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Deep Poetry
- Thread starter Rychu
- Start date
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2002
- Messages
- 28,982
First, never label something as deep if you wrote it. It'll make the criticism too critical.
Secondly, your poem just uses established clichés:
The mind is but an illusion
we know nothing - This is brought up in nearly every religious/post-modern criticism.
yet we know everything - This is brought up again and again in any criticism of modernism.
those who know everything understand nothing - Repetition of the above basically.
we are living in a dream - Just thrown in there
and the world exists within each of us - K....
So, really read the peace again, your second and third line can be omitted for the fourth line, giving the poem a bit more restriction.
The last two lines make some sense when read together, but really, they only briefly touch the initial concept.
Secondly, your poem just uses established clichés:
The mind is but an illusion
we know nothing - This is brought up in nearly every religious/post-modern criticism.
yet we know everything - This is brought up again and again in any criticism of modernism.
those who know everything understand nothing - Repetition of the above basically.
we are living in a dream - Just thrown in there
and the world exists within each of us - K....
So, really read the peace again, your second and third line can be omitted for the fourth line, giving the poem a bit more restriction.
The last two lines make some sense when read together, but really, they only briefly touch the initial concept.
Sorry, that was Gabriel
This one too
- Joined
- Jan 14, 2002
- Messages
- 28,982
For a person to actually kill themselves, they have to be pretty mentally impaired. Depression can do wonders to an otherwise healthy existence. If you are looking for the answer as to why they killed themselves, you won't find it in scraps of poetry they wrote. There's just not enough substance there to say "this is why they did it." It's only a small part of their thinking at the time.
KrazyGlue
Smash Champion
He just wanted to share it, not try to find out why his friend killed himself.
(Although I agree that you probably shouldn't title it "Deep Poetry"; it just makes you sound conceited. Obviously you're not conceited since you're not even the one who wrote it, but it just gives people a bad first impression).
(Although I agree that you probably shouldn't title it "Deep Poetry"; it just makes you sound conceited. Obviously you're not conceited since you're not even the one who wrote it, but it just gives people a bad first impression).
Unless the person who killed themselves entitled it Deep Poetry...
KrazyGlue
Smash Champion
^ Good point. Although in that case I would suggest that he clarify that in the OP or something. Whatever, it doesn't really matter I suppose.