Thunda-Moo
Smash Apprentice
PLEASE give me constructive criticism! If you liked something tell me WHY! If you disliked ANYTHING AT ALL WHATSOEVER tell me what it is and why! I want to know every single thing you disliked about this story no matter how small in order to make me better at avoiding it! Don't worry about looking like a jerk or something, please PLEASE criticize me! EVERYTHING YOU CAN GIVE IS HELPFUL!
Without further ado, let us begin!
Chapter One
The part in out story where things happen, along with stuff.
Oh woe onto me, woe onto the world, had there never been the great hero Insert Name Here. His wonders and exploits have shaped our world and his actions saved it countless times. Here is his tale, the mighty hero that he is, and his journeys throughout time, space, and the other world known only as Eccentrica, though most of it will be skipped because it’s really rather boring and not particularly heroic, especially his beginning years that were mostly a rather lot of drooling and eating paste. Thus, as he matured, no one around him could tell he would be the hero he was, not even himself…
Our story begins on a late summer night in the year of the overgrown cabbage, which was about 2009 AD or so, but that doesn’t sound quite as mysterious. Our hero was sleeping quietly is his bed, unknowing of the weighty destiny that lay before him. It really was rather heavy. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Destiny doesn’t have any real weight, if you know what I mean. He slept quite soundly until he heard the most peculiar noise…
Hello, Insert Subject Name Here, came the sound. Calling it a voice would be giving it too much credit. The sound did not deserve to have quotation marks put around it. It placed enunciations and articulations in such random and jarring places it seemed that whatever was speaking somehow knew that they should emphasize things, but it would be buggered if it knew where and didn’t really care much. The thing sounded eerily like a very bad text-to-speech program on a computer, and it gave off a vibe that the mouth saying the words was scared to death of the brain telling it what to say. Insert Name Here stirred, and looked towards the sound.
“If you care,” he started, “my name is—” His sentence dodged back into his throat; it knew what was coming more than he did and it wasn’t going to stick around to watch it. Floating near Insert Name Here’s closed windowsill was a rather large ear, about five feet high. It was staring happily at him, and Insert Name Here wondered how it could do this when it did not, in fact, have a face to stare with.
“That’s funny,” he said after a while, “I usually wake up once I realize I’m dreaming.” Normally, a person would not say this out loud, but as far as he was concerned, he was dreaming, so it didn’t matter. The floating ear was silent for a while, apparently contemplating something. Eventually, it responded.
Yes You do. But why is this relevant? What do Dreams have to DO with This?
“I’m dreaming,” responded Insert Name Here predictably, without even considering for a moment how clichéd it sounded. “I mean, there’s a giant ear in my room. That doesn’t happen.” The big ear seemed rather annoyed at this.
You are Stupid. I am not and “ear.” I am AN “Ear.” You are Not Dreaming.
“Yeah, that’s what I said. You’re an ear.”
NO. The way the giant ear laid down that word like a sledgehammer broke through what could be called an accent by someone who liked killing words. I am an “Ear.” You forgot TO properly capitalize it. “What? But I’m talking! You can’t capitalize speech.”
Mister Silly, You Just Did. I heard it Plain as cottage Cheese. You capitalized “What,” “But,” “I’m,” and “You.” At this point, our brave hero realized that his attempts at waking up were failing miserably, so he may as well just see what this imagination figment had to say, because he really didn’t have anything better to do at the moment.
“Sure, okay. So what do you want?”
The Ear puffed out its chest, or something remotely similar to chest puffing in a giant-floating-Ear-is-twitching-a-bit kind of way.
I am here because you have been summoned by the Ears. You are destined to foil Our plans and kill many of Us, and I must DO something about IT.
“So you’re here to stop me from fulfilling this destiny of mine?”
NO. Once again, the Ear managed to put every ounce of “you’re a total moron” that could be physically packed into two letters.
IT is Your Destiny, Insert Name Here, and we have accepted this. I Am Here to make it Happen Sooner, for we are Bored and in need of a Better game than Pickle Poker. IF you can fulfill this Destiny of Yours, we will not meddle for a Good LONG while. IF you cannot, though, WE will be forced TO abduct citizens of this Planet onto the STARSHIP NIRVANA where they will have much fun had AT them. The Starship Nirvana didn’t sound like to bad of a place until Insert Name Here ran through the sentence one more time.
“Had fun AT?” he asked.
Yes, Insert Name Here. Our mighty ship, powered by the revolutionary Kitten Drive Mark One, is the perfect place to die a horrible but highly amusing and ironic death, or live a somewhat tortured life before giving birth to an armadillo and then subsequently exploding.
Though he was somewhat distracted by the Ear’s overuse of conjunctions, our brave hero got the general picture.
Shall I take you to the wonderful world of Eccentrica where you can fulfill your destiny and become a very happy half-panda?
“Half-panda?”
Your mother is a panda. Has she not told you, Insert Name Here?
“I wish you would stop calling me that. I have name you know.”
Yes. Insert Name Here is a great name for a half-panda. Now let us go to Eccentrica. Except that let us not, because only you will be going.
“I don’t really want to follow a big, floating ear that probably doesn’t exist to a place I’ve never heard of in order to kill the things that want me to do it all, if it’s all the same to you.”
That is good. You’ll come then, yes?
“What about what I just said makes you think I’d want to?”
You said you would not want to if it was all the same to me, which it is not, thus you want to. This is, indeed, a fortunate occurrence. Your willingness is a great priority to us. Off you go.
“But I don’t want to—”
And thus our hero is recorded to have valiantly stepped off into the unknown, happy to face any change he may face. Yep.
Chapter Two
The part in our story where our hero arrives in a new world and obtains some supernatural aid plus other parts of the Hero’s Journey and otherwise fulfills the project requirements. Also: stuff.
There was a large thud, followed by a rather lot of clanging, as Insert Name Here fell from the sky and landed in the marketplace of what seemed to be a town from the middle ages. Stunned and bewildered, he watched as a pan inevitably circled round and round, making a “wowowowowowowowow” noise long after everything else had stopped. He did not even land anywhere near a pan shop, or anything that may have a pan. Some things just contrived to happen, even when it would be silly. Round metal things that spun and made silly noises after crashes were apparently among them. His concentration was broken by a grunt from the shopkeeper, who was being sat on. Insert Name Here quickly got up, beginning to apologize, but the man, seeming to be in his mid-thirties, waved him off. The shopkeeper stood up slowly, stretching and groaning, all the while resisting help from Insert Name Here. Finally, he spoke.
“For once,” he said wistfully, his tired eyes gazing to the sky, “just once, I’d like someone to fall out of the sky and hit someone else. Is that too much to ask?”
“Yes,” said a voice, “it actually is.” Looking up, Insert Name Here saw a man standing up upside-down, apparently on nothing. He was dressed in somewhat baggy dark blue sweatpants and a sweatshirt, with a black mask covering his nose and mouth. His hair was unkempt and his eyes were narrowed, as if squinting in an attempt to see the worthwhile aspects of the person he was talking to, and, in his own opinion, failing. His voice had an air of permanent sarcasm, especially when he was not being sarcastic at all.
“I mean, come on,” the upside-down man said, “You’re a dude in a market who was stupid enough to put a big shade tarp over his stall. A tarp. Everyone knows that heroes always fall out of the sky and conveniently land on tarps. Knowing this, what kind of idiot would actually put a shade tarp above his stall? Sheesh! But I suppose it’s good that there are people as stupid as you, because otherwise heroes would have nothing convenient to land on and then we’d all be in a fine mess.” He turned to Insert Name Here, and his head nodded in what may have been a semblance of approval.
“So you’d be the hero then.” Insert Name Here was not listening.
“What are you hanging onto?”
“Eh?”
“You’re upside down! You don’t look like you’re hanging onto anything, and I don’t see any wires—”
“Whoa, whoa! Back up there, kid. I see you’re new here, so two things: first, you’re in Eccentrica now, and here we put hyphens between our ‘upsides’ and our ‘downs,’ so don’t you forget it. Second, I’d better tell you now that if you think that a ninja needs something to help him stand upside-down, then you’ve got a big learning curve ahead of you, kid. My name’s Ninja, I’m a Ninja, and you’re going to be a hero now, so snap up to it head held high and let’s go kill us some unkillable Ears, eh?” Suddenly, Ninja was on the ground as if he had been there the whole time. He clapped Insert Name Here on the back heartily, or at least what he probably thought was heartily, and began dragging him away from the shopkeeper, who was beginning to set his tarp back up.
Chapter Three
The chapter of every myth in which things happen faster than in the cliff notes version in order to move the dang thing along; stuff.
Bewildered, dumbfounded, astonished, surprised, flabbergasted, bowled over, shocked, stunned, and otherwise rather awestruck, Insert Name Here was quickly forced into traveling the land of Eccentrica with Ninja, learning the arts of combat and generally being stupefied by Ninja’s ability to hide behind or kill literally anything. Along the way they met many wonderful people, discovered Insert Name Here’s Face’s plot to take control of Insert Name Here’s mind (which was foiled when he and Ninja went back in time to stop his face from attaching itself to the front of his head in the first place, and it was successful, thus making them have no motive for going back in time in the first place so because there never was a plot because it was stopped before it started so they never did go back in time… but if they never went back in time they never would have stopped the plot before it started… this was making Insert Name Here’s brain hurt, so Ninja killed the paradox for him), met up with more like-minded individuals who decided to tag along, such as Insert Name Here’s younger self (from the past), a holy priest of The Hungry One (first there was nothing for He hath eaten it, but then He said “this tastes like crap, I shall make it sweeter!” but he messed up the recipe so lo, there were humans), and a powerful woman known as the Dillusionist who was so good at bluffing she fought her enemies by convincing them that they were dead. And it worked. After much training, Insert Name Here was finally ready to run around like a maniac and slaughter a race of unkillable Ears and it was perfectly okay because he’s a hero. And everyone was very convinced that he was a hero, because he had a very special sword made out of pure Francium (which was so unstable it wasn’t so much of a sword as it was a sharp explosion). But alas, they still needed some way to get to the mighty fortress of the Ears, the Starship Nirvana! Fortunately, the Dillusionist managed to convince reality that they were already there after Ninja killed special integrity. It was a good day, and because this is myth there was probably much drinking and no hangovers.
Chapter Four
The part of our story where our hero goes in and slaughters a bunch of unkillable things along with his allies, someone dies but comes back to life due to the hero’s sheer force of valor or some quality equally heroic, and everyone has a jolly good time with stuff.
And so, the mighty heroes finally made it to… wait, you’re not even reading this, are you? You just read the summary and skipped this chapter, didn’t you? “Oh, well, this seems to say everything important! Why waste my time reading this whole thing? I need to read other things too!” I bet you looked this up on SparkNotes as well! Well, tough beans, it isn’t there! …Wait, why am I writing all this? You’re not even reading it! But if you are, then none of this applies to you! Holy crap! I managed to successfully create a chapter with an incredibly large and diverse target audience with zero chance of reading this. My brain hurts. Just read the summary, it says it all. But you already… dang it!
Chapter Five
The part that comes after the climax and is significantly more boring, but you don’t care because you skipped it and only read the chapter summary anyway. The hero’s journey is fulfilled here and the writer meets all the requirements for the project, and gets a perfect score. HE DOES.
“What just happened?” asked Insert Name Here, as if waking up from a trance. “What’s with all the big Earlobes?”
Yay. You properly Capitalized it. Without even looking or noticing, Insert Name Here lashed out and delobeitated (shut up, it’s a word now) the Ear that had just appeared out of nowhere.
“Goodness, that was wretched!” exclaimed the Dillusionist, “What sort of deranged mind would incorrectly capitalize the word ‘capitalize?’”
What are you talking about the irony is well worth it.
The Ear was quickly slaughtered.
“And you have the audacity to speak a run-on sentence after all this? You Ears had this coming!” scoffed the Dillusionist. Insert Name Here blinked.
“Whoa, those weren’t just there either. Did I miss something?”
No you have hit every Ear you AARGH. The Ear’s final cry was so emotionless and indistinguishable from the rest of the sentence using a dash after the “you” would be improper.
“Yeah, uhh, I think you skipped chapter four there, bro,” commented Ninja hesitantly. “That was when it explained how you went into a psychotic, murderous rampage in order to become a true hero. Or something like that.”
“Oh, don’t you start using conjunctions at the beginning of your sentences, Ninja,” lectured the Dillusionist.
“Sorry, ma’m.”
“A normal “mam” would have been sufficient there, as well. Vernacular can be distracting to the plot and message of the piece.”
“Plot?”
And so, our hero finally managed to fulfill his destiny. He then went back home, become the master of two worlds, loved his mother very much, made absolute care to perfectly pronounce punctuation and capitalization, and never saw a giant floating ear, or any giant floating Ears, ever again. And they lived happily (and clichéd) ever after. THE END ALREADY.
Without further ado, let us begin!
Chapter One
The part in out story where things happen, along with stuff.
Oh woe onto me, woe onto the world, had there never been the great hero Insert Name Here. His wonders and exploits have shaped our world and his actions saved it countless times. Here is his tale, the mighty hero that he is, and his journeys throughout time, space, and the other world known only as Eccentrica, though most of it will be skipped because it’s really rather boring and not particularly heroic, especially his beginning years that were mostly a rather lot of drooling and eating paste. Thus, as he matured, no one around him could tell he would be the hero he was, not even himself…
Our story begins on a late summer night in the year of the overgrown cabbage, which was about 2009 AD or so, but that doesn’t sound quite as mysterious. Our hero was sleeping quietly is his bed, unknowing of the weighty destiny that lay before him. It really was rather heavy. Metaphorically speaking, of course. Destiny doesn’t have any real weight, if you know what I mean. He slept quite soundly until he heard the most peculiar noise…
Hello, Insert Subject Name Here, came the sound. Calling it a voice would be giving it too much credit. The sound did not deserve to have quotation marks put around it. It placed enunciations and articulations in such random and jarring places it seemed that whatever was speaking somehow knew that they should emphasize things, but it would be buggered if it knew where and didn’t really care much. The thing sounded eerily like a very bad text-to-speech program on a computer, and it gave off a vibe that the mouth saying the words was scared to death of the brain telling it what to say. Insert Name Here stirred, and looked towards the sound.
“If you care,” he started, “my name is—” His sentence dodged back into his throat; it knew what was coming more than he did and it wasn’t going to stick around to watch it. Floating near Insert Name Here’s closed windowsill was a rather large ear, about five feet high. It was staring happily at him, and Insert Name Here wondered how it could do this when it did not, in fact, have a face to stare with.
“That’s funny,” he said after a while, “I usually wake up once I realize I’m dreaming.” Normally, a person would not say this out loud, but as far as he was concerned, he was dreaming, so it didn’t matter. The floating ear was silent for a while, apparently contemplating something. Eventually, it responded.
Yes You do. But why is this relevant? What do Dreams have to DO with This?
“I’m dreaming,” responded Insert Name Here predictably, without even considering for a moment how clichéd it sounded. “I mean, there’s a giant ear in my room. That doesn’t happen.” The big ear seemed rather annoyed at this.
You are Stupid. I am not and “ear.” I am AN “Ear.” You are Not Dreaming.
“Yeah, that’s what I said. You’re an ear.”
NO. The way the giant ear laid down that word like a sledgehammer broke through what could be called an accent by someone who liked killing words. I am an “Ear.” You forgot TO properly capitalize it. “What? But I’m talking! You can’t capitalize speech.”
Mister Silly, You Just Did. I heard it Plain as cottage Cheese. You capitalized “What,” “But,” “I’m,” and “You.” At this point, our brave hero realized that his attempts at waking up were failing miserably, so he may as well just see what this imagination figment had to say, because he really didn’t have anything better to do at the moment.
“Sure, okay. So what do you want?”
The Ear puffed out its chest, or something remotely similar to chest puffing in a giant-floating-Ear-is-twitching-a-bit kind of way.
I am here because you have been summoned by the Ears. You are destined to foil Our plans and kill many of Us, and I must DO something about IT.
“So you’re here to stop me from fulfilling this destiny of mine?”
NO. Once again, the Ear managed to put every ounce of “you’re a total moron” that could be physically packed into two letters.
IT is Your Destiny, Insert Name Here, and we have accepted this. I Am Here to make it Happen Sooner, for we are Bored and in need of a Better game than Pickle Poker. IF you can fulfill this Destiny of Yours, we will not meddle for a Good LONG while. IF you cannot, though, WE will be forced TO abduct citizens of this Planet onto the STARSHIP NIRVANA where they will have much fun had AT them. The Starship Nirvana didn’t sound like to bad of a place until Insert Name Here ran through the sentence one more time.
“Had fun AT?” he asked.
Yes, Insert Name Here. Our mighty ship, powered by the revolutionary Kitten Drive Mark One, is the perfect place to die a horrible but highly amusing and ironic death, or live a somewhat tortured life before giving birth to an armadillo and then subsequently exploding.
Though he was somewhat distracted by the Ear’s overuse of conjunctions, our brave hero got the general picture.
Shall I take you to the wonderful world of Eccentrica where you can fulfill your destiny and become a very happy half-panda?
“Half-panda?”
Your mother is a panda. Has she not told you, Insert Name Here?
“I wish you would stop calling me that. I have name you know.”
Yes. Insert Name Here is a great name for a half-panda. Now let us go to Eccentrica. Except that let us not, because only you will be going.
“I don’t really want to follow a big, floating ear that probably doesn’t exist to a place I’ve never heard of in order to kill the things that want me to do it all, if it’s all the same to you.”
That is good. You’ll come then, yes?
“What about what I just said makes you think I’d want to?”
You said you would not want to if it was all the same to me, which it is not, thus you want to. This is, indeed, a fortunate occurrence. Your willingness is a great priority to us. Off you go.
“But I don’t want to—”
And thus our hero is recorded to have valiantly stepped off into the unknown, happy to face any change he may face. Yep.
Chapter Two
The part in our story where our hero arrives in a new world and obtains some supernatural aid plus other parts of the Hero’s Journey and otherwise fulfills the project requirements. Also: stuff.
There was a large thud, followed by a rather lot of clanging, as Insert Name Here fell from the sky and landed in the marketplace of what seemed to be a town from the middle ages. Stunned and bewildered, he watched as a pan inevitably circled round and round, making a “wowowowowowowowow” noise long after everything else had stopped. He did not even land anywhere near a pan shop, or anything that may have a pan. Some things just contrived to happen, even when it would be silly. Round metal things that spun and made silly noises after crashes were apparently among them. His concentration was broken by a grunt from the shopkeeper, who was being sat on. Insert Name Here quickly got up, beginning to apologize, but the man, seeming to be in his mid-thirties, waved him off. The shopkeeper stood up slowly, stretching and groaning, all the while resisting help from Insert Name Here. Finally, he spoke.
“For once,” he said wistfully, his tired eyes gazing to the sky, “just once, I’d like someone to fall out of the sky and hit someone else. Is that too much to ask?”
“Yes,” said a voice, “it actually is.” Looking up, Insert Name Here saw a man standing up upside-down, apparently on nothing. He was dressed in somewhat baggy dark blue sweatpants and a sweatshirt, with a black mask covering his nose and mouth. His hair was unkempt and his eyes were narrowed, as if squinting in an attempt to see the worthwhile aspects of the person he was talking to, and, in his own opinion, failing. His voice had an air of permanent sarcasm, especially when he was not being sarcastic at all.
“I mean, come on,” the upside-down man said, “You’re a dude in a market who was stupid enough to put a big shade tarp over his stall. A tarp. Everyone knows that heroes always fall out of the sky and conveniently land on tarps. Knowing this, what kind of idiot would actually put a shade tarp above his stall? Sheesh! But I suppose it’s good that there are people as stupid as you, because otherwise heroes would have nothing convenient to land on and then we’d all be in a fine mess.” He turned to Insert Name Here, and his head nodded in what may have been a semblance of approval.
“So you’d be the hero then.” Insert Name Here was not listening.
“What are you hanging onto?”
“Eh?”
“You’re upside down! You don’t look like you’re hanging onto anything, and I don’t see any wires—”
“Whoa, whoa! Back up there, kid. I see you’re new here, so two things: first, you’re in Eccentrica now, and here we put hyphens between our ‘upsides’ and our ‘downs,’ so don’t you forget it. Second, I’d better tell you now that if you think that a ninja needs something to help him stand upside-down, then you’ve got a big learning curve ahead of you, kid. My name’s Ninja, I’m a Ninja, and you’re going to be a hero now, so snap up to it head held high and let’s go kill us some unkillable Ears, eh?” Suddenly, Ninja was on the ground as if he had been there the whole time. He clapped Insert Name Here on the back heartily, or at least what he probably thought was heartily, and began dragging him away from the shopkeeper, who was beginning to set his tarp back up.
Chapter Three
The chapter of every myth in which things happen faster than in the cliff notes version in order to move the dang thing along; stuff.
Bewildered, dumbfounded, astonished, surprised, flabbergasted, bowled over, shocked, stunned, and otherwise rather awestruck, Insert Name Here was quickly forced into traveling the land of Eccentrica with Ninja, learning the arts of combat and generally being stupefied by Ninja’s ability to hide behind or kill literally anything. Along the way they met many wonderful people, discovered Insert Name Here’s Face’s plot to take control of Insert Name Here’s mind (which was foiled when he and Ninja went back in time to stop his face from attaching itself to the front of his head in the first place, and it was successful, thus making them have no motive for going back in time in the first place so because there never was a plot because it was stopped before it started so they never did go back in time… but if they never went back in time they never would have stopped the plot before it started… this was making Insert Name Here’s brain hurt, so Ninja killed the paradox for him), met up with more like-minded individuals who decided to tag along, such as Insert Name Here’s younger self (from the past), a holy priest of The Hungry One (first there was nothing for He hath eaten it, but then He said “this tastes like crap, I shall make it sweeter!” but he messed up the recipe so lo, there were humans), and a powerful woman known as the Dillusionist who was so good at bluffing she fought her enemies by convincing them that they were dead. And it worked. After much training, Insert Name Here was finally ready to run around like a maniac and slaughter a race of unkillable Ears and it was perfectly okay because he’s a hero. And everyone was very convinced that he was a hero, because he had a very special sword made out of pure Francium (which was so unstable it wasn’t so much of a sword as it was a sharp explosion). But alas, they still needed some way to get to the mighty fortress of the Ears, the Starship Nirvana! Fortunately, the Dillusionist managed to convince reality that they were already there after Ninja killed special integrity. It was a good day, and because this is myth there was probably much drinking and no hangovers.
Chapter Four
The part of our story where our hero goes in and slaughters a bunch of unkillable things along with his allies, someone dies but comes back to life due to the hero’s sheer force of valor or some quality equally heroic, and everyone has a jolly good time with stuff.
And so, the mighty heroes finally made it to… wait, you’re not even reading this, are you? You just read the summary and skipped this chapter, didn’t you? “Oh, well, this seems to say everything important! Why waste my time reading this whole thing? I need to read other things too!” I bet you looked this up on SparkNotes as well! Well, tough beans, it isn’t there! …Wait, why am I writing all this? You’re not even reading it! But if you are, then none of this applies to you! Holy crap! I managed to successfully create a chapter with an incredibly large and diverse target audience with zero chance of reading this. My brain hurts. Just read the summary, it says it all. But you already… dang it!
Chapter Five
The part that comes after the climax and is significantly more boring, but you don’t care because you skipped it and only read the chapter summary anyway. The hero’s journey is fulfilled here and the writer meets all the requirements for the project, and gets a perfect score. HE DOES.
“What just happened?” asked Insert Name Here, as if waking up from a trance. “What’s with all the big Earlobes?”
Yay. You properly Capitalized it. Without even looking or noticing, Insert Name Here lashed out and delobeitated (shut up, it’s a word now) the Ear that had just appeared out of nowhere.
“Goodness, that was wretched!” exclaimed the Dillusionist, “What sort of deranged mind would incorrectly capitalize the word ‘capitalize?’”
What are you talking about the irony is well worth it.
The Ear was quickly slaughtered.
“And you have the audacity to speak a run-on sentence after all this? You Ears had this coming!” scoffed the Dillusionist. Insert Name Here blinked.
“Whoa, those weren’t just there either. Did I miss something?”
No you have hit every Ear you AARGH. The Ear’s final cry was so emotionless and indistinguishable from the rest of the sentence using a dash after the “you” would be improper.
“Yeah, uhh, I think you skipped chapter four there, bro,” commented Ninja hesitantly. “That was when it explained how you went into a psychotic, murderous rampage in order to become a true hero. Or something like that.”
“Oh, don’t you start using conjunctions at the beginning of your sentences, Ninja,” lectured the Dillusionist.
“Sorry, ma’m.”
“A normal “mam” would have been sufficient there, as well. Vernacular can be distracting to the plot and message of the piece.”
“Plot?”
And so, our hero finally managed to fulfill his destiny. He then went back home, become the master of two worlds, loved his mother very much, made absolute care to perfectly pronounce punctuation and capitalization, and never saw a giant floating ear, or any giant floating Ears, ever again. And they lived happily (and clichéd) ever after. THE END ALREADY.
