Next Smash Summit to be Hosted on Top of Mount Everest



The Beyond the Summit team has recently made a decision to relocate its seasonal Melee tournament series from SoCal to the highest point on Earth, Mount Everest. At 29,029 feet, the new venue hopes to be the highest altitude at which a Smash tournament has ever taken place.

John Bradley, lead organizer of the tournament, explains his decision:

“We wanted to do some word play with the word ‘Summit’, but nobody could come up with anything. But then an intern raises his hand and suggests we host the tournament on the ‘Summit’ of Mount Everest. I don't think the team has ever agreed on an idea so quickly”

Despite having not figured out literally any of the logistical problems such an expedition might pose, the team has already gone and ‘green-lighted’ the idea. Top players are already being flown out to Nepal, the site of the prestigious mountain, to acquire a taste for the terrain and practice their skills.



The wall top players are using to practice for the 29,029ft climb up Everest

Armada, M2K and Hungrybox are set to go. Mango is also set to go, presumably only so he can eat Hungrybox in the case of a food emergency.

Leffen will be unable to attend because he could not acquire a climbing permit from the government of Nepal.

The two-month journey to Everest's top is considered one of the most strenuous climbs one can undertake. Which is exactly why, Bradley says, the climb is an efficient filter for good players.

“There have been a lot of complaints about how we do our player selection process, so we want to make it as fair as possible this time”, Bradley said. “Because instead of the fans voting in players, we want to make it so that only those top smashers who successfully climb Everest are be able to compete”

Players will have to scale tumultuous peaks and endure high winds as well as very high altitudes as they make their way to the top. Those that don't make it will be eliminated from participating. Bradley says this method assures that only the most capable smashers are the ones who get a spot because there’s somehow a correlation between smash skill and climbing Everest.

eSport Sherpas will assist players and their Yaks laden with CRT’s, power generators, and other GameCube essentials up to the summit. Less important things like sufficient clothing and food rations will have to be spared, as all pack animals will be carrying only Melee supplies.

Once there, the consoles will quickly be set up and matches will be streamed on Twitch. The team isn’t sure where to go from there as the low oxygen levels will pose a problem.

“In theory though, everything should go smoothly.” says Bradley.

Lastly, new compendium goals are being added as well. Bradley explains one of them, "
Donner Simulator ”, where for $1,000 a fan can accompany their favorite players up the mountain, under one slight caveat.

“Prove you’re a true fan by sacrificing your body as an alternative food source to your favorite player in the case of an emergency.”

Already the goal has 2 backers, both Mango fans.

John Bradley also mentioned the idea of making Mafia ‘more realistic’, but said that he couldn’t raise the stakes without confronting several lawsuits.

Think you're ready for this years Smash Summit? Is the venue bit too ambitious? Let us know in the comments.
 
William "Wncozens" Cozens

Comments

#8
Armada, M2K and Hungrybox are set to go. Mango is also set to go, presumably only so he can eat Hungrybox in the case of a food emergency.

[...]

new compendium goals are being added as well. Bradley explains one of them, "Donner Simulator ”, where for $1,000 a fan can accompany their favorite players up the mountain, under one slight caveat.

“Prove you’re a true fan by sacrificing your body as an alternative food source to your favorite player in the case of an emergency.”
HAH, this article's a keeper, please keep this archived somewhere.
 
#12
Funny article, let's save lives and just do a mountain background behind the main setup.
 
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#16
I don't know how to feel about this article. I thought it was a really funny joke article but all the comments are acting as if it were real and now I'm horribly confused between logic and the comments ohithurtssobadsendhelp.
 
#29
Leffen will be unable to attend because he could not acquire a climbing permit from the government of Nepal.

I ****ing died
 
#30
In some strange, twisted dimension where logic of all kinds is defied constantly, I'd love to see this.
 
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