I play League of Legends now. And all of my friends play it. It's fun, but its skill ceiling is low and the strategies are one-dimensional. It often leads to frustration rather than fun. Last night, looking into my room, you would see me browsing the new posts section on the League subreddit.
"Look guys, it's Sky in this smash documentary I found!"
Is this what I think it is? This game I stopped playing but never forgot. There it is, right there on YouTube. Uploaded this week. Excellent work samox, I knew you would release it. I hoped it would be beautiful, but not masturbatory. I hoped it would be well done. I stayed up until six in the morning watching this man's work. What a great thing to see. I only wish it could have been one long movie; getting off my bed to exit fullscreen and find the next part in the series diluted my immersion. This man's chest begins to tighten. I don't wish only that. I also wish I would have been in it. My fantasy of being recognized and being better. I've been a part of so many competitive communities. World of Warcraft arena, I followed it religiously, and watched the professionals from that scene move over to League of Legends while I was playing Melee. A random I trolled a few times on these forums got popular in the League community which in the immediate present has built my bridge back here, to this now.
Why did I never make it to the top? I only managed 2000 rating in WoW as a middle school kid, better than average but not the top. Your brain isn't developed when you're that young, so surely that meant I would only get smarter. In League I know the right things to do and I understand the metagame, but my impatience forbids me to rise above platinum. Here in Melee, my fingers were fast enough to do all the cool stuff with Fox, but I didn't have the fighter's mentality; watch me crack to pressure and forget my strategy.
It's hard to accept that you aren't the prodigy you always convinced yourself you were. I went over to my Gamecube. I saw a film of dust, something untouched in this room I sleep in everyday. Until this morning that dust was all there was. Then I smudged it with my finger. I ruined the perfect layer of dust because I pressed the "open" button. I put Melee inside, and it's there now. I haven't turned the system on, because I know what I'll see. The disc cannot be read.
But maybe not.
I needed it to be anything. The best at WoW. The best at Melee. The best at League. The best at Magic. The best at Pokemon. The best at writing. The best at debating. The best at speaking. The best at clothing. The best at sitting in my bedroom with a blanket draped over my hunched back and pajamas hanging off my hairy legs wondering why I wasn't the best. I'm the best. What did I not have enough of? Is it the time or the commitment? I am a NEET. I have all the time that exists. But all I do is sleep and type, watch and be sad.
My life won't change until I am forced to change it. Tomorrow I will still be in this house, still in my bedroom, and distracting myself with all the means that the Internet provides. Do I possess the things that you would need to realize your dream? I would practice all day in my bedroom in the dark, if I could. You would hear of my skill from people who aren't me, because it's not just me who thinks, it's people who know. In this fantasy I come to your tournament to show you that I am a god.
In my dreams I can be god. In the morning I squeeze another hour out of my sleep just to stay there. Several times I fade in, aware that I'm trying to wake up, but I want to stay asleep. Finally the dream fades too dim and I have to lift my head. In front of my bed is a CRT and a broken Gamecube. I didn't even see them there until today. A year is a long time for young people. People have gone nostalgic over more recent things. It's hitting me hard right now. What I wouldn't do to play this game again. What I wouldn't do to pick up my controller with a goal in mind, and no guilt for my past or present; because with this convenient challenge, the video game I'm playing, I am on the right path. I'm working towards something, and it's only a matter of getting there. My youth isn't being wasted while I am doing this thing, because it's all a part of the path. It's necessary to get where I'm going. What I wouldn't do to get the chance to believe that again. What I wouldn't do to get my Gamecube to read this disc.
I'm going to turn the power on.
"Look guys, it's Sky in this smash documentary I found!"
Is this what I think it is? This game I stopped playing but never forgot. There it is, right there on YouTube. Uploaded this week. Excellent work samox, I knew you would release it. I hoped it would be beautiful, but not masturbatory. I hoped it would be well done. I stayed up until six in the morning watching this man's work. What a great thing to see. I only wish it could have been one long movie; getting off my bed to exit fullscreen and find the next part in the series diluted my immersion. This man's chest begins to tighten. I don't wish only that. I also wish I would have been in it. My fantasy of being recognized and being better. I've been a part of so many competitive communities. World of Warcraft arena, I followed it religiously, and watched the professionals from that scene move over to League of Legends while I was playing Melee. A random I trolled a few times on these forums got popular in the League community which in the immediate present has built my bridge back here, to this now.
Why did I never make it to the top? I only managed 2000 rating in WoW as a middle school kid, better than average but not the top. Your brain isn't developed when you're that young, so surely that meant I would only get smarter. In League I know the right things to do and I understand the metagame, but my impatience forbids me to rise above platinum. Here in Melee, my fingers were fast enough to do all the cool stuff with Fox, but I didn't have the fighter's mentality; watch me crack to pressure and forget my strategy.
It's hard to accept that you aren't the prodigy you always convinced yourself you were. I went over to my Gamecube. I saw a film of dust, something untouched in this room I sleep in everyday. Until this morning that dust was all there was. Then I smudged it with my finger. I ruined the perfect layer of dust because I pressed the "open" button. I put Melee inside, and it's there now. I haven't turned the system on, because I know what I'll see. The disc cannot be read.
But maybe not.
I needed it to be anything. The best at WoW. The best at Melee. The best at League. The best at Magic. The best at Pokemon. The best at writing. The best at debating. The best at speaking. The best at clothing. The best at sitting in my bedroom with a blanket draped over my hunched back and pajamas hanging off my hairy legs wondering why I wasn't the best. I'm the best. What did I not have enough of? Is it the time or the commitment? I am a NEET. I have all the time that exists. But all I do is sleep and type, watch and be sad.
My life won't change until I am forced to change it. Tomorrow I will still be in this house, still in my bedroom, and distracting myself with all the means that the Internet provides. Do I possess the things that you would need to realize your dream? I would practice all day in my bedroom in the dark, if I could. You would hear of my skill from people who aren't me, because it's not just me who thinks, it's people who know. In this fantasy I come to your tournament to show you that I am a god.
In my dreams I can be god. In the morning I squeeze another hour out of my sleep just to stay there. Several times I fade in, aware that I'm trying to wake up, but I want to stay asleep. Finally the dream fades too dim and I have to lift my head. In front of my bed is a CRT and a broken Gamecube. I didn't even see them there until today. A year is a long time for young people. People have gone nostalgic over more recent things. It's hitting me hard right now. What I wouldn't do to play this game again. What I wouldn't do to pick up my controller with a goal in mind, and no guilt for my past or present; because with this convenient challenge, the video game I'm playing, I am on the right path. I'm working towards something, and it's only a matter of getting there. My youth isn't being wasted while I am doing this thing, because it's all a part of the path. It's necessary to get where I'm going. What I wouldn't do to get the chance to believe that again. What I wouldn't do to get my Gamecube to read this disc.
I'm going to turn the power on.
