Smasher Drenched After Attempting to Drink From 5 Gallon Water Jug Between Tournament Matches

Believing that water bottles and mere 1 gallon jugs are below him, Will “Dispora” Cooper proudly walked on stage for his Top 8 match with both arms wrapped around an 18 liter water jug. Water, a colorless, transparent, odorless, tasteless liquid, has served to maintain bodily functions since the dawn of man, but today it serves an even greater purpose by revolutionizing the scene of our competitive party-game in ways unimaginable.

It is normal for Smashers to have a drink of water near at hand to rehydrate after each game, but no water container of this magnitude has ever been seen before in the history of Smash. Spectators of the event awed in amazement as the metagame evolved right before their eyes.

“It was simply remarkable,” Daniel “TafoKiNts” Lee told us. “The crowd was stunned into silence, and we were all just waiting for him to take a drink out of it.”

There were some dissenters in the crowd, some saying he wouldn’t dare, that it had to be a joke. But they were quickly silenced at the end of Cooper's first game, after which he, with both hands, and with magnificent grace, lifted the jug above his head before lowering it slowly downwards towards his mouth, and turning to the audience one last time to give them an affirmative nod, attempted to aim the hurrying river of liquid into his mouth. He then proceeded to completely miss and douse himself as well the nearby Gamecube setup in water.

Despite short-circuiting the setup and therefore ruining the tournament, the quasi-Baptism garnered mass applause and left many Smashers changed.

“I think that was the single most greatest moment of my life”, one witness tells us.

The venue was full of smiles and manly tears, some called their loved ones while others sat paralyzed in their chairs, unable to fully grasp the reality of what just happened. Will Cooper himself fled the scene after saying something about never meeting your heroes.

Travis “Samox” Beauchamp, creator of The Smash Brothers documentary, has already come out and said that he is abandoning his latest project, Metagame, in order to create a 12 part documentary in honor of Cooper.
William "Wncozens" Cozens


Magnificent. This man is a god among gods. Never before witnessed. Spectacular. Absolutely smashing. No qualms. Just liquid
Water confirmed Top Tier; it kills Fox, Sheik, the rest of the roster, the game itself, the controllers, the console...

Here's a photo of the dude btw:
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Did this guy end up having to pay for the destroyed setup? They never said anything about what happened afterwards to it in this article...
Bruh, that is too funny. This article is written so seriously and is very well done. Definitely made me laugh. XD
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