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Another thing I've been working on. I don't have a ton of pieces put together but hey it's all about that forward progress right
Please read it over if you get the chance and let me know what you think! One thing I'm worried about is how often I switch gender for the second character, and if that makes the story a bit more organic or is just confusing. I'm also only pretty sure I've been consistent with the changes, so if you spot an odd 'him' when it should be 'her' let me know too =p
Like stepping out from a heavy haze, it occurs to me that I am completely unfamiliar with my surroundings. I am sitting on an old wooden fence running through a rolling green field. I can feel the wood bend slightly under my weight. While I can see jagged edges in the wood, it feels perfectly smooth to the touch. A gentle breeze wisps by my, sending out waves of serenity and grace through the tall grass. I can't seem to take hold of the feelings of confusion I know should be there. I lean back against the upper slat and casually let my head roll to the right. The fence and chromatic hills stretch out beyond my line of sight. Surveying the left brings the same result. A sense of surrealism snaps through my complacency. Where exactly am I? The overwhelming splendor of my situation is more than I can accept as reality.
“Relaxing, isn't it?”
The plainness of the statement catches me as off guard as the voice itself. I whip my head to the right to find another person seated just a few feet away from me. It is difficult to describe what I see. It's certainly a person, but whenever I try to focus on any feature it changes. One moment he's a male, the next she's female. Dressed well then in rags. Even when I try to single out any particular trait and understand it, somehow my mind slips and I fumble. There's a fluidity to it that seems to pass right through me. The one thing I find is unchanging is his smile. He seems to pick up on my shock, and speaks again.
“I come here sometimes to relax. You know, just get away from it all for a while. You know how heavy it can get sometimes.
He stares off into the distance, his smile fading away to a trace of its former self. It feels like the smile was much more for my sake than anything else. I finally gather myself enough to speak.
“Where are we?”
It was not even a drop in the ocean of the questions I was burning to ask, but it was about all I could muster given the situation. The smile slips from his face entirely.
“You already know that, don't you.”
My heart starts pounding in my chest and I can feel a cold sweat break out on my brow. I try to hide my growing sense of panic, but am struggling to keep it under control. He turns to face me with a genuine smile, and I feel my concerns dissipate under it's glow.
“Relax, it's not that. I just wanted to speak with you for a moment.”
His words draw a sigh of relief from me, but I still can feel some lingering apprehension in my stomach. He seems sure I know where we are, but I have never seen this place in my life. Like an air bubble breaking for the surface, a new questions boils to the top of my mind.
“...who are you? ...are you...”
I can't finish the second question. The implications are world shattering. He seems content to leave me to stew in my anticipation. Finally, she sighs and speaks again.
“Maybe? Crazier things have happened.”
Her answer nearly knocks me off my seat. My reaction is more obvious than I intended, as she laughs warmly and waves her hand to signal she is still speaking.
“I don't know exactly who I am. I guess I've forgotten. It's been a very long time.”
I swallow hard and let the question I had to ask loose.
“Are you God? Or is this just my sub-conscious? Or is this something else entirely?”
A frank expression takes over his gentle face. He leans back against the fence, mirroring my position from when I first arrived.
“Is there any difference between the three? If there was no man and his sub-conscious, would there be a God? Or did God create the sub-conscious to give man guidance? I think you are looking for different words to describe the same thing.”
I grapple with this answer for what feels like hours. All the while he sits there in complete silence and stillness, as if to give me time to understand his statement. Patience is clearly not lacking in my companion. The breeze washes over me, as if to remind me where I am. I guess I still have more questions I want answered.
“So, you mentioned you walked to talk to me about something?”
His eyes light up, and he sits forward again.
“Yes! Yes that was right! But I have to confess, it's more for personal reasons for your own benefit.”
This is becoming a trend, these answers that I don't see coming. I have heard of people speaking to God in visions or dreams, but it has always been to pass down some decree or revelation. How could God need to talk to me? Could this really be him? Or is this just my mind playing games with me?
“I'm sorry, you need to speak to me for personal reasons? What does that mean? ...and why me?”
She chuckles at my obvious desperation for answers.
“Don't think about it too hard. You'll be able to put it together if you're ready. As for why you, don't get caught up in it. It's not because you're special or unique, though that's not to say you're not both of those things either. I have this talk with everyone at some point, sometimes a lot of times. It depends on where you allow the boundary of your self to end. Some people hold onto it a lot longer than one lifetime.”
My mind is racing with this information, but she does not wait to allow me to process her statement this time. Instead he jumps right into her conversation matter.
“I've been thinking a lot on the best way to communicate this...”
She reaches down and pulls a simple daisy from near her feet.
“Beautiful, in a base kind of way, isn't it? There's no depth to a flower, but there's also nothing to distract you from its finer qualities.”
She brings it close to her nose and inhales deeply, letting a soft, content sigh slip after.
“Can you imagine what it would be like to speak to a flower? What kinds of things would they have to say? What would you want to say to them? How would you explain who, and what, you were?”
I sit and think on this for a moment, and reply.
“Well, I think I see where you're going with this. Something as complex as us couldn't really be understood by something so small; we're too different. I don't mean to imply that would make us better than them, just... well I guess the word I'd use is incompatible.”
As I end my thought, I notice him nodding his head slightly. The movements are so small they are almost undetectable.
“Consider also they might not need to understand you, so as long as they know you exist. Then what happens when they start to accept you as a part of their world? Do you try to protect all of them, knowing it can't be done? Do you spread pesticides to protect them, knowing the poison could kill them as well? Do you withdraw entirely instead to let them be strong on their own? Or, do you stay behind the curtain, and only subtly impact in the places it really counts?”
His words come faster and faster as the questions roll forward. I think I catch a glimmer of pain in his eye, but it quickly is lost in my thoughts. These questions take more consideration than the last, but I am still able to return a fairly quick answer.
“Personally, I don't think I could watch them suffer and not step in. But I also don't want them to think they need me to survive and be happy. I also find myself wondering if my actions would necessarily be the most beneficial thing for them. It could just as easily be true that no action at all is the best in the long run.”
I look to him for a reaction, but his face is blank. He sets the daisy down between us and pushes to his feet. He casually leans back against the fence with his eyes on the sky.
“That's right, you can't know for sure. But once you've taken action, no matter how small, you have a stake in their future. You can't help but feel responsible for their fates.”
Her voice trails off as he ends, ending almost in a whisper. She sits back down, and turns her gaze towards the far stretching field. After a deep sigh, she speaks to me again.
“And then...what if you were completely alone? What if every other intelligent being in your world was gone, and all you had left were these microscopic beings with no means of truly understanding you? Then could you take no action? Could you leave them to their own devices and spend your time in complete solitude? Is it selfish to include yourself in a world that you know you don't belong to?”
His questions burn holes in my mind. I can feel myself of the cusp of an understanding but can't quite find the footing for that last step. I start to speak several times, but can never get past the first few words. Seeing my struggle, he speaks again.
“So, then, how would you live with yourself? Could you ever feel fulfilled? Or would it only be bitter, being a god among dust?”
He turns away from me as he finishes his question. I open my mouth to speak but no words will come. I look out over the flowing green hills around us and watch the breeze carve gentle waves in the grass. I watch the titanic clouds slowly crawl their way across the sky. They're so imposing, but so gentle I cannot help but feel at peace watching them. I breathe it all in. In a spark of clarity, the words arrive.
“I guess... I guess I do know what I'd do. To me it wouldn't be so important to govern or rule over them, but instead to help them grow. It wouldn't be easy, and in fact it would probably take longer than I have to live, but it would give me a goal. I would strive to make them into peers instead of subjects. Maybe, then I wouldn't feel so alone.”
When I turn back to see his reaction, only the wooden fence remained to greet me. The breeze nudges the daisy she had set between us. I reach out and pick it up. Basic beauty, what a novel concept. I draw it in close and breathe deeply. As I lower it, I start to feel the lucidity slipping away. The sway of the grass slows, and eventually stops entirely. The once never ending fence suddenly is just the one segment I am seated on. It feels as though I am falling asleep, but how could that be? Isn't this just a dream?
“Relaxing, isn't it?”
The plainness of the statement catches me as off guard as the voice itself. I whip my head to the right to find another person seated just a few feet away from me. It is difficult to describe what I see. It's certainly a person, but whenever I try to focus on any feature it changes. One moment he's a male, the next she's female. Dressed well then in rags. Even when I try to single out any particular trait and understand it, somehow my mind slips and I fumble. There's a fluidity to it that seems to pass right through me. The one thing I find is unchanging is his smile. He seems to pick up on my shock, and speaks again.
“I come here sometimes to relax. You know, just get away from it all for a while. You know how heavy it can get sometimes.
He stares off into the distance, his smile fading away to a trace of its former self. It feels like the smile was much more for my sake than anything else. I finally gather myself enough to speak.
“Where are we?”
It was not even a drop in the ocean of the questions I was burning to ask, but it was about all I could muster given the situation. The smile slips from his face entirely.
“You already know that, don't you.”
My heart starts pounding in my chest and I can feel a cold sweat break out on my brow. I try to hide my growing sense of panic, but am struggling to keep it under control. He turns to face me with a genuine smile, and I feel my concerns dissipate under it's glow.
“Relax, it's not that. I just wanted to speak with you for a moment.”
His words draw a sigh of relief from me, but I still can feel some lingering apprehension in my stomach. He seems sure I know where we are, but I have never seen this place in my life. Like an air bubble breaking for the surface, a new questions boils to the top of my mind.
“...who are you? ...are you...”
I can't finish the second question. The implications are world shattering. He seems content to leave me to stew in my anticipation. Finally, she sighs and speaks again.
“Maybe? Crazier things have happened.”
Her answer nearly knocks me off my seat. My reaction is more obvious than I intended, as she laughs warmly and waves her hand to signal she is still speaking.
“I don't know exactly who I am. I guess I've forgotten. It's been a very long time.”
I swallow hard and let the question I had to ask loose.
“Are you God? Or is this just my sub-conscious? Or is this something else entirely?”
A frank expression takes over his gentle face. He leans back against the fence, mirroring my position from when I first arrived.
“Is there any difference between the three? If there was no man and his sub-conscious, would there be a God? Or did God create the sub-conscious to give man guidance? I think you are looking for different words to describe the same thing.”
I grapple with this answer for what feels like hours. All the while he sits there in complete silence and stillness, as if to give me time to understand his statement. Patience is clearly not lacking in my companion. The breeze washes over me, as if to remind me where I am. I guess I still have more questions I want answered.
“So, you mentioned you walked to talk to me about something?”
His eyes light up, and he sits forward again.
“Yes! Yes that was right! But I have to confess, it's more for personal reasons for your own benefit.”
This is becoming a trend, these answers that I don't see coming. I have heard of people speaking to God in visions or dreams, but it has always been to pass down some decree or revelation. How could God need to talk to me? Could this really be him? Or is this just my mind playing games with me?
“I'm sorry, you need to speak to me for personal reasons? What does that mean? ...and why me?”
She chuckles at my obvious desperation for answers.
“Don't think about it too hard. You'll be able to put it together if you're ready. As for why you, don't get caught up in it. It's not because you're special or unique, though that's not to say you're not both of those things either. I have this talk with everyone at some point, sometimes a lot of times. It depends on where you allow the boundary of your self to end. Some people hold onto it a lot longer than one lifetime.”
My mind is racing with this information, but she does not wait to allow me to process her statement this time. Instead he jumps right into her conversation matter.
“I've been thinking a lot on the best way to communicate this...”
She reaches down and pulls a simple daisy from near her feet.
“Beautiful, in a base kind of way, isn't it? There's no depth to a flower, but there's also nothing to distract you from its finer qualities.”
She brings it close to her nose and inhales deeply, letting a soft, content sigh slip after.
“Can you imagine what it would be like to speak to a flower? What kinds of things would they have to say? What would you want to say to them? How would you explain who, and what, you were?”
I sit and think on this for a moment, and reply.
“Well, I think I see where you're going with this. Something as complex as us couldn't really be understood by something so small; we're too different. I don't mean to imply that would make us better than them, just... well I guess the word I'd use is incompatible.”
As I end my thought, I notice him nodding his head slightly. The movements are so small they are almost undetectable.
“Consider also they might not need to understand you, so as long as they know you exist. Then what happens when they start to accept you as a part of their world? Do you try to protect all of them, knowing it can't be done? Do you spread pesticides to protect them, knowing the poison could kill them as well? Do you withdraw entirely instead to let them be strong on their own? Or, do you stay behind the curtain, and only subtly impact in the places it really counts?”
His words come faster and faster as the questions roll forward. I think I catch a glimmer of pain in his eye, but it quickly is lost in my thoughts. These questions take more consideration than the last, but I am still able to return a fairly quick answer.
“Personally, I don't think I could watch them suffer and not step in. But I also don't want them to think they need me to survive and be happy. I also find myself wondering if my actions would necessarily be the most beneficial thing for them. It could just as easily be true that no action at all is the best in the long run.”
I look to him for a reaction, but his face is blank. He sets the daisy down between us and pushes to his feet. He casually leans back against the fence with his eyes on the sky.
“That's right, you can't know for sure. But once you've taken action, no matter how small, you have a stake in their future. You can't help but feel responsible for their fates.”
Her voice trails off as he ends, ending almost in a whisper. She sits back down, and turns her gaze towards the far stretching field. After a deep sigh, she speaks to me again.
“And then...what if you were completely alone? What if every other intelligent being in your world was gone, and all you had left were these microscopic beings with no means of truly understanding you? Then could you take no action? Could you leave them to their own devices and spend your time in complete solitude? Is it selfish to include yourself in a world that you know you don't belong to?”
His questions burn holes in my mind. I can feel myself of the cusp of an understanding but can't quite find the footing for that last step. I start to speak several times, but can never get past the first few words. Seeing my struggle, he speaks again.
“So, then, how would you live with yourself? Could you ever feel fulfilled? Or would it only be bitter, being a god among dust?”
He turns away from me as he finishes his question. I open my mouth to speak but no words will come. I look out over the flowing green hills around us and watch the breeze carve gentle waves in the grass. I watch the titanic clouds slowly crawl their way across the sky. They're so imposing, but so gentle I cannot help but feel at peace watching them. I breathe it all in. In a spark of clarity, the words arrive.
“I guess... I guess I do know what I'd do. To me it wouldn't be so important to govern or rule over them, but instead to help them grow. It wouldn't be easy, and in fact it would probably take longer than I have to live, but it would give me a goal. I would strive to make them into peers instead of subjects. Maybe, then I wouldn't feel so alone.”
When I turn back to see his reaction, only the wooden fence remained to greet me. The breeze nudges the daisy she had set between us. I reach out and pick it up. Basic beauty, what a novel concept. I draw it in close and breathe deeply. As I lower it, I start to feel the lucidity slipping away. The sway of the grass slows, and eventually stops entirely. The once never ending fence suddenly is just the one segment I am seated on. It feels as though I am falling asleep, but how could that be? Isn't this just a dream?
Please read it over if you get the chance and let me know what you think! One thing I'm worried about is how often I switch gender for the second character, and if that makes the story a bit more organic or is just confusing. I'm also only pretty sure I've been consistent with the changes, so if you spot an odd 'him' when it should be 'her' let me know too =p
