Guzzler Guzzler
Melee Elitist
Louisiana Power Rank
August 2014
10. Shu
HIGH: 10
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: 5th place Summercon 2014, name sounds like "Sushi".
In tenth place on the inaugural Louisiana Power Rank we have Shu. Shu is a smasher currently at LSU with diverse backgrounds and is made in China like his controller.
Over the past year he has proven himself as a threat, commonly placing top 10 at each tournament he attends. His most impressive placing yet was 5th place at Summercon, where he went on a rampage through losers, taking out Citrus, Ragnarock and Zone before falling to Rice.
Although he hasn't attended that many tourneys he is planning on having a higher attendance rate in the coming months, so this is definitely a slot to watch.
9. DrinkingFood
HIGH: 09
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Plays ROB to give everyone else a chance, wins anyway.
DrinkingFood takes the ninth place slot. Although he does not place nearly well in melee, his recent dominance of the PM scene stealing victories versus players like Denti and Sethlon is not to be ignored.
Additionally he does all of this playing a ****ty character and managed to ROB both Indy and Jnig to place 2nd at the recent LAGG tourney. Seeing as how DF is the foremost authority on ROB and he says ROB is bad, it must be true. ROB, as he claims, is not really viable as he only has four jumps and two up B's, the ability to airdash in any direction and a chaingrab on the entire roster of Project Mettle.
He is known by his peers as the "PM Prophet" for guiding Louisiana into the enlightening knowledge that we suck at PM. In fact, he guides Louisiana to this knowledge as much as six times in one day. He also attended Louisiana Scholars College.
However contrary to what he may believe, drinking food is not actually all that difficult as hospital patients do that all the time.
8. V01D
HIGH: 08
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: 2nd place LAGG, 2-0 Armada at Game Guys Intergalactic Kegger
In eighth place we have V01D aka Tim aka Fox McCloud. Having been described as "the stupidest smart person ever" and "his fingers make no sense". A highly technical player who once multishined 35 times in a row,
One of the members of the Ranking Committee once faced him in tournament and it turned out that V01D had no idea how to stage strike. "Oh wow," he recalls thinking, "this guy is so free."
The following matches were not allowed to be uploaded to the internet, recorded in any way, or even thought about for too long since they violated the protocols of the Geneva Convention.
While we would like to place V01D higher, his uncanny spider sense which allows him to drop out of tournaments midway to go home and smoke instead keeps him from earning a better slot.
7. Dope
HIGH: 07
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Consistent top finisher in Louisiana tournaments, types like a 9-year old girl. Never takes off his sunglasses and sleeps with a bottle of jack.
6. TaylorHJ
HIGH: 06
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Got wobbled and lost to a girl, has a nice beard.
Many of you may be confused at this point. I understand your confusion as it may be surprising to you that a relative nobody is this high up the rankings.
TaylorHJ, a relatively unknown grumpster who puts too much salt in his food at the Chimes, which is overpriced, is actually the focal point of every argument ever had in Louisiana Smash history.
Once he was carried in a doubles tournament by Arc, from the self-proclaimed Best State in the World, Texas. Also he only wins because he plays Marth and Marth is a cheap character who gets free combos.
He has been called by very reputable sources "an arrogant and stuck up asshole", "literally hitler lel" and "**** you chimes man".
You know, now that I write all of this I dunno why he's on here either...
5. Lee Martin
HIGH: 05
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Teamed with M2K in doubles at APEX 2014, one of the best Smash players out of Louisiana ever. Great guy.
Summercon 2014:
- 2nd place N64 singles
- 2nd place Brawl singles
- 4th place PM singles
- 5th place Melee singles
- 2nd place Melee doubles
The People's Tournament:
- 2nd place PM singles
- 1st place PM doubles
- 2nd place Melee singles
- 1st place Melee doubles
LAGG:
- 1st place PM singles
- 2nd place Melee doubles
- 1st place Melee singles
RofL 2:
- 1st place PM singles
- 1st place PM doubles
- 3rd place Melee doubles
- 1st place Melee singles
I think the results speak for themselves.
4. Steven Li
HIGH: 04
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Once had sex with Jesus.
Have you ever had an existential crisis where you questioned what you were doing with your life? Steven had one of those once four years into a pure math degree. Then he decided to become an actuary and passed six difficult exams in the space of three months. On average it takes people three months to prepare per exam.
Steven has also had many revelations that make him essentially a modern day Buddha. The ideal job is to be a government employee, preferably a janitor for example.
Steven also invented the “Steven combo”, which is grab (no throw) and pummel into regrab when they mash out. Steven truly doesn't afraid of anything.
He also revolutionized the Sheik metagame, being the first Sheik player to ever press down-B and not regret his decision, as well as actually utilizing the side special while shouting, “MY ****!”
3. Turazrok
HIGH: 03
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Nicknamed "The Father of Fox, Falco, Peach, Captain Falcon, Marth, Ice Climbers, Bowser, Game and Watch, and basically everyone ever."
Turazrok is the pioneer of tech skill for Louisiana smash. Legends say that he was so technical that he was capable of multishining and eating a sandwich at the same time.
In fact before he brought smash here everyone was still living in small huts on the bayou lit only by swamp gas. Fortunately he saved us from ignorance and lives of depending only on the c-stick and rolling.
Amazingly he does not have a losing record against anyone in the smash community. He boasts a fearsome reputation, with a flawless tournament record against Shu, never having lost a finals set to either Lee or Taylor, defeating everyone at the Cove with his Game and Watch, and an undefeated record against the likes of Armada, PPMD, and Harry Potter.
And he doesn't even practice!
It is commonly agreed that Turazrok would win every tournament ever if only he did not get bracket ****ed.
2. Team Ryan Cornier | Arcadian "Curlz" Jared
HIGH: 02
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Respected TO, huge generosity. Inventor of the "90 minute DQ" rule.
Curlz is a highly controversial figurehead on the Louisiana smash community. People are often split on whether he is a great guy who just thinks Brawl is a better game than Melee, or an idiot. However the fact is that Curlz has changed the way humanity thinks about issues. For example, his opinion is proof that opinions can, in fact, be wrong. His ego has been known to affect the tides resulting in all ******* near him to be very wet all the time.
When he isn't busy being a beast he is kind enough to spend his time donating to several individual player charities through a process more commonly known as money matching or allegedly burning CDs with his mind.
1. Nathaniel Fountaine
HIGH: 01
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Has a stage in the game named after him, goes to private school.
Nathaniel's home lies on the Fountaine of Dreams. He is unsurprisingly number 1 on the power rank, having extensively developed the Donkey Kong metagame
Extremely brave, he was once awarded the Metal Medal of Mettle by president Richard Nixon who is not a crook and Seal Team Six. Nathaniel is infamous for putting people in their place on the Louisiana Smash Facebook page and showing no regard for grammar, or online etiquette. Frequently sings songs to Siri and sends them to random people on Facebook at 3 AM in the morning and claims to have spent an entire week without sleeping.
Close But No Cigar:
Southballz - Southballz is an up and coming Captain Falcon player from the heart of Government Street. Calls everyone dog since he listens to black people music despite the fact that he is white and attended Catholic school. He is renowned in Baton Rouge for his technical knowledge of the game, having memorized the frame data and studied carefully optimized and perfect punishes.
Oftentimes you can see him practicing his patented frame perfect ledgedash multishine into sticky moonwalk misfire instant triple reverse shield dropped autocancel rising falcon punch PC Chris ledgehog recovery.
However until he perfects this technique, the committee doesn't believe that he will be able to join his peers on the Power Rank.
Brzz - Brzz is a modern day black Naruto. He has been training his Sammy a long time by purifying it in the waters of Lake Minnetonka in his quest to become the Hokage. Unfortunately he has faced many obstacles and is constantly defeated by circumstances out of his control such as the sun being in his eyes, his controller being in the wrong port, his Marth being the wrong color, and being cursed by Lil B.
Despite this he is highly reputed and well-respected amongst top Louisiana players, especially by TaylorHJ for his solid fundamentals and ability to constantly crouch cancel, and is known by everyone for his habit of making sound effects for the game while he plays.
oftentimes you can find him in his natural habitat, challenging people to money matches and donating all proceeds to the foundation of dashizwiz's girlfriend. He is also related to everyone in the Louisiana Smash community, being either their brother or their father.
TRC | Arcadian Owl - Nominated for "fastest fingers in the West" by chillindude829 who he 4stocked in a money match, also made Hax cry once. A very wise smasher who is known to play mostly at night and sleep during the day. Rumors say that he is capable of turning his head 270 degrees, but we have yet to see him replicate his success in Louisiana.
Rankings were determined by a committee consisting of the butt pirate and asdf
August 2014
10. Shu
HIGH: 10
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: 5th place Summercon 2014, name sounds like "Sushi".
In tenth place on the inaugural Louisiana Power Rank we have Shu. Shu is a smasher currently at LSU with diverse backgrounds and is made in China like his controller.
Over the past year he has proven himself as a threat, commonly placing top 10 at each tournament he attends. His most impressive placing yet was 5th place at Summercon, where he went on a rampage through losers, taking out Citrus, Ragnarock and Zone before falling to Rice.
Although he hasn't attended that many tourneys he is planning on having a higher attendance rate in the coming months, so this is definitely a slot to watch.
9. DrinkingFood
HIGH: 09
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Plays ROB to give everyone else a chance, wins anyway.
DrinkingFood takes the ninth place slot. Although he does not place nearly well in melee, his recent dominance of the PM scene stealing victories versus players like Denti and Sethlon is not to be ignored.
Additionally he does all of this playing a ****ty character and managed to ROB both Indy and Jnig to place 2nd at the recent LAGG tourney. Seeing as how DF is the foremost authority on ROB and he says ROB is bad, it must be true. ROB, as he claims, is not really viable as he only has four jumps and two up B's, the ability to airdash in any direction and a chaingrab on the entire roster of Project Mettle.
He is known by his peers as the "PM Prophet" for guiding Louisiana into the enlightening knowledge that we suck at PM. In fact, he guides Louisiana to this knowledge as much as six times in one day. He also attended Louisiana Scholars College.
However contrary to what he may believe, drinking food is not actually all that difficult as hospital patients do that all the time.
8. V01D
HIGH: 08
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: 2nd place LAGG, 2-0 Armada at Game Guys Intergalactic Kegger
In eighth place we have V01D aka Tim aka Fox McCloud. Having been described as "the stupidest smart person ever" and "his fingers make no sense". A highly technical player who once multishined 35 times in a row,
One of the members of the Ranking Committee once faced him in tournament and it turned out that V01D had no idea how to stage strike. "Oh wow," he recalls thinking, "this guy is so free."
The following matches were not allowed to be uploaded to the internet, recorded in any way, or even thought about for too long since they violated the protocols of the Geneva Convention.
While we would like to place V01D higher, his uncanny spider sense which allows him to drop out of tournaments midway to go home and smoke instead keeps him from earning a better slot.
7. Dope
HIGH: 07
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Consistent top finisher in Louisiana tournaments, types like a 9-year old girl. Never takes off his sunglasses and sleeps with a bottle of jack.
6. TaylorHJ
HIGH: 06
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Got wobbled and lost to a girl, has a nice beard.
Many of you may be confused at this point. I understand your confusion as it may be surprising to you that a relative nobody is this high up the rankings.
TaylorHJ, a relatively unknown grumpster who puts too much salt in his food at the Chimes, which is overpriced, is actually the focal point of every argument ever had in Louisiana Smash history.
Once he was carried in a doubles tournament by Arc, from the self-proclaimed Best State in the World, Texas. Also he only wins because he plays Marth and Marth is a cheap character who gets free combos.
He has been called by very reputable sources "an arrogant and stuck up asshole", "literally hitler lel" and "**** you chimes man".
You know, now that I write all of this I dunno why he's on here either...
5. Lee Martin
HIGH: 05
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Teamed with M2K in doubles at APEX 2014, one of the best Smash players out of Louisiana ever. Great guy.
Summercon 2014:
- 2nd place N64 singles
- 2nd place Brawl singles
- 4th place PM singles
- 5th place Melee singles
- 2nd place Melee doubles
The People's Tournament:
- 2nd place PM singles
- 1st place PM doubles
- 2nd place Melee singles
- 1st place Melee doubles
LAGG:
- 1st place PM singles
- 2nd place Melee doubles
- 1st place Melee singles
RofL 2:
- 1st place PM singles
- 1st place PM doubles
- 3rd place Melee doubles
- 1st place Melee singles
I think the results speak for themselves.
4. Steven Li
HIGH: 04
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Once had sex with Jesus.
Have you ever had an existential crisis where you questioned what you were doing with your life? Steven had one of those once four years into a pure math degree. Then he decided to become an actuary and passed six difficult exams in the space of three months. On average it takes people three months to prepare per exam.
Steven has also had many revelations that make him essentially a modern day Buddha. The ideal job is to be a government employee, preferably a janitor for example.
Steven also invented the “Steven combo”, which is grab (no throw) and pummel into regrab when they mash out. Steven truly doesn't afraid of anything.
He also revolutionized the Sheik metagame, being the first Sheik player to ever press down-B and not regret his decision, as well as actually utilizing the side special while shouting, “MY ****!”
3. Turazrok
HIGH: 03
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Nicknamed "The Father of Fox, Falco, Peach, Captain Falcon, Marth, Ice Climbers, Bowser, Game and Watch, and basically everyone ever."
Turazrok is the pioneer of tech skill for Louisiana smash. Legends say that he was so technical that he was capable of multishining and eating a sandwich at the same time.
In fact before he brought smash here everyone was still living in small huts on the bayou lit only by swamp gas. Fortunately he saved us from ignorance and lives of depending only on the c-stick and rolling.
Amazingly he does not have a losing record against anyone in the smash community. He boasts a fearsome reputation, with a flawless tournament record against Shu, never having lost a finals set to either Lee or Taylor, defeating everyone at the Cove with his Game and Watch, and an undefeated record against the likes of Armada, PPMD, and Harry Potter.
And he doesn't even practice!
It is commonly agreed that Turazrok would win every tournament ever if only he did not get bracket ****ed.
2. Team Ryan Cornier | Arcadian "Curlz" Jared
HIGH: 02
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Respected TO, huge generosity. Inventor of the "90 minute DQ" rule.
Curlz is a highly controversial figurehead on the Louisiana smash community. People are often split on whether he is a great guy who just thinks Brawl is a better game than Melee, or an idiot. However the fact is that Curlz has changed the way humanity thinks about issues. For example, his opinion is proof that opinions can, in fact, be wrong. His ego has been known to affect the tides resulting in all ******* near him to be very wet all the time.
When he isn't busy being a beast he is kind enough to spend his time donating to several individual player charities through a process more commonly known as money matching or allegedly burning CDs with his mind.
1. Nathaniel Fountaine
HIGH: 01
PREV: --
CHNG: --
Claim to Fame: Has a stage in the game named after him, goes to private school.
Nathaniel's home lies on the Fountaine of Dreams. He is unsurprisingly number 1 on the power rank, having extensively developed the Donkey Kong metagame
Extremely brave, he was once awarded the Metal Medal of Mettle by president Richard Nixon who is not a crook and Seal Team Six. Nathaniel is infamous for putting people in their place on the Louisiana Smash Facebook page and showing no regard for grammar, or online etiquette. Frequently sings songs to Siri and sends them to random people on Facebook at 3 AM in the morning and claims to have spent an entire week without sleeping.
Close But No Cigar:
Southballz - Southballz is an up and coming Captain Falcon player from the heart of Government Street. Calls everyone dog since he listens to black people music despite the fact that he is white and attended Catholic school. He is renowned in Baton Rouge for his technical knowledge of the game, having memorized the frame data and studied carefully optimized and perfect punishes.
Oftentimes you can see him practicing his patented frame perfect ledgedash multishine into sticky moonwalk misfire instant triple reverse shield dropped autocancel rising falcon punch PC Chris ledgehog recovery.
However until he perfects this technique, the committee doesn't believe that he will be able to join his peers on the Power Rank.
Brzz - Brzz is a modern day black Naruto. He has been training his Sammy a long time by purifying it in the waters of Lake Minnetonka in his quest to become the Hokage. Unfortunately he has faced many obstacles and is constantly defeated by circumstances out of his control such as the sun being in his eyes, his controller being in the wrong port, his Marth being the wrong color, and being cursed by Lil B.
Despite this he is highly reputed and well-respected amongst top Louisiana players, especially by TaylorHJ for his solid fundamentals and ability to constantly crouch cancel, and is known by everyone for his habit of making sound effects for the game while he plays.
oftentimes you can find him in his natural habitat, challenging people to money matches and donating all proceeds to the foundation of dashizwiz's girlfriend. He is also related to everyone in the Louisiana Smash community, being either their brother or their father.
TRC | Arcadian Owl - Nominated for "fastest fingers in the West" by chillindude829 who he 4stocked in a money match, also made Hax cry once. A very wise smasher who is known to play mostly at night and sleep during the day. Rumors say that he is capable of turning his head 270 degrees, but we have yet to see him replicate his success in Louisiana.
Rankings were determined by a committee consisting of the butt pirate and asdf
