Posted by Snot Man
Why hello there, Smash fans! This week, you can't accuse me of slacking off, as I've taken the liberty of flying to Japan in order to dig up some fresh Brawl-related scoops straight from Masahiro Sakurai's garbage. And you won't believe what I've got! Filled with exclusive information, straight-from-the-creator impressions and creepy doodles of some anime chick I've never heard of, it's Sakurai's very own secret diary! Why he threw it away, I don't have the slightest idea, but I went through all the trouble of getting my hands on it, so why not use it, huh?
This week's Japan Time Time is going to be different from usual, as I'll be transcribing Sakurai's diary entries rather than writing my own impressions on this week's Smash Bros Dojo entries. Luckily, Sakurai goes on at length about them too, so the change won't be too jarring. Ready? Let's do this!
WEEK #35: January 21st to 25th, 2008
Jan. 20 Sun. 2008, 9:17 PM
I'm Masahiro Sakurai of Sora, creator of the "Super Smash Bros." series of fighting games featuring Nintendo's most popular characters. Hello.
(Note: Sora is the name of my company.)
I've bought this diary for myself recently, as I've heard that that celebrities could sell those for a pretty penny. Since I'm the director for what may soon be the most popular gaming franchise in existence, I thought I could give it a try. However, it's only a matter of weeks before I become one of the richest men in Japan thanks to my hard work. So, in keeping with the opulent lifestyle of the rich and famous, I'll throw this diary away after about a week then get a new one. If I'm not wasting everything I have according to my whims, then I won't be acting very rich at all, will I? I won't be explaining everything I write here, but I want this to be a diary anyone can pick up and read.
However, Don't read it. It's private!!
So let's begin.
Jan. 21 Mon. 2008, 10:34 AM
This is my cat. Its name is Miyamoto-chan because it always looks very happy.
Hello! Nice to meet you! When I got it, I was amazed that there could be a cat that looked so pleased. Talk about an unnatural occurence!
Oh, another thing. I may post more pictures of Miyamoto-chan, so please look forward to it.
Jan. 21 Mon. 2008, 4:51 PM
Today, I updated Sumabura-ken (Translator's note: I think that's the Japanese Dojo.) with Zerudaa's (Translator's note: I think that's the Japanese Zelda.) Final Smash. The story behind that one is rather funny, I must say. We were having a meeting to decide what Final Smash to give her one evening. I asked my team to play the Zelda games and find out about what the strongest or most useful thing Zelda ever did was. They came back to me all embarassed, as they said they played through all games, and Zelda never ever does anything remotely useful. You can be as resourceful or powerful as you want, but if you're Zelda, as soon as things get hectic, it's off to the dungeon with you!
So we all worked overtime as usual so we could fix this problem. Somebody brought in cigarettes and Smash Cola so we could stay awake. After nine hours of brainstorming around the meeting room, one of my employees suddenly looked up from his mahjong hand. He said that he had just remembered that, in the most recent games, Zelda always has Ganon's weakness on hand when the final battle comes. Brilliant! So we decided that Zelda would shoot light arrows like in those finale battles. We all had a good laugh at that, and immediately went to sleep. Or rather, I went to sleep and asked my employees to code it into the game first. I woke up one hour after that, ready to take on a new day.
I hate to say it, but for this entry's writing, I give myself a four beautiful faces out of five.
(Translator's note: Between those two entries, Sakurai doodled a picture of some anime nun with glasses. I'm not really familiar with her, so maybe she's from a Japan-only game and he wants to include her into Brawl? Either way, I'd scan it, but the picture is really not safe for work at all.)
Jan. 22 Tue. 2008, 3:34 AM
Frustration! I can't get any sleep at all. I'll call Hiroshi-san and Matsuda-san so they can get up and go put Dunning Smith from Wish Room (Translator's note: I think that's the Japanese Hotel Dusk) into the game.
Jan. 22 Tue. 2008, 1:17 PM
Today we realized that we had absolutely nothing left to update Smabura-ken with. So I asked the team which legendary Pokémon we hadn't put into the game yet. Since Zapdos and Kyogre are playable now, there was only Manaphy left. Phew! Its effect was inspired by a story arc of Dragonball Z I watched recently, in which Son Gokou (Translator's note: I think that's the Japanese Goku) fights Captain Ginyuu on Namek. The cunning captain, at the climax of the story, swaps his body with Gokou's, who cannot fight back because of this. But when all seems lost, he uses a cunning strategy to force Ginyuu to switch places with a frog.
It was such an original idea that I thought to myself, is this even possible?! Or words to that effect. Luckily, I am the director, so even if my employees say it's not, I tell them to make it possible. If they refuse, I use my considerable influence to spread rumors that their family did something without honor. It fills them with too much shame and ridicule to fight back. Things always seem to end well in this game, don’t they?
Jan. 22 Tue. 2008, 3:59 PM
About an hour ago, Iwata-sensei appeared in my apartment, saying he had to interview me. As Miyamoto-chan sniffed his shoes, I went "But I’m not a Nintendo employee! I-is this OK? Are we seriously doing this? Oh, is that so? All right, well, if you insist!" The truth is, I was secretly happy that he did that. Iwata-sensei is so dreamy. (Translator's note: There are several hearts scattered around the page.) All things told, it was a pleasant interview. He had the opportunity to say several things he liked about me, and I got to do the same. I regret not having had the chance to say more, but memories like these are precious to me.
I noticed that we didn't talk about the game much at all, but that's fine. If we did, I might have slipped up and revealed things like "Oh, Ms. Pac-Man is playable" or "This time around, players will get the same injuries as their characters as they fight, improving the immersive experience like never before". I do wish I could have taken the opportunity to announce that the game would have a special mode for people with no thumbs, but I guess we can keep that one for if we run out of things to update about again.
I decided to include the interview along with the update. Together, I'd say they're worth five beautiful faces out of five.
Jan. 22 Tue. 2008, 7:17 PM
I bought the latest Lucky Star DVD. I am now completely ruined. Maybe once I'm very rich I'll be able to buy another one... I look forward to it.
Jan. 23 Wed. 2008, 7:17 AM
It's been exactly twelve hours since I wrote another entry!! What an unusual fact.
Today I decided to also make this a dream diary of sorts, so I will explain what I dreamed about every morning. I would have written my first one earlier, but I slept in. Thankfully, Miyamoto-chan woke my up by nyanning (Translator's note: I think that's the Japanese meowing) very loudly for food. I'm glad. In my dream, I was back in high school, and Kirby was my classmate. Wario was the physical education teacher. Wario started farting, so Kirby got uncomfortable and started turning inside-out because the smell was so bad. I brought him to the school nurse's office, but I think I got bored so I walked away. I met Ciel-senpai (Translator's note: Not sure who he's talking about. Romanization might not be right, but "ciel" is a french word for "sky"?) in the hallway, and we had spicy curry together in the tea room. Then she lied down and we (Translator's note: You know what? I'm not transcribing the rest of the paragraph. There might be kids reading.)
Jan. 23 Wed. 2008, 4:17 PM
Today's Smabura-ken update is about the Mushroomy Kingdom. The name is a little bit strange, but that's only because I didn't get the name I wanted. Originally, I wanted the stage to be called "Mushroomish Kingdom", but they said "Oh, Kinokoko is named Shroomish in English, and since it's playable now, this might cause some confusion". I had my assassins dispatch one of them, but after I calmed down, I accepted the brutal truth.
Either way, I'm rather proud of this stage, no matter how it turned out. At first, I've got to admit that I didn't expect that. I had clearly asked my employees to make a version of the first stage of Suupaa Mario Burasaa (Translator's note: I think that's the Japanese... you know what? I think you can figure those things out yourselves.) that was more realistic, more consistent with the Wii's impressive graphics hardware. I also said "Give me that classic stage, with a 'twenty years later' twist". But what did I get?
A post-apocalyptic wasteland, I see. They said "Oh, making everything brown and putting in a lot of bloom is the next-gen way to go". They said it looks more realistic now. The fools! Now it looks like the Mushroom Kingdom survived a nuclear apocalypse or Kefka unleashed his newfound godlike powers upon it. Luckily, I'm an intelligent man. Since Kefka is playable, I decided to make this a part of the Subspace Emissary. Kefka destroyed the Mushroom Kingdom! Your childhood memories have been ruined! This is all his fault! I knew clowns were never up to any good!
Oh, and there's a depressing song to go along with it, too. I like the effect it gives. It's like the stage you loved is trying to remember its glory days, then promptly gets depressed and stops singing.
Thanks to my quick thinking, this is an update worth five beautiful faces out of five.
I just remembered. I've got to ask the team to put Ciel-senpai into the game.
Jan. 23 Wed. 2008, 7:10 PM
The nerve of them! They say she's never been on a Nintendo console, so we can't do that. Who's running this team anyway?! Hiroshi-san is very rude when he hasn't slept for several days. Sheesh. I need to have a talk with him.
Jan. 24 Thu. 2008, 4:51 AM
Miyamoto-chan won't stop nyanning!! Why are you hungry so early in the morning, you?! (Translator's note: The "you" is said in a very rude manner.)
Jan. 24 Thu. 2008, 5:17 AM
I couldn't go back to sleep because I'll be going to work soon anyway. So to pass time, I photoshopped a picture of me together with Ciel-senpai.
Aaaaaah, it's so romantic. Jan. 24 Thu. 2008, 7:11 PM
We completely forgot to write an update for the website today, because we spent all day playing Smash. Once again, I saved the day, for I recorded the matches as videos to watch later when there's nothing but reruns on Spectator Mode. We posted the videos on the site, and here we were, able to brag about how well wi-fi works. For some reason, the video we put on our own site is different. Maybe it's because we dream of sunny beaches while Americans dream of space battles and explosions? I really have no idea, as I was drunk off of a whole crate's worth of Smash Cola. (Lucariorange is my favorite.)
Either way, I've got to say I played pretty well today. I'd give my performance about five beautiful faces out of five.
Jan. 24 Thu. 2008, 9:17 PM
I got around to watching that DVD I bought earlier. Now I have an unstoppable urge to buy the Haruhi DVD box set. Maybe I could sell my company so I can afford it...?
This... is a hard decision.
Oh, and Japan Time Time finally updated! What a jerk. What does he have against the Ice Climbers and Lucario? Wait until he plays the game and realizes that I made the latter playable. The only reason was to spite him, too.
Jan. 25 Fri. 2008, 10:07 AM
Iwata-sensei called today. He wants to go see a movie, and doesn't want to go alone so he thought of me. Of course, I immediately said yes. Was I too hasty? He may think my enthusiasm is a little suspicious... Oh, Iwata-sensei...
Jan. 25 Fri. 2008, 1:07 PM
Phew! I finished writing the last update of the week. And what an update it is! What people don't know yet is that the Smash Brawl game disc will be three times larger than a normal one, so putting in all those demos didn't pose any storage space problems. But of course, we in Japan will get more stuff. I was a bit hesitant to show the original Fire Emblem and Mother 2 (Translator's note: *sigh* Earthbound), because after all, we haven't confirmed any characters from it yet. It's a rather dead giveaway, isn't it? I couldn't wait to see the surprised look on people's faces when they found out Jeigan and Pokey were playable! But still... perhaps they won't figure it out.
For my subtlety, I give myself five beautiful faces out of five.
While I was writing this, one of my employees bowed in front of me and said something along the lines of "Sakurai-sensei, with all due respect I owe you and your family... Fire Emblem I can understand since it was never translated, but why won't American fans be able to enjoy Mother 2?" I got up, turned my back to him, started laughing softly, and this is what I said to him.
"This is for Hiroshima, stupid gaijins!!"
Jan. 25 Fri. 2008, 10:34 PM
Iwata-senpai and I saw the movie. It was quite good and the open-ended ending made me feel determined. But... such an annoying elbow cramp. I didn't even know you could get cramps there.
So, to celebrate my achievements this week, I'd say I give myself a rating of... 100%!
(The writing ends here.)
Well, that certainly was something else! Of course, to you it may look like I've been taking a break since I didn't write any of this, but hey! I translated it! And it was hard! Plus, when Sakurai found out that I took his diary, he went ballistic and sent the hounds after me. Well, I say hounds, but it was more like Petey Pirahna, Lucario and a freakishly happy cat. I think I can honestly say that this was the most frightening experience in my entire life.
Our adventure is slowly drawing to a close, but worry not, dear readers! Whenever you look up at the stars, I will be there, watching over you. Creepy, isn't it? Tune in soon as we finally get to see the final Back in Time entry (I swear it this time), and the final three Dojo entries before the Japanese launch, at least one of which will consist of nothing but pictures of Miyamoto-chan! Until then, don't kill each other while I'm gone!
Why hello there, Smash fans! This week, you can't accuse me of slacking off, as I've taken the liberty of flying to Japan in order to dig up some fresh Brawl-related scoops straight from Masahiro Sakurai's garbage. And you won't believe what I've got! Filled with exclusive information, straight-from-the-creator impressions and creepy doodles of some anime chick I've never heard of, it's Sakurai's very own secret diary! Why he threw it away, I don't have the slightest idea, but I went through all the trouble of getting my hands on it, so why not use it, huh?
This week's Japan Time Time is going to be different from usual, as I'll be transcribing Sakurai's diary entries rather than writing my own impressions on this week's Smash Bros Dojo entries. Luckily, Sakurai goes on at length about them too, so the change won't be too jarring. Ready? Let's do this!
WEEK #35: January 21st to 25th, 2008
Jan. 20 Sun. 2008, 9:17 PM
I'm Masahiro Sakurai of Sora, creator of the "Super Smash Bros." series of fighting games featuring Nintendo's most popular characters. Hello.
(Note: Sora is the name of my company.)
I've bought this diary for myself recently, as I've heard that that celebrities could sell those for a pretty penny. Since I'm the director for what may soon be the most popular gaming franchise in existence, I thought I could give it a try. However, it's only a matter of weeks before I become one of the richest men in Japan thanks to my hard work. So, in keeping with the opulent lifestyle of the rich and famous, I'll throw this diary away after about a week then get a new one. If I'm not wasting everything I have according to my whims, then I won't be acting very rich at all, will I? I won't be explaining everything I write here, but I want this to be a diary anyone can pick up and read.
However, Don't read it. It's private!!
So let's begin.
Jan. 21 Mon. 2008, 10:34 AM
This is my cat. Its name is Miyamoto-chan because it always looks very happy.
Hello! Nice to meet you!
Oh, another thing. I may post more pictures of Miyamoto-chan, so please look forward to it.
Jan. 21 Mon. 2008, 4:51 PM
Today, I updated Sumabura-ken (Translator's note: I think that's the Japanese Dojo.) with Zerudaa's (Translator's note: I think that's the Japanese Zelda.) Final Smash. The story behind that one is rather funny, I must say. We were having a meeting to decide what Final Smash to give her one evening. I asked my team to play the Zelda games and find out about what the strongest or most useful thing Zelda ever did was. They came back to me all embarassed, as they said they played through all games, and Zelda never ever does anything remotely useful. You can be as resourceful or powerful as you want, but if you're Zelda, as soon as things get hectic, it's off to the dungeon with you!
So we all worked overtime as usual so we could fix this problem. Somebody brought in cigarettes and Smash Cola so we could stay awake. After nine hours of brainstorming around the meeting room, one of my employees suddenly looked up from his mahjong hand. He said that he had just remembered that, in the most recent games, Zelda always has Ganon's weakness on hand when the final battle comes. Brilliant! So we decided that Zelda would shoot light arrows like in those finale battles. We all had a good laugh at that, and immediately went to sleep. Or rather, I went to sleep and asked my employees to code it into the game first. I woke up one hour after that, ready to take on a new day.
I hate to say it, but for this entry's writing, I give myself a four beautiful faces out of five.
(Translator's note: Between those two entries, Sakurai doodled a picture of some anime nun with glasses. I'm not really familiar with her, so maybe she's from a Japan-only game and he wants to include her into Brawl? Either way, I'd scan it, but the picture is really not safe for work at all.)
Jan. 22 Tue. 2008, 3:34 AM
Frustration! I can't get any sleep at all. I'll call Hiroshi-san and Matsuda-san so they can get up and go put Dunning Smith from Wish Room (Translator's note: I think that's the Japanese Hotel Dusk) into the game.
Jan. 22 Tue. 2008, 1:17 PM
Today we realized that we had absolutely nothing left to update Smabura-ken with. So I asked the team which legendary Pokémon we hadn't put into the game yet. Since Zapdos and Kyogre are playable now, there was only Manaphy left. Phew! Its effect was inspired by a story arc of Dragonball Z I watched recently, in which Son Gokou (Translator's note: I think that's the Japanese Goku) fights Captain Ginyuu on Namek. The cunning captain, at the climax of the story, swaps his body with Gokou's, who cannot fight back because of this. But when all seems lost, he uses a cunning strategy to force Ginyuu to switch places with a frog.
It was such an original idea that I thought to myself, is this even possible?! Or words to that effect. Luckily, I am the director, so even if my employees say it's not, I tell them to make it possible. If they refuse, I use my considerable influence to spread rumors that their family did something without honor. It fills them with too much shame and ridicule to fight back. Things always seem to end well in this game, don’t they?
Jan. 22 Tue. 2008, 3:59 PM
About an hour ago, Iwata-sensei appeared in my apartment, saying he had to interview me. As Miyamoto-chan sniffed his shoes, I went "But I’m not a Nintendo employee! I-is this OK? Are we seriously doing this? Oh, is that so? All right, well, if you insist!" The truth is, I was secretly happy that he did that. Iwata-sensei is so dreamy. (Translator's note: There are several hearts scattered around the page.) All things told, it was a pleasant interview. He had the opportunity to say several things he liked about me, and I got to do the same. I regret not having had the chance to say more, but memories like these are precious to me.
I noticed that we didn't talk about the game much at all, but that's fine. If we did, I might have slipped up and revealed things like "Oh, Ms. Pac-Man is playable" or "This time around, players will get the same injuries as their characters as they fight, improving the immersive experience like never before". I do wish I could have taken the opportunity to announce that the game would have a special mode for people with no thumbs, but I guess we can keep that one for if we run out of things to update about again.
I decided to include the interview along with the update. Together, I'd say they're worth five beautiful faces out of five.
Jan. 22 Tue. 2008, 7:17 PM
I bought the latest Lucky Star DVD. I am now completely ruined. Maybe once I'm very rich I'll be able to buy another one... I look forward to it.
Jan. 23 Wed. 2008, 7:17 AM
It's been exactly twelve hours since I wrote another entry!! What an unusual fact.
Today I decided to also make this a dream diary of sorts, so I will explain what I dreamed about every morning. I would have written my first one earlier, but I slept in. Thankfully, Miyamoto-chan woke my up by nyanning (Translator's note: I think that's the Japanese meowing) very loudly for food. I'm glad. In my dream, I was back in high school, and Kirby was my classmate. Wario was the physical education teacher. Wario started farting, so Kirby got uncomfortable and started turning inside-out because the smell was so bad. I brought him to the school nurse's office, but I think I got bored so I walked away. I met Ciel-senpai (Translator's note: Not sure who he's talking about. Romanization might not be right, but "ciel" is a french word for "sky"?) in the hallway, and we had spicy curry together in the tea room. Then she lied down and we (Translator's note: You know what? I'm not transcribing the rest of the paragraph. There might be kids reading.)
Jan. 23 Wed. 2008, 4:17 PM
Today's Smabura-ken update is about the Mushroomy Kingdom. The name is a little bit strange, but that's only because I didn't get the name I wanted. Originally, I wanted the stage to be called "Mushroomish Kingdom", but they said "Oh, Kinokoko is named Shroomish in English, and since it's playable now, this might cause some confusion". I had my assassins dispatch one of them, but after I calmed down, I accepted the brutal truth.
Either way, I'm rather proud of this stage, no matter how it turned out. At first, I've got to admit that I didn't expect that. I had clearly asked my employees to make a version of the first stage of Suupaa Mario Burasaa (Translator's note: I think that's the Japanese... you know what? I think you can figure those things out yourselves.) that was more realistic, more consistent with the Wii's impressive graphics hardware. I also said "Give me that classic stage, with a 'twenty years later' twist". But what did I get?
A post-apocalyptic wasteland, I see.
Oh, and there's a depressing song to go along with it, too. I like the effect it gives. It's like the stage you loved is trying to remember its glory days, then promptly gets depressed and stops singing.
Thanks to my quick thinking, this is an update worth five beautiful faces out of five.
I just remembered. I've got to ask the team to put Ciel-senpai into the game.
Jan. 23 Wed. 2008, 7:10 PM
The nerve of them! They say she's never been on a Nintendo console, so we can't do that. Who's running this team anyway?! Hiroshi-san is very rude when he hasn't slept for several days. Sheesh. I need to have a talk with him.
Jan. 24 Thu. 2008, 4:51 AM
Miyamoto-chan won't stop nyanning!! Why are you hungry so early in the morning, you?! (Translator's note: The "you" is said in a very rude manner.)
Jan. 24 Thu. 2008, 5:17 AM
I couldn't go back to sleep because I'll be going to work soon anyway. So to pass time, I photoshopped a picture of me together with Ciel-senpai.
Aaaaaah, it's so romantic.
We completely forgot to write an update for the website today, because we spent all day playing Smash. Once again, I saved the day, for I recorded the matches as videos to watch later when there's nothing but reruns on Spectator Mode. We posted the videos on the site, and here we were, able to brag about how well wi-fi works. For some reason, the video we put on our own site is different. Maybe it's because we dream of sunny beaches while Americans dream of space battles and explosions? I really have no idea, as I was drunk off of a whole crate's worth of Smash Cola. (Lucariorange is my favorite.)
Either way, I've got to say I played pretty well today. I'd give my performance about five beautiful faces out of five.
Jan. 24 Thu. 2008, 9:17 PM
I got around to watching that DVD I bought earlier. Now I have an unstoppable urge to buy the Haruhi DVD box set. Maybe I could sell my company so I can afford it...?
This... is a hard decision.
Oh, and Japan Time Time finally updated! What a jerk. What does he have against the Ice Climbers and Lucario? Wait until he plays the game and realizes that I made the latter playable. The only reason was to spite him, too.
Jan. 25 Fri. 2008, 10:07 AM
Iwata-sensei called today. He wants to go see a movie, and doesn't want to go alone so he thought of me. Of course, I immediately said yes. Was I too hasty? He may think my enthusiasm is a little suspicious... Oh, Iwata-sensei...
Jan. 25 Fri. 2008, 1:07 PM
Phew! I finished writing the last update of the week. And what an update it is! What people don't know yet is that the Smash Brawl game disc will be three times larger than a normal one, so putting in all those demos didn't pose any storage space problems. But of course, we in Japan will get more stuff. I was a bit hesitant to show the original Fire Emblem and Mother 2 (Translator's note: *sigh* Earthbound), because after all, we haven't confirmed any characters from it yet. It's a rather dead giveaway, isn't it? I couldn't wait to see the surprised look on people's faces when they found out Jeigan and Pokey were playable! But still... perhaps they won't figure it out.
For my subtlety, I give myself five beautiful faces out of five.
While I was writing this, one of my employees bowed in front of me and said something along the lines of "Sakurai-sensei, with all due respect I owe you and your family... Fire Emblem I can understand since it was never translated, but why won't American fans be able to enjoy Mother 2?" I got up, turned my back to him, started laughing softly, and this is what I said to him.
"This is for Hiroshima, stupid gaijins!!"
Jan. 25 Fri. 2008, 10:34 PM
Iwata-senpai and I saw the movie. It was quite good and the open-ended ending made me feel determined. But... such an annoying elbow cramp. I didn't even know you could get cramps there.
So, to celebrate my achievements this week, I'd say I give myself a rating of... 100%!
(The writing ends here.)
Well, that certainly was something else! Of course, to you it may look like I've been taking a break since I didn't write any of this, but hey! I translated it! And it was hard! Plus, when Sakurai found out that I took his diary, he went ballistic and sent the hounds after me. Well, I say hounds, but it was more like Petey Pirahna, Lucario and a freakishly happy cat. I think I can honestly say that this was the most frightening experience in my entire life.
Our adventure is slowly drawing to a close, but worry not, dear readers! Whenever you look up at the stars, I will be there, watching over you. Creepy, isn't it? Tune in soon as we finally get to see the final Back in Time entry (I swear it this time), and the final three Dojo entries before the Japanese launch, at least one of which will consist of nothing but pictures of Miyamoto-chan! Until then, don't kill each other while I'm gone!
