I’m horrified of losing, to the point I hardly play anymore!

kingdark519

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Aug 29, 2018
Messages
78
#1
I hardly touch Smash anymore, and that’s because of the fear that comes with the thought of playing. All the time I think to myself: Hey! Smash sounds fun. but then I think of what “Playing it” entails, I could play single player, (But why even bother?) I could go Online, or I could ask one of my siblings to play. The problem with playing online is it’s so discouraging, no matter how much I play, it feels like everyone gets better, and I’m just stuck in a ditch of casualty.
And the problem with playing with my siblings, is, it always leaves me with this sour taste in my mouth, this empty feeling, this awkward tension between us, that makes me not even want to be in the room, and this isn’t something they cause, it’s just, like... I don’t know, I can’t enjoy myself, I feel tense, like if I say something, I could bother them, and when I lose, I fear they’ll think less of me, so I’ll often times come up with excuses, and it all becomes about justifying my failure.

I know this was a lot, but it’s just nice to have somewhere to talk about it, where people listen.

If you have any tips for me, please let me know! I want Smash to go back to something that I can enjoy consistently, and not be afraid of. ( Wow this sounds corny)

Thanks for reading!
 

Diem

Agent of Phaaze
Premium
Joined
Jun 16, 2018
Messages
1,453
Location
Arizona
NNID
Luminoth_Prime
#2
I struggle with a similar feeling, too. I've mostly played people I knew throughout my life, where I was more comfortable in my skill level and knowledge of how they play, and losing isn't that big of a deal because we're friendly and it's just for fun.

But playing online is way different. I only ever played two games of online in Smash 4, because I was that timid about it. One of those two games, I got decimated by a Dr. Mario player, of all characters.

In Ultimate, I'm a little more relaxed and prepared. I have a strong desire to be competitive with my main, and a LAN adapter for better connections and everything, but I still feel very apprehensive about it. I've played several Quickplay games and won most of them, and am at like 3.2 million GSP or something, but I haven't played in a while because I'm afraid of losing, since I know sooner or later I'm going to get to someone who will completely outclass me and

I think the only way to get over it is to confront it head-on by just playing games, taking the losses, and slowly improving over time. The only way to learn to take losses is to get used to it, I guess.

As for playing with your siblings, I don't think they'd think less of you if you lose. Unless they're hyper-competitive and mean, there shouldn't be any reason to fear that. They're family, and you're just playing for fun and to spend time together, so there shouldn't be any reason to be tense. If you lose, you lose, either because they outplayed you or you just need more practice and experience.

When Smash Wii U came out, two of my siblings and I played like crazy for three years straight, but one of them wasn't as good as the other and myself. But he put some time in training, watched competitive Smash, and learned his characters, to the point that he began winning a lot of games. He put in a lot of discipline and effort to get better, and it's something I really respect.

When he loses, I don't think of him any less. Even now with Ultimate coming out, I've been consistently winning over him as he's struggled to find a main while I've had mine since Day 1. I just recognize where he's at and play for fun. He'll be getting better soon, and I'll be playing him again tomorrow, I think, so we'll have to see how far he's come. So don't worry about losing to friends or family, because they're usually the last people to feel pressured about. If anything, play with them to have fun and improve.
 
Joined
Nov 15, 2007
Messages
7,115
#3
I hardly touch Smash anymore, and that’s because of the fear that comes with the thought of playing. All the time I think to myself: Hey! Smash sounds fun. but then I think of what “Playing it” entails, I could play single player, (But why even bother?) I could go Online, or I could ask one of my siblings to play. The problem with playing online is it’s so discouraging, no matter how much I play, it feels like everyone gets better, and I’m just stuck in a ditch of casualty.
And the problem with playing with my siblings, is, it always leaves me with this sour taste in my mouth, this empty feeling, this awkward tension between us, that makes me not even want to be in the room, and this isn’t something they cause, it’s just, like... I don’t know, I can’t enjoy myself, I feel tense, like if I say something, I could bother them, and when I lose, I fear they’ll think less of me, so I’ll often times come up with excuses, and it all becomes about justifying my failure.

I know this was a lot, but it’s just nice to have somewhere to talk about it, where people listen.

If you have any tips for me, please let me know! I want Smash to go back to something that I can enjoy consistently, and not be afraid of. ( Wow this sounds corny)

Thanks for reading!
Insecurity. It's not exactly 'easy' to deal with all at once since it's the single most biggest issue humanity deals with. But it can always get better too.

At the end of the day the problem is often about making things matter too much that don't really matter that much. People move on with their own stuff and dont think much of it like we do when we're worried.
You just have to realize why you want to play for yourself. And not care too much about losing or what others might think. Everyone's at different skill levels and not everyone is consistent either. If you like to see how you can do and enjoy the challenge, that can be enough to play and enjoy. And getting better can be really cool too. sometimes it seems to take longer, maybe it does at times but the more you're motivated for it, it helps, and the better an experience it is.

Even in the worst cases it's possible to slowly enjoy back the game little by little, taking breaks when you get out of your flow. If you do care then you can ask yourself why you mind losing so much. It's a game, afterall, so you can get to determine the experience according to how you like to play.

That's just my advice on the outset. There's always more :)
 
Last edited:

kingdark519

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Aug 29, 2018
Messages
78
#4
I struggle with a similar feeling, too. I've mostly played people I knew throughout my life, where I was more comfortable in my skill level and knowledge of how they play, and losing isn't that big of a deal because we're friendly and it's just for fun.

But playing online is way different. I only ever played two games of online in Smash 4, because I was that timid about it. One of those two games, I got decimated by a Dr. Mario player, of all characters.

In Ultimate, I'm a little more relaxed and prepared. I have a strong desire to be competitive with my main, and a LAN adapter for better connections and everything, but I still feel very apprehensive about it. I've played several Quickplay games and won most of them, and am at like 3.2 million GSP or something, but I haven't played in a while because I'm afraid of losing, since I know sooner or later I'm going to get to someone who will completely outclass me and

I think the only way to get over it is to confront it head-on by just playing games, taking the losses, and slowly improving over time. The only way to learn to take losses is to get used to it, I guess.

As for playing with your siblings, I don't think they'd think less of you if you lose. Unless they're hyper-competitive and mean, there shouldn't be any reason to fear that. They're family, and you're just playing for fun and to spend time together, so there shouldn't be any reason to be tense. If you lose, you lose, either because they outplayed you or you just need more practice and experience.

When Smash Wii U came out, two of my siblings and I played like crazy for three years straight, but one of them wasn't as good as the other and myself. But he put some time in training, watched competitive Smash, and learned his characters, to the point that he began winning a lot of games. He put in a lot of discipline and effort to get better, and it's something I really respect.

When he loses, I don't think of him any less. Even now with Ultimate coming out, I've been consistently winning over him as he's struggled to find a main while I've had mine since Day 1. I just recognize where he's at and play for fun. He'll be getting better soon, and I'll be playing him again tomorrow, I think, so we'll have to see how far he's come. So don't worry about losing to friends or family, because they're usually the last people to feel pressured about. If anything, play with them to have fun and improve.
Thank you very much for your reply, I’m sorry you feel that way about online as well, it’s a rough feeling, maybe we could play sometime?
 

kingdark519

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Aug 29, 2018
Messages
78
#5
Insecurity. It's not exactly 'easy' to deal with all at once since it's the single most biggest issue humanity deals with. But it can always get better too.

At the end of the day the problem is often about making things matter too much that don't really matter that much. People move on with their own stuff and dont think much of it like we do when we're worried.
You just have to realize why you want to play for yourself. And not care too much about losing or what others might think. Everyone's at different skill levels and not everyone is consistent either. If you like to see how you can do and enjoy the challenge, that can be enough to play and enjoy. And getting better can be really cool too. sometimes it seem to take longer, maybe it does at times but the more you're motivated for it, it helps, and the better an experience it is.

Even in the worst cases it's possible to slowly enjoy back the game little by little, taking breaks when you get out of your flow. If you do care then you can ask yourself why you mind losing so much. It's a game, afterall, so you can get to determine the experience according to how you like to play.

That's just my advice on the outset. There's always more :)
Thank you, that’s great advise, I’ll try to get to the roots of why it bothers me so much, and hopefully, with time, I’ll get over it.
 

Diem

Agent of Phaaze
Premium
Joined
Jun 16, 2018
Messages
1,453
Location
Arizona
NNID
Luminoth_Prime
#6
Thank you very much for your reply, I’m sorry you feel that way about online as well, it’s a rough feeling, maybe we could play sometime?
I think staindgrey staindgrey is hosting an arena right now, not sure if it's still up. We occasionally have arenas throughout the week, and they're very relaxed. We're all different skill levels, but we're all just playing to get better. It's helping me get over my anxiety of playing online a bit.

I get off work in half an hour, and I'll join and stream the arena when I get back, if the arena is still going.
 

kingdark519

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Aug 29, 2018
Messages
78
#7
I think staindgrey staindgrey is hosting an arena right now, not sure if it's still up. We occasionally have arenas throughout the week, and they're very relaxed. We're all different skill levels, but we're all just playing to get better. It's helping me get over my anxiety of playing online a bit.

I get off work in half an hour, and I'll join and stream the arena when I get back, if the arena is still going.
Ok, thanks for letting me know, I’ll consider it.
 

staindgrey

Nothing to Sneasel at.
Moderator
Premium
Writing Team
Joined
Jan 30, 2008
Messages
10,241
Location
The 90's
3DS FC
0130-1865-3216
NNID
staindgrey
Switch FC
SW 1248 1677 4696
#8
It is.

N1GLB
123

It's just me and PsySmasher PsySmasher right now testing out new characters. Nothing big.
 
Last edited:
Joined
Nov 15, 2007
Messages
7,115
#12
One of these days i'll join some of the arenas. I feel like I need to warm up to playing online more. (especially because of lag, etc)
hope you all have fun :)
 

staindgrey

Nothing to Sneasel at.
Moderator
Premium
Writing Team
Joined
Jan 30, 2008
Messages
10,241
Location
The 90's
3DS FC
0130-1865-3216
NNID
staindgrey
Switch FC
SW 1248 1677 4696
#13
One of these days i'll join some of the arenas. I feel like I need to warm up to playing online more. (especially because of lag, etc)
hope you all have fun :)
We're really not taking things too seriously in here. We're testing out characters we normally don't play.

Get in here dude, we've got room.
 
Joined
Nov 15, 2007
Messages
7,115
#14
We're really not taking things too seriously in here. We're testing out characters we normally don't play.

Get in here dude, we've got room.
time for bed for me. but thanks, i'll check it out some other time.

edit: I may try for a few minutes just to see if it works and how the lag is. I dont have a cable in yet.
 
Last edited:

kingdark519

Smash Apprentice
Joined
Aug 29, 2018
Messages
78
#16
We're really not taking things too seriously in here. We're testing out characters we normally don't play.

Get in here dude, we've got room.
I think staindgrey staindgrey is hosting an arena right now, not sure if it's still up. We occasionally have arenas throughout the week, and they're very relaxed. We're all different skill levels, but we're all just playing to get better. It's helping me get over my anxiety of playing online a bit.

I get off work in half an hour, and I'll join and stream the arena when I get back, if the arena is still going.
whats your ign?
 

staindgrey

Nothing to Sneasel at.
Moderator
Premium
Writing Team
Joined
Jan 30, 2008
Messages
10,241
Location
The 90's
3DS FC
0130-1865-3216
NNID
staindgrey
Switch FC
SW 1248 1677 4696
#24
How can I consistently find this arena then?
Just check this thread. We have one like every or every other night. Host changes and sometimes we have more than one going on at one time.
 

staindgrey

Nothing to Sneasel at.
Moderator
Premium
Writing Team
Joined
Jan 30, 2008
Messages
10,241
Location
The 90's
3DS FC
0130-1865-3216
NNID
staindgrey
Switch FC
SW 1248 1677 4696
#28
Is there I can automatically get notified when one starts? or do I just have to watch for them?
Just watch for them. I'll try to remember to tag you if I make one in the future.

PS: Tagging means putting @ in front of a user's name to notify him/her. Like staindgrey staindgrey or K kingdark519
 
Joined
Nov 15, 2007
Messages
7,115
#29
Stayed a bit longer. but s'alright, not that tired.
wasnt much lag. which is cool.

Is there I can automatically get notified when one starts? or do I just have to watch for them?
Yeah you can't really automatically know, since there isn't a thread dedicated to listing all arenas (tho i think there are some threads to play people). You pretty much just have to keep a lookout for them or know the people who typically do them.
You can also find random arenas online by going to public ones.

I find ness and luigi hard to recover with online. once you get better with it tho it's a lot easier to survive. Just keep at it or have another character to use if ever you feel like it.

edit: Also, I noticed you sometimes run away towards the edges or even off the stage, and that can be risky, and im sure you saw. Often better to stay on the stage :)
 
Last edited:
Top