Smash Wii U HD SMASH COLLECTION CONFIRMED [satire]

[Shollyboster]

Hello ladies and gentlemen, it appears that Nintendo has finally confirmed the Smash HD collection.

Kotaku was able to champion a private interview with Reggie himself to get the details.

"Short mumbles ask hardly common. Old lol'ers laugh effectively, controlled to inside Nintendo,"

he said. Kotaku wasn't entirely sure whether or not the drugs were kicking in or what, until they compiled the first letters of all the words he said.

Apparently, Reggie had been talking in code for the entirety of his interviews, stemming from his first back when he began his career. After looking through old archives, Kotaku has deciphered the overarching messages from his responses.

The new Smash collection is coming out in Summer of 2017, and will have ports of all Smash games. That includes Brawl, and 64. However, due to time constraints, Melee will be left out.

"We had to focus our time on delaying Breath of the Wild so much that we actually forgot to include Melee. Nintendo as a company isn't entirely focused on the lesser-known games of the series."

However, this doesn't mean an expansion pack isn't possible.

"After we finished the collection and realized our mistake, we got started on the downloadable content. We plan on fixing a few glitches in the game, like the inability of Game and Watch to cancel lag on aerials. Perhaps I should rephrase that. We fixed that ability. Everyone else will no longer be able to cancel lag on aerials, as a party game should not have excessive advanced skill."

Yup! It turns out glitches such as jumping—>air dodge angled diagonally down will automatically result in a two second lag time. Or as Reggie puts it,

"a simple counter measure to those trying to cheat the game."

As for the other games, Reggie has stated that the development team has fixed glitches in those as well. Smash 64 has been reskinned to include more polygons on character models, to "intensify the nostalgia." Brawl only has one character available, and it should be obvious: Mario. Super Smash Bros. for Wii U has been reverted to its original patch, and Diddy Kong has been given an infinite shield to compensate for extreme casual weakness.

"I want our fans to know I take their input very seriously. I will do anything in my power to ensure that our audience feels heard and loved. Please buy our games because the Wii U sales were terrible. I need money to fund my PlayStation stock fund."

—Reggie

[SATIRE]