How can i deal with cripplingly low self-esteem?

[wertyou2]

I've been playing smash for about 7 months now, yet I"m still only Bronze I on Anther's Ladder. I lose what feels like 4 out of every 5 games I play, and it seems like I should've gotten used to it by this point, but no matter what whenever I lose I always end up being over come with a strong feeling of self-hatred for it. All I can think about is how much I suck, and that makes me scared going into new matches. I can almost feel my hands shaking when I'm about to enter a match with a Captain Falcon, or a Ness, or any character I've almost never played before. I just want to know how I can deal with all the fear I have from playing this game. I know I shouldn't care so much, but I do, and I want to know how I can not and just take losing like a non-pansy.

Sorry if this is a dumb question, or if I shouldn't have asked this here. Please tell me if I should get this thread deleted or something, or if I should just give up at smash if I can't take losing all the time.

 

[LunarWingCloud]

I know what it's like to be like that. I suffer from depression a lot and it affects how I play games very frequently. I found doing something you enjoy (listening to music, etc.) that you can do while you play helps you. Also try different approaches each time you play and capitalize on what works when you do.

 

[Nah]

Some days I get kinda like that too. Sometimes I'm just like "Why do I even ****ing bother?" Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm simply incapable of learning and/or improving past a certain point. And then my thoughts start to drift to how I feel about myself and my life in general and it spirals downward from there.

I honestly do not have a good answer for your question since I haven't really figured out how to deal with it myself, but a couple of things that might help would be to a) take a short break from Smash and b) maybe find a skilled player to help you improve your skills at Smash. Idk

 

[Godzillionaire]

YOU ARE AWESOME, YOU ARE COOL, YOU HAVE SKILL! IF ANYBODY THINKS OTHER WISE THAN YOU WILL TEAR THEM UP AND WIN

The key is to always have faith in yourself even if things look grim. You can't play awesome unless you feel awesome, so get yourself excited and pumped up and show them what you're made of!

 

[tears in rain]

I used to be the same way - not to be that guy, but what helped me through it was a daily routine of ten minute meditation sessions. Now, whenever, and if ever, I feel the anxiety come on, I just take ten slow, deep breaths; focusing on the sensation of the breath as it passes through my nostrils, flows down my throat and expands my lungs. It helps to clear my mind, allowing me to focus all of my attention on the game.

You don't have to meditate, but I think everyone should - mind you, stopping to for a few deep inhalations will work wonders, or at least help to some extent. Really, the best advice I could give you right now, wertyou2, is to learn how to live in the moment of life. Too much of your mental activity is (I assume) consumed by a growing resentment/self-hatred to yourself and losing. Basically, the reason you have an issue in the first place is because of the way you interpret life; you built yourself high up upon the ladder and then you enter a tournament, and you lose - all of reality comes crashing down as the appalling truth is learned that you actually aren't that good.

It's right after this realization where you come to a cross roads. On your left is: succumbing to your emotions, thus conjuring negative thought, thus no progress will be made during its duration. On your right: you mourn the loss, for it was so very tragic, but after that is done you ask, "Why? Why did I lose; what was I doing that wasn't working?" You need to step way back and look at not only how you play the game, but also yourself; why do you choose to play the way you do? ect. Self-reflection is so important to growing as a person, and subsequently growing as a smasher.

To put it simply, don't give up. Giving into your emotions only leads to destruction of the self; no good will ever come of it - it's fruitless, just stahp. View your losses as an opportunity to better yourself; as an opportunity to prove your worth, and so on. Never can anyone sit down and say, "I'm done getting better at Smash Bros, I have nothing left to learn." whether or not you realise, there is always room to improve and learn. Even someone like, Mang0, for example - you could say he has nothing left to learn, but he does. Humans are adaptive creatures; we're always changing throughout our lives. The way Mang0 plays the game today might be entirely different to how he plays it tomorrow - one day he might discover a unique little thing that alters how he plays the game in a small way. I hope you see the point I'm trying to make here~~

Deep breaths, keep your back up straight and live in the moment.

 

[GhostUrsa]

All the recommendations here are good, though there is one that hasn't been brought up that I can support. I'd recommend seeing a psychologist to have the root of your self-deprecation discovered and sorted out. What you've described can easily start seeping into other parts of your life, and though what has been mentioned above are good coping measures once the cycle starts up it will not prevent them from happening in the future. Having a professional examine your mood and changes over time is the ideal way to figure out the source (or sources, which is usually the case. This is why self diagnosis can be much slower, since you don't have a second pair of eyes watching over you to make suggestions.) of your anxiety and point out ways to correct how your mind approaches problems to begin with.

 

[tears in rain]

The reality is, GhostUrsa , that he could do all those things by internally analyzing, noticing when those feelings occur, ect. Realsies, all you need to do is be more aware of yourself and meditate - keep those two things up for at least a month and you'll start to notice a significant increase in how much control you have over your emotions. Also, once you really step back, you'll see that its just a game; it doesn't really matter.

 

[GhostUrsa]

@ tears in rain My point wasn't that he can't do it on his own, but that depending on how fast he wants to recover it maybe ideal to inquire about getting assistance. Nothing in my post mentions that a person cannot recover and improve without professional help.

Professional help is a tool, just like these boards. To brush them off completely is to purposely gimp yourself, whether the battlefield is For Glory or your own mental habits. If he is having a hard time applying what is recommended, then having someone who studies habits and understands more effective strategies on breaking them is a good way to improve. It is no different than asking a Pro on these forums to study a player's recorded fights over time to see bad habits that can be improved upon and 'how' to improve them (practice this technique, the timing of a skill, etc).

 

[wertyou2]

Tbh I do have depression, and my parents have been making me get counseling for about a year now. Should I even bother playing smash with the intention of getting better if I have a mental illness?

 

[Godzillionaire]

Tbh I do have depression, and my parents have been making me get counseling for about a year now. Should I even bother playing smash with the intention of getting better if I have a mental illness?

Yes as long as you're having fun playing, if it makes you sad or angry than you should probably stop playing for a bit or try the other game modes instead of 1v1s. I learned that unless you think positive you will never succeed in this game, so whenever I'm feelin agitated I always just do 8-player free for alls with items on and have some chaotic fun to clear my mind up. Just do what you find most fun and the answers will be clear!

 

[Dark Phazon]

How do i joined anther ladder?
Also they are alotta cheesey wotsists players in this game...its all good...
PS: who do you main/play as?

 

[GhostUrsa]

@ W wertyou2 Hobbies can be a good thing to have when you are suffering from depression/anxiety. They can give you an avenue to practice control techniques, meditations or self-focused positive reinforcement without having external factors amplifying your triggers. Being aware of how it is making you feel, and knowing when to take a break and do something else when you can't practice those mental techniques anymore will be something you'll want to consider.

I say can, because it is dependent on the person. If the game is making it extremely difficult for you to prevent your depression from relapsing, then taking a hiatus may not be a bad idea. It will give you the time you need to sort things out in your head, and then start easing back into things that you enjoy. If you are already in the 'easing back in' part, then applying constructive criticism with logic and learning when to take breaks go a long way. (Especially since depression and anxiety are usually caused by some kind of illogical thought that the mind can't shake, from my experience)

 

[wertyou2]

I've already tried taking a break. Took one for about 2 weeks in april.

 

[MVboy39]

My advice: don't get frustrated. The *last* thing you want to do while playing Smash is to get frustrated. The more frustrated you get, the more careless mistakes you make, and the more careless mistakes you make, the more frustrated you get, and if you lose while frustrated, it makes you want to throw your 3DS out the window.
As for getting better, some people like to save replays when they lose and watch to see what they did wrong and what the opponent did correctly.
This last tip has to do with the inevitable roll spammers: sure, you can't hit them while rolling, but they can't hit you until they get up, either. What's always really fun is to use their tactics (or lack thereof) against them and spam your own rolls.

 

[vsock]

I began feeling this way when I tried out For Glory. I lost every single match save for one. I was really down about it, but shortly afterwards I just accepted the fact that I suck. After that I started reading up on tutorials, combo tips, and watching livestreams while I doodle in my free time. I played stupid silly matches with my friends where we trolled each other and victor didn't matter. And I played other vidya games because Smash is not the only thing I enjoy.

If I were to go into another online match right now, I'd probably lose still. But hopefully I'll lose less badly. And if I'm getting stomped regardless, there are these things to consider:
> Maybe I'm making the same mistakes over and over
> Maybe the other person is just far more skilled
> Maybe my emotions are causing me to play poorly
> If I'm starting to feel the self-hate come on, I should do something else

Another thing to take into account is that you've been at this for 7 months. This really isn't that long if you're looking to outplay even half of your competition. Lots of people have been pullin pro strats outta their ass for years. I hardly know what an "animation cancel" is. Any game I have a decent ranking in took me so goddamned long to earn, so don't feel bad. You're holdin yourself up to a standard you don't have to be meeting!

TL;DNR:
Winning is awesome, but try and take your losses in stride too. If you're looking to improve, try to think about why these losses occur. What mistakes did you make? How can you improve upon them? It's better to learn from a loss than to just dwell on the fact that you lost. And if you're on a streak, it's time to stop and take a break. These game stats do not make up your self-worth.

I'm a competitive person, so this stuff works to calm me down. I don't know how you think, but I thought I'd share.
I hope you start feeling better, wert!

 

[Reila]

I talked to my therapist about this, actually. I can never play competitive online games for long because losing streaks destroy my self esteem. I lose all the motivation, I start assuming I will never git gud and the literally everyone is better than me (in the games), etc etc. It is not only Smash, it is any competitive online game. Even stuff like Dark Souls II and Splatoon.

If I can offer an advice, is to seek help. If you're being affected by low self esteem in online games, it is possible that it is affecting you in other areas of your life too, no? I could tell you the exact words my therapist told me and how I am trying to get better and solve this issue, but I am in no position for that. Besides that, try to think as defeats as a way the game uses to teach you how to getter at it. There are people here who are actually excited by losing because that put them in a position of learning new stuff to get even better (according to them). So, good luck I guess!

 

[vsock]

Reila has a point. If competitive games are affecting other parts of your life it may be time to seek out help

 

[Jaedrik]

The best way to deal with low self esteem is to become humble.
With humility comes acceptance of our frailties and weaknesses.
With acceptance comes peace.

 

[FrankTheStud]

I would say to not take it so seriously, but I know how it gets sometimes. Off days and bad plays happen, but if you want to improve, save the replays you lost and analyze them afterwards to get better. You say you've been playing for 7 months and don't know certain matchups? Even going against CPUs can give you a general idea of how matchups work. Maybe even play every character through Classic and All-Star modes to get a feel for how they all fundamentally play. (I have all challenges completed on my Wii U AND 3DS versions).
When I get frustrated, it's probably because I'm embarrassed that I lost, and that I'm mad at myself for making mistakes. If I admit to myself WHY I'm frustrated, it helps everything clear up quicker. Be honest with yourself and accept defeat with open arms when you get outplayed-- "No Johns," as they say. Just also remember that defeat does NOT equal failure...The only time one achieves failure is when they cannot find the strength to try again.

tl;dr - Git beat, git mad, git honest, git smart, git better... and eventually you'll just git gud.