The Invincible Suit (Cancelled. - 12/28) - Could a mod please close this? Thank you.

[Jazzy Jinx]

I have decided to close this. I need to rework my style and get "flowing" down better. So I will make another thread with my revised versions in the near future. I decided to go with a Ch. X Part X format for the thread version so I can get better reviews. Don't worry, I'll be working hard to improve. Until I post the new thread, have a nice day.

 

[demoncaterpie]

I know you don't want me to critique you on grammar and stuff, but still check it over. It's kind of a big deal.

The story itself is pretty interesting. You have modern topics joined together with a cool story. I can't wait to hear more about the crocodiles, how they were created, and what this ultimate power could be.

It all comes down to character now. But, judging from your confidence, that shouldn't be a problem.

 

[Zook]

This message has been deleted

del b m

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

Yeah, I will reveal the whole plot gradually. Remember, this is from a book and most books don't give the plot up front. Oh, and thanks demoncaterpie, I'll try to fix the grammar when I get the chance. Don't expect it to change right now though because I am doing a few things right now. I'll probably get to it tommorrow.

Edit: Oh, I forgot to mention. This is going to be a very complicated story. I mean really complicated. You guys will probably start complaining that it is too confusing but I assure you that if you pay close enough attention, it will make sense. Just remember to expect complicated things and unique (nice word for weird) names. If you want to know why I give my characters weird names then PM me.

Edit 2: New Excerpt!

 

[demoncaterpie]

Sounds good to me. I'm one of those guys that likes complicated stories anyway.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

I don't have any copyrights so I don't know if someone can just steal my ideas like nothing. I have been working on my storylines and character developmets since I was six-years-old and I want to make sure that nobody will steal my ideas until I am completely ensured. It isn't that I don't trust you guys or anything but I want to make for a 100% fact that my 9 years of work weren't for nothing. I hope you guys understand. When I publish my first book, I'll post excerpts and see what you guys think of my writing skill. Trust me, the book writing is alot more skillfully done then my regular writing. I am actually done with my first chapter. If someone posts a link to a site that specifies if my writing is safe without copyrights, I'll post an excerpt of that chapter. Trust me, it's at least well done. By that I mean it is more descriptive and contains clearer story elements. I really want to post that chapter but I also don't want to risk it. Too bad I can't make this a private thread or something...

 

[demoncaterpie]

I wouldn't worry about stealing ideas. If someone does, consider it a compliment. Someone thinks that your writing is so good that they want to steal it.

If you said that you had the ideas since you were six years old, then I'm really interested in seeing what they are. I guarantee that you'll get more support then plagarism if you post your story here (besides, were all pretty lazy and will probably never publish anything anyway ).

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

I'll give it some thought. I can't post it until Friday because I saved it on my grandparents' computer not the one I am on right now. The title of the book is "The Invincible Suit" by the way. I could probably finish it within 3 months if I could type in it everyday. That's not to say it is short but I do get into typing it when I start, typing for 3-4 hours at a time. Can someone tell me what I need so I can save my work from my grandparents' house and bring it to my mother's house? Like a blank disk or something? Specifically.

Edit: Actually, I remember printing the first chapter out to show my mom. I could type it up again and save it on this computer but that would take a long time. If you guys want to see it then tell me and I may just type it up anyway...

 

[Scav]

The funny thing about people concerned about copyright, is that they never know how it works.

You don't "wait for" copyright.

YOU ALREADY HAVE IT.

Copyright is this mysterious thing that "springs" into existance the moment you create something in a "persistant form." It can get complicated, but for the most part, copyright is created automatically upon creation. It requires contracts in order to give copyright to someone else (for instance, a corporation), but for your writing, it already exists.

It used to be that people thought you had to put the little C dealy thingee, but that's not even necessary. Copyright isn't something you "claim."

If you want me to cite case law, I will. But it's not worth it. As I said, people that are concerned about copyright really only show their lack of research on the subject, and if they won't put in the work to at least *read* about it before getting up-at-arms, then I'm not terribly excited about seeing their writing.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

The funny thing about people concerned about copyright, is that they never know how it works.

You don't "wait for" copyright.

YOU ALREADY HAVE IT.

Copyright is this mysterious thing that "springs" into existance the moment you create something in a "persistant form." It can get complicated, but for the most part, copyright is created automatically upon creation. It requires contracts in order to give copyright to someone else (for instance, a corporation), but for your writing, it already exists.

It used to be that people thought you had to put the little C dealy thingee, but that's not even necessary. Copyright isn't something you "claim."

If you want me to cite case law, I will. But it's not worth it. As I said, people that are concerned about copyright really only show their lack of research on the subject, and if they won't put in the work to at least *read* about it before getting up-at-arms, then I'm not terribly excited about seeing their writing.

I see. That's the thing, I only worry about my writing and the writing alone, I never looked up any copyrights. I never get a clear-cut description of it anyway... Although you were kinda harsh. My writing skill shouldn't be measured by my knowledge on copyrights, this is my first book after all. But I guess you are allowed the benifit of the doubt since it was kinda stupid of me not to look into it after 9+ years of writing... I just want you to know that I put alot of effort into my book and I would never just throw a bunch of random words down on paper.

Edit: It has been decided, I will post excerpts from my book in this thread. This Friday I will have Ch.1 up. Thank you Scav, Evil Eye, and Redcell for explaining copyrights to me.

Edit 2: I want you guys to be brutally honest about my work on this story. I want to make sure that people enjoy it before I actually publish it. If you can offer advice on any areas what-so-ever, don't hesitate to criticize. Thank you.

 

[demoncaterpie]

How old are you?

Seriously, this is really good. I can tell that you put a lot of effort into this. Like you said, it is straight forward, but that's because it is an introduction.

I think it would be a little more interesting if all of this forward stuff could be gradually explained through the book. Having characters talk about this stuff as opposed to such a blunt description might make your story more interesting. Like in The Lord of the Rings, I believe.

You have a lot of story to tell, but saying so much at once might give some readers an information meltdown. A more gradual progression might make this work better.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

How old are you?

Seriously, this is really good. I can tell that you put a lot of effort into this. Like you said, it is straight forward, but that's because it is an introduction.

I think it would be a little more interesting if all of this forward stuff could be gradually explained through the book. Having characters talk about this stuff as opposed to such a blunt description might make your story more interesting. Like in The Lord of the Rings, I believe.

You have a lot of story to tell, but saying so much at once might give some readers an information meltdown. A more gradual progression might make this work better.

I was just explaining the setting. This is a very long series of books and each book contains around 40-50 chapters of info. The plot line doesn't really revolve around the foreword ironically, however.

Spoiler

In fact, I won't get into the war until about Book 3.

My storylines are very difficult to explain. It contains multiple plots and a "greater" plot over the "current" plot of the book itself. You might be asking yourself, who has the patience to do that? Actually, all I did was thread together all my ideas and connect them in the best most sensible way I could think of. What I am saying will be alot clearer when I post the first chapter. I'm 15 by the way. I hope you will stay and read my story as I post updates.

Edit: Oh, and I will gradually progress this story. I try to write it in a way that it isn't too difficult to understand. However, it is crucial that you pay attention due to the complicated storylines. Every character that isn't minor usually get their own backstory and development processes. Over the course of the story, they might encounter a scene that will make them remember an event in their life. This becomes apparent in the very first chapter actually. This particular book has a dual plot line. So, there are two main characters. The first main character is Ron and the second main character is Ski. Ski will become the "overall" main character. In every book, I may have more then one main character but Ski will always be at least one of those mains.

Edit 2: By the way, would anyone like to share their work with me? I would like to read some of your stuff. I would be really interested in reading either of your works, Scav and demoncaterpie.

 

[demoncaterpie]

15? Jesus! I used to think I was young (17) until you came along.

It seems like you've got everything taken care of. I actually have a similar epic story that I've been working on for about three years (that I've never posted, mainly because of its size). It's actually a story outline for a video games that me and a friend of mine have been working on (I write the story, he does the battle system).

I think you'd understand what I'm trying to do with it. I'll PM you later. For other of my works, check out The Autobiography of Randolph Issac Putrid on the WWYP, and I could send you this Fan-fic I did a while back.

I see a bright future for you Uncle Kenny. Keep this kind of enthusiasm up and you'll be famous for sure.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

Thanks for the kind words. It took a long time for me to get my writing skill up to its current level. There were several times I thought about quiting, esp. when I found out how impossible it was to become well-known, but I pushed it out of my head and decided to just go for it. I can't wait to read some of your work.

Edit: I have to post the first chapter of my story tomorrow since I am not going to my grandparents' house today. However, I need to proofread and revise it anyway. I forgot to put it in paragraph form and I may need to fix a few grammar errors here and there as well as elaborate a little more in some areas. Don't worry, it should only take until around tomorrow evening to get it up. At the latest it will be on Sunday. By the way, I counted and I have 54 paragraphs in the first chapter. When you look at this chapter make sure you have alot of time to kill.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

Cancelled. Writing books are still a pain in the a** though.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

Cancelled.

 

[tmw_redcell]

I'll bet more people will read this if you add more line breaks. Every time a new person speaks, it should be a new paragraph, and since this is online every paragraph should have a line break. It's a lot more readable that way.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

Should I make it that way for the thread or the book as well? By the way, did you like the story?

 

[tmw_redcell]

For the thread. For the book, it's a new paragraph for every new speaker but line breaks are not used every time.

And by 'more people might read this' I was including myself.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

So you refuse to read this until I change it? Fine, I'll get right on it.

Edit: Well, it took forever and it was a pain in the a** but I fixed up Chapter 1 to have line breaks. I'll get to chapter 2 here in a second.

Edit 2: I hate dialogue so much now. There, I fixed up chapter 2.

 

[AceMoney]

Oh unclekenny, have I taught you nothing? Anyways, stop giving up on your stories. Just keep working them until they're golden. I didn't even get a chance to check this one out before it shut down. Oh well...bump.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

I didn't cancel the story, I cancelled this version. The reason being is that I am going to completely rework the storyline. As soon as I am done with a little bit of it I will post it in another thread. This is the story I am planning on publishing. If you want to read the old version that I cancelled I can send it to you in a PM but keep in mind that the new version will be drastically different.

 

[AceMoney]

Yeah, hook me up with a preview. I can even help you edit some parts if you'd like.

 

[Kitten]

I would be happy to help critique it at any point. I don't write much, but I read a lot, so I might be of some help. I bet it will turn out good, though. I read Evil Eye's story 'Sandstone' which was reallly good, and he said he had been trying to make the story work for a few years before he actually wrote it the way he wanted.

 

[Jazzy Jinx]

Thanks for your offers. I will send you guys the renewed version once I have finished it.

 

[Scav]

Closed as per request, since we don't really need a topic about a story that doesn't exist yet.