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Smash Commentator Ridiculed for Performing Basic Biological Functions


Yesterday at a North Carolina local, commentator Joshua “Phimosis Jones” Schmidt was subject to numerous death threats and unconditional hatred by stream viewers when they heard his commentary.

Aside from Mr. Schmidt’s vast understanding of the game and the in-depth insight he provided in a professional manner, viewers were enraged by his completely natural behavior, ranging from the way he drew breath to the rate at which he blinked.

According to spectators, if the person on the mic does not have good body proportion, facial symmetry, moral fiber, a high level of functional fitness and overall intelligence, then their relentless bashing is justified.

“I just want my family left alone”, Joshua tells us after scathing letters were sent to his 84-year-old senile grandmother by angry stream viewers.

All venues have declined to schedule Joshua until he learns to control his involuntary biological functions, somehow.
 
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William "Wncozens" Cozens

Comments

I am not going to lie, These "compaints" in the Smash Community over commentators is utterly idiotic, but it is a whole other level to put death threats on someone. It is in situations like these that make me not want to be involved in the Smash Community, I do not mean to generalize, but seriously, I am losing faith in the Smashers.
 
I am not going to lie, These "compaints" in the Smash Community over commentators is utterly idiotic, but it is a whole other level to put death threats on someone. It is in situations like these that make me not want to be involved in the Smash Community, I do not mean to generalize, but seriously, I am losing faith in the Smashers.
You are aware that this is a joke?
 
I am not going to lie, These "compaints" in the Smash Community over commentators is utterly idiotic, but it is a whole other level to put death threats on someone. It is in situations like these that make me not want to be involved in the Smash Community, I do not mean to generalize, but seriously, I am losing faith in the Smashers.
it's satire
 
It's just the princible...It is not a matter wether it is a joke or not.
Sorry for the misleading.
 
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Instead of sending angry letters, people should send donations to finance that poor man's circumcision to make him stop peeing on toasters.
 
Why does he blink like that? It's really annoying how he performs human functions! Why does he do them? I'm gonna get this guy off commentating!!
 
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