DeLux
Player that used to be Lux
- Joined
- Jun 3, 2010
- Messages
- 9,313
Link to original post: [drupal=4276]Fear of Winning, Fear of Losing[/drupal]
Lately in tournament, I've been having a problem with choking.
It started with some recent tournaments. I would get the grab playing Ice Climbers, only to drop the CGs repeatedly. This started to get into my head in matches and after one dropped CG, I would continually drop the rest for entire sets.
Based on my last blog, I decided that I shouldn't discount this occurrence to a bad tech skill day. Rather, it would be more beneficial to own up to my failures.
However, this led to an adverse reaction where the "choking" spread to other aspects of my life. I went and played pickup ball at the rec the other day. After dropping 6 in a first to 13 points, I kept bricking the 13/14th point. Brawl has been an enigma for me for most of my tournament scene span since it's the first thing I haven't been clutch at.
Since now this trait of choking is fairly consistent with me, I want to figure out a why it's been occurring. After some self examination I noticed the following:
I haven't choked when I'm on the brink of losing. Rather, I've been choking when I'm on the brink of winning.
How ironic is that? I have a fear of winning. Not a fear of losing. Sometimes I realize my perceived skill dictates I'm supposed to lose. Yet when I realize that, sometimes I play out of my mind and am in a position to win. Then I'm at a crossroads of balancing a fear of winning and a fear of losing.
I recently beat out my competitive play Brawl mentor in a few serious sets with money stakes on the line. Like every money match I've been in, when I've been on the brink of winning, I've had serious issues bringing the win home. Only this time, I was able to overcome that fear and bring home the win. I realize though, that it was through this help that I won, so I'm not ungrateful. But it was a major step in my brawl growth.
Yet after the win, I've been told I've been making excuses for why I beat him. Objectively in the context of the game we play, it only recognizes wins and losses, and not excuses. It's easy to reconcile and see those reasons for why we lose. It's a weird to see it arise for why we win.
I'm reminded of my sig. Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we're powerful beyond all measure.
I wonder why people have a fear of winning. People have aspirations to be great, or at least better than they were. Yet when it comes to going out and getting that win, we have trouble. However, when we have nothing to lose, we play beyond our capabilities. It's interesting to me, and once I understand it fully, I hope to command myself in winning/losing situations to the best of my ability.
Lately in tournament, I've been having a problem with choking.
It started with some recent tournaments. I would get the grab playing Ice Climbers, only to drop the CGs repeatedly. This started to get into my head in matches and after one dropped CG, I would continually drop the rest for entire sets.
Based on my last blog, I decided that I shouldn't discount this occurrence to a bad tech skill day. Rather, it would be more beneficial to own up to my failures.
However, this led to an adverse reaction where the "choking" spread to other aspects of my life. I went and played pickup ball at the rec the other day. After dropping 6 in a first to 13 points, I kept bricking the 13/14th point. Brawl has been an enigma for me for most of my tournament scene span since it's the first thing I haven't been clutch at.
Since now this trait of choking is fairly consistent with me, I want to figure out a why it's been occurring. After some self examination I noticed the following:
I haven't choked when I'm on the brink of losing. Rather, I've been choking when I'm on the brink of winning.
How ironic is that? I have a fear of winning. Not a fear of losing. Sometimes I realize my perceived skill dictates I'm supposed to lose. Yet when I realize that, sometimes I play out of my mind and am in a position to win. Then I'm at a crossroads of balancing a fear of winning and a fear of losing.
I recently beat out my competitive play Brawl mentor in a few serious sets with money stakes on the line. Like every money match I've been in, when I've been on the brink of winning, I've had serious issues bringing the win home. Only this time, I was able to overcome that fear and bring home the win. I realize though, that it was through this help that I won, so I'm not ungrateful. But it was a major step in my brawl growth.
Yet after the win, I've been told I've been making excuses for why I beat him. Objectively in the context of the game we play, it only recognizes wins and losses, and not excuses. It's easy to reconcile and see those reasons for why we lose. It's a weird to see it arise for why we win.
I'm reminded of my sig. Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our greatest fear is that we're powerful beyond all measure.
I wonder why people have a fear of winning. People have aspirations to be great, or at least better than they were. Yet when it comes to going out and getting that win, we have trouble. However, when we have nothing to lose, we play beyond our capabilities. It's interesting to me, and once I understand it fully, I hope to command myself in winning/losing situations to the best of my ability.