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Melee is a Hot Chick

AzN_Lep

Smash Champion
Joined
May 25, 2005
Messages
2,096
Location
San Diego, CA
So I was going to make this thread a while back and kind of forgot. Luckily Glenn's blog reminded me just now:

Glenn said:
I wasn't going to share this, but why not?

All 15 players in the Melee tournament are going absolutely crazy. They're living it up. MrPBody decided to enter last minute and he, of course, mentions how Melee is too good and Brawl sucks.

I told him, "I'm sure you've had more than one girlfriend in your lifetime. Your first girlfriend, I bet it took you a while to get over her."

MrPBody: "But Melee is like the girl with the nice *** and big ****. Brawl is the ugly chic."

My response: "Yeah, but a lot of guys go through that thing where, they've been with the nice *** and big **** for four years. Then they get tired of seeing the same *** and **** everyday and they say it's time for a new chic. And once they get that new chic, they realize, '****, I'm an idiot. I broke up with the girl with the nice *** and big ****. I need to go back.'"

Why I shared this conversation with you, I have no idea. Anyway, the finals is starting.
Don't take any of what I'm about say seriously, well... if you some how manage to take it seriously I give you major props, cuz the concept alone is ridiculous. For the record, I love brawl and melee. *OPINION ALERT* Though I am inclined to say I like melee more.

Alright anyways, during the first Brawl triweekly someone mentioned they had a wii, but didn't own a copy of brawl. k... wtf? So someone else jumped right on it and said "Man that's like buying just lingerie, what are you going to with it?" And so the cogs start turning in my mind and another Brawl vs Melee analogy comes up, although this metaphor is far less serious and far more amazing. Which is why i felt compelled to make such a thread. here goes.

Alright so a Wii is like lingerie. It's nice, fun to look at, but not very useful unless you have games. GAMES YOU SAY!? Yeah, things to put in the wii. So then you have Melee a game to put in your wii. In this case melee is the fine lady that you can put the lingerie on. Something that you work all your mind games and technical skill for.

*Looking smug*
"Hey baby, I can jump cancel a shine 4 in just four frames."
"Yeah... I light shield edge hogged that marth. it's a tech skill and a mind game."

K so those quotes are irrelevant, but the point is you have to work to get a good-lookin' women who's responsive, fun, fast-paced (awwww yeah), and has wavedashing and l cancelling.

Now on to Brawl. There's this common misconception that all the people who are supportive of brawl suck at melee. While this might not be true, I'm gonna roll with it for the sake of humor. Alright so let's recap, melee is a hot chick you can put into lingerie, a wii. So what does that make Brawl. Well people who suck at melee, in this case people who suck at getting real women. love brawl. Ohhh man. That's right. Brawl is a blow-up doll.

You see if you can't get real women to wear your lingerie, you can get the newer shiny blow-up doll. Blow-up dolls are fun to play with, maybe even with 3 friends in a free-for-all, y'know if that's your thing. Hey I'm not here to judge. But how much depth is there to a blowup doll? *not literally* Blow-up dolls are awkward and clunky, and too floaty when they're in the air. I want my woman to fast fall if she jumps, none of this 3 aerials in one short hop ****. On top of that they don't have wavedashing and l-canceling... lame dolls. There's also a lack of punishing a doll, whereas punishing a women for her mistakes is very rewarding (this is all humor, i don't support misogynistic behavior.)

But hey, if you wanna dress up your blow-up doll in lingerie just cuz it's new, by all means have fun. Regardless whether your into blow-up dolls or real women the important thing is that you have fun doing it.
 

PandaX

Smash Lord
Joined
Jun 5, 2003
Messages
1,277
Location
San Dimas Ca
Sometimes that doll is fun, but a real woman is where it's at.

But if that analogy is correct, than that means Ken, and M2k would hbe able to handle the hottest chicks the best. And you know that's a flat out lie.
 

AzN_Lep

Smash Champion
Joined
May 25, 2005
Messages
2,096
Location
San Diego, CA
that's affirmative. Gaylo is for people who don't like women in general. Then you have people like Romeo619 that get bored with women so they move on to men. or some like Jay that are just into both at the same time
 

JTB

Live for the applause
Premium
Joined
Nov 13, 2006
Messages
6,512
Those are the ones that Ken and M2K get.

Can't' get normal men, so they go for the neglected ones.
 

Lumpy..

Smash Ace
Joined
Apr 14, 2007
Messages
523
Location
ceres/modesto, CA
um...
wow...
just...
wow...

so basically... having really good tech skill in melee is equal to being a smooth talker to the ladies?
because you don't need to be a smooth talker when tying to get a blow up doll... you just need $50...

do i have this right?
 

AzN_Lep

Smash Champion
Joined
May 25, 2005
Messages
2,096
Location
San Diego, CA
awwww yeah...

I'm gonna go into one of those Brawl vs Melee discussions later today and replace ever mentioning of "brawl" with blow-up doll and "melee" with women.
 

Scamp

Smash Master
BRoomer
Joined
May 30, 2002
Messages
4,344
Location
Berkeley
Wait, I'm confused. If the Wii is Lingerie...

Brawl fits right into the Wii. Melee fits too but it....leaves a lot of space.

Melee is a flat-board woman?

Or maybe it's something that fits into lingerie but isn't really supposed to...

Melee is a transvestite! That you encouraged by buying lingerie when jeans (AKA the Gamecube, may it never go out of style) were just fine!

But on the other hand is it better than a blow-up doll stuffed into lingerie?
 

Lumpy..

Smash Ace
Joined
Apr 14, 2007
Messages
523
Location
ceres/modesto, CA
what if god was one of us?

edit: remember the april fools thing they did, with all of the filters?
and brawl was melee and visa versa... we should all make a petitions stating the they filter the word "brawl" to show up as "blow-up doll" and the word "melee" to show up as "jessica alba"
haha azn lep, you might be on to something...
 

AzN_Lep

Smash Champion
Joined
May 25, 2005
Messages
2,096
Location
San Diego, CA
Melee came out in 2001 so Edrees would hit it. Young fine ladies are still fine ladies, even if they're 7 amirite? Lets not get into Edrees' shenanigans with young children from Pound 3
 

AzN_Lep

Smash Champion
Joined
May 25, 2005
Messages
2,096
Location
San Diego, CA
the 7th day is sunday right? cuz that fits even better since it was like 4 in the morning.

PS this thread was ****
 

MangoWonPound3

Smash Cadet
Joined
Jun 2, 2008
Messages
35
Location
norwalk
don't worry you'll win the next one.

as long as it's not called pound and they call it chaingrab or something


ahhhhhhhhhhhrapee
 
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