john

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phanna

Dread Phanna
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(noun)

A statement or action that detracts from the validity or quality of a competition (or its implied significance), irrespective of truth.

(verb)

to express a john
__________________________________________________
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Sportsmanship johns
• Good match
• Nice combo
• I suck
• You're much better than me
• I should quit
• I'm going to lose
• I got lucky
• You're too good
• Nice mindgames
• Good DI
• Nice tech
• Good sweetspot

Self johns
• I wasn't trying
• I let you win
• My fingers hurt
• My hands are sweaty / greasy
• My eyes hurt
• I don't have my glasses
• I'm tired
• I've been drinking / toking
• I'm hungry
• I'm out of practice
• I don't care
• I don't own this game
• I have a life
• I'll win next time
• I kept killing myself
• I would win if I didn't SD so much
• I'll whoop your ass at another game
• I just started learning how to play
• I'm just playing for fun
• I don't money match
• I need my name tag on
• I was the wrong color
• I hate this controller slot
• I need music while I play
• I was just sandbagging
• I know I'm better than you

Foe johns
• You suck
• You need high-tier characters win
• You have to counter-pick me to win
• You play this game way too much
• You play cheap
• You hack / cheat / glitch
• You're already warmed up
• You play with better people
• You take this too seriously

Insult johns
• **** you, you ****** ****er
• Your mother
• My penis > yours
• at least I have a girlfriend

Generic johns
• Interesting
• Wow..
• Hmmm
• :sigh:

Demographic johns
• Can you stay out this late on a school night, kid?
• Aren't you a little too old to play games?
• Wow you're asian what chance did I have..
• Black people are inherently good at this shit!
• Spanish FTW apparently..
• Wow I got beat by a girl.

Hardware johns
• The television is laggy
• My controller is malfunctioning
• I just got this controller
• This isn't my controller
• My controller is really old
• I'm not used to this version of smash
• It's not my gamecube / memory card

Gameplay johns
• I hate this starting position
• The level gayed me
• The game glitched
• The camera sucks on this level
• Pause messed me up
• Vibration is throwing me off
• WTF just happened
• How did you hit me?
• How did I miss you?
• Pitch a tent, camper
• Spam some more
• You only have one move
• There's nothing I can do!
• Stop running from me
• Chainthrowing is gay
• That's so broken
• Wow that took no skill
• You're so predictable!
• I wish my character would do what I wanted
• Whatever this isn't my main
• Items are ********
• C-stick is cheap
• How did I miss the ledge?
• Where was my midair?!
• ****it I saw that coming
• I so teched that
• This game is so stupid
• * L R A Start *
• * hits controller, ganks plug *

Level johns
• Cloud denied me
• Cloud saved you
• Claptrap wrecked me
• The barrel sucks
• Moving levels are stupid
• Wind fucked up my recovery
• ... Poké Floats?!

Anomaly johns
• Phantom hit..
• Get luckier with misfire / judgement hammer / turnip pull plz
• Woah, random spike / invisible ceiling glitch
• I fell through the level..

Environment johns
• Temperature is uncomfortable
• Lighting is poor
• Smell / noise is distracting
• TV is too small
• Poor angle of the TV
• This seat sucks
• Volume is too low
• DooDah is here

Tournament johns
• If I had gone I would've won
• Pools / brackets are rigged
• Seeding sucked
• Facility is small / crappy
• Not enough TVs
• Poor venue
• House take is too much
• Pot is too small
• Entry fee is too small
• Entry fee is too large
• Too far away
• Home region advantage :'(
• Taking too long
• I play worse at tournaments
• I was too nervous
• I got pulled over for having TVs in the back of my car..

Tournament Organizer johns
• We're having a door fee in addition to our take of the pot
• We expected more people
• Not enough cubes/tvs
• People are slowing us down
• The AC isn't working
• No outside food
• Stop yelling
• Noucles punched a hole in my wall
• Bawls? Cost $2.00

Team johns
• My partner sucked
• Too chaotic
• They targeted me
• Partner jacked my stock
• Friendly fire blows
• Wow this level lags

FFA johns
• I lost track of where I was
• Omg team some more noobies
• I can't edge guard!
• I'm sorry I lost because I actually had balls and faught

Crew johns
• You guys got lucky with the lineup
• Too bad we **** you guys in everything else
• We were missing some people

Forum johns
• You're lucky you live far from me
• I would wreck you IRL
• You post like a 2 year old
• You aren't funny
• Learn some grammar
• You don't know what you're talking about
• I have more posts than you
• I have more rep than you
• My sign-up date is older
• Use the search bar
• TLDR

Meta johns
• No johns
 

Luigi Ka-master

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XD XD XD.

Awesome thread. It's funny because it's all so true. Especially the smell-john. I use that one all the time. Mainly as a combo of an enviromental john and a foe john, though.
 

HeroSublime

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OMG, you are awesome Reputation++. NO ++REPUTATION. Because the action of normal postfix incrementation just isn't fast enough!
 

RT

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So, bascially, to not be a john, you must be dead. Huh.
 

D.J Cat

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The "No John's" attitude is a great one to go by.

It applys not only to Smash but to just about anything one does.
For example if you lose in a sport don't say, "we would have won" or "I played crap today"...

If you played crap, do something about it!
Don't John!

I have noticed many things in football that are similar to Smash but thats a story for another time/thread, I'm not going to go off-topic.
 

John C

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It's the same as in Halo 2, I don't know how many FFA's I have played where people complain of the host. Or that they haven't warmed up, or that you just got a lucky spawn.

Its understandable that it happens sometimes, but everytime you die isn't because of a lucky spawn or the host.
 

Maverick69

Smash Ace
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This thread is comprised of awesome and win. I have heard at least 2/3 of those used on a daily basis. This should be a sticky. I applaud you.
 

REØ

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This should be STICKIED, but what if negate johns, and just walk up and leave.(doesn't matter if you won or lost)
 

commonyoshi

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But some johns are reasonable. If you play ken while his controller is broken and win, it doesn't mean you're better than him.
 

JBM falcon08

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this list is too good stickie this for sure.

^ this is true, if his controller is visibly broken then i can see that, but if he says it, it is your win and he is johning.
 

Banks

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if there were no outside forces interfering with the game then every excuse beyond that is a john
 

#HBC | marshy

wanted for 3rd degree swag
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Phanna, you post like a 2 year old, I have more posts than you, and you're not funny.

+rep, and I vote sticky.
 

VirtualVoid

Smash Journeyman
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Ya, sticky.. Great list!

I'm surprised you didnt list "Huh? where is my mid-air jump?", I hear this one all the time....
 

YOSHIDO

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lol that list is so true. My friend allways be sayin i dont care. I wasn't trying, I kept killing myself, Too much noise. L/R A start. LoL.
 

Xx swift xX

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what about, "you smacked me in the back of the head" or, "you unplugged my controller"

i dunno why, but i get those all the time.......
 

Earthbound360

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So, so true. You just got 20 lbs. of rep. STICKY PLZ!!!

Sonic&shadow says: Aww what!?
That's so gay!
I h8 thunder jacket
How did you not die!?
Reset
LRA Start

You should update this list with given Johns often
 

D.J Cat

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This is a great list and has helped out a lot for us, because the line of what a John is was rather blurred.

However why are the following Johns?

phanna said:
• Good match
• Nice combo
• Good DI
• Nice tech
• Good sweetspot
They are compliments, I guess you could say the other person is just playing well by suggesting those things.

We use some of these and other compliments when we are playing, just cause thats the way we do it.


Our football coach has a very serious No John's policy.
Of course he doesn't call it John's and hasn't played Smash and probably never will but thats not the point.
The point is a "No John's" attitide works in other aspects of life.
Not good enough?
Don't make excuses, do something about it!
 

airball

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Heh, well, one of my friends controllers is messed up. Naturally I get the priviledge of using it... My friends always said I was just making up excuses until I showed them it was doing Fox's usmash repeatedly, without me even touching the controller.. O.o

But yeah, cool list. This could become a great reference to use on my friends: "See, that is a john!"

Nice job, +rep.
 

NDigighost

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Feb 13, 2005
Messages
169
Location
Israel
phanna said:
• L R A Start
we have a name for that in israel, we call it ****-cancelling (4stock cancelling, pwn cancelling, and win-cancelling are also popular)
I can't believe you forgot the "no skill" john, very common, especially when fox loses to peach.
+Rep, i doubt mine is worth anything though. sticky!
 

Gea

Smash Master
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Houston, Texas
I was always fond of the "What was that? WHAT THE **** WAS THAT?!" John. Ah, to pull off inane things.
 
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