong>WORSTEST ENTRY OF THE WEEK:</strong> Spicy Curry. You know when you see people being really excited about something dumb on TV, and you’re still half-asleep and thinking “What the. Leave me alone, you maniacs!” That’s a bit how the update made me feel. And somehow, it still managed to be boring each time I looked back.
<img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/11/phasedistorterfd1.png" /> <em>You just witnessed yet another historical event! The “GAME!” will come a bit later, though. And… ooooh, look at the time! We’re done here! All right, we’re going back home. Man, that was the most disappointing adventure I ever had getting lost in time. Tune in next week as we bear witness to the much-rumored Japan Time Time Power Hour! So, yeah, going back home, now. Here, you drive. I’m pooped.</em>
<p align="center"><img src="/blog/wp-content/uploads/2007/12/tardisfz0.png" alt="I'd have made a new image, but screw that. Right now I'm on a primitive computer with a version of MS Paint that can only save as Bitmap. BITMAP." />
<strong>WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!</strong>
<em>To be continued again….</em>
