GGs to everyone I played these last two weekends. Two back-to-back tourneys with 45 and 50-some entrants is godlike. Thanks a ton Chi, Lauren, Dark Hart, and Raphael for hosting two godlike tourneys.
I've been sitting on post 999 for almost 4 months now. Hundreds of people have PMed me asking if I'm OK, and what my thoughts on the latest YLYL post is. The truth is I have spent every free moment of the last 3 and a half months writing the perfect 1000th post, and I have finally found the perfect words. In honor of this momentous occasion, I offer my 1000th post in exactly 1000 words.
As you can see, I joined smashboards in 2005. I remember using the DC++ hub and getting my mind blown by Shined Blind. I am old. I'm a man of few words; In these 8 years, I have only seen fit to make 1000 posts. I only post when it is absolutely, positively necessary, like to say Brawl sucks.
For my 1000th post, I choose to offer my story and some of my valuable insights and reflections. I'm also announcing my new tag and my retirement from Melee. While I'll always be proud to be Emma Watson's future husband, she has politely asked me to retire the tag. She says someone over 25 should show a little more maturity. Therefore, I will go by my real name, Todd Bonney, from now on, until I change my mind. And since I have accomplished everything there is to accomplish in this game, it is with much consideration that I've decided to walk away from this wonderful game and explore other life opportunities. This will be my last post.
My first tournament was at CyberConxion in Pittsburgh in 2005. I was a Doc main at the time. It was at one of these CyberConxions that I achieved third place, and won a hat. This was the beginning of my relentless rise to the top. People came from out of state to view the hat and ask me about my incredible skill. I said to them "Look within, for the true hat is inside us all."
CyberConxion and the campus gaming club comprised my exposure to competitive Melee freshman year. We also played regularly on my dorm hall. In spring of '06, Super Smash Bros. Brawl was announced. There was much excitement in my dorm. I became less concerned with levelling up in Melee. I figured before too long we would all be switching to Melee 2, so why bother developing my skill at this old game? I underestimated Nintendo's inability to meet a deadline (3 delays pushing it back an extra year or something) and Sakurai's trolling. There were many great players in the region at the time. I regret not playing more Smash Bros. during this time. This is one reason I hate Brawl so much.
In '08, I returned to CMU after trying to get away after freshman year. I managed to get into the best dorm on campus. That fall, I was able to pull someone of my choosing in to the dorm. The best Smash player on campus expressed an interest, and we shacked up. He offered to level me up, but I didn't understand what was involved. Basically, I took instruction personally, and I caused him not to want to help me anymore. This was around the time I Killed Mufasa 2 came out, and I became a Falcon main. We were able to have regular sessions with just the two of us (but he was a Sheik main, and very good, so these sessions with my Falcon were very frustrating). Also, the campus gaming club guys shared a dorm which just happen to be right down the hall. So I could get my smash bros jollies just about any time I felt like it without going anywhere. My roommate told me about the weekly sessions at Duquesne a short bus ride away, but I didn't go. I was content just to occasionally get off with Falcon, and do things I saw in the videos. Again, my biggest regret is not playing more Smash Bros.
In '09 I returned to CMU one more time. My roommate had graduated, as had the gaming club guys. To find someone on whom I could get off with my Falcon, I had to expand my horizons. This is when I began attending the weeklies in earnest. I checked in on the legendary Pittsburgh Weeklies thread of the Love, and soon I was taking the 61C dahntahn every Friday. There were other people who played this game who were cool and very good. I saw what I had been missing.
In January of 2010 I knocked off the loafing and went to my first National--first big tourney of any kind, really--Pound 4. I won one set in my pool and took a stock off Lucky. I did some recording even. I saw all the people I had seen in videos. I had front row seats to the SilentSpectre-Armada set. It was great.
During spring break of that year, I returned to NC and played in my first new school NC tourney (I had been to a handful of NC things in '06 and '07) at the legendary Pause 'n Play. I forget my placing, but I'm pretty sure it was #1. I beat someone who will remain nameless badly enough that he threw his controller. It felt really good to get under his skin that bad; to be the unknown force that upset the balance. I offered a preview of the unstoppable Falcon main who was really tall and handsome who would return that fall and rise to the top of the power rankings.
I would come home from CMU for good in 2010, but not before one glorious summer. I had the frat house nearly entirely to myself, and hosted most of the weeklies. Taki would come over and we would play for days at a time. One time, we played Falcon dittoes for two days straight, the outcome of which was the world's greatest combo video, Two Weak Knees, whose flawless, sensational combos have yet to be matched by anyone.
In August of 2010, I began my dominant run in NC that continued until my retirement just now. Apex 2010 in suits. Tipped Off 6, crashing on Full Metal's floor. Pause 'N Play. Getting in the Green (RIP). Pound 5. Apex 2012. NC State tourneys. Cam n Moses' house. Ruining ROM5. UNCC. Jonny's house. Geeksboro.
I apologize for a couple of character flaws I have exhibited in my time with you. I have spent so much time focused on playing the game that I didn't take the time to actually be a friend to you all. I treated you as means and not as ends. My reasoning was "There are so few people who play Smash Bros. I only get to play once a week, maybe. In that time, I just want to play as much as possible. I can be friends with other people the other 6 days a week." I'm only recently coming out of this. I still like to play Smash a lot; I'll usually be the last one standing at any given smashfest. But I have expanded my interests into having fun and not being uptight.
My advice to anyone who wants to become a godlike, power-ranked player like me is to choose Falcon. All other characters suck. That's why you don't see any other characters in my combo videos. Falcon is literally the only character in this game.
I want to close by saying I am coming out of retirement! No one ever realy retires. In the few moments I was retired since you started reading this, I had time to reflect on what is truly important. Melee is like golf to me. I'll always play and watch the pros, and I'll try to find time to get away from my hot wife, Emma Watson Bonney, and our sexy children to play with my friends, until the world has run out of functioning CRTs.
Also, please take a moment to check your Super Smash Bros. Melee discs. I lost mine before my time in Virginia. You'll know it's mine because it has "JBB" written on it (it was like that I bought it).
