SS Tier
1. Kirby
he has five jumps so you can't die. and bro… have you ever heard of his down-b? it's amazing when you want to hit your opponent in the air just in case they try to hit you again. just don't use it near the edge LOL! what are throws again?
2. Link
oh okay you got me with that hit. but hold on. hold on. i'm gonna use my down air while i'm coming down. it'll save me. you'll never expect it.
3. Captain Falcon
falcon punch… knee of justice… wombo combo dude…
kneed i say more?
S Tier
4. Marth
this is the only time i'm going to be serious here: you literally can't mess up marth especially when you're playing at a casual level. only problem is you tend to use side-b a lot and it won't work.
5. Mewtwo
yeah broe i saw the first pokemon movie mewtwo's the most powerful pokemon of all time, godlike
6. Ganondorf
he's like falcon but… slower… and he's got those raw dark flames coming out of him. and that up tilt he has is so strong.
A Tier
7. Sheik
alright i don't know what this dude does but he can shoot needles and use his whip whenever he wants SOOOO lemme just stand here for like five minutes and use my chain
8. Mario
did you see how good he did in the tutorial for the game? against bowser? you remember that? i wanna get just as good as that guy eventually
9. Pikachu
thunder jolt is like… unbeatable… and that down-b? when your friends walk right into you? godly.
10. Zelda
this is for the guy who'd camp on the left side of hyrule temple spamming din's fire when you were children. you all know this guy. this is for you, buddy. and i hope you rot in hell.
B Tier:
11. Roy
*charges flare blade*
12. Luigi
let me show you this new trick i just learned about his up-b. just stand there. one second. OHHH! yeah that counts as a stock, why?
13. Dr. Mario
i don't know i'm running out of steam already he's just good but not someone you think about picking for casual battles
14. Donkey Kong
down-b is the greatest move in the game……… but aerial combat? nuh-uh
C Tier:
15. Fox
Fox is cheap! All the professional players use him; he takes no skill whatsoever. You know—Fox only, no items,
Final Destination [a shudder]. Look at this. I'm going to beat you using Fox and I don't even
play him.
*side-Bs off the stage multiple times*
*dies*
So how do you recover with him again?
16. Peach
what does the toad do again? yeah that peach bomber is really good but she's just a weird character that can't even recover right. also why is her forward smash so bad? i hit you with a
golf club, you shouldn't be barely moving.
17. Ness
PK FIRE
18. Falco
he's like… a weaker fox dude. why is he so slow?
19. Pichu
but he's just so cute! hey when did i take all that damage?
D Tier:
20. Bowser
“he's super slow but he hits so hard. and it's easy to get that hit off, trust me.”
21. Mr. Game and Watch
who is this again?
doesn't matter bacon defense
22. Jigglypuff
two of her special attacks don't even work bro this is what i've been telling you garbage character plebeian scum 0/10
23. Samus
okay watch me charge up this charge shot… and these missiles… because i can't hit you off if i don't use those
F Tier:
24. Yoshi
I can't even recover!!!
25. Young Link
when was the last time you looked at a character select screen and decided you wanted to play young link? if that answer is anything but “never” you're lying to yourself trust me
26. Ice Climbers
going to be serious again and say this is self-explanatory lol, most top players don't even know how to play ICs i don't think