metalmonstar
Smash Lord
- Joined
- Apr 30, 2008
- Messages
- 1,081
Everytime I look in here I normally only see smash based stories. Which has made me hesitant of posting my original material. However I need a lot of help. I wrote this story, but no one really seems to catch the hints that I lay down. This ends up with a lot of confused readers. Which can be quite discouraging. Those who do catch on seem to enjoy it but don't provide any meaningful suggestion. All the mention are little preferences they have.
So are the subtle hints too vague, too subtle. Is it really confusing? Are there parts that need to be contracted. I think there might be some fluff scenes that should be removed. Also any suggestions on improving transitions?
Elanai made me do it
Summer, for most of us it is the time of pool parties, beach outings, amusement parks, vacations, and fun in the sun. For others it is the time for summer projects, business meetings, and special assignments. Elanai would be of the latter group this summer. He had just gotten his assignment. Her name was Susan, age 16, female, 5’7,” 129 pounds, likes dancing, the mall, partying, and hanging with friends. Elanai read the profile again and gave a slight smile.
There was no time to waste. It was imperative that he begins the assignment immediately; otherwise he could risk displeasing his boss. Elanai glided down the street heading towards 3766 malebore drive. He reached his destination and looked at the cozy two story house before turning the knob and letting himself in. Despite the home being occupied, no one seemed to pay any notice to Elanai’s entrance. Elanai could not be bothered with the ethics of waltzing into a stranger’s home. He made his way upstairs, where he figured the bed rooms would be. The first room was full of toys and pictures of super heroes, certainly not a little girl’s room. The next room was rather plain except for the ornate dresser and a large bed. Finally Elanai came to the end of the hall and the last room. Loud noise that sounded like a man dying protruded from the room. There were pictures of male actors and singers all over the wall. Makeup and birth control pills were scattered over the top of each dresser. There in the center of the room was a female with magazines lying around her. As soon as Elanai entered the room, the music faded into oblivion.
“Execuse me Susan,” said Elanai.
Susan turned to her radio and gave it a “what gives” look. Then she turned to the figure that stood before her, Elanai. His silver armor reflected in the light produced by the nearby lamp. He had long and clean black hair. His eyes were the color of topaz. His white cape flowed behind him. First impressions were important, but looks can be deceiving.
Susan gave a slight chuckle, “The Renaissance festival in town?”
Elanai had no idea what a Renaissance festival was nor did he even care. “I am your guardian spirit,” he said.
“That explains the getup. Waitaminute where are your wings?”
“Only in paintings and fairy tales do we have those.”
“Well try not to get in my way,” she said.
“I am only here to watch over and morally guide you,” stated Elanai.
It’s unusual for a person to be so accepting of the idea of a guardian angel. Most would scream in terror, attack Elanai, or demand proof. Elanai assumed that Susan was either quite perceptive or stupid. Just then the cell phone rang and Susan answered with the typical greeting. Elanai attempted not to listen in on the conversation. He knew where it would be taking him, but the details were frivolous.
“Well I am going to the mall with Stacey so…you just going to stay here or what?” asked Susan.
“I wouldn’t be much of a guide if I didn’t come with you,” said Elanai.
“You following me everywhere is going to be creepy,” said Susan.
“You will get used to it.”
Despite being fully dressed already, Susan went straight to her closet to pick up an outfit to wear to the mall. To Elanai’s surprise, she paid little attention to his presence as she got changed. Elanai reasoned that either she has accepted and dealt with his existence or she’s a ****. Elanai gave a slight smile as she put on torn denim jeans. This assignment was going to be interesting. Once Susan was dressed and had put on some light makeup, she ran out of her room and jumped down the stairs. She was about to bolt out the door when her mother stopped her.
“Where do you think you are going, young lady?” Her mother asked.
“To the mall with Stacey,” Susan replied.
“You’re just going to leave without telling us?”
“You don’t need to know every little thing I do.”
Elanai was shocked at such disrespect the girl had towards her mother. Yet for some reason, his smile couldn’t help but widen even more. A honk snapped Elanai back into reality and allowed him to wipe the smug look off his face lest anyone see his joy. The honk also ended Susan’s conversation with her mother. Susan bolted out the front door and hopped into her friend’s car. Stacey was just to pull out until Susan said, “WAIT, we can’t leave Elanai behind.” Stacey just gave Susan a strange look.
“Har har, very funny,” said Elanai as he climbed into the backseat. “She can’t see me. Only you can.”
While at the mall, Elanai hung back and just observed Susan’s actions, nothing out of the ordinary, just two silly teenage girls shopping. The two talked about cute boys that they should hook up with over the summer, ate imitation meat, looked at clothes and shoes asking for each other’s opinion. The whole thing was quite boring for Elanai, but he had to say alert and take mental notes. The two didn’t leave the mall until all the stores were closed down. Stacey dropped Susan off and the two exchanged goodbyes. Then Susan put on pajamas and went straight to bed.
Elanai made sure she was fast asleep before bringing out a scroll. He read over his assignment once more to make sure he understood everything clearly. Night was the perfect time to plan. Elanai scribbled out plans and scenarios onto the scroll. He checked over them multiple times making sure each one was perfect. He had back up plans for his plans and back ups for his backups. Nothing could go wrong.
Morning came with birds chirping and the sun shining, however Susan was still fast asleep. It was until she got a phone call at noon that she woke up. Elanai couldn’t help but listen in on this conversation.
“…uh…hello,” she said.
“Susan, its me Stacey, we just got invited to a big party tonight.”
Stacey perked up. “Sweet I will be there.”
“You should ask your mother before making any commitments,” said Elanai.
“Uh…I will have to ask my mom,” said Susan. “I will call you back later.”
Susan hung up the phone and turned towards Elanai. She crossed her arms and let her eyes narrow. She wanted to throw a fit, yell at him, and even hit him, but there was something about his stance, his stare, his composure that made her realize that throwing a tantrum would be unwise. She pouted all the way downstairs to let Elanai know of her displeasure. Elanai simply glided behind her amused at her poor behavior.
“Mom can I go to a party tonight?” asked Susan.
“Who is going to be there?”
“I don’t know, everybody.”
“Well I don’t know the character of ‘everybody’ so no you can’t go.”
“But mom, everyone will be there.”
“We have established that dear.”
“UUGGGH, you never let me do anything.”
Susan stormed back towards her room and slammed the door.
“Your mother has a point,” said Elanai with a grin.
Susan refused to talk to Elanai or her mother for the rest of the day. She spent her entire time locked in her room. When night came and everyone was asleep, she climbed out the window and slid down the big tree. Tiptoeing down the backyard, she got her cell phone out. Once she was a safe distance away from her house, she made a phone call to Stacey, asking her to pick her up. Elanai chuckled as he followed Susan. She had clearly forgotten about his presence. Carefully he slid into Stacey’s car as they made there way to the party.
The music was pumping and everyone was dancing. The party was in full swing when the trio arrived. Stacey headed straight to the dance floor while Susan decided to mingle with any cute boy she could find. It wasn’t long until one of them offered her a drink.
“Just say no,” suggested Elanai.
“Elanai!?”
“You can’t run away from me or my boss,”
“You are not going to ruin anymore of my fun.”
“You aren’t that kinds of person just refuse.”
“UGH…sorry I don’t drink.”
“Ah, that is cool,” said the teenage male.
The party continued through the night. At about 2 a.m. things started to wind down. Susan was ready to go home but Stacey was completely drunk. Susan didn’t have her license so she couldn’t drive herself home and there was no way she could ask her parents to pick her up. After some convincing from Stacey that she was fit to drive despite being drunk, the three headed home. Just as they pulled out of the driveway, it began to rain. Stacey kept swerving all over the road and the rain wasn’t helping matters either. Susan just wanted to make it home and get the night over with. Elanai sat in the back with his arm crossed. Just then an image of truck popped into Elanai’s head. It was turning the corner, neither driver would see each other. Stacey was already on the wrong side of the road. Elanai leaned forward in his seat. The truck’s lights came into full view. Stacey and Susan screamed at the top of their lungs as the two cars collided. The hood of Stacey’s car was being smashed in and the airbags were failing to deploy. Elanai, at the last possible moment, flew through his seatbelt, the passenger seat, and Susan. Then spread out his body in the shape on an X as glass and metal smashed into his back. With one swift movement he caught Susan before she collided into the dashboard. Stacey on the other hand was not so lucky.
After the collision, Susan crawled out of the car and just sat on the ground as the rain poured over her. Shock kept her from doing much else. The trucker rushed over to help her. He was bleeding, but for the most part alright. He offered her a drink of his soda in order to help calm her nerves. Slowly he spoke to her in hopes of getting a response. In a way he got what he hoped for as there came an ear pierce shriek from Susan, “WHY GOD.” Elanai shivered and looked up at the clouds. Rain fell right through his translucent body as he thought to himself Rain? Really? A bit cliché. Elanai’s services were no longer needed at this present time, so he headed back to Susan’s house.
Susan arrived back home, thanks to the police, soaking wet but other than that fine. Elanai stayed upstairs as the family comforted each other in this trying time. After all the crying and comforting were over, Susan headed upstairs to get some rest, and greet Elanai.
“WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?” demanded Susan.
“You no longer needed my service,” replied Elanai calmly.
“I was just in a car accident of course I needed you,”
“You survived said car accident thanks to me,”
Susan looked down, “I know…I am sorry…I am just so mad…sad…lost…confused. This is all my fault. I should have just listened to mom. Now…now…my…best friend is dead.”
She threw her arms around Elanai and began to cry. Elanai wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back until she fell asleep in his arms.
After a week or so of grieving, Elanai decided it was time to throw some happiness Susan’s way. He planned for her to meet a nice young man. He would be couple years older than Susan with a good job working for his father. Everything went according to Elanai’s plan. The two bumped into each other while walking down the street. The usual apologies were exchanged. Elanai pulled their eyelids up allowing them to notice each others attractiveness. Young people put so much stoke into looks that it was mere child’s play for Elanai to set them up. It wasn’t long before the two went on dates. The relationship brought joy back into Susan life, and took her mind off of the car crash.
Feelings of love and lust faded away though and the relationship was ended. Breaking up with him proved to be a big mistake though. It was a dark moonless night that he snuck into her house which was made easier by the door already being unlocked. Elanai watched as he made his way upstairs as quietly as possible. Once in Susan’s room, he gently nudged her to wake up. She awoke to find him sitting on the side of her bed. She slowly started to get in up and was about to ask why he was here, when he thrust a sock down her mouth and ducked taped it down in order to prevent her from screaming. He pinned her to the bed and proceeded to **** her. The man was frightened by his own animalistic behavior that he rushed out of the house. There was no escaping himself, and the deed was already done.
Susan stared at the wall as she pinched herself, hoping for this all to be a bad dream. The sting in her arm presented bad news. The rest of the night she just stared blankly at the wall. There was nowhere else to look.
Susan lived the next couple of days as a mute. Despite it being summer she avoided shorts, skirts, and sleeveless shirts. A week went by and she was still to embarrassed to tell anyone except Elanai who had the ill fortune of witnessing the event. He made attempts to comfort her and just as she was making progress, she found out she was pregnant.
Elanai one day made his way into her room to find her sitting on the edge of her bed with a gun clenched in her hand and pointed at her head. She wavered a bit and lowered the gun. Elanai removed the gun and gently set it on her nightstand. Then he wrapped his arms around her as she began to sob.
“I wish I were dead.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do, but I am too much of a coward to commit suicide.”
“Things can’t stay bad forever,” said Elanai.
“Maybe things will get better once I have the abortion.”
“My boss wouldn’t like that.”
“God can forgive me,” said Susan.
Elanai gave a slight shiver before continuing trying to talk Susan out of her actions, “What did the child ever do to you?”
“It is a little monster that is ruining my life. Not that my life needs any help at the moment.”
“You haven’t even met him or her, and you’re already judging him or her? Don’t give this guy anymore than he is already taken. Stand firm, stand up to him, look him in the eye, and say ‘you have made me weak for the last time’. You are under a lot of stress and you need your rest.’”
Susan wanted to say more; she had buts, ifs, and whats still left to counter Elanai’s statement. Looking into his eyes washed every word from her lips. His eyes were as hard as stone and as cold as stone as well. It was almost unbearable looking into them for any period of time. Susan lowered her head and stared at her lap as Elanai walked out of the room to leave her with some privacy. Elanai floated down the steps to the living room and made himself at home. Once again he laid out his plans. He evaluated the next course of action and double checked the course that they were already on. The hard work of the day and the nightly planning took a toll on Elanai. He was unable to prevent himself from falling asleep on the couch.
The next day he awoke to find Susan missing. Even more disturbing was the fact that the gun was gone as well. Elanai reasoned that there were two possibilities. Either Susan was going to commit suicide or she was going to kill someone. Elanai figured that committing suicide was just as easy to perform at home then somewhere else, so it didn’t make sense for her to go out to commit suicide. On the other hand, murdering someone actually requires going to your target. There was only one person that Susan was going to kill and Elanai knew this. He raced out the door and flew down the streets. Eventually arriving and a nice apartment complex, he glided up the stairs and passed through the door of apartment 322 to find Susan with the gun pointed at her ex.
“You have made me weak for the last time!” she yelled and with that she unloaded her clip on him. After the man’s body fell to the floor and the blood drained out, Elanai grabbed Susan. He ripped the gun from her and tucked it away never to be seen by mortal eyes again. Susan turned to Elanai and looked into his eyes. For the first time, his eyes seemed inviting, understanding, and maybe even a little caring. Susan lowered her head she was hoping his eyes were still cold.
“I don’t feel bad for what I did. I think God is giving up on me,” she whispered.
Elanai shivered but didn’t say a word. He simply led Susan back home and placed her in her room. For the remainder of the pregnancy that is where Susan would remain. She fell into a state of depression which she figured was due to the guilt of keeping the child. Eventually that guilt turned into physical illness. Elanai stayed with her as much as he could. Eventually the illness reached the point where Susan had to go to the hospital. There was still a solid week until she was due, but no one, but Elanai, knew if Susan would last that long.
“She isn’t going to make, we have to save the child,” said one of the nurses.
“…Elanai…you never said…hope…good…right…or God…” Elanai shivered for the last time. Just as they removed the infant from her womb, the light left her and darkness consumed her. There was nothing more that Elanai could do to her, so he made his exit.
As Elanai was about to leave, he noticed her clothes in a folded pile laying on a chair. In one of her pants pockets there was a piece of paper sticking out. He moved towards the pants, pulled out the paper, and read: “To my child born of teenage foolishness…I leave but one task…kill the demon lord Elanai.”
So are the subtle hints too vague, too subtle. Is it really confusing? Are there parts that need to be contracted. I think there might be some fluff scenes that should be removed. Also any suggestions on improving transitions?
Elanai made me do it
Summer, for most of us it is the time of pool parties, beach outings, amusement parks, vacations, and fun in the sun. For others it is the time for summer projects, business meetings, and special assignments. Elanai would be of the latter group this summer. He had just gotten his assignment. Her name was Susan, age 16, female, 5’7,” 129 pounds, likes dancing, the mall, partying, and hanging with friends. Elanai read the profile again and gave a slight smile.
There was no time to waste. It was imperative that he begins the assignment immediately; otherwise he could risk displeasing his boss. Elanai glided down the street heading towards 3766 malebore drive. He reached his destination and looked at the cozy two story house before turning the knob and letting himself in. Despite the home being occupied, no one seemed to pay any notice to Elanai’s entrance. Elanai could not be bothered with the ethics of waltzing into a stranger’s home. He made his way upstairs, where he figured the bed rooms would be. The first room was full of toys and pictures of super heroes, certainly not a little girl’s room. The next room was rather plain except for the ornate dresser and a large bed. Finally Elanai came to the end of the hall and the last room. Loud noise that sounded like a man dying protruded from the room. There were pictures of male actors and singers all over the wall. Makeup and birth control pills were scattered over the top of each dresser. There in the center of the room was a female with magazines lying around her. As soon as Elanai entered the room, the music faded into oblivion.
“Execuse me Susan,” said Elanai.
Susan turned to her radio and gave it a “what gives” look. Then she turned to the figure that stood before her, Elanai. His silver armor reflected in the light produced by the nearby lamp. He had long and clean black hair. His eyes were the color of topaz. His white cape flowed behind him. First impressions were important, but looks can be deceiving.
Susan gave a slight chuckle, “The Renaissance festival in town?”
Elanai had no idea what a Renaissance festival was nor did he even care. “I am your guardian spirit,” he said.
“That explains the getup. Waitaminute where are your wings?”
“Only in paintings and fairy tales do we have those.”
“Well try not to get in my way,” she said.
“I am only here to watch over and morally guide you,” stated Elanai.
It’s unusual for a person to be so accepting of the idea of a guardian angel. Most would scream in terror, attack Elanai, or demand proof. Elanai assumed that Susan was either quite perceptive or stupid. Just then the cell phone rang and Susan answered with the typical greeting. Elanai attempted not to listen in on the conversation. He knew where it would be taking him, but the details were frivolous.
“Well I am going to the mall with Stacey so…you just going to stay here or what?” asked Susan.
“I wouldn’t be much of a guide if I didn’t come with you,” said Elanai.
“You following me everywhere is going to be creepy,” said Susan.
“You will get used to it.”
Despite being fully dressed already, Susan went straight to her closet to pick up an outfit to wear to the mall. To Elanai’s surprise, she paid little attention to his presence as she got changed. Elanai reasoned that either she has accepted and dealt with his existence or she’s a ****. Elanai gave a slight smile as she put on torn denim jeans. This assignment was going to be interesting. Once Susan was dressed and had put on some light makeup, she ran out of her room and jumped down the stairs. She was about to bolt out the door when her mother stopped her.
“Where do you think you are going, young lady?” Her mother asked.
“To the mall with Stacey,” Susan replied.
“You’re just going to leave without telling us?”
“You don’t need to know every little thing I do.”
Elanai was shocked at such disrespect the girl had towards her mother. Yet for some reason, his smile couldn’t help but widen even more. A honk snapped Elanai back into reality and allowed him to wipe the smug look off his face lest anyone see his joy. The honk also ended Susan’s conversation with her mother. Susan bolted out the front door and hopped into her friend’s car. Stacey was just to pull out until Susan said, “WAIT, we can’t leave Elanai behind.” Stacey just gave Susan a strange look.
“Har har, very funny,” said Elanai as he climbed into the backseat. “She can’t see me. Only you can.”
While at the mall, Elanai hung back and just observed Susan’s actions, nothing out of the ordinary, just two silly teenage girls shopping. The two talked about cute boys that they should hook up with over the summer, ate imitation meat, looked at clothes and shoes asking for each other’s opinion. The whole thing was quite boring for Elanai, but he had to say alert and take mental notes. The two didn’t leave the mall until all the stores were closed down. Stacey dropped Susan off and the two exchanged goodbyes. Then Susan put on pajamas and went straight to bed.
Elanai made sure she was fast asleep before bringing out a scroll. He read over his assignment once more to make sure he understood everything clearly. Night was the perfect time to plan. Elanai scribbled out plans and scenarios onto the scroll. He checked over them multiple times making sure each one was perfect. He had back up plans for his plans and back ups for his backups. Nothing could go wrong.
Morning came with birds chirping and the sun shining, however Susan was still fast asleep. It was until she got a phone call at noon that she woke up. Elanai couldn’t help but listen in on this conversation.
“…uh…hello,” she said.
“Susan, its me Stacey, we just got invited to a big party tonight.”
Stacey perked up. “Sweet I will be there.”
“You should ask your mother before making any commitments,” said Elanai.
“Uh…I will have to ask my mom,” said Susan. “I will call you back later.”
Susan hung up the phone and turned towards Elanai. She crossed her arms and let her eyes narrow. She wanted to throw a fit, yell at him, and even hit him, but there was something about his stance, his stare, his composure that made her realize that throwing a tantrum would be unwise. She pouted all the way downstairs to let Elanai know of her displeasure. Elanai simply glided behind her amused at her poor behavior.
“Mom can I go to a party tonight?” asked Susan.
“Who is going to be there?”
“I don’t know, everybody.”
“Well I don’t know the character of ‘everybody’ so no you can’t go.”
“But mom, everyone will be there.”
“We have established that dear.”
“UUGGGH, you never let me do anything.”
Susan stormed back towards her room and slammed the door.
“Your mother has a point,” said Elanai with a grin.
Susan refused to talk to Elanai or her mother for the rest of the day. She spent her entire time locked in her room. When night came and everyone was asleep, she climbed out the window and slid down the big tree. Tiptoeing down the backyard, she got her cell phone out. Once she was a safe distance away from her house, she made a phone call to Stacey, asking her to pick her up. Elanai chuckled as he followed Susan. She had clearly forgotten about his presence. Carefully he slid into Stacey’s car as they made there way to the party.
The music was pumping and everyone was dancing. The party was in full swing when the trio arrived. Stacey headed straight to the dance floor while Susan decided to mingle with any cute boy she could find. It wasn’t long until one of them offered her a drink.
“Just say no,” suggested Elanai.
“Elanai!?”
“You can’t run away from me or my boss,”
“You are not going to ruin anymore of my fun.”
“You aren’t that kinds of person just refuse.”
“UGH…sorry I don’t drink.”
“Ah, that is cool,” said the teenage male.
The party continued through the night. At about 2 a.m. things started to wind down. Susan was ready to go home but Stacey was completely drunk. Susan didn’t have her license so she couldn’t drive herself home and there was no way she could ask her parents to pick her up. After some convincing from Stacey that she was fit to drive despite being drunk, the three headed home. Just as they pulled out of the driveway, it began to rain. Stacey kept swerving all over the road and the rain wasn’t helping matters either. Susan just wanted to make it home and get the night over with. Elanai sat in the back with his arm crossed. Just then an image of truck popped into Elanai’s head. It was turning the corner, neither driver would see each other. Stacey was already on the wrong side of the road. Elanai leaned forward in his seat. The truck’s lights came into full view. Stacey and Susan screamed at the top of their lungs as the two cars collided. The hood of Stacey’s car was being smashed in and the airbags were failing to deploy. Elanai, at the last possible moment, flew through his seatbelt, the passenger seat, and Susan. Then spread out his body in the shape on an X as glass and metal smashed into his back. With one swift movement he caught Susan before she collided into the dashboard. Stacey on the other hand was not so lucky.
After the collision, Susan crawled out of the car and just sat on the ground as the rain poured over her. Shock kept her from doing much else. The trucker rushed over to help her. He was bleeding, but for the most part alright. He offered her a drink of his soda in order to help calm her nerves. Slowly he spoke to her in hopes of getting a response. In a way he got what he hoped for as there came an ear pierce shriek from Susan, “WHY GOD.” Elanai shivered and looked up at the clouds. Rain fell right through his translucent body as he thought to himself Rain? Really? A bit cliché. Elanai’s services were no longer needed at this present time, so he headed back to Susan’s house.
Susan arrived back home, thanks to the police, soaking wet but other than that fine. Elanai stayed upstairs as the family comforted each other in this trying time. After all the crying and comforting were over, Susan headed upstairs to get some rest, and greet Elanai.
“WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?” demanded Susan.
“You no longer needed my service,” replied Elanai calmly.
“I was just in a car accident of course I needed you,”
“You survived said car accident thanks to me,”
Susan looked down, “I know…I am sorry…I am just so mad…sad…lost…confused. This is all my fault. I should have just listened to mom. Now…now…my…best friend is dead.”
She threw her arms around Elanai and began to cry. Elanai wrapped his arms around her and rubbed her back until she fell asleep in his arms.
After a week or so of grieving, Elanai decided it was time to throw some happiness Susan’s way. He planned for her to meet a nice young man. He would be couple years older than Susan with a good job working for his father. Everything went according to Elanai’s plan. The two bumped into each other while walking down the street. The usual apologies were exchanged. Elanai pulled their eyelids up allowing them to notice each others attractiveness. Young people put so much stoke into looks that it was mere child’s play for Elanai to set them up. It wasn’t long before the two went on dates. The relationship brought joy back into Susan life, and took her mind off of the car crash.
Feelings of love and lust faded away though and the relationship was ended. Breaking up with him proved to be a big mistake though. It was a dark moonless night that he snuck into her house which was made easier by the door already being unlocked. Elanai watched as he made his way upstairs as quietly as possible. Once in Susan’s room, he gently nudged her to wake up. She awoke to find him sitting on the side of her bed. She slowly started to get in up and was about to ask why he was here, when he thrust a sock down her mouth and ducked taped it down in order to prevent her from screaming. He pinned her to the bed and proceeded to **** her. The man was frightened by his own animalistic behavior that he rushed out of the house. There was no escaping himself, and the deed was already done.
Susan stared at the wall as she pinched herself, hoping for this all to be a bad dream. The sting in her arm presented bad news. The rest of the night she just stared blankly at the wall. There was nowhere else to look.
Susan lived the next couple of days as a mute. Despite it being summer she avoided shorts, skirts, and sleeveless shirts. A week went by and she was still to embarrassed to tell anyone except Elanai who had the ill fortune of witnessing the event. He made attempts to comfort her and just as she was making progress, she found out she was pregnant.
Elanai one day made his way into her room to find her sitting on the edge of her bed with a gun clenched in her hand and pointed at her head. She wavered a bit and lowered the gun. Elanai removed the gun and gently set it on her nightstand. Then he wrapped his arms around her as she began to sob.
“I wish I were dead.”
“You don’t mean that.”
“I do, but I am too much of a coward to commit suicide.”
“Things can’t stay bad forever,” said Elanai.
“Maybe things will get better once I have the abortion.”
“My boss wouldn’t like that.”
“God can forgive me,” said Susan.
Elanai gave a slight shiver before continuing trying to talk Susan out of her actions, “What did the child ever do to you?”
“It is a little monster that is ruining my life. Not that my life needs any help at the moment.”
“You haven’t even met him or her, and you’re already judging him or her? Don’t give this guy anymore than he is already taken. Stand firm, stand up to him, look him in the eye, and say ‘you have made me weak for the last time’. You are under a lot of stress and you need your rest.’”
Susan wanted to say more; she had buts, ifs, and whats still left to counter Elanai’s statement. Looking into his eyes washed every word from her lips. His eyes were as hard as stone and as cold as stone as well. It was almost unbearable looking into them for any period of time. Susan lowered her head and stared at her lap as Elanai walked out of the room to leave her with some privacy. Elanai floated down the steps to the living room and made himself at home. Once again he laid out his plans. He evaluated the next course of action and double checked the course that they were already on. The hard work of the day and the nightly planning took a toll on Elanai. He was unable to prevent himself from falling asleep on the couch.
The next day he awoke to find Susan missing. Even more disturbing was the fact that the gun was gone as well. Elanai reasoned that there were two possibilities. Either Susan was going to commit suicide or she was going to kill someone. Elanai figured that committing suicide was just as easy to perform at home then somewhere else, so it didn’t make sense for her to go out to commit suicide. On the other hand, murdering someone actually requires going to your target. There was only one person that Susan was going to kill and Elanai knew this. He raced out the door and flew down the streets. Eventually arriving and a nice apartment complex, he glided up the stairs and passed through the door of apartment 322 to find Susan with the gun pointed at her ex.
“You have made me weak for the last time!” she yelled and with that she unloaded her clip on him. After the man’s body fell to the floor and the blood drained out, Elanai grabbed Susan. He ripped the gun from her and tucked it away never to be seen by mortal eyes again. Susan turned to Elanai and looked into his eyes. For the first time, his eyes seemed inviting, understanding, and maybe even a little caring. Susan lowered her head she was hoping his eyes were still cold.
“I don’t feel bad for what I did. I think God is giving up on me,” she whispered.
Elanai shivered but didn’t say a word. He simply led Susan back home and placed her in her room. For the remainder of the pregnancy that is where Susan would remain. She fell into a state of depression which she figured was due to the guilt of keeping the child. Eventually that guilt turned into physical illness. Elanai stayed with her as much as he could. Eventually the illness reached the point where Susan had to go to the hospital. There was still a solid week until she was due, but no one, but Elanai, knew if Susan would last that long.
“She isn’t going to make, we have to save the child,” said one of the nurses.
“…Elanai…you never said…hope…good…right…or God…” Elanai shivered for the last time. Just as they removed the infant from her womb, the light left her and darkness consumed her. There was nothing more that Elanai could do to her, so he made his exit.
As Elanai was about to leave, he noticed her clothes in a folded pile laying on a chair. In one of her pants pockets there was a piece of paper sticking out. He moved towards the pants, pulled out the paper, and read: “To my child born of teenage foolishness…I leave but one task…kill the demon lord Elanai.”
