I confessed out of being ****** off at being so pathetic and constantly having her in my thoughts. That and I didn't want to live life with regrets, so I don't want to live life with a lot of what ifs, so I just told her and it more or less left us as normal before I pretty much drifted apart from everyone in high school - I've always held people at arm's length.
The thing about me is that rage drives me, so if you get me angry enough, but not in a violent anger, then I can pretty much drive through anything. That said, violent anger scares me because I have a feeling or I know that I'm not the sort who barks when they're angry; I'm probably going to start biting back. Road rage, whoo, I've had a ton of murderous thoughts of wanting to ram someone, drag them out, and start beating the hell out of them. Good thing I never went through with any of that and kept my anger in check.
The more I think about myself, the more I think I'm more or less a sociopath. I don't get scared easily unless it deals with fish and if I do get scared, it's like a jump and go time. I'm calm under fire even if my body's freaking out which it usually is nowadays for whatever stupid reason that a therapist said is like generalized anxiety disorder. I might end up being the guy at a shooting and instead of running, I might end up trying to find a way to kill or disable them. Not a good thing since veterans and the police would try to find a way to resolve the situation peacefully and I might end up being the real murderer if that happens...
This doesn't help that I find solitude as just another part of life. It's not scary nor is it bothersome; it's just there. So, maybe in a couple of years, I'll be in jail because I'm a suspicious, anti-social introvert or something else.